Two Whales Jokes
45 two whales jokes and hilarious two whales puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about two whales that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Two Whales Short Jokes
Short two whales jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The two whales humour may include short whale jokes also.
- Two whales are swimming in the ocean. One whale opens his mouth and says "BEEEEEOOOOOOUUUUUUUGAA BOOOOOOUUUUAAAAAAAAEEEOOOOH" The other whale turns to him and says "Dude you are so drunk."
- "Dad, can you help me with my homework?" "Sure son"
"What are 5 animals that live in the ocean?"
"3 whales and two dolphins"
"Thanks dad"
"Anytime" - Two whales walk into a bar.... The first one says: "AOOOOOUUUUUOOOUUUUGGGAAAAUUUOOOOOOOOOOAAAAGOOOOGGGGUUUUUAAAAAAAAA"
The second one says: " Go home steve, your drunk - Worst Joke Ever Two whales are sitting in a bar and one whale says "eeeyyoooo eeeeyyy yyeeooo oooyyy ooeeeee" and the other whale says "Shut up Steve, you're drunk."
- Three whales fall from the sky. Two hit the beach, then the last lands in the water... BA-DUM PSSHHH
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Two Whales One Liners
Which two whales one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with two whales? I can suggest the ones about whale dolphin and killer whale.
- How do you make a whale float? Two scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a whale.
- How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.
- How do you get two whales in a Mini Cooper? Take the M4, across the Severn Bridge.
- Two whales walk into a bar One goes braarar the other one says go home Dave your drunk
Cheeky Two Whales Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about two whales you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean two cows jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make two whales pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!"
So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
End on story
Two whales
Under the ocean there were these two whales. One whale walks up to another and says "OOOoooOOOOooooooOOOoooOooooooooooOOOOoOOoOOoooooohhhhh!"
And the other whale says Steve, dude, you are so drunk.
A string of jokes I heard a while ago
How do you get four elephants in a mini cooper?
Two in the front, two in the back.
How do you get four giraffes in a mini cooper?
You can't because of all the elephants.
How do you get two whales in a mini cooper?
Same way you get to Wales in any other car, down the M4, over the Severn Bridge.
How can you tell if there's an elephant in your fridge?
Footprints in the butter.
How can you tell if there are two elephants in your fridge?
You can hear them giggle when the lights go out.
How can you tell if there are three elephants in your fridge?
You can't *quite* get the door closed.
How can you tell if there are four elephants in your fridge?
There's a mini cooper parked outside.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two whales
There were 2 whales swimming around who were very bored when they saw a boat. One whale says to the other, ''I've got an idea for a laugh, why don't we swim under the boat, blow water from our blowholes, and capsize it."
"Okay," says the other whale.
They proceed to do so and swim back down, laughing all the while.
Then the first whale then says, ''I have an even better idea, now that the fishermen are in the water, why don't we swim back up and eat them?''
The other whale then replies ''No thanks. I'm all for the occasional b**... but I never s**... the s**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American visiting the U.K .......
has had a little too much to drink one particular night. He noticed two larger females sitting in the corner of the pub so he walks over to spark up a conversation and he says, hello ladies, I couldn't help but notice your accents. ……Are you both from Ireland?
They sneer at him and the one says it's Wales!
So the man says my apologies. ….Are you whales from Ireland?
2 Big Old Gals Were Sitting In A Bar
A man heard them talking and noticed a foreign accent. He asked "are you ladies from Ireland?"
"WALES!!" they both replied
"Oh I'm so sorry!.... Are you two Whales from Ireland???"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two whales are swimming along...
One whale turns his friend and says "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHWEEEEEEEOOOOOIRRRRRRAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOIIIIEEEEEEAWWWWWWHHHHOOOOOO"
The second whale says "Dude, you need to stop doing so much h**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was in a bar when...
I was in a bar in London throwing back brewski's when these two larger women walked in. They both had strong accents so I asked.
