Two Whales Jokes

What are some Two Whales jokes?

Two fat ladies walk into a bar

They order drinks, in a thick accent.

"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.

Offended, one of them replies "Wales!"

"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

A man walks into a bar and notices two fat women.

They had obviously been drinking a lot, and were speaking loudly with heavy accents. After an hour he becomes annoyed with the noise, walks over to them and asks, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but are you two ladies from Scotland?"

"Wales, you idiot!", shouts the fattest one.

"I'm sorry," he says. "Are you two whales from Scotland?"

Girls from England?

A guy walks into a bar and hears two women speaking in a British accent. He asks, "Are you ladies from England?" One says to him "No, it's Wales, you idiot!" So, then the guy says, "Okay, sorry. So, are you two whales from England?"

I was in a pub...

I was in a pub last Saturday night, drank a few, and noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had pretty strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"

One of them chirped saying, "It's WALES, you friggin' idiot!"

So, I immediately apologized and said, "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"

That's pretty much the last thing I remember...

So there were two larger girls at the bar...

I went to the bar and overheard two heavy girls talking with an odd accent.

I asked them, 'Are you two ladies from Scotland?'

One turned to me and said, 'It's Wales, you idiot!'

'Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Scotland?'

I was in a bar when...

I was in a bar in London throwing back brewski's when these two larger women walked in. They both had strong accents so I asked.

*"Are you two ladies from Scotland?"*

One of the ladies turned to me and said,

*"It's Wales you idiot"*

I must've been so drunk that I didn't notice so, I immediately apologized and said,

*"Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"*

Don't remember much else.

And so you came to be.

Two whales are talking. A dad and his boy. The kid asks: Where did I come from? did you make me? - Yes I did! The father said. Wow, that's so cool! Thank You dad! - You're whalecum son.

A drunk man approaches two overweight women after overhearing their conversation...

and says to them:

"Hey! I recognize that accent! Which part of England are you two lovely women from?"

Annoyed at the man's ignorance, they exclaim: "It's Wales!"

"Oh I'm so sorry! Which part of England are you two lovely *whales* from?"

An American visiting the U.K .......

has had a little too much to drink one particular night. He noticed two larger females sitting in the corner of the pub so he walks over to spark up a conversation and he says, hello ladies, I couldn't help but notice your accents. ……Are you both from Ireland?
They sneer at him and the one says it's Wales!
So the man says my apologies. ….Are you whales from Ireland?

So a tourist walks into an English pub...

A tourist walks into an English pub. While he is waiting for his beer, he notices to rather big women next to him talk in a strange accent. He walks up to them and says:

"Excuse me, I can't quite put my finger on your accent -- are you two ladies from Ireland?"

They get outraged and snap back:
"It's Wales, you idiot!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"

A man was drinking in a British pub

...when he noticed two very large women with strong accents. "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?" he asked.

"It's Wales, you idiot" one answered.

"I'm sorry" the man replied. "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

How do you get two whales in a car?

Start in England and drive west.

Two whales walk into a bar.

They approach the bartender and the first says "WAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOHHHHOOAAAAAUAUUUAUAAAAUAAUUUUAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU."

The second whale turns to him and says, "Frank, you're drunk."

Two whales walk into a bar.

"AAAAOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOAAAAAA, AOUUUUUUAAAA OOOOO," says the first whale.

The second whale replies, "Shut up, Steve, you're drunk."

Two whales are in a bar

One whale says too the other "waoooaoooooooaoooowuooooooooooooooowaooooooouooooooooooooooooowaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooooooooowooooooooooaoaooaoooooooooooouoooooooooooooooooooowoowoooooooooooooooaoaooooooowuaoooooooooooowu."

Then the second whale says
"Go home Steve you're drunk."

Two whales walk into a bar

The first one goes to the barman and says:
"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooOoOooOOoOoooooOOOOOOOoOOooooOoOoOOoOooOoOOoOOooooooooOOOOOOOoOOOoOOo"

The second one turns to the first and says, "shut up Frank, you're drunk."

A North American arrives in the UK on vacation and needs directions.

Two plus size women with accents are walking by. The Foreigner says excuse me. Do you two gals happen to be from England . One of the women replies No idiot. Wales!!!!

The Foreigner is taken aback. I'm sorry, let me start over he says. Excuse me. Do you two whales happen to be from England?

2 Big Ladies

So two large ladies with heavy accents walk into a local pub, the guy next to them asked, "Are you two ladies from Scotland?" and they screamed, "WALES!" and then the guy said, "Sorry my bad, are you two whales from Scotland?"

