Tying Knot Jokes

How do Germans tie their shoes? With little knot-sies!

So a string walks into a bar...

and the bartender says to him, "Hey no strings allowed. Get out!" So he goes out side, messes himself up, ties himself up, and goes back in. The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you that string from earlier?" "Nope. I'm a frayed knot."

String

A piece of string walks into a bar and takes a seat.
The bartender says to the piece of string "We don't serve your kind around here!" and kicks the string out of the bar.
The string gathers his composure, messes his hair up, and ties himself in a knot. He then resumes his seat at the bar.
The bartender says "Hey, aren't you that piece of string I just kicked out?"
The string replies "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

A string walks into a bar...

and the bouncer told him,"We don't serve your kind here." So, the string went outside and saw a man. He told the man to tie a knot around his upper portion and undo his lower portion into frays; finished, the String thanks the man and goes back inside. The bouncer said,"haven't I seen you before?" To which the string replied, "I'm a frayed knot."

A rope walked into a bar...

A rope walked into a bar. The bartender said, "We don't serve your kind here! No ropes allowed!" The rope left, tied his top end, and fluffed out the fringe. He reentered the bar, and the bartender said, "Hey! Aren't you that rope I just threw out?" "No," the rope said. "I'm a frayed knot."

Strings

Three pieces of strings are standing outside a bar with the intention of having a drink. The first one walks in and the bartender asks, "are you a piece of string?". He answers, "yes". The bartender yells, "get outta my bar". The second goes in and the same thing happens. The third then says to the other two, "quick tie me into a frayed knot". They do so and he walks into the bar and the bartender asks, "are you a piece of string?". He says ,"No. I'm a frayed knot"

A rope walks into a bar...

And orders and drink. The bartender says," We don't serve ropes here." So the rope goes outside, frays his ends, and ties himself into a knot. He comes back in and once again orders a drink. The bartender says,"Aren't you that rope I just turned down?" To which the rope replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

A joke from my 84yo patient earlier today...

When a man and a woman get married, they apply for a marriage license. When two l**... tie the knot, what do they get?
A liquor license! (read it out loud)

A piece of string walks into a bar

A piece of string walks into a bar and walks up to the counter.
The bartender says, "Sorry mate, we don't serve pieces of string in here, get lost."
Upset, the piece of string walks out the door. A sudden thought strikes him. He ties himself in a knot and messes his hair up.
He walks back into the bar and approaches the counter. The bartender says, "Oi, aren't you that piece of string from before...?"
"No," says the piece of string, "I'm a frayed knot."

So this piece of rope walks into a bar...

...and he tries to order a drink, the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind roun' here!" The piece of rope walks outside, ties himself in half a couple times, rubs himself in the dirt and drags his edges. He walks back into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Hey! Ain't you that same piece of rope?!" The piece of rope says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot!"

A rope walks into a bar....

...and the bartender says, "we don't serve ropes here."
So the rope walks outside, ties himself into a knot, and frays the end. He then walks back inside.
The bartender says, "Didn't I tell you we don't serve your kind? Weren't you just in here?"
The rope replies, "No, I'm afraid not."

Piece of rope walks into a gas station..

and tries to buy a gatorade, the clerk looks the rope up and down then sniffs and says "we dont serve your kind in here!". So the rope leaves, but determined to get his drink ties himself into a knot and frays his ends. He goes back in and the smae clerk looks at him and says "You a rope?" the rope replies "Frayed knot!".

A piece of rope walks into a bar.....

The bartender says, "hey, we don't serve your kind here. Now get out!" The piece of rope leaves, but it's determined to get a drink, so it starts rolling on the ground, ties itself up and splits it's ends. Looking beat up, the rope walks back into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks at the rope and says, "hey, aren't you that piece of rope that I just kicked out of here?" The rope looks at the bartender and says, "nope, I'm a frayed knot."

A piece of rope walks into a bar...

Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve rope here"
Rope walks outside, frizzes up his hair, and ties himself in a knot, and walks back into the bar.
Bartender says "Hey, aren't you the same piece of rope that I just kicked out of here?"
Rope says "No, I'm a frayed knot"

My girlfriend was dropping all these hints about tying the knot or taking the plunge...

so I tied a rock around her ankle and pushed her off the pier. She hasn't called since...

A string walks into a bar

A string walks into a bar and says "bartender, bartender give me a beer"
The bartender replies "We don't serve strings here"
The string walks outside messes up his hair, ties himself in a knot and walks back into the bar and says "bartender, bartender give me a beer"
The bartender asks " aren't you the same string that was just in here?"
The string replies "I'm afraid not" (a frayed knot)

A piece of string walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "We don't serve no scrawny pieces of string in here."
The piece of string leaves, goes around back, ties himself up, ruffles his hair and re-enters the bar.
The bartender says, "Say aren't you that sorry piece of string that I told to beat it?"
The string replies, "frayed knot."

