two midgets Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious two midgets puns

What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?

Micro trans-action

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Two midgets are sitting around, bored...

When one of them pulls out some weed and asks:

"Wanna get medium?"

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A midget and a man are on a bus

The two of them sit next to each other.

When the next stop comes, the midget falls off of the chair, so the man picks him back up.

Another stop comes, and the midget falls again, and again the man picks him up.

On the third stop he of course falls again and this time, the man says:

"Hold on when we get to a stop, you freaking midget!"

The midget replies:

"Can I please leave the bus? I was supposed to get off two stops ago."

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The Elusive Midget Nun

Two Eskimos, a big one and a little one, walk up to the convent door. The big one nudges the little one and says, Go ahead, knock on the door, knock on the door.

The Mother Superior answers the door. Again, the big Eskimo nudges the little one and says, Go ahead, ask her the question, ask her the question.

The little Eskimo timidly says, May we speak with the midget nun that lives here please?

The Mother Superior answers, There are no midget nuns living here.

The big Eskimo starts nudging the little one again and says, Go ahead, ask her the other question, ask her the other question.

The little Eskimo asks in a quavering voice, Well, are there any midget nuns in Alaska?

The Mother Superior responds uncertainly, I know most of the nuns in Alaska and I don't believe so.

With this the big Eskimo falls down and rolls on the ground, clutching his belly as he laughs uncontrollably. See, he says to the little Eskimo, I told you that you screwed a penguin!

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There's a new pizza place coming to town...

Two epileptic midgets (err, little people) are opening up a pizza place across town next week.

They're calling it 'Little Seizures'.

My dad came up with this joke, and I don't think he's ever been so proud of anything in his life.

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Two midgets go into a bar,

where they pick up two hookers and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first midget, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE.. UUHH!" all night long.
In the morning, the second midget asks the first, "How did it go?" The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get a hard-on."
The second midget shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the fucking bed"

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Two drunk guys

knock on the door of the local Nunnery.

Mother Superior comes out and one asks "Mother Superior, do you have any nuns that are midgets?"

She thinks and says "I know of no midget Nuns in the entire country."

The guy then says "Can we call the Vatican and ask if there are ANY midget nuns anywhere?"

Mother Superior agrees and they do.

The Vatican spokesman confirms - there are no midget nuns anywhere in the world.

The guy looks at his friend and says "See?! I told you that you were fucking a penguin..."

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Guinness Book Of World Records (told as insult)

Three midgets, Earl, John and Mike were sitting at a bar. They started complaining how hard their lives were because of their size, which led to them arguing about who was smallest.

Earl says, "I have the smallest feet in the world."

The other two don't believe him. "Bullshit," Mike says, "I don't believe it."

"Look here," Earl states, as he pulls out the Guinness Book of World Records, "the smallest feet in the world: Earl Dickenson."

"Yeah," Mike blurts out, "Well, I have the smallest hands in the world."

Once again, the others disagree.

"Here you go," Mike says, "smallest hands in the world: Mike Clark."

They continue to argue about whose smallest part is more worthy when John says flatly, "I have the smallest dick in the world."

The other two are astonished, if this is true, he surely wins the arguement. John snatches the book to prove it to them and furiously flips through the pages. His confidence turns to anger.

"Who the fuck is !?"

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Two midgets walk into a brothel.

Determined to get their freak on, they are put in rooms adjoining each other.

The first one walks in to find a beautiful woman naked and willing on the bed. He tries all night to get an erection but fails miserably, meanwhile hearing his mate in the next room going "1, 2, 3, urgh. 1, 2, 3, urgh".

Annoyed that his mate is getting it on in such great fashion, he gives up and goes to sleep.

In the morning he wakes up, leaves the room and bumps into his mate on the lobby. His mate asks him how his night was. "Oh it was terrible, I spent all night trying to get an erection and failed. What about you?" he replies "You think you had a bad night? I spent all night trying to get on the bed!"

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A midget cowboy goes to the doctor

The testicles of a midget cowboy hurt and ached almost all the time.The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem.


The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.


The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the
examining table, and started to examine him.The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the
midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia.


"Hmm...."mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the
right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again..


"Aha!" said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors.....


Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side . . . then snip-snip-snip-snip
on the left side.


The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with
amazement that the snipping did not hurt.


The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to
see if his testicles still hurt.


The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and
discovered his testicles were no longer aching.


The doctor said, "How does that feel now?"


The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?"


The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy
boots..."

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"It's the little things in life that make you laugh"

I never understood that until I saw two midgets fighting in Wal-Mart.

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Two midgets decide to get hookers...

They went to a motel with their ladies and get two rooms. The first midget is really embarrassed because he cannot get an erection. His confidence was hurt even more when he heard his friend in the room saying "1, 2, 3, push!" Over and over again.

The next morning he was talking to his friend over breakfast. He said "That was the most embarrassing thing ever. I couldn't get a hard on"
His friend responds "You think that is embarrassing, I couldn't get on the bed."

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This joke works best told to a guy, let's call him Steve Smith..

