Typical Jokes
102 typical jokes and hilarious typical puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about typical that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article takes a look at traditional jokes from around the world, including the typical American, German, Czech, French, Australian, Italian, Welsh, and Nigerian jokes. It also looks at some traditional “Khalid” jokes and farmhouse jokes. Read on to find out more!
Quick Jump To
- Short Typical Jokes
- Typical One Liners
- Typical American Jokes
- Typical German Jokes
- More Typical Jokes
Funniest Typical Short Jokes
Short typical jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The typical humour may include short usual jokes also.
- As the plane took off, the pilot turned to the co-pilot and said, Have you ever flown solo? Co-pilot: No. Typically I fly much higher than this.
- AskReddit is 16 years old next month ... Typical teenager, it has an answer for everything.
- What do you call an average radio? Stereo typical
My thirteen-year-old came up with this and I promised to post it to Reddit. - I'm not racist but... "I'm not racist, but you look great today"
"That wasn't racist at all"
"I know, I said I'm not racist. Typical Mexican" - What do you call an angry black man? Typical. What do you call an angry white man?
Active shooter. - Piece of Dating Advice Do not date a car mechanic if you're looking for a long term partner. Typically, a mechanic just nuts and bolts.
- When the Mexican guy forgot his ticket to the water park, the employee let him in anyway Typically I'm a stickler about this sort of thing, he remarked But I'm gonna let this Juan slide.
- How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Typically only one, but it has to truly want to change.
- Chemist joke Two typical chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist asks the waiter: "I would like some H₂O, Please!" The second chemist says: "I'd like some H₂O too!" The second man dies.
- My daughter identifies as a small group of words standing together as a conceptual unit, typically forming a component of a clause. Should I be worried or is it just a phrase?
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Typical One Liners
Which typical one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with typical? I can suggest the ones about average and ordinary.
- Typical day with a zero social filter 4 year old. kijk
- I usually dont get school shooting jokes. Typically they are aimed at a younger audience.
- Typically when a woman is really beautiful, what does her husband do? His wife.
- Why do husbands typically die before their wives? They want to.
- People don't typically wear glasses while boxing.... It's more of a contacts sport
- What do people typically get at Whole Foods? Ripped off.
- Why is jazz the most typical genre people use to "set the mood?" It's so saxxy.
- I don't believe in star signs but that's me... typical capricorn!
- How would you describe the typical Inuit mathematician? Cold and calculating.
- Did you hear about the March for Science? It was held in April. Typical scientists.
- I think horoscopes are absolute tosh. But you know me, typical Virgo.
- Typical Mayans ... 4 years late
- A typical Single-cells' marriage counseling Same old story we've grown apart, says one
- Well women are marching on DC today Leave it to women to be late, typical.
- Does typical Jewish humor exist? And if yes, why not?
Typical American Jokes
Here is a list of funny typical american jokes and even better typical american puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Typical Hollywood. They see something in the British media and try to emulate it for American audiences: 'The Office',
'The IT Crowd',
'The Inbetweeners',
'Operation Yewtree'... - What do you call a white beach ball in a house A typical American
Typical German Jokes
Here is a list of funny typical german jokes and even better typical german puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "Excuse me!" "We're doing a survey here in Germany on what's *typically German* to you."
"Do you even have a permit for that?"
Delightful Fun Typical Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about typical you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean traditional jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make typical pranks.
Bagpiper at a f**...
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a f**... director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a Pauper's' cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the f**... guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, and we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say;
"I NEVER SEEN NOTHIN' LIKE THAT BEFORE AND I'VE BEEN PUTTING IN SEPTIC TANKS FOR TWENTY YEARS."
Bagpipes at a f**...
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a f**... director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the f**... guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. Played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept. We all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Typical dumb blonde...
Billy-Bob and Jimmy are standing at the base of a flag-pole, looking up and scratching their heads, when a beautiful blonde woman walks by and inquires about their purpose.
"We've been hired to find out the height of this here flag-pole, such that we might fit it properly with the flag of this great nation." Billy-Bob replied, "But we just don't have a ladder!"
The blonde looks up, turns around and walks off, only to return moments later with a screw-driver and measuring tape. The blonde proceeds to unscrew the flagpole from the base, lay it on its side, measure it, and return the pole back to its upright position. The blonde smiles at Billy-Bob and Jimmy, exclaiming happily:
"That flagpole is exactly 15 feet long!" She turns and continues on her way, happy with her effort and goodwill.
