type Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious type stories

What are the best Type puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Type? Well here is a complete list of Type dad jokes:

What Asian stereo type do you hear the most?

Personally I've got a Sony surround sound system.

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My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him

As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him

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Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

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I told the paramedics the wrong blood type for my ex

Now she'll know what rejection feels like

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Bill Gates in an airport lounge

I was in the VIP lounge last week en route to Seattle. Whilst in the lounge, I noticed Bill Gates sitting on the chesterfield enjoying a cognac.

I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle with me but she was running a bit late. Being a forward type of guy, I approached Mr. Gates and introduced myself. I explained to him that I was conducting some very important business and how I would appreciate it if he could throw a quick "Hello Chris" at me when I was with my client.

He agreed. Ten minutes later while I was conversing with my client, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates. I turned around and looked up at him. He said, "Hi Chris, what's happening?" To which I replied:

"Fuck off Gates, I'm in a meeting."

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4 types of orgasm...

Do you know that there are 4 types of orgasm… the Holy Orgasm, The Positive Orgasm, the Negative Orgasm and the Fake Orgasm.
The Holy Orgasm sounds like "Oh God, oh god…"
The Positive Orgasm goes "Yes, yes, oh yes, "
The Negative Orgasm goes "no, no, oh no"
and the fake orgasm, the fake one goes "Oh *insert the name of whoever you are telling the joke to*"

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What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEEEEE

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A man is walking along the street when he sees a ladder...

...stretching well up into the clouds. Being the adventurous type, Harry begins to climb.

After a short while he stops at a cloud and sees a large, ugly looking woman lying there.

"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she said.

He decided that he was definitely not drunk enough for this so he continued climbing.

Soon after he saw another woman lying on the cloud, this time slightly thinner and with average looks.

"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she said.

Noticing the pattern, Harry climbs further and sees an attractive woman with a good figure.

"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she said.

Getting excited, he continued climbing.
On the next cloud was the most stunning woman he had ever seen - perfect body, slim curves, full set of gorgeous breasts - the lot.

"Fuck me now or climb the ladder to success," she breathed seductively.

Despite the beauty of this woman, Harry's greed got the better of him and he continues climbing.

"The next one will have to be Aphrodite or the like," he thinks to himself.

Suddenly a latch locks behind Harry and he is trapped inside a dark room.
An enormous 6 ft 5, 120kg biker-looking bloke with a full set of tattoos and a great bushy beard stands up and starts walking towards him menacingly.

"Who the fuck are you?!" Harry asks.
The man grins and replies "I'm Cess."

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What's Whitney Houstons's favourite type of co-ordination?


HAND-EEEEEYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEE

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The boss!

One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?''
The assistant says, ''$2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.''
''What about the green one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.''
''What about the red one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''That one's $10,000.''
The man says, ''What does HE do?''
The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.''

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Two Blondes are out on a hike....

....when one looks down and sees some tracks. "Hey look, deer tracks!" she exclaims. The other blond looks over and says, "Those aren't deer tracks! Those are rabbit tracks!" After about 10 minutes of bickering about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

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I saw a skinny guy getting brutally beat up by 5 huge guys! I'm not the hero type, but still decided to help out.

It felt good being on the winning side for once.

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The Three Types of Breasts as told from father to son

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions." "Onions?" the son asks. "Yes. You see them and they make you cry." This infuriates his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, "Mom, how many different kinds of penises are there?" The mother smiles and says, "Well, dear, a man also goes through three phases. In his 20s, his penis is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it's like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it's like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" the daughter asks. "Yes: Dead from the root up, and the balls are just for decoration.

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What's Autocorrect's blood type?

typo negative

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What's Han Solo's favorite type of video game?

First person shooter.

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I typed "Missing medieval servant" into Google...

But it just came up with "Page not found".

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What is The Fonz's blood type?

A

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What's a ghost's favorite type of porn?

Boookakke!

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What's the cheapest type of meat to buy??

Deer balls; because they're under a buck.

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A little girl walks into a pet store...

A little girls walks into a pet store and looks up at the owner with her big brown eyes.

"Mister," she said in a quite voice, "I would like a little bunny rabbit".

The owner looks down at her with a smile. "And what type of bunny rabbit would you like?" He responded, "A brown little bunny rabbit or a white little bunny rabbit or a black little bunny rabbit?"