Three midgets go to a contest for the smallest body parts in the world, in which the first place winner gets $5000. They each go to a different event and meet back up after the contest is over. The first midget says to the other 2, "I went to the worlds smallest hands contest, and I won 1st place!", and he showed them his $5000 check. He said to the second midget, "What contest did you try?". The second midget said, "I went to the smallest feet contest, and guess what? I also came on 1st and here is my $5000." The two then turned to the third midgets and asked, "So where did you go?". The third midget said, "I went to the smallest pecker contest." The other two asked, "So how did you do?" The third midget looked at them and said, "Well, I came in second and who the hell is Steve Smith."

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Two midgets got into an altercation.

Don't worry, it was a short fight.

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What do you call it when two trans midgets have sex?

Microtransaction

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Two Leprechauns Knock on the Door of a Convent.

The Mother Superior answers.

"Em, 'scuse me, Mother Superior," the first leprechaun says, "but you aren't after having any midget nuns in this convent?"

"Why, no little man" says she, "we have no midget nuns in this convent."

"Sure there aren't any midget nuns in the south of Ireland?"

"No, little man"

"Sure there aren't any midget nuns in the north of Ireland?"

"No, little man."

"So, yer tellin' us, Mother Superior, that in all of Ireland, there are no midget nuns?"

"Yes, as far as I know in all of Ireland, there are no midget nuns." The line of questioning becoming tiresome, the Mother Superior closes the door and goes away.

One leprechaun turns to the other and says, "Ah, well ye see, Seamus, I told you it was a penguin we fooked."

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Two midgets got married

They found their other half

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So that guy drives his car on the road...

... and sees a midget in yellow clothes hitch-hiking on the side of the road; he takes him on board. After a hundred meters, the midget starts rubbing the guy's crotch and says "I REALLY want to take your foot and ram it in my ass! I LOVE BEING FUCKED BY FEET". the guy is like "wtf" and kicks him out of the car.


Two minutes later, the guy sees a midget dressed in red, hitch-hiking. After hesitating, he stops and let him in. The midget then start shouting "I LOVE EATING POO! GIMME YOURS!". The horrified driver kicks him out of the car and speeds away.


Ten miles forward, he comes across a blue-dressed midget on the side of the road. He locks the car, stops near the midget, open the window and asks:

" I guess you escaped from some midget sick fuck mental hospital too huh?"

...

" license and registration please."

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A lumberjack and a midget simultaneously walk into the restroom at a bar...

As there are only two urinals in the cramped restroom, they are forced to stand next to one another. It's late in the night and the lumberjack is pretty smashed.

He begins to do his business and he sees out of his peripherals that the midget seems to be looking in his direction. He glances down and the midget is looking up at him, winking furiously. The man goes back to his business, but kinda weirded out and annoyed. He looks back down a few second later and the midget is still looking at him, winking furiously.

Being as drunk as he was, the lumberjack loses his temper and suddenly bellows at the midget, "WHAT!!? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WINKING AT!?" To which the midget replies.

"Nothing.. you're just splashing in my eyes."

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What do call the two midgets who ran an impound lot?

Little Seizers

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What did one midget cowboy say to the other midget cowboy?

This town's big enough for the two of us.

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Two midget asians sit atop each other and get makeup to look Caucasian for a movie, the director says no because

two wongs don't make a white

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What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?

A micro-transaction

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A blind man knocks on a guy's door

"Money for the blind, sir" he says in a sad tone. The man, skeptical as to whether or not the man at his doorstep is actually blind, asks him to prove it.

The blind man, now angry, looks around a bit and says, "Can you see those two midgets standing near that tree?"

"Yes" says the man.

"WELL I SURE AS HELL CANT! NOW DO YOU BELIEVE ME?"

^^^^imsosorryguise

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Two midgets go into a bar...

Two midgets go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.

The first midget, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of Here I come again … ONE, TWO, THREE…UUH! all night long.

In the morning, the second midget asks the first, How did it go?

The first mutters, It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get a erection.

The second midget shook his head. You think that's embarrassing? …. I couldn't even get on the bed!

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These two midgets walk into a bar

In the Arctic

The first midget asks the bartender, "do you have any midget nuns that live here in the arcitc?"

Bartender thinks for a second and says, "No, no I don't believe we do."

The first midget turns to the second and says "See! I told you, you fucked a penguin!"

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How many midgets does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but it would be a tight fit.

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What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex? Micro trans-action.

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What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?

A microtransaction

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How many midgets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I'd be surprised if you could fit two in there

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What do you call two midgets giving each other oral sex?

34.5ing

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Why did the midget cross the road?

Because he was getting chased by two assholes still drunk from St. Patrick's Day.

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Why midget can only run two minutes straight?

Because they are short on breath.

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What do you call two midgets spooning?

Tea-spooning

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Two midgets walk into a bar...

Can I see some ID please?

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What are the most funny Two Midgets jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Two Midgets? Well, here are the best Two Midgets dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Two Midgets pick up lines to share with friends.

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