Billy-Bob turns to Jimmy, shaking his head at their wasted time. "Isn't that just like a dumb blonde? We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"
Dad told me this one
This guy went Christmas shopping for his daughter. She said she wanted a Barbie. Typical right? Well he went to the toy store and went looking for a couple Barbies. He grabbed the Malibu Barbie, Katniss Barbie and the holland Barbie. As he was leaving the isle he saw a divorce Barbie. It had a $299 price tag so he asked the lady why is this one so much more than the rest. And the lady replied, "we'll for starters it comes with kens cars, kens house and kens testicals on a keychain."
A hippy with a bicycle that has a broken chain walks on the side of a road.
A man in a Porsche pulls up next to him and offers him a ride. They try to fit the hippy's bike into the trunk of the man's Porche, but as it is a typical sports car, the trunk is too small for the bike. Then the man has an idea. He says to the hippy, "I have some rope in my trunk, you can tie it to your bike and I'll drive you along. If I'm going to fast, just honk the horn on your bike." The hippy agrees to go along with it and they ride a few miles down the rode. The man in the Porsche pulls up to a stop light next a man in a Lamborghini. They start revving their engine and a race is about to ensue. The light turns green and the man in the Porsche completely forgets about the hippy tied to his car and starts racing the Lamborghini. They're racing and start reaching 80, 90, 100 m.p.h. They pass a cop and when the cop calls the race in he says, "Dispatch you'll never believe what I just saw. I saw a Porsche and a Lamborghini racing down the road at 100 miles per hour, and a hippy on a bike honking his horn trying to pass them."
English couple adopt a German baby boy 'Engelbert'....
.....now six years old Engelbert has never spoke a word, everyone just assumed he is mute.
Then one day at the breakfast table Engelbert shouted (with a typical German accent) mummy these sausages are not cooked through!
Mummy rushed across and shocked with disbelief said Engelgert you can talk, how come you never said anything for six years?
(German Accent again) Engelbert replied up until now everything has been quite satisfactory.
When my dad was a doctor going through residency...
...he had this particularly notable patient.
He was asking her the usual questions:
Do you smoke? Nope.
Drink? On occasion.
Any drugs? No
All typical answers, until he got to his last question.
Are you s**... active? She stared at him for a moment before replying: "Well I don't just lay there..."
A Canadian in New York
A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Canuck just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks... like I said, my boy's a typical Canadian baby boy."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW" were heard.
Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar.
The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you. So how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born."
The Canadian father takes a slow swig from his Molson beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,
"Had him circumcised".
An RAF vet is giving a talk about the war...
An RAF veteran is giving a talk to a class of school children, and was trying to explain what a typical mission would be like.
"So there I was, escorting the b**... to their target, when out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of Fokkers. There were about 20 of these Fokkers. One took out my buddy, but I managed to shoot the Fokker down. Then one was on my tail and I coukdn't shake the Fokker, but my pal took care of him. Then I took out two more of the Fokkers..."
The teacher interupts "Children I should explain, the Fokker was a type of figher airplane used by the German Air Force to stop the RAF b**... and their escorts."
"Yes, but these Fokkers were Messerschmitts!"
Typical Johnny
Teacher asks the class if they can think of a sentence with the word 'contagious' in it.
After a long pause little Johnny puts his hand up. "yes Johnny, give it a go"
I was in the car with my dad and we were driving past one of our neighbours who was painting his garden fence with a toothbrush. My dad said "it's going to take that contagious to finish that"
Just a typical, Wednesday taxi ride...
Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for the airport leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the living daylights out of me."
The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."
-Credits to a friend, who has an internet-phobia.
Yeah, I knew Shakespeare in college.
Typical neck bard.
A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery...
The Arab immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.
He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see a thing."
The Jew says to the Arab, "That's typical of you Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."
He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."
Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one.
The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew swallows that one and asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.
The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "So what did you do with the pastries?"
The Jew replies, "Look in the Arab's back pocket....."
What happens when the typical activity of philosophical grizzlies undergoes an abrupt change?
Beartrends Rustle
Statistics say that the typical man has s**... 92 times a year...
I feel that December will be amazing
The doctor said I have Matchbox 20/20 vision . . .
Typical RobThomatrist.
Fortune teller
A guy who knows little English sees man across the street, this man has a funny hat, a beard and looks like a typical fortune teller.
Guy: excuse me, can you read fortune?
Fortune teller: okay just let me get out my phone, ah here we are, I see some people talking about drugs, a banana and a guy getting his head cut off.