So I'm at a bar, and two very large women with accents are sitting across from me.

I ask, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Scotland??"

One yells back, "It's WALES you idiot!"

I reply, "Oh, of course. My bad! Are you two whales from Scotland?"

I was at the bar the other night with my buddy having some beers.....

We had been there a while when two large girls came up to the bar and ordered some drinks. I noticed when they ordered they both had strong accents so I said 'Hi, are you two girls from Scotland?' One of them spoke up, with quite an attitude and said 'it's WALES you idiot!!!'

So I immediately said 'Sorry, are you two Whales from Scotland?'

I noticed two large woman by the bar yesterday...

... They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey are you two ladies from Australia?"

One of them screamed back at me, "It's Wales you stupid IDIOT!

So, I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Australia?"

So I'm in a bar and two large women with accents walk in and sit down.

I look over to them and say: "hey ladies, nice accents. Are you from Scotland?"

One of the ladies yells: "it's Wales, you idiot!!"

So I said: "Ok, that's cool. Are you two whales from Scotland?"

I don't remember much else.

A man was sitting in a bar...

A man was sitting in a bar when he noticed two ladies speaking in an English accent across from him. He went to them and asked:
"Are you ladies from England?"
The ladies said "It's wales you idiot"
The man goes "Sorry. Are you two whales from England?"

A man walks into a pub in Wales....

And sees two overweight women sitting at the bar. He approaches them, and asks Are you two girls from Britain? . To this, one of the women reply sternly It's Wales you idiot! . So, the man excuses himself, and asks them again: Sorry, are you two whales from Britain?

Sitting in a Bar.

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.

So I said, Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?

One of them snarled at me, It's Wales, dumbo!

So I corrected myself, Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?

That's about as far as I remember.

I approach two fat ladies in england, asking them a question

"Excuse me, are you two ladies from Ireland?"

"It's Wales, you idiot!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"

Two whales sitting in a bar

One says to the other "oooooooaaaaauuuuyyaaaooooouuuiaaaaaoooeeeee"
The other replies "you're drunk Jeremy"

Two Whales are sitting at a bar

The first whale says "WOOOOOOWWWWWWWOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEE WWOWOAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAWOOOOO."

The second whale says "Go home Steve your Drunk".



."

Fat chicks.

Last night I was having some wings and beer with a coworker after work. There were these two pretty, but kinda fat girls drinking at the bar and being loud. They had what I could have sworn was a Scottish accent.
I'm a big fan of girls from the UK, so I struck up a conversation. I asked them, "So... you two ladies are from Scotland?"
I could see immediately that I had offended them. The brunette scowled and said, hotly, "WALES!"
I apologized and said, "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Scotland?"

Vacation in Britain gone wrong

An american man was vacationing around Britain, visiting all the larger cities.

One night he found himself in a bar in Cardiff, having a few drinks and planning out how to spend the next couple of days of his vacation. But he had forgotten his guidebook. So he looked around to see if anyone could help him out.

There weren't many people in the bar. But there were two rather heavy women sitting at a table chatting. So he walked up to them, and asked if they had any tips.
"Excuse me, do either of you ladies know any good tourist spots here in England?"

The two women looked annoyed at the man, and one of them responded, "It's Wales you idiot!"

"I'm sorry, do either of you whales know any good tourist spots in England?"
..And he spent the rest of his vacation at a Hospital.

So two whales are swimming along...

... when they spot a whaling ship. The first whale, in shock, says, "Hey! That's that ship that attacked our pod last year. We should sink it. We'll dive deep under the boat and blow bubbles up. The bubbles will capsize the boat and they'll sink!"

The second whale agrees and they begin their attack on the unsuspecting boat. The two whales take enormous breaths and dive deep under the boat. They blow all the air out their blowholes and the bubbles race toward the surface. When the two whales come up they see the boat is capsized and sinking and several sailors are in the water.

"Oh man!" says the first whale. "We got 'em. Look, they're all swimming in the water. Now we can eat them!"

The second whale, taken aback, then says, "Sorry man, I'll help with the blow job, but I won't swallow seamen."

Two whales are swimming in the ocean. One whale opens his mouth and says "BEEEEEOOOOOOUUUUUUUGAA BOOOOOOUUUUAAAAAAAAEEEOOOOH"

The other whale turns to him and says "Dude you are so drunk."

