Tying Jokes

104 tying jokes and hilarious tying puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tying that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article takes a look at the art of tying jokes. Examining the intricate knots of humor, from the basic necktie joke to more complex fly and shoe-tying puns. It also dives into the critique behind untying jokes, and the skill needed to get them ‘just right’.

Quick Jump To

Short Tying Jokes
Tying One Liners
Knot Tying Jokes
Tying Knot Jokes
Shoe Tying Jokes
Tying Shoes Jokes
Fly Tying Jokes
More Tying Jokes

Funniest Tying Short Jokes

Short tying jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tying humour may include short tied jokes also.

My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoe... Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing.
"Proud Boys" should change their name, to avoid being tied to PRIDE events... ... to something like "Reigning Men."
I was invited to a party... 'Black tie only' was written on the invitation card. When I got there, I noticed that other people worn shirts and pants, too.
I think winning the war on drugs is impossible. I struggle just to tie my shoelaces on drugs.
How does an ant put on a tie? With a considerable deal of practice and skill and the correct combination of knots in the tie so it can properly be secured on the neck. It's an ant-tie joke.
What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek? A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.
Credits: my bud
A lot of people are up in arms about the Olympians caught taking drugs to compete. Honestly I'm proud of them, and what they can do. Last time I did drugs I could barely tie my shoe.
I bought a shirt and some neckwear from Ebay that used to belong to the guy from the Mamas & the Papas All the sleeves are brown and the tie is gray
As companies continue to cut ties with Kanye West... Compass maker INMARK has also decided to drop West from their product line, leaving users lost and confused.
What's all the fuss about Donald Trump's Russian Ties? I know for a fact that all his Ties are made in China.

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Tying One Liners

Which tying one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tying? I can suggest the ones about tied up and neck tie.

And the award for best neckwear goes to... huh, well would you look at that. It was a tie
Two silk worms are in a wrestling match It ended in a tie.
Two silk worms were in a race... It ended in a tie.
I once tied all my watches to my belt Until I realised it was just a waist of time
They say being a hostage is hard But I could do that with my hands tied behind my back.
Two silkworms had a race... They ended up in a tie.
There are only two outcomes in a knot-tying competition. Win or loose.
What do you call 4 sheep tied to a fence in Wales? A Brothel :D
And the best neckwear award goes to.... Oh wait!!! It's a tie.
Two silkworms got into a race. They ended up in a tie.
AND THE AWARD FOR THE BEST NECKWEAR IS... ...oh, it's a tie
Did you know that if you tie $100 bills to your belt... it's a waist of money?
What do u call a fish with a bow tie? So*fish*ticated
What do you call a fish wearing a tie? So-FISH-ticated
;)
What do you call an Asian with only one leg? Tie won shoo

Knot Tying Jokes

Here is a list of funny knot tying jokes and even better knot tying puns that will make you laugh with friends.

At first, I forgot how to tie my shoe Then I did knot.
What do you call an Aztec Mayan snake god tied in a knot? Pretzalcoatl
Did you hear about the new toll for tying shoes? It's knot fare
I don't worry about my friend whose fiancee left him at the altar I know he wants to hang himself, but he can't tie the knot.
If one is an expert at tying knots, one does knot simply.
Did you hear about the kid who started a business tying shoelaces on the playground? It was a knot-for-profit.
Can anybody else here tie pieces of string with their mind? Thought knot...
What did the shoelace say when I tried to tie it? Uh, like, can you knot?
*yessss my first original joke*
You need to be able do your shoelaces before you get married. Otherwise you might struggle to tie the knot.
Should you tie or stitch your loose ends? Maybe sew maybe knot!

Tying Knot Jokes

Here is a list of funny tying knot jokes and even better tying knot puns that will make you laugh with friends.

I was trying to make a pun about knots... ...But I couldn't tie it together
Did you hear about the knotting championship match? They tied.
What do they do with rope in space? Tie Astro-knots.
How do they tie things down on the space station? They use astro knots.
Turns out I can only tie my shoelaces in one direction. That is knot right
Built a robot to tie rope together... But it does knot work.
How do you tie space shoes? With astro-knots.
How does Cthulhu wear a tie? With an Eldritch knot.
My scout friend recently passed away. He died doing what he loved Tying knots
A teen walks into a girl scout meeting. They're learning how to tie different types of knots.
The girl says "Can I join you?"
They reply "Can you knot?"