Guy: that happen to me?
Fortune teller: oh *fortune*… I thought you said 4chan
Reeling in a mermaid
Two fisherman are out on a typical, long journey when they reel in a mermaid. After having a good look, one of the fishermen throws her back in to the water. "Why?!" asks his friend. "How?" he replies.
If you know an Arab, you don't have to steal...
A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery.
The Arab steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.
He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see anything."
The Jew says to the Arab, "That's typical of you dishonest Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."
He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."
Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one.
The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.
The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?"
The Jew replies, "Look in the Arab's pocket....."
Typical
Cat walks into bar and sits at the counter.
Bartender:
"What will you have?"
Cat:
"A shot of whiskey."
(Bartender pours whiskey into shot glass and gives to cat)
Cat slowly pushes the shot glass off the counter.
Cat:
"I'll have another."
Punch line
Pun
/typical submission
A black man and a white man walk into a bakery
The black man immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.
He says to the white, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see a thing." The white man says to the black man, "That's typical of you black people. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."
He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."
Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The white man swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then the white man swallows that one and asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.
The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "So what did you do with the pastries?"
The white man replies, "Look in the black mans back pocket....."
Typical Kanye West
If Kanye West would become a president wouldn't we all be living in Wild West?
What's the difference between Wright and Rong?
Wright yells, "Objection!'
Rong is your typical Chinese man.
I'm not racist but...
Your hair looks gorgeous.
"How is that racist?"
I said I wasn't racist. You never listen.
Typical Mexican.
Considering the typical male and monogamy -
It could only work with a transformer
NOT YOUR TYPICAL BLACK COMEDIAN
I'm not your typical black comedian. I don't do a lot of jokes about white people. I'd like to, but I was born in Denver, Colorado
Following someone around is typically defined as "stalking"
At my university, it's defined as "finding a parking space"
What's the difference between the Pro Bowl and a typical church?
In the Pro Bowl, they give ten percent.
During a job interview, I got the typical question about my greatest weakness.
"Kryptonite."
I start on Monday.
What's the difference with the optimal prime beef and the typical ground beef?
Ground beef has no legs, and the optimal prime beef has wheels.
What's a stripper's typical shift at work?
5 to clothes.
I texted my buddy 'you free this evening?'
He texted back a selfie featuring his red, white and blue cap 'I'm free every evening'
(I know it's not your typical joke but I laughed when I got it). Have a happy and safe Independence Day, USA!
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be s**... here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
My brother turned 45 and decided to buy a bunch of insurance he couldn't afford.
Typical MetLife crisis
Man walks into an African restaurant and orders the most typical African dish...
...the waiter brings him an empty dish.
A journalist traveled to the South Pole to interview 100 penguins..:
The journalist had them all line up and ask all of them one question: what is your typical day like?
The first penguin answered, I eat, I swim, I sleep, and I hit my friend up.
Then the journalist went to the second penguin for its response, which was, I eat, I swim, I sleep, and I hit my friend up.
The journalist went through 99 penguins who all have the identical answer. When he finally reached the 100th penguin, he asked, what is your typical day like?
The last penguin said, I eat, I swim, and I sleep.
Confused, the journalist asked, don't you hit your friend up too?
The penguin answered, my name is Up!
Astrology joke
I've got a cousin who was born with a rare condition that renders him speechless, deaf, blind, immobile, and unable to talk. He mostly lies in bed in a hospital, and we feed him through tubes. But underneath all that, you can totally tell he's got that typical wacky Capricorn sense of humor.
Woman sitting on death row. Executioner opens her cell door and says It's time. What do you want to eat for your last meal?
Woman, in typical fashion goes, I don't know, what do you want?
Pre-Marriage vs Post-Marriage
Below is an example of what a typical conversation between a couple on a date will be like :
Guy: "I've never been this happier in my life..."
Girl: "Will you ever leave me?"
Guy: "Not in a million years!"
Girl: "Did you love me?"
Guy: "Of course! I'll always do!"
Girl: "Have you ever cheated on me?"
Guy: "No! I'll never have that horrific thought cross my mind!"
Girl: "Let's kiss!"
Guy: "Yes..."
Girl: "Sweetie..."
So, what happens if they got married? Well, just read in reverse.
Trump allegedly had an affair with Tony the Tiger.
When reached for a comment, his response want typical: "Nope, not true. Flake news."
One for the Mathematicians
Some engineers are trying to measure the height of a flagpole.