*"Are you two ladies from Scotland?"*
One of the ladies turned to me and said,
*"It's Wales you idiot"*
I must've been so drunk that I didn't notice so, I immediately apologized and said,
*"Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"*
Don't remember much else.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 whales
Two Whales, Bob & Brenda, are swimming in the cold arctic waters when Bob spies a boat. "It can't be!" exclaims Bob. "What" asks Brenda. "You see that boat in the distance, Brenda? Well that's the whaler that murdered my parents!" "Oh Bob, that's awful" replies Brenda. "Quick, Brenda, I have a plan! you go port side & I'll go starboard & we'll blow as hard we can out of our blow-holes & sink the boat!" so Bob & Brenda position themselves either side of the boat & blow with all their might. Sure enough, the sea turns to foam & the boat capsises throwing the sailers into the sea. Brenda turns to leave. "Where do yu think you're going?" asks bob. "We're not done yet! Now we're going to eat the sailors!" "Look" replies Brenda "I don't mind doing the b**... but there's no way I'm swallowing s**...!!"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two whales in the sea
One whale says, "BOY, am I hungry!"
The other says, "Sailors, in the distance you'll see!"
They swim over yonder
They blow their holes and the sailors are gonners.
Amidst in the ocean
One whale makes a motion
"Let's s**... them up!" says one whale to the other
"Oh no not me, brother."
"Why not, they're delicious."
"Well, my sexuality would be suspicious!"
"...I'll blow these sailors, no matter where or when."
"...But gosh darnit if I'll s**... the s**...! That seems like a sin."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So two whales are swimming along...
... when they spot a whaling ship. The first whale, in shock, says, "Hey! That's that ship that attacked our pod last year. We should sink it. We'll dive deep under the boat and blow bubbles up. The bubbles will capsize the boat and they'll sink!"
The second whale agrees and they begin their attack on the unsuspecting boat. The two whales take enormous breaths and dive deep under the boat. They blow all the air out their blowholes and the bubbles race toward the surface. When the two whales come up they see the boat is capsized and sinking and several sailors are in the water.
"Oh man!" says the first whale. "We got 'em. Look, they're all swimming in the water. Now we can eat them!"
The second whale, taken aback, then says, "Sorry man, I'll help with the b**..., but I won't s**... s**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a couple of fat people that share the same interests?
Two whales in a pod!
Vacation in Britain gone wrong
An american man was vacationing around Britain, visiting all the larger cities.
One night he found himself in a bar in Cardiff, having a few drinks and planning out how to spend the next couple of days of his vacation. But he had forgotten his guidebook. So he looked around to see if anyone could help him out.
There weren't many people in the bar. But there were two rather heavy women sitting at a table chatting. So he walked up to them, and asked if they had any tips.
"Excuse me, do either of you ladies know any good tourist spots here in England?"
The two women looked annoyed at the man, and one of them responded, "It's Wales you idiot!"
"I'm sorry, do either of you whales know any good tourist spots in England?"
..And he spent the rest of his vacation at a Hospital.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I'm at a bar, and two very large women with accents are sitting across from me.
I ask, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Scotland??"
One yells back, "It's WALES you idiot!"
I reply, "Oh, of course. My bad! Are you two whales from Scotland?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A drunk man approaches two overweight women after overhearing their conversation...
and says to them:
"Hey! I recognize that accent! Which part of England are you two lovely women from?"
Annoyed at the man's ignorance, they exclaim: "It's Wales!"
"Oh I'm so sorry! Which part of England are you two lovely *whales* from?"
Grandpa's joke last night.
Two heavy set women are talking by the bar.
The bartender says "You ladies have a lovely accent. Are you from Scotland?" One of them women goes "No, Wales."
The bartender replied "Are you whales from Scotland?"
Then grandpa precedes to explain the joke about them being whales. We were in my younger brothers school for a basketball game and everyone was in earshot.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pirate crew is fleeing from a whaling ship
One pirate swabbie asks, "This be the whaling ship driven by the w**... with two vaginas?"
The pirate says, "Aye, we best be wary of har poons."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girls from England?
A guy walks into a bar and hears two women speaking in a British accent. He asks, "Are you ladies from England?" One says to him "No, it's Wales, you idiot!" So, then the guy says, "Okay, sorry. So, are you two whales from England?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Tale of Two Whales
A guy and girl whale are swimming along, when the guy whale spots a ship on the horizon. He says to the girl whale, "Hey, I dare you to swim over to that boat and use your blowhole to flip it over." The girl whale swims over to the vessel and capsizes it in one go. She says to the guy whale, "That was too easy." The guy whale says, "Alright, I dare you to eat all of the sailors floating in the water." The girl whale responds with, "No! I agreed to the b**..., but I refuse to s**... the s**...."