An old man and woman meet at a nursing home and decide to get married...

The nursing home doctor suggests they each get a physical before tying the knot.
The doctor examines the woman first. When the man comes in, the doctor tells him, "before we begin, I should tell you that your fiancee has acute angina."
"I know, doc. I've seen it several times already. That's why I'm marrying her!"

A piece of rope walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind around here." The rope walks out back, ties himself up, and unravels his ends. The rope walks back into the bar. The bartender says, "Aren't you that rope that was just in here a minute ago?" The rope says, "Nope. I'm a frayed knot."

Did you hear about the two junkies that fell in love?

They tied the knot.

A string walks into a bar

and orders a beer. The bartender says "We don't serve strings here."
Causing the string walk out of the bar and tie himself in a knot and fray his end.
The string walks back in and orders another beer. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey aren't you a string?" The string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

A piece of string...

walks in to a bar and orders a drink. The Bartender says "sorry we don't serve your kind in here".
The piece of string walks outside and ties himself in a knot and ruffles his hair up before walking back to the bar.
"Weren't you the string I just served?" said the bar man.
"No, I'm afraid not" replied the string.

**Suggestion for you**

At a formal event, roll your tie up into a little bundle right below the knot. Then ask someone, "Which of the 2 flaps do you think will unravel first?" After they guess, let it unravel and go "It's a tie!".

A rope walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "get out, we don't serve ropes here." So the rope leaves, loosens up its end bits, and ties its self up. The rope then walks back into the bar and the bartender says, "aren't you the same rope I just told to get out of here?" And the rope says, "nope, I'm a frayed knot."

A man dedicated his life to tying bits of string together.

Unfortunately, it was all for knot.

A rope walks into a bar ...

A rope walks into a bar, sits down, orders a drink. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, we don't serve your kind here."
Dejected, the rope leaves. Outside he ties himself into a knot, frays his ends, and walks back into the bar. The bartender stops him and says, "Hey! Aren't you that rope I just sent out of here?"
To which the rope replies, "No. I'm a frayed knot."

How do n**... tie the laces on their boots?

In little knot-sies!
Credit to: u/son_of_stone

A string walks into a bar...

And orders a beer. The bartender tells him "We don't serve your kind here." The string walks outside and ties himself in a knot and separates his strands.
He walks back inside and orders a beer. The bartender asks him "Hey, didn't I tell you we don't serve your kind here?"
To which the string replies "I'm a frayed knot."

Confucius say: Man who tie knot...

Soon looking for scissors.

A rope orders a drink...

But the bartender says, "We don't serve ropes here."
The rope goes outside, ties himself up, unravels one end, and goes back inside.
"Hey, aren't you that rope?" Says the bartender.
The rope shakes his head, "I'm frayed knot."

A piece of string walks into a bar...

And the bartender kicks him out while yelling "I don't serve your kind in here, string!" The string really wanted a drink though, so he bent over and rubbed his head on the ground for a bit. Then he ties himself in a bow and walks back inside. The bartender sees him and immediately starts yelling "Aren't you that same string I just kicked out?!" To which the string replies "No sir, I'm a frayed knot".

My friend asked me if I could tie a rope...

I awnser him "No, i can knot"

Don't you love it when you get beautiful texts from someone that cares about you?

So eloquently written, it ties your stomach in knots. Writing so succinct and captivating it gets your heart pounding and racing. Using words that convey such great ideas. I got one like that one today. It read
"Ballistic missile threat inbound to Hawaii. Seek immediate shelter. This is not a drill."
Truly powerful words. They **blew** me away

I just made love to my girlfriend

She asked, "If I get pregnant, what should we name the baby?"
I took off my c**..., tied a knot, and flushed it down the toilet.
"Well" I said, "If he can get out of that, we'll call him Houdini".

I am a fried nut

A string walks into a bar, and the bartender's all like "HEY, WE DON'T SERVE STRING IN HERE". Now obviously this makes the string very angry, so he goes outside and just goes CRAZY. He's rolling around, punching walls, hitting the ground, and by the time he's finally tired out he got himself all t**... and his ends frayed. So he walks back into the bar, and the bartender's like "HEY, ARE YOU THAT STRING FROM EARLIER?" And the string says "nope, I'm a frayed knot."

A string walks into a bar and the bartender points to a sign that says "no strings allowed".

A string walks into a bar and the bartender points to a sign that says "no strings allowed".
So the string goes outside, ties himself up, messes up his hair and comes back into the bar. The bartender yells "aren't you that string I just kicked out?" The string replies "I'm a frayed knot!"

