Two Statues Jokes

Following is our collection of enjoyment humor and pairs one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Two Statues puns for adults, dirty angel jokes or clean twofold gags for kids.

There is an abundance of thrice jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 15 funniest jokes on two statues. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any ran witze you can hear about two statues.

The Best jokes about Two Statues

Pretend You're a Statue...

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said, " pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked
it so I got one for us, too." No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door

"Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

Statue

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry!" she said. "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, Honey?" the husband inquired, as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue'., "Eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smith's for three days and nobody offered me so much as a glass of water."

A french guy, an italian guy and an amarican on a plane.....

Among others, there are three guys on a plane. One is french, the other is italian and the third one is american.

The american says: "I bet I can guess where we are without looking outside, just by extend my arm out of the window". The other two go "Well, lets see". So he puts his arm outside the window and sais "we just passed New York". "How do you know?" "Because I touched the Liberty Statue".

The French guy says "I can do this too", stretches out his arm and says "We are in Paris, I just touched the Eiffel Tower".

The italian, unimpressed, puts his left arm outside, gets it back in in a second and says "Well, we are in Naples" The other two are surprised "How do you know? What did you touch?"
And he answers: "Nothing, my watch was just stolen".

So a priest is taking a bath late at night

So a priest is taking a bath late at night when he remembered that he forgot his soap in his room, he figured it's late and no one will be up so he rushed to his room without a towel around his waist, he got the soap but on his way back he heard two nuns walking by so he stands by the wall like a statue. The two nuns walk up to him and one of them says to the other "Look, it's that soap dispenser they said they were gonna bring" and she pulls his dong, he quickly drops his soap. The second nun says "Oh, cool! I want to that too" and she pulls his thing and nothing happens so she tries a few more times then she turns to the first nun and says "Oh! I got liquid soap!".


Did you know that the number of legs in the air of a horse statue indicate how its rider died?

If there are no legs in the air, the rider survived the war.
If there is one leg in the air, the rider was mortally wounded and died after a battle.
If there are two legs in the air, the rider was killed in battle.
If there are three legs in the air, the rider died in a tragic circus accident.
If there are four legs in the air, the rider was abducted by aliens and died in space.

the soap dispensing priest

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it , not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.

Having no place to hide , he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.

The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled , he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look" says the first nun , "it's a soap dispenser". To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough , he drops the second bar of soap. Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs , then yells..."Holy Mary , Mother of God , HAND LOTION TOO!"

#2857: Two priests are in a shower.

They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.

He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three newly inducted nuns from other city heading his way.

Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.

The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.

The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.

Startled, he drops a bar of soap.

"Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".

To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.

Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice, and three times but nothing happens.

So she gives several more tugs, then yells:

"Holy Mary, Mother of God! LIQUID SOAP TOO!"

My therapist told me a joke about two southern bells.

So two southern bells grow up in a small town in the south and when they finish high school, one moves up to the north for school and the other stays in the town and marries her high school sweet heart.


Years later, the first one comes back to town to visit her friend who happens to be quite the big shot now. The two meet at the train station and the rich woman says:


"Deeear, do you see that Cadillac?"

"Oh yes I do, it is a nice car."

"My husband bought me that car after the successful birth of our first male-born-son."

"How nice."


The two then go to the town square where they see a big statue.


"Deeear, do you see that statue?"

"Why yes, it looks an awful lot like yourself."

"Yes, my husband bought me that statue after the successful birth of our second male-born-son."

"How nice."


Finally, they arrive at the rich woman's house and see that it is a giant mansion with gardeners and everything.


"Deeear, do you see that mansion?"

"Why yes, it is very extravagant!"

"My husband bought me this mansion after the successful birth of our third male-born-son."

"How nice."

"Well what has your husband bought for you?"

"He put me through finishing school."

"Oh my, finishing school? Well what did you learn there?"

"I learned to say 'how nice' when I really mean '*fuck you*'."

Two old Jews, sitting on a park bench ...

The one old guys says, "Simon, you just won the lottery! What are you going to do with all that money?"

Simon replies, "Well, I was thinking of going back to the old country and putting up a big statue in the town square."

"That sounds nice. A statue of whom?"

"I'm going to put up a big statue of Adolph Hitler."

"WHAT?? Are you meshuggeneh!!?? He killed 6 million Jews!! Why on Earth would you put up a statue of Hitler???"

"Oh, I owe everything to Hitler! Look ... [rolls up his sleeve] ... he gave me the winning numbers!"

Two 12-year olds are sitting in a park.

Laying next too each other, relaxing and cousy.
Then all of the sudden in the moment, the boy gets a kiss from the young girl.
His face turns red while backing off.
"What's wrong? Wasn't it good?" Asked the girl.
"No no no! It's just that my mom told me if I ever kiss a girl, she would turn me in a statue. And I feel it's already starting!!"


Two friends were walking by the ballet museum...

When one points and asks his friend, "Is that statue a foot?"

To which his friend replies, "No, it's about four and a half feet."

The joke my grandma told me when i came out

Two gay guys are standing on top of the statue of liberty looking out over the harbor. The first points out a boat and asks "what kind of boat is that?" "Oh that's a barge" replied the other this continued for a while when the first pointed out another and the other replied "that's a ferry ship." the first paused and thought for a moment before replying "i knew we were organized but i didn't realize we had a navy "

A priest goes to take a shower late at night.....

After going in he realizes that there is no soap and remembers he has soap in his room.And Goes To Get Soap Without Getting Dressed.
He Grabs Two Bars Of Soap In His Hands From His Room And Heads Back To The Shower.

He Gets Halfway Down The Hall Suddenly He Sees Three Nuns Coming His Way.
He Find No Place To Hide Than He Stands Against The Wall And Freezes Like He is A Statue.
The Nuns Stop And Comment: How Original This Statue Is Looking.

The First Nun Go Further And Pulls His D*ck.
Startled, Father John Drops A Bar Of Soap.

First Nun: Oh Look, This Statue Is A Soap Dispenser.

To Test Her Theory the Second Nun Also Pulls His D*ck, And Sure Enough He Drops The Last Bar Of Soap.

Now The Third Nun Then Pulls First Once, Then Twice And Three Times. Still Nothing Happens.
So She With Confusion Tries Once more time then she suddenly Yells: Holy Mary, Mother Of God, It's Liquid Soap This Time! www

A businessman decides to go on vacation to NY !!!

A businessman decides to go on vacation to NY but he wants to fly cheap.
He goes to the airport and buys a ticket from brothers airlines, and halfway to New York the plane blows out an engine.
The captain lets them know they can make on three engines then a second engine blows out.
Again the captain says they can make it on two engines.
Then a third engine blows and the man starts to panic.
The captain comes on to say: "*We are approaching new harbor, to the right is the Statue of Liberty and to left is the Empire state building and directly below in the life raft is the captain and crew, thanks for flying brothers airlines*."

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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