"Mister," the little girl replied, "I don't think my python gives a shit."

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A blonde calls her boyfriend...

One day a man gets a call from his blond girlfriend.

"Hey Babe!"

"Listen, I need you to come over right now! I'm doing a puzzle and I think it's supposed to be a tiger but I just can't figure it out, I've been doing it for hours..."

The boyfriend was a little confused, as she didn't seem the type to buy a puzzle... But it was clear she was upset, so he made the trip over. He walked in to her apartment and saw her sitting on the floor, a blue box overturned and all the pieces arranged in random circles on the floor.

He looked at her for a while without saying anything, then just sighed and said, "Sweetie, lets get all these frosted flakes back in the box..."

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Jesus and Satan are having an argument about who is the better computer programmer.

This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show his work. Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out.

Very well, says God, let us see if Jesus has fared any better.

Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.

Satan is astonished. He stutters, B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?

God chuckles, Everybody knows… Jesus saves.

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There are two types of people in this world.

And I hate them both.

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My favorite one liner. I've only told it out loud so I figured I'd type it type it vaguely.

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but saran wrap. The psychiatrist says "Well, I can clearly see youre nuts"

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Q. What's the rudest type of Elf?

A. The GofuckyoursElf.

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What type of animals are put on envelopes?

Seals.

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There are only two types of people in this world...

Those who can't extrapolate from incomplete data.

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Another vampire joke.

3 vampires walk into a blood bar.

The 1st vampire looks at the bartender and says "I'll have your finest cup of blood, type O negative please." The bartender happily obliges.

The 2nd vampire then places his order. "One mug of AB positive, with extra plasma please!" The bartender once again happily obliges.

The 3rd vampire asks for a cup of boiling water. The bartender, perplexed, asks what he'll be needing a cup of hot water for. The 3rd vampire then pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm making tea."

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The Boss.

One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks him to choose one.

The man asks, How much is the yellow one?

The assistant replies that it costs $2,000. The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. This parrot is a very special one. He can type really fast.

What about the green one? the man asks. He costs $5,000 because he can type, answer incoming phone calls and takes notes.

What about the red one? the man asks. The assistant says, That one's $10,000.

Curious, the man asks, What does he do? The assistant says, I don't know, but the other two call him boss.

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A new type of broom has just been released,

It is sweeping the nation.

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There's now a morning after pill for guys.

It changes your blood type.

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If a stork symbolizes birth what type of bird symbolizes birth control?

A swallow

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Blood types

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type O.

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I was going to type up this joke about pregnancy

but I realized it was all about the delivery

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Don't you hate it when you're typing something

and you're thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were tits.

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What type of flour do you buy an orphan?

Self raising.

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An elderly couple had just learned how to text.

The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.

One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:

"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."

The husband texted back to her:

"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."

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There are two types of people in the world:

those who can extrapolate from incomplete data…

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There are two types of people. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

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There's a type of bee that after it stings you, you pass out and it tries to have sex with you.

It's a Cos-Bee.

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There are two types of people in this world.

And I hate them.

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What type of lights were on Noah's Ark?

You'd think it would be floodlights, but in reality it was the Israelites!

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What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied?

Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!

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An Arab sheikh is dying

... and the only thing that could save him a blood transfusion. But there is a problem - the sheikh has a very rare blood type. After very intensive searches sheik's servants finally find a donor. This happens to be an old Jewish guy who agrees to donate blood in exchange for a substantial reward. The sheikh's life is saved, and he generously rewards the donor with a luxury car and a huge mansion.
Couple of years later, the same story happens. The donor rushes to donate the blood and comes to pick up his reward. Surprisingly for him, he is handed a box of cookies.
"But last time you gave me a car and a mansion"
"Well, last time I had no Jewish blood flowing in me".

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Chinese Joke

Got my blood results today turns out my blood type is A negative.

My dad is going to kill me

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What type of writing is the most profitable?

A ransom note.

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Times New Roman walks into a saloon.

The bartender says to him, "I'm sorry, we don't serve your type here."

So he shot the serif.

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There are 10 types of people.

Those who know binary, those who don't, and those who did not expect this to a base 3 joke.

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What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?

HAND EEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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What blood type does a man with bad spelling have?

Typo

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best type jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about type. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty type gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these type jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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