I was at the pub the other day, when 2 fat chicks walk in and sit next to me

Thought of being polite, I said 'Hi, are you two girls from Scotland?'

One of them spoke up, with quite an attitude and said 'it's Wales you idiot'

So I immediately said 'Sorry, are you two Whales from Scotland?'

Long story short, anyone know how to deal with black eyes fast?

...And that's the last thing I remember

So I was at the bar the other day, and I heard these two kind of hefty women talking to each other in a funny accent. So I go up to them and say, "Hey are you two ladies from Scotland?" One of them turns to me and says, "Wales you idiot!" I say, "Oh sorry. Are you two whales from Scotland?"

2 Big Old Gals Were Sitting In A Bar

A man heard them talking and noticed a foreign accent. He asked "are you ladies from Ireland?"

"WALES!!" they both replied

"Oh I'm so sorry!.... Are you two Whales from Ireland???"

Two priests and a whale walk into subway

The first priest orders a turkey on italian, and also asks for some red wine. The worker says, "well we don't serve wine here, but since you're a priest I'll go run and get some for you." So he runs to the liquor store across the street to go buy some wine.

The second priest orders a meatball sub, and he also asks for some red wine. The worker says, "well we don't serve wine, but since I got the other priest some, I'll go run and get you some." So he runs across the street again to the liquor store.

Then the whale walks up to the counter and says, "Waoooaoooooaaooo."

A string of jokes I heard a while ago

How do you get four elephants in a mini cooper?

Two in the front, two in the back.


How do you get four giraffes in a mini cooper?

You can't because of all the elephants.


How do you get two whales in a mini cooper?

Same way you get to Wales in any other car, down the M4, over the Severn Bridge.


How can you tell if there's an elephant in your fridge?

Footprints in the butter.


How can you tell if there are two elephants in your fridge?

You can hear them giggle when the lights go out.


How can you tell if there are three elephants in your fridge?

You can't *quite* get the door closed.


How can you tell if there are four elephants in your fridge?

There's a mini cooper parked outside.

Two whales

There were 2 whales swimming around who were very bored when they saw a boat. One whale says to the other, ''I've got an idea for a laugh, why don't we swim under the boat, blow water from our blowholes, and capsize it."

"Okay," says the other whale.


They proceed to do so and swim back down, laughing all the while.
Then the first whale then says, ''I have an even better idea, now that the fishermen are in the water, why don't we swim back up and eat them?''


The other whale then replies ''No thanks. I'm all for the occasional blow job but I never swallow the seamen."

A man walks into a bar...

...and sees two obese women having a conversation. He walks up to them and notices they have an accent. He says, "hello ladies, I like your accent is it from Scotland?" One of the women replies, "It's Wales you idiot." The man says to the women, " I'm sorry, hello whales, is your accent from Scotland?"

"Dad, can you help me with my homework?"

"Sure son"

"What are 5 animals that live in the ocean?"

"3 whales and two dolphins"

"Thanks dad"

"Anytime"

The Tale of Two Whales

A guy and girl whale are swimming along, when the guy whale spots a ship on the horizon. He says to the girl whale, "Hey, I dare you to swim over to that boat and use your blowhole to flip it over." The girl whale swims over to the vessel and capsizes it in one go. She says to the guy whale, "That was too easy." The guy whale says, "Alright, I dare you to eat all of the sailors floating in the water." The girl whale responds with, "No! I agreed to the blow job, but I refuse to swallow the seamen."

Two whales

Under the ocean there were these two whales. One whale walks up to another and says "OOOoooOOOOooooooOOOoooOooooooooooOOOOoOOoOOoooooohhhhh!"
And the other whale says Steve, dude, you are so drunk.

Two whales were swimming through ocean when... NSFW

They spotted a whaling vessel overhead. The young whale turns to the old whale and says, "Hey, Mom! Thats the boat that killed father. Lets get it!" The mother turns to her daughter, nodding in agreement, and says, "Heres what we will do: I will swim directly under the boat and blow bubbles until the boat capsizes. Then you will come in and attack the sailors who fall overboard." The mother proceeds to swim under the boat and executes her part of the plan perfectly. As the sailors tumble into the water, the daughter yells in excitement, "Mom! Here they come, lets get them!" The mother shakes her head and says lovingly to her daughter, "No, honey, I gave the blow job, you swallow the seamen."

So I was at this little pub in Great Britain.....

I notice these two women, both cute but a bit chubby.
I approached the girls and asked "Are you two ladies from Scotland"?, to which the heftier one replied "It's Wales you idiot"!
Taken a bit aback by this, I replied "Oh, sorry. Are you two Whales from Scotland"?

