The Best 61 Typical Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Typical jokes. There are some typical norm jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these typical venue puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Typical Jokes and Puns
Bagpiper at a Funeral
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a Pauper's' cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, and we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say;
"I NEVER SEEN NOTHIN' LIKE THAT BEFORE AND I'VE BEEN PUTTING IN SEPTIC TANKS FOR TWENTY YEARS."
English couple adopt a German baby boy 'Engelbert'....
.....now six years old Engelbert has never spoke a word, everyone just assumed he is mute.
Then one day at the breakfast table Engelbert shouted (with a typical German accent) mummy these sausages are not cooked through!
Mummy rushed across and shocked with disbelief said Engelgert you can talk, how come you never said anything for six years?
(German Accent again) Engelbert replied up until now everything has been quite satisfactory.
When my dad was a doctor going through residency...
...he had this particularly notable patient.
He was asking her the usual questions:
Do you smoke? Nope.
Drink? On occasion.
Any drugs? No
All typical answers, until he got to his last question.
Are you sexually active? She stared at him for a moment before replying: "Well I don't just lay there..."
A Canadian in New York
A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Canuck just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks... like I said, my boy's a typical Canadian baby boy."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW" were heard.
Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar.
The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you. So how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born."
The Canadian father takes a slow swig from his Molson beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,
"Had him circumcised".
An RAF vet is giving a talk about the war...
An RAF veteran is giving a talk to a class of school children, and was trying to explain what a typical mission would be like.
"So there I was, escorting the bombers to their target, when out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of Fokkers. There were about 20 of these Fokkers. One took out my buddy, but I managed to shoot the Fokker down. Then one was on my tail and I coukdn't shake the Fokker, but my pal took care of him. Then I took out two more of the Fokkers..."
The teacher interupts "Children I should explain, the Fokker was a type of figher airplane used by the German Air Force to stop the RAF bombers and their escorts."
"Yes, but these Fokkers were Messerschmitts!"
Typical Johnny
Teacher asks the class if they can think of a sentence with the word 'contagious' in it.
After a long pause little Johnny puts his hand up. "yes Johnny, give it a go"
I was in the car with my dad and we were driving past one of our neighbours who was painting his garden fence with a toothbrush. My dad said "it's going to take that contagious to finish that"
I'm not racist but...
"I'm not racist, but you look great today"
"That wasn't racist at all"
"I know, I said I'm not racist. Typical Mexican"
How would you describe the typical Inuit mathematician?
Cold and calculating.
Statistics say that the typical man has sex 92 times a year...
I feel that December will be amazing
The doctor said I have Matchbox 20/20 vision . . .
Typical RobThomatrist.
Typical day with a zero social filter 4 year old.
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You can explore typical farmhouse reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean typical east dad jokes. There are also typical puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Fortune teller
A guy who knows little English sees man across the street, this man has a funny hat, a beard and looks like a typical fortune teller.
Guy: excuse me, can you read fortune?
Fortune teller: okay just let me get out my phone, ah here we are, I see some people talking about drugs, a banana and a guy getting his head cut off.
Guy: that happen to me?
Fortune teller: oh *fortune*… I thought you said 4chan
Reeling in a mermaid
Two fisherman are out on a typical, long journey when they reel in a mermaid. After having a good look, one of the fishermen throws her back in to the water. "Why?!" asks his friend. "How?" he replies.
If you know an Arab, you don't have to steal...
A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery.
The Arab steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.
He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see anything."
The Jew says to the Arab, "That's typical of you dishonest Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."
He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."
Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one.
The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.
The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?"
The Jew replies, "Look in the Arab's pocket....."
Typical
Cat walks into bar and sits at the counter.
Bartender:
"What will you have?"
Cat:
"A shot of whiskey."
(Bartender pours whiskey into shot glass and gives to cat)
Cat slowly pushes the shot glass off the counter.
Cat:
"I'll have another."
I don't believe in star signs
but that's me... typical capricorn!
What do you call an angry black man?
Typical. What do you call an angry white man?
Active shooter.
I think horoscopes are absolute tosh.
But you know me, typical Virgo.
What's the difference between Wright and Rong?
Wright yells, "Objection!'
Rong is your typical Chinese man.
I'm not racist but...
Your hair looks gorgeous.
"How is that racist?"
I said I wasn't racist. You never listen.
Typical Mexican.
Considering the typical male and monogamy -
It could only work with a transformer
NOT YOUR TYPICAL BLACK COMEDIAN
I'm not your typical black comedian. I don't do a lot of jokes about white people. I'd like to, but I was born in Denver, Colorado
Following someone around is typically defined as "stalking"
At my university, it's defined as "finding a parking space"
What's the difference between the Pro Bowl and a typical church?
In the Pro Bowl, they give ten percent.
Typical Mayans ...
4 years late
During a job interview, I got the typical question about my greatest weakness.
"Kryptonite."
