Two Missionaries Jokes
16 two missionaries jokes and hilarious two missionaries puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about two missionaries that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Rib-Tickling Two Missionaries Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What is a good two missionaries joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Two cannibals are eating a m**... starting at opposite ends.
One says to the other "This guy's ear is delicious! Are you enjoying eating him as much as I am?"
The other cannibal says "I'm having a ball."
Two cannibals meet one day.
The first cannibal says, You know, I just can't seem to get a tender m**.... I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. Just can't seem to get them tender.
The second cannibal asks, What kind of m**... do you use?
The first replies, You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around their waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.
Ah, ha! the second cannibal replies, No wonder… those are friars!
A young m**... on his first term in Africa..
..was reading his bible in a clearing when a lion came up and laid down beside him. As he quietly prayed for deliverance, another lion came out of the bush and laid down on his other side. Convinced that this was a test of his faith, he returned to reading his bible. As soon as he did, the two lions pounced on him and devoured him. Moral: Do not try to read between the lions.
Rodeo Position
Two old cowboys are sitting around a campfire and drinking. Somewhat drunk and not in the best frame of mind one turns to the other and say's I miss my missus, but when we make love it's always the same . Somewhat taken aback, but curious nonetheless, the other cowboy asks how's that? We always use the old m**... the old cowboy replies. Thinking about this the other cowboy says If you want some excitement you need to try the Rodeo position . The cowboy says What's that?
Well you start off d**..., behind her. Then you lean forward and with your right hand grab her right breast, and with your left hand grab her left breast, with your face beside her head you whisper gently in her ear, Yep feels just like your sister , and then hold on for dear life.
Old joke from my m**... grandpa.
Two guys go to a preacher to be healed. o**..., Danny, has a lisp. The other, Mr. Smith, is paralyzed from the waist down and cannot walk. The preacher tells them, however, not to worry.
"The Lord is going to heal you. Are you ready?"
"Yes," says Mr. Smith,. "Yeth", says Danny.
"Okay, when I say the word, Mr. Smith, throw down your crutches! And Danny, you say the first thing that comes to your mind!"
The preacher begins some silent prayer, and after a few seconds, he shouts: "Now! Now!"
A thud is heard. "Mr. Thmifth juth fell on the flo"
What do you call two fat people having s**...?
m**... impossible
Two Missionaries...
Two missionaries were ascending a hill in an expedition to convert the hostile unreached jungle inhabitants.
Since very few had ever returned alive from the unfriendly summit very little was known. The two agreed that the best way to win them over was with gifts from their food provisions.
They reached a pass where only one was able to ascend at a time. As the first man cleared the pass, he was immediately set upon by the natives. They took his large pack, pulled the large bunch of bananas out, and distributed them amongst themselves.
The natives began a strange ritual that involved shoving the bananas into their rectums and dancing about in a manner similar to the Māori Haka.
At first, the m**... was horrified by what he saw but he started to giggle and then broke into an hysterical cackle.
The dancings stopped and the leader said, "Why you laugh?"
The m**... said, "my friend is coming with pineapples!"
Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large p**... of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there.
A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.
The other m**... couldn't believe it! He said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
The other m**... replied, "I just peed in the soup!"
A Blonde, Brunette, and a Redhead are all pregnant and waiting for an ultrasound in the doctor's office.
As they are waiting, they begin to discuss what gender they each think their babies are going to be.
Well I know my baby is going to be a girl, said the Brunette. My husband and I were doing it m**... style when she was conceived.
Mine will be a boy! Said the redhead. I was riding on top of him when I got pregnant.
This causes the Blonde to burst hysterically into tears.
What's wrong? The other two asked.
I'm going to have puppies!
When two fat American's have s**... it's...
m**... IMPOSSIBLE.
A Cannibal Joke
Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, You know, I just can't seem to get a tender m**..., I've baked them, I have roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just can't seem to get them tender.
The second cannibal asks, What kind of m**... do you use?
The other replies, You know, the ones that hang out at the place at the bend of the lake. They have those brown cloaks with a funny ring of hair on their heads.
Aha! the second cannibal replies. No wonder – those are friars!
Two cannibals are chatting
and the first cannibal says "I killed and ate a m**... yesterday, but I think he gave me an upset stomach."
The second cannibal says "That's too bad. How'd you cook him?"
The first cannibal says "Oh, I threw him in the giant p**... of boiling water like always."
The second cannibal says "Makes sense. And what did he look like?"
The first cannibal says "The usual. Brown robe, rope belt, sandals."
And the second cannibal says "Well there's your problem. You boiled him, and he was a friar."
Hall s**...
Three guys were standing around the golf course talking about how often they have s**... with their wives.
The first guys says, "I'm lucky if I get s**... once a month. and if we do its just regular old m**... style s**...." The other two guys shake their heads in understanding.
The second guy says, "I get to have s**... with my wife a couple of times a month and she lets me do it m**... and d**...." The other two guys again shake their heads in understanding.
The third guy says, "me and my wife have s**... every day." His two buddies look at him in amazement and one of them asks, "What kind of s**... do yall have?" The guys looks at him and says, "We have hall s**...."
His buddies look at him and one says, "Hall s**...? I've never heard of that."
The guy looks at him and says, "When we pass each other in the hall we look at each other and say, 'Fuck You'."
Two Cannibals are Wandering the Jungle...
They come upon a big fat m**... and brain him with a rock. They're excited to have such a feast before them.
Being equitable to one another, as all cannibals are, they decide that one start at the feet and the other start at the head; they'll both work their way to the middle.
After a few minutes, the cannibal at the feet says to the other, "How are you enjoying the feast?"
The other replies, "I'm having a ball!"
The cannibal at the feet says, "You're eating too fast!"
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Two Missionaries One Liners
Which two missionaries one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with two missionaries? I can suggest the ones about missionary and two nuns.
- What do you call two fat people having s**...? m**... impossible
- When two fat American's have s**... it's... m**... IMPOSSIBLE.