Two whales walk into a bar....

The first one says: "AOOOOOUUUUUOOOUUUUGGGAAAAUUUOOOOOOOOOOAAAAGOOOOGGGGUUUUUAAAAAAAAA"

The second one says: " Go home steve, your drunk

An Englishman walks into a pub in London

As he approaches the bar he hears two women speaking with heavy accents.

"Are you ladies from Scotland?" He asks.

"It's Wales, actually!" One of the woman replies.

"Sorry." says the man "Are you whales from Scotland?"

2 whales

Two Whales, Bob & Brenda, are swimming in the cold arctic waters when Bob spies a boat. "It can't be!" exclaims Bob. "What" asks Brenda. "You see that boat in the distance, Brenda? Well that's the whaler that murdered my parents!" "Oh Bob, that's awful" replies Brenda. "Quick, Brenda, I have a plan! you go port side & I'll go starboard & we'll blow as hard we can out of our blow-holes & sink the boat!" so Bob & Brenda position themselves either side of the boat & blow with all their might. Sure enough, the sea turns to foam & the boat capsises throwing the sailers into the sea. Brenda turns to leave. "Where do yu think you're going?" asks bob. "We're not done yet! Now we're going to eat the sailors!" "Look" replies Brenda "I don't mind doing the blow job but there's no way I'm swallowing Seamen!!"

A guy walk up to a bar with two women

A guy walk up to a bar with two women and says "you ladies from Scotland?

They give him a dirty look and say "Wales"

"Oh I'm sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"

Worst Joke Ever

Two whales are sitting in a bar and one whale says "eeeyyoooo eeeeyyy yyeeooo oooyyy ooeeeee" and the other whale says "Shut up Steve, you're drunk."

Two whales walk into a bar...

The first whale says oooOOOOoOooOOoOoooOOOOoOoOOOooooOo

The second whale says: "Karl you're drunk!"

Valentines Jokes for Kids

What did one light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentine’s Day? I wuv you watts and watts!

What do you say to an octopus on Valentine’s Day? I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!

What do you call a ghost’s true love? His ghoul-friend.

What do you call the world's smallest Valentine’s Day card? A valen-teeny.

What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? I’m stuck on you!

Knock Knock. Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you!

Why do skunks love Valentine’s Day? They are very scent-imental creatures.

What’s the best part about Valentine’s Day? The day after when all the candy is on sale.

What did one bee say to the other? I love bee-ing with you, honey!

What did one cat say to the other cat on Valentine's Day? Don't ever change, you're purrrfect.



Why would you want to marry a goalie? Because he (or she) is a real keeper!

What type of shape is most popular on Valentine's Day? Acute triangle.

Have you got a date for Valentine's Day? Yeah, it's February 14th.

What did the painter say to her sweetheart? I love you with all my art.

What did Robin Hood say to his girlfriend? Sherwood like to be your valentine.

Why did the sheriff lock up her boyfriend? He stole her heart.

What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!

What kind of candy is never on time? Choco-LATE.

What do you write in a slug’s Valentine’s Day card? Be my Valen-slime!

Knock Knock. Who's there? Luke. Luke who? Luke who got a Valentine!

What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you!

What did the cucumber say to the pickle? You mean a great dill to me.

How did the phone propose to his GF? He gave her a ring.

What did the one sheep say to the other? I love ewe!

And how did the other sheep respond? You’re not so baaaaaa-d yourself

What did the farmer give his wife for Valentine’s Day? Hogs and kisses.

And what did the tweenager give his mom? Ughs and kisses!

Why is Valentine’s Day a good day for a party? Because you can really party hearty!

What kind of flowers should you NOT give on Valentine’s Day? Cauliflowers!

What do owls say to declare their love? Owl be yours!

What did Frankenstien's monster say to his bride on Valentine's Day? Be my Valenstein!

Who’s there? Frank. Frank who? Frank you for being my friend!




  • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Jimmy. Jimmy who? Jimmy a little kiss?
  • Knock, knock! Who’s there? Atlas. Atlas who? Atlas Valentine’s Day is here!
  • Knock, knock. Who’s there? Luke. Luke who? Luke, I got a Valentine!
  • Knock Knock. Who’s there? Al. Al who? Al be your Valentine if you’ll be mine.
  • Knock, knock. Who’s there? Alec. Alec who? Alec to kiss your cheek.
  • Knock Knock Who’s there? Bea. Bea who? Bea my Valentine.
  • Knock Knock Who’s there? Emma. Emma who? Emma hoping I get lots of cards on Valentine’s Day.
  • Knock Knock Who’s there? Frank. Frank who? Frank you for being my friend.
  • Knock, knock. Who’s there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you like to be my Valentine?