Tying joke, A teen walks into a girl scout meeting.

Shoe Tying Jokes

Here is a list of funny shoe tying jokes and even better shoe tying puns that will make you laugh with friends.

How do you always keep your shoes tied? Replace the laces with earphones.
When we were kids, my brothers and I would race to put our shoes on every morning. It always ended in a tie.
What's the difference between an Engineering student and an Arts student when tying their shoes? The arts student gets a mark for it.
How do Germans tie their shoes... .... in little knotsies
Why can't Chinese people tie their shoes? I would love to tell you, but I am afraid the answer is a little bit lacist.
If you want a good vacation, don't tie your shoes You'll have a nice trip
My Chinese friend really hates shoes that have to be tied He's such a lacist
What did the flower say when asked why he was having trouble tying his shoes? Sometimes I forget me nots.
How does a German tie his shoes? With 'lil knotsies.
When do I stop Once I got attacked by a bear but instead of playing dead I accidentally played dad & now he can tie his own shoes is this enough to stop?

Tying Shoes Jokes

Here is a list of funny tying shoes jokes and even better tying shoes puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Why couldn't the T-Rex tie his shoes? Because he's extinct.
How did Adolf tie his shoes? With two knotzies.
How do Germans tie their shoes? With little knot-sies!
Q: Why can't blondes tie shoes?
A: They just can't grasp the concept that the long thing goes around the hole, not into it.
what do you call an Asian man with one leg tie one shoe
Q: Why can't blondes tie shoes?
A: They just can't grasp the concept that the long thing goes around the hole, not into it.
Puma has created a smart shoe that ties itself via an app on your phone. Clever idea, but I feel devices like these lack sole.
Why womanizer exists " A man is like a shoe laces, he goes through many holes before he ties the knot"
-KING LEO
When you want to tell your son to tie his shoes and he is on grass Kneel the Grass Tie Son
I bought a new pair of running shoes. I can hardly catch up to them!
Whenever I race them, I never lose, but I never win either.
I always tie my shoes.

Fly Tying Jokes

Here is a list of funny fly tying jokes and even better fly tying puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Force Awakens joke my 9yo made up What did Poe ask Finn when they went fishing?
"Do you know how to tie a fly tighter?"
Why was the dog put on the No Fly list? It had ties to suspected terrier organizations
So there is a penguin, they had a suit and tie. Yet, no one said that they look fly.
What do you call a guy who's great at tying flies? A *master baiter*
What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bi s**... Hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek? A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie watching sci-fi on wifi.

Tying joke, What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bi s**... Hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-T

Playful Tying Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group

What funny jokes about tying you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean suit tie jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tying pranks.

title

so a string walks into a bar and the bartender says, we don't serve your kind and the string left
after tying himself up and walking into the bar again, the bartender says, hey, weren't you here a couple of minutes ago to which the string says I'm a frayed knot

Be strong honey.

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

I'm really good at tying laces...

I can tie up my shoes at a rate of knots.

That's some solid advice!

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jailand hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too.

I love you, honey!

A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds couple in bed. He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the home owner's wife to the bed the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: 'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!'
His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.'

The escaped convict. :D (worth the read)

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!
She responds: He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.

Husband and wife and a convict...

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds:
"He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

A cowboy rides into a strange town and sees carpenters finishing work on a gallows....

He sees a guy tying up his horse in front of the saloon and calls, "Hey, are you folks gonna hang someone?"
The guy nods. "Yup. We're fixin' to hang Brown Paper Larry."
The cowboy's brow furrows. "How come he's called Brown Paper Larry?"
"Well," says the guy, "the man always wears clothes made of brown paper. Brown paper shirts. Brown paper pants. Even brown paper socks."
The cowboy ponders this for a moment, then asks, "What are ya hangin' him for?"
"Rustling."

My girlfriend was dropping all these hints about tying the knot or taking the plunge...

so I tied a rock around her ankle and pushed her off the pier. She hasn't called since...

A Convict Breaks out of Jail

An escaped prisoner enters a house...

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"

An old man and woman meet at a nursing home and decide to get married...