My friend tied the knot and has been married for 25 years now.

Now he just wants the stool kicked out from under him.

A piece of string walks into a bar.

The bartender says, I'm sorry, we don't serve your kind here.
Hearing that, the piece of string walks out, parts its hair, ties it up, combs it, and walks back into the bar.
The bartender asks, Didn't you just walk in here?
The piece of string says, I'm a frayed knot.

A man is taking off the c**... after s**......

A man is taking off the c**... after s**.... His partner says, "Make sure to tie a knot in it."
The man says, "I can't. It's still hard."

A piece of rope walks into a bar.

After very inappropriate behaviour, the bartender asks the rope to leave.
The rope leaves and gives itself a makeover by unravelling himself at the top and tying himself into a knot.
It returns the next day and the bartender asks Aren't you the same guy yesterday?
It says: I'm a frayed knot.

A string walks into a bar...

The bartender says, I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here.
The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.
The bartender squints at him and says, Hey, aren't you a string?
The string says, Nope, I'm a frayed knot.

Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks: "Tim, I've been thinking, now that we're married maybe it's time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. You could probably get a good price for your clubs."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex-wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
"I wasn't," he replied.

My new party trick...

I s**... two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my a**... tied together.
I s**... you knot.

I've been taking care of my elderly grandfather and he asked me to come tie his shoes while he was on the toilet

I said, "you can't be serious"
He said, "I s**..., you knot"

A rope walks into a bar and orders a beer

The bartender says we don't serve ropes at this bar, you gotta leave.
The rope goes into the parking lot and messes his hair up and ties himself into a box knot.
He goes back inside and orders another beer.
The bartender says, aren't you the rope that was just in here?
The rope replied I'm afraid not.

A string walks into a bar.

The bartender goes, "Sorry, we don't serve strings here." The string walks out all sad and defeated, then has a great idea. He ties himself in a bow, cuts off his ends to look all pretty, and struts back into the bar.
The bartender looks at him and goes, "Hey, aren't you that string I turned away before?" and the string goes, "Nope! I'm a frayed knot!"

A piece of string walks into a bar

and walks up to the counter.
The bartender says, "Sorry mate, we don't serve pieces of string in here, get lost."
Upset, the piece of string walks out the door. A sudden thought strikes him. He ties himself in a knot and messes his hair up.
He walks back into the bar and approaches the counter. The bartender says, "Oi, aren't you that piece of string from before...?"
"No," says the piece of string, "I'm a frayed knot."

I can s**... two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together!

I s**... you knot!

So a rope walks into a bar

The bartender says "we don't serve your kind. "
The rope leaves, parts it's head and ties up his chest before entering the bar.
The rope enters again.
The bartender asks "aren't you the same rope? "
The rope says "well I'm a frayed knot. "

Baby name

A gal asks her mother for advice on how to get her boyfriend to propose. Her mom suggests not asking directly, but instead asking what he would name their baby, if they had one.
So, after s**... one night, she asks her boyfriend, If we had a son, what would we name him?
Her boyfriend tied a knot at the top of the spent c**... and said If he gets out of that, we're calling him Houdini .

Yesterday I ate 2 pieces of string and today they came out tied.

I s**... you knot!

I recently learned how to s**... a rope and have it come out the other end t**... in a bow.

I s**... you knot.

A rope walks into a bar

A rope walks into a bar.
The bartender says we don't serve your kind here and the rope walks out, ties himself up and messes with his hair
He walks back in and the bartender says Hey didn't we just serve you he says the the rope
I'm a frayed knot.

Dad joked my 5 year old to annoyance

I: Did Mom tie your hair up like that to show you how your hair would be if cut short?
She: No, Mom just put my hair in a bun.
I: Is it a burger bun?
She: You know it's not!
I: It's a knot?
She: Aaargh. Stop joking!

I have this incredible talent, where I can s**... two strings and p**... them out tied together.

I s**... you knot.

Two strings walk into a bar, bartender says Hey we don't server your kind here, get out. Outside one of the strings says I have an idea, here help me

the string proceeds to tie himself up and then dishevels the threads at the top of his head and at his feet. The string then walks back into the bar and orders a drink, bartender looks and says hey aren't you that string I just threw out?
String says No , I am a frayed knot!

A rope walks into a bar

He walks up and takes a seat at the bar stool and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender tells him, "Sorry we don't serve ropes around here". So the rope leaves and tries a second place. He takes a seat and once again is told that the place doesn't serve ropes. Frustrated the rope cuts himself up a bit and ties himself up in knots. The next night the rope tries at a new place. The bartender asks him "Hey you're not a rope are you?" To which the rope responds "No I'm a Frayed Knot"