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Ugh Jokes

75 ugh jokes and hilarious ugh puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ugh that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Ugh Short Jokes

Short ugh jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ugh humour may include short taste jokes also.

  1. A woman is looking at herself in the mirror "Ugh I look so old! My skin is sagging, my hair is turning gray, I've got crows feet..."
    Her husband says, "well, at least your eyesight is intact."
  2. Ugh... My hair has never been this long before, and all the salons are closed due to the pandemic. I wish I had emo hair... ...so it would cut itself.
  3. Has any product design ever screamed "ugh we have to make one with a disc drive" as loudly as the PS5
  4. What does IDK mean? My Dad: What does IDK mean?
    Me: I don't know.
    My Dad: Ugh! Nobody does!
  5. Against Us Woman : Ugh my boyfriends family is so against us dating.
    Friend : Who are they to stop you.
    Woman : His wife and kids.
  6. A husband and a wife were having dinner… … the wife dropped some tomato sauce on her top and said 'ugh, I look like a pig'.
    The husband responds 'AND you have tomato sauce on your top!'
  7. Annoying husband Wife: Ugh, you only hear what you want to hear!
    Husband: Sure, I'd love a beer!
  8. A man is in a job interview.. "So it says here that you consider your memory to be one of your greatest strengths?"
    "Absolutely."
    "Could you give me an example of that?"
    "An example of what?"
  9. What's the difference between men and women after death? Women: Ugh...I'm so bloated!
    Men: I've never been *this hard* before!
  10. What does the band Pearl Jam say when they're discouraged? Ugh, we're not getting Eddy Vetter!

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Ugh One Liners

Which ugh one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ugh? I can suggest the ones about ooh and jeez.

  1. Bono and The Edge walk into a bar The bartender sighs ugh, not you two again…
  2. Bono and the Edge walk into a bar. Bartender says, "Ugh, U2 again?"
  3. Ugh, I hate millenials... Walking around here like they rent the place.
  4. Ugh, don't you just hate matryoshkas? They're so full of themselves.
  5. Ugh. Sausage puns. They're the wurst.
  6. Ugh, these new pants feel like a cheaply made castle. No ballroom.
  7. What did the praying mantis say after impregnating his wife? Ugh she's going to kill me
  8. I have ocd so whenever someone say "tho" I always respond with "ugh"
  9. Hey guys ,wanna hear a joke about a broken pencil? Ugh never mind that , it's pointless.
  10. Did you hear the one about the pizza? Ugh, nevermind. It's too cheesy.
  11. What did the passive aggressive raven say to Edgar Allen Poe? "...ugh nevermind"
  12. Wanna hear a joke about procrastination ugh i'll tell you later
  13. Ugh... I *really* hate the jokes in here about German Sausages. They're the WURST.
  14. The British definitely put the "ugh" ...in draft beer.
  15. Ugh I've never been good with sports... Like today, I ran a bath and came second.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about ugh can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of ugh puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Comical & Quirky Ugh Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about ugh you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean compliment jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make ugh prank.

Husband doing crossword with his wife

Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.
Wife: Never
H: p**..., 3 letters.
W: Gun
H: Disgust, 3 letters.
W: Ugh
H: Charity, 4 letters.
W: Give
H: Female sheep, 3 letters
W: Ewe
H: Pixar movie, 2 letters
W: Up

Are you Blonde?

A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license. The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"
The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it." "Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over. The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

Husband doing crossword with wife..

Husband : emphatic no, five letters
 
Wife : never
H : p**..., three letters
 
W : gun
H : disgust, three letters
 
W : ugh
H : charity, four letters
 
W : give
H : female sheep, three letters
 
W : ewe
H : Pixar movie, two letters
 
W : Up

An old couple gets pulled over and...

Lady cop - "May I see you license and registration sir?"
Old man - "ugh, what did she say?"
Old wife - "She needs to see you license and registration dear."
**The old man hands it to the lady cop and...**
Lady cop - "Oh, I see you are from New York. I used to have a lover from New York, he was the worst lover I ever had."
Old man - "ugh, what did she say?"
Old wife - "Nothing dear, She thinks she used to know you."

t**... holding dad at gunpoint-

t**...: "Say your last words!"
Dad: "Your last words!"
t**...: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"
Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"
t**...: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"
Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I saw that monster henway."
t**...: "What's a 'henway'"?
Dad: "About a pound and a half."
t**...: "Stop! I'm serious!"
Dad: "Hi Sirius! I'm Dad!"