The nursing home doctor suggests they each get a physical before tying the knot.
The doctor examines the woman first. When the man comes in, the doctor tells him, "before we begin, I should tell you that your fiancee has acute angina."
"I know, doc. I've seen it several times already. That's why I'm marrying her!"

How do you stop an elephant going through the eye of a needle?

By tying a knot on its tail.

A man dedicated his life to tying bits of string together.

Unfortunately, it was all for knot.

I started teaching a rope tying class a couple hours before a depression support group

It was incredibly successful but it died out quick

My wife left me because she was too insecure

I'll just have to do a better job tying up my next wife.

Two men are walking in the woods when they see a bear

One man bends down to tighten the laces on his shoes.
The other man looks at him and says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear!"
The first guy, while tying his shoes, replies, "I don't need to outrun the bear. I just need to outrun you."

I've started up a lucrative venture into beginners rope tying courses

My customers can't restrain themselves.

What flowers do Alzheimers patients hate tying into knots ?

Forget-me-nots

What did the researcher utter when his algorithm for rope tying returned a zero value?

It was all for naught.

I only learned one thing from my last job.

But now that I quit, I don't think tying a noose will be relevant again.

I like to a**... drugs.

Nothing more satisfying than tying up the bottle, smacking it around a bit, and calling it a very naughty pill.

A Very Anxious Scout Was Tying Together Some Stuff

But he couldn't keep it together.

Meteorology class was cancelled due to snow today, so I stayed home to practice tying a rope.

I promised myself even if I can't go to school, I will learn weather or knot.

I bent down in a bar.

"Excuse me," said the girl next to me. "Are you looking up my skirt?"
I said, "No, no I'm tying my shoelace."
She said, "You're wearing Crocs."

Why didn't Santa go to the rope tying convention?

Because they're all on the knotty list.

A man bring his art to an art dealer tying to sell it

A man bring his art to an art dealer tying to sell it
The dealer offers him a 20 for it.
The artist objects loudly: "But the canvas cost me more than that!"
"Sure, but it wasn't painted on then."

Did you hear the one about the Irish r**...?

He began by tying the girl's legs together so she couldn't run away....

A man loved to tie knots

It was his favorite hobby. He spent all of his time tying knots in string and rope, and inventing new, stronger, or more interesting ways to tie knots. He tried to show his ropes and strings to his friends but nobody cared. He wasn't very talented at anything else, because he had spent his entire life tying knots. Everyone was disapointed in him, and he got depressed. He was depressed for months, and then he got fired from his job at a restaurant. That was the final thread. He couldn't take it anymore. He hung himself later that day. At least he died doing what he loved.

I tried tying my shoes today...

I could knot.

Why do surgeons prefer marriages?

Because they just love tying knots.

My friend: I am the best at tying strings together.

Me: Know your knot!

A man in an orange jumpsuit breaks into a nice house and ties the couple he finds in the bedroom up.

After tying them up, the husband watches as the man walks over and slowly kisses the wife's neck, before standing up, walking into the bathroom, and closing the door.
The husband says to his wife, Look at his jumpsuit - he must've just gotten out of prison. I saw how he kissed your neck - you have to let him do whatever he wants, or he'll hurt us. I'll be here for you.
The wife says, He wasn't actually kissing my neck... he whispered to me that he thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. Be strong honey!

I can't do s**... with no strings attached

I like tying people up too much

A m**... breaks in to a Republican couple's house while they're asleep...

A m**... breaks in to a Republican couple's house while they're asleep.
He turns on the lights and begins tying them each to a chair.
Before he can grab the wife, the husband yells: "Honey, my birthday presents! Use them!"
The woman nods in agreement and rips open her top to reveal a pair of enormous, symmetrical plastic h**....
The husband yells: "No! I meant the golf clubs from last year!"

A piece of rope walks into a bar.

After very inappropriate behaviour, the bartender asks the rope to leave.
The rope leaves and gives itself a makeover by unravelling himself at the top and tying himself into a knot.
It returns the next day and the bartender asks Aren't you the same guy yesterday?
It says: I'm a frayed knot.

I hired a hitman to clean up my sewing

He has been tying up all the loose ends.

Last week I saw I noose tying tutorial

It was breathtaking

Tying joke, Did you hear about the kid who started a business tying shoelaces on the playground?