I start on Monday.
Well women are marching on DC today
Leave it to women to be late, typical.
What's the difference with the optimal prime beef and the typical ground beef?
Ground beef has no legs, and the optimal prime beef has wheels.
Did you hear about the March for Science?
It was held in April. Typical scientists.
What's a stripper's typical shift at work?
5 to clothes.
I texted my buddy 'you free this evening?'
He texted back a selfie featuring his red, white and blue cap 'I'm free every evening'
(I know it's not your typical joke but I laughed when I got it). Have a happy and safe Independence Day, USA!
My brother turned 45 and decided to buy a bunch of insurance he couldn't afford.
Typical MetLife crisis
Man walks into an African restaurant and orders the most typical African dish...
...the waiter brings him an empty dish.
Typical Hollywood. They see something in the British media and try to emulate it for American audiences:
'The Office',
'The IT Crowd',
'The Inbetweeners',
'Operation Yewtree'...
Does typical Jewish humor exist?
And if yes, why not?
Astrology joke
I've got a cousin who was born with a rare condition that renders him speechless, deaf, blind, immobile, and unable to talk. He mostly lies in bed in a hospital, and we feed him through tubes. But underneath all that, you can totally tell he's got that typical wacky Capricorn sense of humor.
Woman sitting on death row. Executioner opens her cell door and says It's time. What do you want to eat for your last meal?
Woman, in typical fashion goes, I don't know, what do you want?
Trump allegedly had an affair with Tony the Tiger.
When reached for a comment, his response want typical: "Nope, not true. Flake news."
One for the Mathematicians
Some engineers are trying to measure the height of a flagpole.
They only have a measuring tape, and they have not been able to slide the tape up the pole.
A mathematician asks what they are doing, and they explain.
The solution is easy, she says. She pulls the pole out of the ground, lays it down, and measures it.
After she leaves, one of the engineers says,
That is so typical! We tell a mathematician we need the height – and she gives us the length!
A typical morning in school
Hollywood Halloween
Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone were discussing their next Halloween costumes. They wanted to get away from the typical scary characters and do something different.
Bruce: 'how about historical figures? I'll go as Freud.'
Sly: 'ok, sounds good. I'll go as Leonardo Da Vinci.'
Arnold Schwarzenegger overhears their discussion, walks over and replies 'I'll be Bach.'
How much HIV is in a typical transmission?
A buttload.
Why is jazz the most typical genre people use to "set the mood?"
It's so saxxy.
A typical Single-cells' marriage counseling
Same old story we've grown apart, says one
I recently got a vegetable patch.
I'm not your typical pirate.
At your next helloween party expect to see the typical costumes.
The sexy nurse, the sexy nun and the sexist judge.
What goes through the mind of a high school boy during a typical day?
A bullet.
Apparently Chewbacca crashed the Millennium Falcon the first time he flew it.
It was a typical Wookie mistake.
Typical USPS
Never gets your package where it was intended.
PS - Mail absentee ballots, not bombs.
I got fired from work today.
Trebuchets have really come a long way, and it beats the typical 30-minute commute from my work to home.
What's the average IQ range of a typical Neo-Nazi or White Nationalist?
Around 14 to 88 IQ points.
The Tourist
An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city.
Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."
"I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the waiter with typical New York charm. "I can only serve one table at a time."
I invited my premature-ejaculation support group over to my house for dinner...
...but they came a lot earier than expected, typical!
Racism
Sometimes if I wanna get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with "I'm not racist,
"I'm not racist, but you look great today."
And they say, "that wasn't racist at all."
And I say, "I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican."
What do you call an average radio?
Stereo typical
My thirteen-year-old came up with this and I promised to post it to Reddit.
AskReddit is 16 years old next month ...
Typical teenager, it has an answer for everything.
Typically when a woman is really beautiful, what does her husband do?
His wife.
Not your typical response
Some guy was having fun with another woman in her house. He finished up and as he was ready to leave, he realizes he smells like her perfume. So he had a great idea. He went to a local bar, drank a few good ones and went home.
His wife smelled him and said:
"Do you think I'm stupid, huh? You can bathe yourself in a women's perfume all you want, I can still guess you went to a bar, you drunk!".
Three comedians walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll it be, guys?"
The observational comic replies, "Isn't this just typical!" The slapstick comedian slips and bangs his head on the bar. Then the absurdist comedian says, "This joke is well-structured in a formal sense but not particularly funny."
Empty Cart
A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past an empty cart when he heard a woman ask, "Excuse me, did you want that cart?" "No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing." As he walked toward the store, he heard her murmur, "Typical male."
True story. I asked my Google Home to tell me a dad joke.
"Why can't you write with an unsharpened pencil?
Because there's no point!"
I asked it to tell me another dad joke, and in typical dad joke fashion:
"Why can't you write with an unsharpened pencil?
Because there's no point!"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the typical customary jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working typical firstly piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.