Tying Shoes Jokes

69 tying shoes jokes and hilarious tying shoes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tying shoes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Tying Shoes Short Jokes

Short tying shoes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tying shoes humour may include short shoe tying jokes also.

  1. My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoe... Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing.
  2. A lot of people are up in arms about the Olympians caught taking drugs to compete. Honestly I'm proud of them, and what they can do. Last time I did drugs I could barely tie my shoe.
  3. When we were kids, my brothers and I would race to put our shoes on every morning. It always ended in a tie.
  4. What's the difference between an Engineering student and an Arts student when tying their shoes? The arts student gets a mark for it.
  5. Why can't Chinese people tie their shoes? I would love to tell you, but I am afraid the answer is a little bit lacist.
  6. What did the flower say when asked why he was having trouble tying his shoes? Sometimes I forget me nots.
  7. When do I stop Once I got attacked by a bear but instead of playing dead I accidentally played dad & now he can tie his own shoes is this enough to stop?
  8. Q: Why can't blondes tie shoes?
    A: They just can't grasp the concept that the long thing goes around the hole, not into it.
  9. Q: Why can't blondes tie shoes?
    A: They just can't grasp the concept that the long thing goes around the hole, not into it.
  10. Puma has created a smart shoe that ties itself via an app on your phone. Clever idea, but I feel devices like these lack sole.

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Tying Shoes One Liners

Which tying shoes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tying shoes? I can suggest the ones about tying and tying knot.

  1. How do you always keep your shoes tied? Replace the laces with earphones.
  2. At first, I forgot how to tie my shoe Then I did knot.
  3. How do Germans tie their shoes... .... in little knotsies
  4. Did you hear about the new toll for tying shoes? It's knot fare
  5. If you want a good vacation, don't tie your shoes You'll have a nice trip
  6. My Chinese friend really hates shoes that have to be tied He's such a lacist
  7. How does a German tie his shoes? With 'lil knotsies.
  8. Why couldn't the T-Rex tie his shoes? Because he's extinct.
  9. How do you tie space shoes? With astro-knots.
  10. How did Adolf tie his shoes? With two knotzies.
  11. How do Germans tie their shoes? With little knot-sies!
  12. what do you call an Asian man with one leg tie one shoe
  13. Why does the pessimist not tie his shoes? They'll probably untie later
  14. I tried tying my shoes today... I could knot.
  15. For fear of Chuck Norris, his shoes tie themselves.

Witty Tying Shoes Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about tying shoes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shoelaces jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tying shoes pranks.

Yo momma so short she can tie her shoes while standing up.

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking.

He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk.
When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs.
Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end.
That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly.
But,he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.
A few minutes later, as he was u**..., he noticed blood,so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible.
Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.
The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.
"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said.
"Where'd you go?"
"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."
"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied, "You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?"
"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night,anyway?"
"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."

Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

A man walks into a bar...

He goes up to the barkeep and orders a beer, the bartender walks out back to refill the kegs. while the man is drinking he hears a voice, 'that's a very nice tie you're wearing' the man looks around wildly and yells to the bartender 'oi! did you say anything?'
the bartender replies, 'no!' sitting back down the man decides that he was hearing things and continues drinking, again he hears a voice, 'you have lovely shoes' the man stands up and again asks the bartender if he said anything, the bartender says 'I didn't say nothin' why do ya ask?'
the man replies, 'well I keep hearing these complements every now and then and I haven't even drunken half a glass, where are these complements coming from?'
'Oh' says the bartender, 'the nuts are complementary'

I'm really good at tying laces...

I can tie up my shoes at a rate of knots.

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street..

When they notice a little boy bending over to tie his shoe. The priest leans over to the rabbi and says "oh boy, I'd like to screw him" and the rabbi says "screw him outta vaut?"

How does h**... tie his shoes?

One Jew at a time!

How do Jewish children tie their shoes?

With little Knotsies!

Why didn't Churchill tie his shoes?

Because he hated those little n**...

How do Germans tie their shoes?

In little n**...

A Priest and a Rabbi are walking down the street together...

...when a young boy bends over to tie his shoe. The Priest leans over to the Rabbi and says, "Man, I'd sure like to screw him!" The Rabbi replies, "Out of what?"

Hey, how does h**... ties his shoes?

in little n**...

How did Anne Frank tie her shoes?

In little n**...!

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar, and orders a drink.
As the bartender pours his drink, he begins to hear little voices saying nice things to him.
"Great tie, looks nice with those shoes."
"Swell haircut."
He asks the bartender about the voices, and the bartender replies, "Oh. It's the peanuts, they're complimentary."

Two men are walking in the woods when they see a bear

One man bends down to tighten the laces on his shoes.
The other man looks at him and says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear!"
The first guy, while tying his shoes, replies, "I don't need to outrun the bear. I just need to outrun you."

I bought some shoes from a b**... expert

I don't know how he tied them, because it was hard to pull the tongue out.

How does h**... tie his shoes?

With little knotsies.

As l looked up and stared into his eyes, he had a fixed gaze on me

Moving my hands all over l asked "like that daddy?" He said "yes baby thats good". As i finished i couldnt help but smile; I had tied my first shoe

A guy walks into a bar and has a drink...

After his first sip, he hears a high pitched voice say, "Hey mister, I like your tie!" He looks around but has no idea where the voice is coming from.
"Hey mister, I like your shoes!" he hears the voice say again. He scans the bar and it doesn't appear the voice came from anyone in the room.
He takes another sip of his drink and hears the voice one more time, "Hey mister, I like your haircut!"
Frustrated, the man gets up and walks over to the bartender. "I keep hearing this high pitched voice! Where's it coming from!?"
The bartender looks up at the man and says, "Oh those are the peanuts. They're complimentary."

How does a martian tie his shoes?

Astro knots

How to black people tie their shoes?

They don't. There's no laces in prison.

What do you get when a pair of shoes crosses the finish line together?

Tied shoes

My n**... Days Are Over

My n**... days are over, my pilot light is out.
What used to be my s**... appeal, is now my waterspout.
Time was when, on its own accord, from my trousers it would spring,
But now I've got a full-time job, to find the blasted thing.
It used to be embarrassing, the way it would behave.
For every single morning, it would stand and watch me shave.
Now as old age approaches, it sure gives me the blues,
to see it hang its little head, and watch me tie my shoes!

A Newfie walking around

A newfie is walking around with his new pair of shoes but only one is tied. He trips and a guy goes to him and says you need to tie your other shoe the Newfie respond with it's fine I know what I'm doing .
After walking for a bit longer the Newfie trips again, the same guy says you really should tie your other shoe the Confused Newfie says but I read the bottom of the shoe and it says Taiwan

Name a better solution for you and two friends going on a walk together where one friend is in a hurry to get home, but the other friend just stopped to tie his shoes

Go ahead, I'll wait

I bought a new pair of running shoes.

I can hardly catch up to them!
Whenever I race them, I never lose, but I never win either.
I always tie my shoes.

Why womanizer exists

" A man is like a shoe laces, he goes through many holes before he ties the knot"

When you want to tell your son to tie his shoes and he is on grass

Kneel the Grass Tie Son

I've been taking care of my elderly grandfather and he asked me to come tie his shoes while he was on the toilet

I said, "you can't be serious"
He said, "I s**..., you knot"