  1. Q: What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day? A: My heart beats for you.
  2. Q: What do you call a very small Valentine? A: A valentiny.
  3. Q: What did the calculator say to the pencil on Valentine’s Day? A: You can always count on me.
  4. Q: What did the pickle say to the other pickle on Vale nine’s Day? A: You mean a great dill to me.
  5. Q: Why did the man send his wife’s Valentine through twitter? A: Because she is his tweetheart.
  6. Q: What Valentine’s Day candy is only for girls? A: HER-SHE’s Kisses.
  7. Q: What kind of Valentine’s Day candy is never on time? A: ChocoLATE
  8. Q: What did Pilgrims give each other on Valentine’s Day? A: Mayflowers
  9. Q: What did one snake say to the other snake? A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.
  10. Q: What did cavemen give their wives on Valentine’s Day? A: Lots of ughs and kisses.
  11. Q: What’s the best part of Valentine’s Day? A: The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.
  12. Q: What did one font say to the other on Valentine’s Day? A: You’re just my type.
  13. Q: What food is crazy about Valentine’s Day chocolates? A: A cocoa-nut.
  14. Q: What was the French cat’s favorite Valentine’s Day dessert? A: Chocolate mousse
  15. Q: What did the light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentine’s Day? A: I love you a watt.
  16. Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards? A: His heart wasn’t in it.
  17. Q: What do you call two birds in love? A: Tweethearts.
  18. Q: Why did the boy put clothes on the valentines card he was sending? A: He thought they needed to be ad-dressed.
  19. Q: What did the girl bumble bee say to the boy bumble bee on Valentine’s Day? A: I love bee-ing with you, Honey.
  20. Q: How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? A: He gave her a ring.
  21. Q: What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine’s Day? A: I’m nuts about you.
  22. Q: Which animal shares the most love? A: A heartvaark
  23. Q: What did the sheep say to the other on February 14th? A: Wool you be my valentine.
  24. Q: Who did the man send a Valentine to through twitter? A: His tweetheart.
  25. Q: What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day? A: My heart beats for you.
  26. Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards? A: His heart wasn’t in it.
  27. Q: Where do hamburgers take their sweethearts on Valentine’s Day to dance? A: To the meatball.
  28. Q: What did the seamstress say to express her love? A: You’re sew special to me.
  29. Q: What did the blueberry say to his wife on Valentine’s Day? A: I love you berry much.
  30. Q: What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the stamp? A: Stick with me and you’ll go places.
  31. Q: Why do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? A: Because they’re scent-imental.
  32. Q: Why did the Valentine get arrested? A: For stealing someone’s heart.
  33. Q: Why didn’t the scarecrow want to go to the Valentine’s Day dance? A: His heart wasn’t in it.
  34. Q: Who wrote the best love songs in the 60’s? A: Heart Garfunkel
  35. Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?
  36. Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day? A: Forget-me-nuts.
  37. Q: What did the girl cat say to the boy cat on Valentine’s Day? A: You’re purrr-fect for me.
  38. Q: What did the rabbit say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: Somebunny loves you.
  39. Q: Why didn’t the scarecrow want to go to the Valentine’s Day dance? A: His heart wasn’t in it.
  40. Q: What did the circle say to the triangle on Valentine’s Day? A: I think you’re acute.
  41. Q: Why did they put the boy’s girlfriend in jail? A: Because she stole his heart.
  42. Q: What did the whale say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: Whale you be mine?
  43. Q. What did one volcano say to the other on Valentine’s Day? A. I lava you.
  44. Q: What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day? A: A hug and a quiche.
  45. Q: What do you get when you cross a dog with a valentine card? A: A card that says “I love you drool-ly”
  46. Q: What did the boy bear say to the girl bear on Valentine’s Day? A: I love you beary much.
  47. Q: What did the painter say to his girlfriend? A: “I love you with all my art.”
  48. Q: What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day? A: I love ewe.
  49. Q: What does someone who loves their car do on February 14? A: They give it a valenshine.
  50. Q: What did the boy bee say to the girl bee on Valentine’s Day? A: You are bee-utiful.
  51. Q: Why do Valentines have hearts on them? A: Because gall bladders would look pretty yucky.
  52. Q: What did the pencil say to the paper? A: I dot my i’s on you.
  53. Q: What did the girl sheep say to the boy sheep on Valentine’s Day? A: I love you baaaaaaack.
  54. Q: What did the boy owl say to the girl owl on Valentine’s Day? A: Owl be yours.
  55. Q: What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine’s Day? A: You’re purr-fect for me.
  56. Q: What did the bat say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: Lets hang out.
  57. Q: Did you hear about the man who promised his girlfriend a diamond for Valentine’s Day? A: He took her to a baseball park.
  58. Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: I love you a ton.