They only have a measuring tape, and they have not been able to slide the tape up the pole.
A mathematician asks what they are doing, and they explain.
The solution is easy, she says. She pulls the pole out of the ground, lays it down, and measures it.
After she leaves, one of the engineers says,
That is so typical! We tell a mathematician we need the height – and she gives us the length!
A typical morning in school
Hollywood Halloween
Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone were discussing their next Halloween costumes. They wanted to get away from the typical scary characters and do something different.
Bruce: 'how about historical figures? I'll go as Freud.'
Sly: 'ok, sounds good. I'll go as Leonardo Da Vinci.'
Arnold Schwarzenegger overhears their discussion, walks over and replies 'I'll be Bach.'
The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, and bright as a new penny.
When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.
One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.
"Now do you understand?" he asked.
"I think so," she said.
"That was when mommy came to work for us?"
How much h**... is in a typical transmission?
A buttload.
Donald and Hillary Visit a Bakery
While in the bakery, Trump sneaks three pastries into his pocket, and whispers to Hillary
"See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I didn't need to lie. That's why I'm going to win the election"
Hillary says, "That's so typical of you: trickery, deceit and theft. How I'm going to show you how to get the same result honestly"
Hillary says to the baker, :Give me three pastries and I'll show you a magic trick"
The baker gives Hillary three pastries and she eats one after the other, the baker is wondering what the magic trick is and asks Hillary, "So? Where did they go?"
Hillary says, "Check Donald's pocket"
In typical Thai fashion...
the cave drama had a happy ending!
Typical Apple
Next year Apple will remove the charging function, you will have to by a new iPhone once your battery dies.
I recently got a vegetable patch.
I'm not your typical pirate.
At your next helloween party expect to see the typical costumes.
The s**... nurse, the s**... nun and the sexist judge.
What goes through the mind of a high school boy during a typical day?
A bullet.
Apparently Chewbacca crashed the Millennium Falcon the first time he flew it.
It was a typical Wookie mistake.
Typical USPS
Never gets your package where it was intended.
PS - Mail absentee ballots, not bombs.
I got fired from work today.
Trebuchets have really come a long way, and it beats the typical 30-minute commute from my work to home.
What's the average IQ range of a typical Neo-n**... or White Nationalist?
Around 14 to 88 IQ points.
How do you call a typical british plane pilot?
Aerosmith.
The Tourist
An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city.
Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."
"I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the waiter with typical New York charm. "I can only serve one table at a time."
I invited my p**...-e**... support group over to my house for dinner...
...but they came a lot earier than expected, typical!
Racism
Sometimes if I wanna get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with "I'm not racist,
"I'm not racist, but you look great today."
And they say, "that wasn't racist at all."
And I say, "I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican."
Your typical rock band
In my history of Rock and Roll class, chapter 13 focused on the early rock artists post punk era. At the very beginning of the chapter the band King Crimson is briefly mentioned, they seemed to have qualities that later artist would adopt and were quite popular, with songs such as 21 century schizoid boy, I talk to the wind, and In the court of King Crimson (my favorite by the band). However they didn't blow up as much as later rock artists such as Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton, and AC/DC. They're more so seen as a footnote of that era because of this. I suppose King Crimson was ahead of their time in that regards, but only by like 10 seconds.
It was a typical night at a saloon in the Old West
The ranchers and townsmen were inside, drinking beer and having a good time. Some played poker, others watched the dancing girls, and music from the piano played in the background.
Suddenly, the saloon doors burst open and slammed against the walls. Everyone was startled, and the entire saloon got deathly quiet as everyone looked at the entrance.
In came a dog, walking on its hind legs, and its left front leg was in a sling.
The dog eyed the place over and said, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw!"
Not your typical response
Some guy was having fun with another woman in her house. He finished up and as he was ready to leave, he realizes he smells like her perfume. So he had a great idea. He went to a local bar, drank a few good ones and went home.
His wife smelled him and said:
"Do you think I'm s**..., huh? You can bathe yourself in a women's perfume all you want, I can still guess you went to a bar, you drunk!".
Three comedians walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll it be, guys?"
The observational comic replies, "Isn't this just typical!" The slapstick comedian slips and bangs his head on the bar. Then the absurdist comedian says, "This joke is well-structured in a formal sense but not particularly funny."
Empty Cart
A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past an empty cart when he heard a woman ask, "Excuse me, did you want that cart?" "No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing." As he walked toward the store, he heard her murmur, "Typical male."