An Englishman walks into a pub in London
As he approaches the bar he hears two women speaking with heavy accents.
"Are you ladies from Scotland?" He asks.
"It's Wales, actually!" One of the woman replies.
"Sorry." says the man "Are you whales from Scotland?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was sitting in a bar...
A man was sitting in a bar when he noticed two ladies speaking in an English accent across from him. He went to them and asked:
"Are you ladies from England?"
The ladies said "It's wales you idiot"
The man goes "Sorry. Are you two whales from England?"
The Whale Joke
Two whales are on a road trip, and they decide to stop at a gas station to get some snacks.
So they go into the candy aisle,
And they pass the snickers,
They pass the kitkats
The skittles,
The starburst,
The airheads,
The milky ways,
And finally they see the m&ms.
And one whale says to the other:
Waoaoaooaooaooaoaowwwoaoaw
And the other whale says:
Waoaoaoaoaoaoaaaaooaoaoaawwww
Two priests and a whale walk into subway
The first priest orders a turkey on italian, and also asks for some red wine. The worker says, "well we don't serve wine here, but since you're a priest I'll go run and get some for you." So he runs to the liquor store across the street to go buy some wine.
The second priest orders a meatball sub, and he also asks for some red wine. The worker says, "well we don't serve wine, but since I got the other priest some, I'll go run and get you some." So he runs across the street again to the liquor store.
Then the whale walks up to the counter and says, "Waoooaoooooaaooo."
Two whales walk into a bar.
They approach the bartender and the first says "WAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOHHHHOOAAAAAUAUUUAUAAAAUAAUUUUAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU."
The second whale turns to him and says, "Frank, you're drunk."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I'm in a bar and two large women with accents walk in and sit down.
I look over to them and say: "hey ladies, nice accents. Are you from Scotland?"
One of the ladies yells: "it's Wales, you idiot!!"
So I said: "Ok, that's cool. Are you two whales from Scotland?"
I don't remember much else.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two whales are swimming along in the ocean...
When one whale spots a fishing boat. So he says to the other whale "Hey, that is the boat that harpooned Frank, we should get back at them"
The other whale says "Oh yeah? What should we do?"
"I say we both go under their boat, and blow our blowholes as hard as we can, that will knock over their boat!" And so both whales went under the boat, and with a powerful blast they were able to capsize the boat and send all the sailors into the water.
The first whale then says "Now that they are all in the water, I say we eat them!"
And the second whale replies "Woah, woah, woah. I was all for the b**... but I won't s**... any s**...".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Canadian walks into a bar
A Canadian walks into a bar and sees two large ladies. He asks, "are you two ladies from Scotland?"
The ladies, furious, reply, "Wales! Wales!"
The man turns back, "I apologise. Are you two whales from Scotland?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
at the bar…
MAN: Hello ladies, love your English accents…
WOMAN 1: They're Welsh accents.
MAN: Well, may I buy you Welshland ladies a drink?
WOMAN 2: It's *Wales*, you idiot!
MAN: Sorry, may I buy you two *whales* a drink?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cop walks over to a bruised and beaten man outside of a pub.
He asks the man what happened and the man tells him this; "So I walk into the pub and sit down and as im waiting for my drink I overhear two large women talking with a strange accent. So I ask them 'Are you two ladies from Ireland?' One of them scoffs and tells me "it's Wales d**...." So I ask again 'are you two whales from Ireland?' And thats about all I can remember."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man notices two women sitting at the bar who have heavy accents.
A man notices two women sitting at the bar who have heavy accents. He approaches them and says, "By any chance, are you two ladies from Ireland?" "It's Wales, you idiot," one snaps back at him. "Oh, I'm sorry," he says. "Are you two whales from Ireland?
Two ladies in a pub in attract the attention of a fellow down the bar with their accents.
Two ladies in a pub in attract the attention of a fellow down the bar with their accents.
"Ah, tourists eh? Do you girls want to hear a joke about Scotland?"
"It's Wales actually."
"Alright. Do you whales want to hear a joke about Scotland?"
A Englishman walks into a bar...
He walks over to two women sitting near the bar and says, "Are you two ladies from England?"
"Wales.", replies the one woman.
So the man says, "Pardon me, are you two whales from England?"