  59. Q: What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day? A: You’re not so baaaa-d.
  60. Q: What is the most romantic city in England? A: Loverpool.
  61. Q: Why is Valentine’s Day a great day for a party? A: Because you can party hearty.
  62. Q: What did the pickle say to his Valentine? A: You mean a great dill to me.
  63. Q: What happened when the two angels got married? A: They lived harpily ever after.
  64. Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? A: I’m stuck on you.
  65. Q: What’s the best part about Valentines Day? A: The next day when all the chocolate goes on sale.
  66. Q: What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine’s Day? A: Rugs and kisses.
  67. Q: What is a ram’s favorite song on February 14th? A: I only have eyes for ewe, dear.
  68. Q: What do you get when you kiss a dragon on Valentine’s Day? A: Third degree burns on your lips.
  69. Q: What did the vampire call his sweetheart? A: His ghoul-friend.
  70. Q: What happened when the two tennis players met? A: It was lob at first sight.
  71. Q: What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: Be my Valenstein.
  72. Q: What did one piece of string say to the other on February 14th? A: “Be my valentwine.”
  73. Q: What did the ghost say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: By my valenslime
  74. Q: What did one calculator say to the other on Valentine’s Day? A: “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”
  75. Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day? A: Lots of hogs and kisses.
  76. Q: What did one door bell say to the other on February 14th? A: “Be my valenchime.”
  77. Q: What did the bat say to his girlfriend? A: “You’re fun to hang around with.”
  78. Q: Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable? A: Because it’s got heart.
  79. Q: Why did the boy put candy under his pillow? A: Because he wanted sweet dreams.
  80. Q: What did the whipped cream say to the ice cream on Valentine’s Day? A: I’m sweet on you.
  81. Q: What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day? A: Cauliflowers.
  82. Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day? A: Forget-me-nuts.
  83. Q: Did you hear about the blind porcupine? A: He fell in love with a pin cushion.
  84. Q: What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day? A: My heart beats for you.
  85. Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune? A: Because it couldn’t get a date.
  86. Q: What did the valentines day card say to the stamp? A: Stick with me and you’ll go places
  87. Q: Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy? A: It was Valenswine’s Day.
  88. Q: What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day? A: My heart beats for you.
  89. Q: What do you call a very small Valentine? A: A valentiny.
  90. Q: What did the calculator say to the pencil on Valentine’s Day? A: You can always count on me.
  91. Q: What did the pickle say to the other pickle on Vale nine’s Day? A: You mean a great dill to me.
  92. Q: Why did the man send his wife’s Valentine through twitter? A: Because she is his tweetheart.
  93. Q: What Valentine’s Day candy is only for girls? A: HER-SHE’s Kisses.
  94. Q: What kind of Valentine’s Day candy is never on time? A: ChocoLATE
  95. Q: What did Pilgrims give each other on Valentine’s Day? A: Mayflowers
  96. Q: What did one snake say to the other snake? A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.
  97. Q: What did cavemen give their wives on Valentine’s Day? A: Lots of ughs and kisses.
  98. Q: What’s the best part of Valentine’s Day? A: The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.
  99. Q: What did one font say to the other on Valentine’s Day? A: You’re just my type.
  100. Q: What food is crazy about Valentine’s Day chocolates? A: A cocoa-nut.
  101. Q: What was the French cat’s favorite Valentine’s Day dessert? A: Chocolate mousse
  102. Q: What did the light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentine’s Day? A: I love you a watt.
  103. Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards? A: His heart wasn’t in it.
  104. Q: What do you call two birds in love? A: Tweethearts.
  105. Q: Why did the boy put clothes on the valentines card he was sending? A: He thought they needed to be ad-dressed.
  106. Q: What did the girl bumble bee say to the boy bumble bee on Valentine’s Day? A: I love bee-ing with you, Honey.
  107. Q: How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? A: He gave her a ring.
  108. Q: What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine’s Day? A: I’m nuts about you.
  109. Q: Which animal shares the most love? A: A heartvaark
  110. Q: What did the sheep say to the other on February 14th? A: Wool you be my valentine.
  111. Q: Who did the man send a Valentine to through twitter? A: His tweetheart.
  112. Q: What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day? A: My heart beats for you.
  113. Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards? A: His heart wasn’t in it.
  114. Q: Where do hamburgers take their sweethearts on Valentine’s Day to dance? A: To the meatball.
  115. Q: What did the seamstress say to express her love? A: You’re sew special to me.
  116. Q: What did the blueberry say to his wife on Valentine’s Day? A: I love you berry much.
