Two Strings Jokes
17 two strings jokes and hilarious two strings puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about two strings that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Two Strings Short Jokes
Short two strings jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The two strings humour may include short guitar strings jokes also.
- The Tampax 300 It's memorial day and NASCAR is running the Tampax 300...
It's completely sold out but I knew someone who got me two tickets.
I had to pull a few strings, though.
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Uplifting Two Strings Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about two strings you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean two friends jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make two strings pranks.
My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...
I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My new party trick...
I s**... two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my a**... tied together.
I s**... you knot.
What's got two thumbs and can't figure out the difference between a string and an array?
[
0 => "T"
1 => "h"
2 => "i"
3 => "s"
4 => " "
5 => "g"
6 => "u"
7 => "y"
8 => "!"
]
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A magician performs magic tricks on the Titanic before it sinks.
In the crowd there is a parrot that somehow always knows whats going on.
He pulls a string of hankerchiefs out of his sleeve: "AWCK, he pulls it from his inner pocket!"
He pulls a rabbit out of a hat: "AWCK, A false bottom!"
He saws a girl in half: "AWCK, there are two girls!"
Then disaster strikes, and the ship goes down and only the magician and the parrot are left on a makeshift raft. "AWCK! okay, I give up, how did you make the ship disappear?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A string gets t**...
A string walks into a classroom. The teacher sees the string, then ties it between two posts tightly. Did the teacher do a good job teaching?
Yes, because the string was taut.
A string walks into a bar...
and orders a drink. The bartender says, "NO STRINGS! We don't serve your kind here." Angered but undeterred, the string leaves the bar determined to get a drink. He has two friends tie him together. With his new disguise, he reenters the bar to order once more. The bartender says, "Hey there! What can I get - wait a minute... Aren't you that string that was in here earlier?" The string says, "No. I'm afraid not"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring
A string walks into a bar..
The string takes a seat at the bar and ask the bartender for a drink. The bartender replies, "We don't serve to strings in this bar, you'll have to see yourself out."
The string, feeling dejected, walks out and stumbles upon two rugged strings in an alley. The shady looking thugs stop the string and extort him of his money. Struggling to resist the thugs; the string was ruffled and tied into a knot, left abandoned by the thieves.
The tattered string returns to the bar and seats himself, once again he asks for a drink. The bartender replies, "aren't you the same string that walked in a little while ago?"
The string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."
Two medieval stringed instrumentals meet each other for the first time.
One asks the other, what type of instrument are you? I've never seen one like you before? The other replies I'm a lute, lots of strings, fat and folded at the end that's me. What about yourself, I haven't seen an instrument like you before either. The one replies Oh I'm a harp. The other instrument is skeptical I don't think you have enough strings to be a harp, and you are too symmetrical.
Are you calling me a lyre?
Two pieces of string walk into a bar
Two pieces of string walk into a bar. One of them sits down while the other goes up to the bar and says, "two pints of Guinness, please." The barman looks the piece of string up and down and says, "Sorry, but we don't serve pieces of string here."
So the piece of string goes back to his friend and explains the situation, and the friend decides to tie himself into a knot and fray his ends. He walks up to the bar and orders two Guinness's. This time the barman starts to fill the order but halfway through he looks up and says, "Hold on a minute... You're not a piece of string are you?" To which the piece of string answers:
"No, I'm a frayed knot."
Two spoons...
A man and his wife were seated in a restaurant, when the man noticed that all the waiters carried two spoons in their vest pocket.
Curious, the man asked their waiter the reason for this.
"Well, sir," the waiter explained, "an efficiency study conducted by the management determined that the most frequently dropped silverware item is a spoon. Therefore, all waiters carry two spoons so that the item can be instantly replaced."
As the waiter was offering the explanation to the couple, they noticed there was a string hanging out of the fly of his pants.
"What about that?" the man asked, discreetly pointing to the string.
"That, sir, is the result of another efficiency study." the waiter replied.
"When we need to go to the bathroom, we use the string to pull ourselves out and aim. Therefore, we do not have to stop to wash our hands."
"I understand how you can get yourself out and aim," the man said, "but how do you go about getting yourself back in?"
"I don't know about the other waiters, sir," the waiter replied, "but I use the two spoons!"
Three Strings Walk Into a Bar...
Three pieces of string walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them suspiciously. He says "Sorry, boys, we don't serve strings here." So the pieces of string walk outside again.
They're sitting on the curb outside and feeling really thirsty when one piece of string says "Hey! I've got an idea to get me into the bar."
So he starts twisting and turning until he finally ties himself into a knot as a disguise. One of the other strings sees this and decides he will fray his ends as a different disguise.
The two pieces of string walk back into the bar. The bartender looks at them a little suspiciously again and says in a stern voice "Sorry, we still don't serve strings here!"
So the strings go back outside and tell the third piece of how they had failed. The third string then decides he will tie himself in a knot, and also fray his ends.
The third string walks into the bar and the bartender looks at him and says "HEY, are you a bit of string?!"
The piece of string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot"
A string of jokes I heard a while ago
How do you get four elephants in a mini cooper?
Two in the front, two in the back.
How do you get four giraffes in a mini cooper?
You can't because of all the elephants.
How do you get two whales in a mini cooper?
Same way you get to Wales in any other car, down the M4, over the Severn Bridge.
How can you tell if there's an elephant in your fridge?
Footprints in the butter.
How can you tell if there are two elephants in your fridge?
You can hear them giggle when the lights go out.
How can you tell if there are three elephants in your fridge?
You can't *quite* get the door closed.
How can you tell if there are four elephants in your fridge?
There's a mini cooper parked outside.
The Orchestra
In an orchestra that's practicing Beethoven's Ninth for an upcoming show, there are three guys that play bass. Just down the street from the church where they practice is a small bar. Every practice there would be a break where the basses didn't play, so the basses would sneak out the back of the church and go to the bar for a drink or two, and then get back just in time to finish the show. This continued until the night of the show. While the orchestra is warming up, one bassist turns to the others and says, 'We can't sneak out again, it's the night of the show!' Another bassist replies, 'Don't worry, we can make it. I tied some string around the score so that the conductor will take time to untie it. We have even more time to drink tonight than we did at the practices!' So the basses sneak out, but have a couple drinks too many. Right as they stumble in, the conductor turns the page to reveal the string around the music. He suddenly realizes that it's the bottom of the ninth, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two doctors
One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The woman doctor agrees to it.
So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have s**... for an hour or so.
Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did you know?" The man says, "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started." "Oh, that makes sense", says the woman. " You're an anesthesiologist aren't you?" "Yeah", says the man , a bit surprised. "How did you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
three pieces of string walk into a bar
the first one says 'you two find a table i'll get the drinks', he walks up to the barman and says 'three pints of bitter please'.
the barman says 'sorry we dont serve string in here'
the string walks back to his friends and says they wont serve us the second one says 'don't worry i'll try.' so he walks up to the barman and says 'three pints of bitter please'.
the barman says 'sorry we dont serve string in here'
so he walks back to his table and says 'they won't even serve me'!
the third piece says 'dont worry i have an idea' he ties himself in the middle and pulls his top into a mess, then walks up to the bar and says 'three pints of bitter please barman'. The barman looks at him suspiciously and says 'are you a piece of string?'
the string replies "nope, 'fraid not"!