What's an example of a palindrome?

Daughter: What's an example of a palindrome?
Dad: Mom.
Daughter: Ugh. Fine. Mom, what's an example of a palindrome?
Mom: Dad.
Daughter: OHMYGOD WHY WON'T YOU GUYS HELP ME

BOSS: What's going on here?

BOSS: What's going on here?
JAMES: Dave's mad because he specifically labelled his sandwich in the fridge and I accidentally-
DAVE: Not accidentally, on purpose!!
JAMES: ugh ok FINE. And I, "on purpose", slept with his wife

A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license.

.
The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"
The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it."
"Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over.
The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

So I was doing crossword with my girlfriend,

Me: Emphatic no, five letters.
She: **Never**
Me: p**..., 3 letters.
She: **Gun**
Me: Disgust, 3 letters.
She: **Ugh**
Me: Charity, 4 letters.
She: **Give**
Me: Female sheep, 3 letters
She: **Ewe**
Me: Pixar movie, 2 letters
She: **Up**

Ugliest baby that I've ever seen

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

A nurse goes to write something down, reaches into her pocket and takes out a r**... thermometer

"Ugh, some a**...'s got my pen!"

A husband is doing crosswords with his wife.

**Husband:** Emphatic no; five letters.
**Wife:** Never.
**H:** p**...; three letters.
**W:** Gun.
**H:** Disgust; three letters.
**W:** Ugh.
**H:** Charity; four letters.
**W:** Give.
**H:** Female sheep; three letters.
**W:** Ewe.
**H:** Pixar movie; two letters.
**W:** Up.

UGH I was just forced to watch a s**... commercial about something called a Snuggie...

I wanted to change the channel so bad, but I was under a blanket and didn't want my arms to get cold.

A Canadian visits Russia...

As he's strolling through Moscow, he sees a Canadian restaurant, so he walks in. He orders potatoes and gravy.
As he's eating, he says "Ugh, I hate this Poutine..."
He was never seen again.

The Argument

A woman has had a huge argument with her husband and is on the phone having a long chat with her friend when she sees her husband returning home with a huge bouquet of flowers.
"Oh no," says the woman. "My husband's home and he's brought a huge bunch of flowers for me."
Her friend is a little surprised. "But that's so sweet of him!"
"Ugh," says the woman. "It means I have to spend all night on my back with my legs in the air."
The friend pauses for a moment. "Don't you have a vase?"

A woman boarded a bus carrying her baby.

"Ugh," said the bus driver. "That is the *ugliest* baby I have ever seen." Furious, the woman stormed down the aisle and took a seat.
"What's wrong, lady?" Asked the man next to her.
"That driver just insulted me!"
"Well you go up there and you tell him off! Here - I'll hold your monkey."

Today I saw two fetuses making out

Ugh, get a w**....

Two blondes are walking in forest searching for a Christmas tree

They both walk a long time but couldn't find a good one. Hour by hour passes but still none of them are good enough. It's already getting pitch dark. It's already midnight and finally one of them suddenly says "ugh, let's just pick one without decorations"

A woman gets on a bus with her baby....

The driver says, Ugh- that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!
Furious, the woman walks to the back of the bus, sits down and says to the man on her left:
Did you hear what the driver said?! He insulted me!
The man: You go up there and tell him off. Go on. I'll hold your monkey for you .

I have one bad and one good news, which one you wanna first? Says the doctor

Patient: Ugh... the bad first.. go.
Doctor: OK you have terminal cancer and you'll probably die in a week
Patient: Oh d**... w**..., what's the GOOD NEWS??
Doctor: Ohh you see that nurse over there? I think she's interested on me

After telling my teenage daughter she has to be home by eleven

Daughter: Why are you so mean!
Me: Well, I consider myself to be above average.
Daughter: What's that mean?
Me: I suppose I could assign each letter a value and then add them up and give you the mean.
Daughter: Are you crazy?
Me: No, that's how you calculate the mean.
Daughter: I don't know what that means.
Me: I don't know yet either, I have to calculate it.
Daughter: Ugh, why do you have to be like this. I'll be home at eleven.
Game, set, match, Dad wins.