  117. Q: What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the stamp? A: Stick with me and you’ll go places.
  118. Q: Why do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? A: Because they’re scent-imental.
  119. Q: Why did the Valentine get arrested? A: For stealing someone’s heart.
  120. Q: Why didn’t the scarecrow want to go to the Valentine’s Day dance? A: His heart wasn’t in it.
  121. Q: Who wrote the best love songs in the 60’s? A: Heart Garfunkel
  122. Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?
  123. Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day? A: Forget-me-nuts.
  124. Q: What did the girl cat say to the boy cat on Valentine’s Day? A: You’re purrr-fect for me.
  125. Q: What did the rabbit say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: Somebunny loves you.
  126. Q: Why didn’t the scarecrow want to go to the Valentine’s Day dance? A: His heart wasn’t in it.
  127. Q: What did the circle say to the triangle on Valentine’s Day? A: I think you’re acute.
  128. Q: Why did they put the boy’s girlfriend in jail? A: Because she stole his heart.
  129. Q: What did the whale say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: Whale you be mine?
  130. Q. What did one volcano say to the other on Valentine’s Day? A. I lava you.
  131. Q: What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day? A: A hug and a quiche.
  132. Q: What do you get when you cross a dog with a valentine card? A: A card that says “I love you drool-ly”
  133. Q: What did the boy bear say to the girl bear on Valentine’s Day? A: I love you beary much.
  134. Q: What did the painter say to his girlfriend? A: “I love you with all my art.”
  135. Q: What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day? A: I love ewe.
  136. Q: What does someone who loves their car do on February 14? A: They give it a valenshine.
  137. Q: What did the boy bee say to the girl bee on Valentine’s Day? A: You are bee-utiful.
  138. Q: Why do Valentines have hearts on them? A: Because gall bladders would look pretty yucky.
  139. Q: What did the pencil say to the paper? A: I dot my i’s on you.
  140. Q: What did the girl sheep say to the boy sheep on Valentine’s Day? A: I love you baaaaaaack.
  141. Q: What did the boy owl say to the girl owl on Valentine’s Day? A: Owl be yours.
  142. Q: What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine’s Day? A: You’re purr-fect for me.
  143. Q: What did the bat say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: Lets hang out.
  144. Q: Did you hear about the man who promised his girlfriend a diamond for Valentine’s Day? A: He took her to a baseball park.
  145. Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: I love you a ton.
  146. Q: What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day? A: You’re not so baaaa-d.
  147. Q: What is the most romantic city in England? A: Loverpool.
  148. Q: Why is Valentine’s Day a great day for a party? A: Because you can party hearty.
  149. Q: What did the pickle say to his Valentine? A: You mean a great dill to me.
  150. Q: What happened when the two angels got married? A: They lived harpily ever after.
  151. Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? A: I’m stuck on you.
  152. Q: What’s the best part about Valentines Day? A: The next day when all the chocolate goes on sale.
  153. Q: What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine’s Day? A: Rugs and kisses.
  154. Q: What is a ram’s favorite song on February 14th? A: I only have eyes for ewe, dear.
  155. Q: What do you get when you kiss a dragon on Valentine’s Day? A: Third degree burns on your lips.
  156. Q: What did the vampire call his sweetheart? A: His ghoul-friend.
  157. Q: What happened when the two tennis players met? A: It was lob at first sight.
  158. Q: What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: Be my Valenstein.
  159. Q: What did one piece of string say to the other on February 14th? A: “Be my valentwine.”
  160. Q: What did the ghost say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: By my valenslime
  161. Q: What did one calculator say to the other on Valentine’s Day? A: “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”
  162. Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day? A: Lots of hogs and kisses.
  163. Q: What did one door bell say to the other on February 14th? A: “Be my valenchime.”
  164. Q: What did the bat say to his girlfriend? A: “You’re fun to hang around with.”
  165. Q: Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable? A: Because it’s got heart.
  166. Q: Why did the boy put candy under his pillow? A: Because he wanted sweet dreams.
  167. Q: What did the whipped cream say to the ice cream on Valentine’s Day? A: I’m sweet on you.
  168. Q: What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day? A: Cauliflowers.
  169. Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day? A: Forget-me-nuts.
  170. Q: Did you hear about the blind porcupine? A: He fell in love with a pin cushion.
  171. Q: What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day? A: My heart beats for you.
  172. Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune? A: Because it couldn’t get a date.
  173. Q: What did the valentines day card say to the stamp? A: Stick with me and you’ll go places
  174. Q: Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy? A: It was Valenswine’s Day.

Two whales drinking in a bar

One turns to the other and says "Yewwwwwoooooooooooowwwwwahhhhhmmmmmmm". The other whale says "Geez Bob, you sure are hammered".

How do you get two whales in a Mini Cooper?

Take the M4, across the Severn Bridge.

Grandpa's joke last night.

Two heavy set women are talking by the bar.
The bartender says "You ladies have a lovely accent. Are you from Scotland?" One of them women goes "No, Wales."
The bartender replied "Are you whales from Scotland?"

Then grandpa precedes to explain the joke about them being whales. We were in my younger brothers school for a basketball game and everyone was in earshot.

Recycling is important...

I went to the bar last night. I saw two rather large ladies having a great time. They seemed to be speaking in an Irish accent. I sauntered over and asked them

"Are you ladies from Ireland?"

They responded, "It's Wales, you idiot!"

I apologized immediately and said
"Are you whales from Ireland?" I don't remember much after that.

I woke up as a marine biologist!

There were two whales at a bar.

The first whale says to the second (make whale noises until everyone is a little uncomfortable).

Then the second whale says back to the first (inhale sharply), "Go home Frank. You're drunk."

Two whales walk into a bar. One goes 'eeeeoouuwwwwweewew!'

The other goes 'Fred, you're drunk.'

Man: Are you two girls from England? Girl : Wales you idiot!

Man: Sorry, are you two whales from England?

The Whale Joke

Two whales are on a road trip, and they decide to stop at a gas station to get some snacks.

So they go into the candy aisle,

And they pass the snickers,

They pass the kitkats

The skittles,

The starburst,

The airheads,

The milky ways,

And finally they see the m&ms.

And one whale says to the other:

Waoaoaooaooaooaoaowwwoaoaw

And the other whale says:

Waoaoaoaoaoaoaaaaooaoaoaawwww

Three whales fall from the sky. Two hit the beach, then the last lands in the water...

BA-DUM PSSHHH

A pirate crew is fleeing from a whaling ship

One pirate swabbie asks, "This be the whaling ship driven by the wench with two vaginas?"

The pirate says, "Aye, we best be wary of har poons."

Two whales in the sea

One whale says, "BOY, am I hungry!"

The other says, "Sailors, in the distance you'll see!"

They swim over yonder

They blow their holes and the sailors are gonners.

Amidst in the ocean

One whale makes a motion

"Let's swallow them up!" says one whale to the other

"Oh no not me, brother."

"Why not, they're delicious."

"Well, my sexuality would be suspicious!"

"...I'll blow these sailors, no matter where or when."

"...But gosh darnit if I'll swallow the seamen! That seems like a sin."

There is two whales sitting at a bar

One of the whales says
*whale noise*"ouwwhhiouuhiuwwhoo"

The other whale says
"Frank, you are drunk!"

I met 2 large ladies at the bar.

I noticed they had heavy accents, so I ask are you two ladies Irish? and they said it's wales you idiot, so just to be nice I said are you two whales Irish?

Two whales are sitting in a bar...

The first whales says, "mmmmmmmmmmmmmmhhhhrrroooooooooooooohhmmmm"

The second whale says, "you're drunk!"

A man walks into a pub in London

After a few drinks he notices two very large women with thick accents sitting by the bar.
So he asks, "Hey, are you ladies from Scottland?"
One of them replies, "It's WALES, you IDIOT!"
He immediately apologizes, "Sorry, are you two whales from Scottland?"

Two whales are swimming along...

One whale turns his friend and says "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHWEEEEEEEOOOOOIRRRRRRAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOIIIIEEEEEEAWWWWWWHHHHOOOOOO"

The second whale says "Dude, you need to stop doing so much heroin."

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.



So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?"

One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!"

So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

End on story

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