Dog p**...

Two men are walking on the sidewalk until one of them stops.
"Hey, what's that brown thing on the ground?" he asks his friend.
The second man looks closer to the sidewalk. "Huh, looks like dog p**...," he says.
"Are you sure?"
"Hold on." The man leans down and smells the item. "Ugh, it smells like dog p**...."
"Yeah, but are you positive?"
"Hold on." The man picks up the item and licks it. "Augh! It tastes like dog p**...!" He immediately drops it.
"Okay, so it's dog p**...," the first man says. "Good thing we saw it."
"I know," said his friend. "We could have stepped in that."

There *is* a difference between doughnuts and donuts

**Ugh!**

The ugliest baby

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, Ugh! That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen.
The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, The driver just insulted me!
The man says, You go and give him a telling off. I'll hold your monkey for you.

"Excuse me sir, does your dog bite?"

"Naw, he never bites. He's very sweet."
"Aw, who's a good boy? Who's ... OW! UGH, s**...! I'm BLEEDING! YOU SAID YOUR DOG NEVER BITES!!"
"That ain't my dog."

Aboard a train a man turns to a woman and asks "would you sleep with me for a million dollars?"

...She thinks about it and decides that she would. "Would you do it for $10?" he asks. "Ugh, no!" she replies. "What do you take me for?"--"I Thought we already established that and now we are haggling for the price."

The Prime Minister was not happy about being woken up

What did the Prime Minister say when he was awoken early to news of an urgent matter that required his immediate attention?
Ugh. I'm the PM, not the AM.

I'm talking to my daughter, sister in law and my dad just now. SIL: Have you ever had a pedicure? Daughter: oh yeah I have. Me: I've given her a pedicure before.

Dad: so I guess you could call yourself a... pediphile.
*Ugh* thanks dad.
And yes this actually just happened.

Crossword solving husband

Husband doing crossword with his wife
Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.
Wife: Never
H: p**..., 3 letters.
W: Gun
H: Disgust, 3 letters.
W: Ugh
H: Charity, 4 letters.
W: Give
H: Female sheep, 3 letters
W: Ewe
H: Pixar movie, 2 letters
W: Up

Friends do crosswords

Friend 1: emphatic NO, five letters
Friend 2: Never
Friend 1: firearm, three letters
Friend 2: Gun
Friend 1: disgust, three letters
Friend 2: ugh
Friend 1: form of charity, four letters
Friend 2: give
Friend 1: female sheep, three letters
Friend 2: ewe
Friend 1: Pixar movie, two letters
Friend 2: up

Got my coffee this morning, full of grounds, ugh.

\#noFilter

What pen does the annoyed artist use?

Ugh, fine.

A bolt is in love with a nail fixed in a wall on the opposite side of the room...

The feeling doesn't seem to be mutual, so the bolt decides to compliment it and shouts to the nail, "Hey stud!"
"Ugh, screw off!"
Needless to say, the bolt won't be getting nailed tonight.

[OC] What did the asian say when he saw a line at the local soup kitchen?

Ugh.... Pho queue...

A blind man orders steaks at a restaurant but they give him foie gras on accident.

He takes a bite and exclaims, "Ugh, this is offal!"

A guy sat down in a restaurant and ordered a bowl of bean soup.

"I'm sorry," the waitress said, "but the customer next to you had the last bowl." The guy could see that the other customer had left most of his soup.
"Could I have that?" he asked.
"Sure." So he started eating--but halfway down he discovered a dead mouse.
"Ugh," he said, "I just found a dead mouse in the soup."
"That's as far as I got too," said the other man.

Two pancakes were talking. One said to the other, waggling his eyebrows suggestively, "hello."

The other said "ugh, get away from me, you crepe."

Ugh! I always underestimate shipping times for Valentine's Day.

I should've ordered my Russian bride weeks ago to make sure she arrived on time.

jokes about ugh

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these ugh jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.