Two Meaning Jokes
140 two meaning jokes and hilarious two meaning puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about two meaning that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Two Meaning Short Jokes
Short two meaning jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The two meaning humour may include short double meaning jokes also.
- I just saw that Harry Potter film. I think its a bit unrealistic if you ask me.. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? How?
- Fun fact I was born the same day a Green Day album was released So, that means two American Idiots came out that day
- There are two kinds of people in this world 1. Those who can extrapolate meaning from incomplete data
- I just watched Harry Potter for the first time and it was a little unrealistic I mean, a ginger with two friends?
- English Professor: "While two negatives can mean a positive, in the English language there are no two positives that connote a negative." From back of class: "Yea. Right!"
- I've lost 8 pounds in the last fortnight. For the Americans amongst you that means about 10 dollars in the last two weeks.
- If Russia is the Motherland and Germany is the Fatherland... Does that mean the world wars were two cases of domestic violence?
- French dad joke of two potatoes. One of them is ran over, and the other says:
– Oh purée! [meaning both “Oh my goodness!” and “Oh, mashed potatoes!”] - Two synonymous sentences could have absolutely different meanings. 1. Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
2.Sorry daddy, I've been naughty. - They say no two people can see a color the exact same way so does that mean color is like A Pigment of your imagination
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Two Meaning One Liners
Which two meaning one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with two meaning? I can suggest the ones about two word and two bit.
- Roses are red... Yoda is green
My lightsaber needs two hands
If you know what I mean - What's the meaning of eternal love? Two blind people playing tennis.
- A young was boy learning to count and said the wrong number He didn't mean two
- What are three two-letter words that mean small? "Is it in?"
- What did the aardvark say to Noah? What do you mean you only brought two ants!?
- What does two rice grains in the sink mean? Some Somalian has been up all night puking.
- There's two things I hate. Hypocrisy and condescension.
Do you understand what I mean? - Two fruits were denied a marriage license. Meaning they cantaloupe.
- Two rules I live by #1 Never Take No for an Answer
#2 No means No - and she says, and she says, "So that's what Tiger means by 'getting up and down in two'
- Whats the average of 2 and 3? two and a half mean
- Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a t**....
Uproarious Two Meaning Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about two meaning you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean two part jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make two meaning pranks.
Two guards are standing in front of a gate,
Guard 1: what year is it?
Guard 2: 75 B.C.
Guard 1: what does B.C mean?
Guard 2: Before Christ.
Guard 1: what is Christ?
Guard 2: i have no idea.
A chinese couple, new parents, visit their doctor. "We're a little concerned about our son", the mother says...
..."He looks, well, caucasian!". The doctor has a look and agrees. " I see what you mean. Two wongs don't make a white". The parents nod. "By the way, what's his name?". The doctor asks. The father replies "Sum Ting Wong".
Memory Lane...
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly..'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
Wishes
A woman was walking on the beach when she spotted a lamp almost buried in the sand. She picked it up, dusted it off, and to her surprise a genie popped out.
"Thank you for releasing me from my thousand-year imprisonment! I will grant you the traditional three wishes as a reward. And since you are married, your husband will get double of whatever you wish for."
"But I hate my husband," the woman protested. "He cheated on me and spent all our money -- I've already filed for divorce."
The genie shrugged and told her it was genie law. "OK, whatever," she said, "Give me a hundred million dollars." *p**...!* There were stacks and stacks of newly minted $100 bills piled in front of her. "So, does that mean my husband has *two* hundred million now?"
"Yep," the genie said.
"OK... for my second wish, I want a 100,000 square foot mansion." *p**...!* There was a huge mansion right up on the bluff, and the deed was in her pocket. "So, does that mean my husband gets *two* mansions?"
"Yes indeed. Now, what would you like for your final wish?"
She thought about it for a minute, then snapped her fingers and said, "Genie -- scare me half to death!"
A Fishing Tale
On the shore of the Indian Ocean a raggedy Indian fisherman lay dozing with a hat over his face. Beside him two fishing lines were stuck into the sand.
Up comes an American.
'What are you sleeping for?' says the American. 'You'd be better off catching fish.'
'What for?' asks the fisherman.
'What do you mean, what for? You'd catch some fish, you'd sell them and with the money you'd buy yourself a trawler.
The trawler would catch even more fish. You'd sell it and buy yourself an even bigger boat. You'd catch still more fish. You'd sell it.
Then you'd build yourself a fish processing factory . . . and get rich.
And then you could lie on the beach and sleep.'
The fisherman pulled his hat even further down over his face.
'But that's what I'm doing now.'
Searching for Sasquatch
Two men are on a hunt through the forest looking for Sasquatch.
After days and days of searching and not even finding a footprint, they happen to run into an old native man.
They ask the man "Have you by any chance seen a Sasquatch around here?"
Confused, he replies "Sasquatch?"
They answer him "Sasquatch..you know; big, hairy, smells bad.."
"Oh!" he replies. "You mean squawsnatch!"
A Brazilian people killed.
One day a man is sitting next to a blond woman who is reading the newspaper.
She is visibly upset while reading a particular article. He can't help but look over and see what she's reading. He sees the headline
"s**... b**... kill two Brazilian men on bus".
He understands why she is upset now, so he strikes up a conversation with her.
She confesses "I have seen these before, but this is getting crazy. I mean, two Brazilian men killed? How many is in a Brazilian again?"
I saw a church's sign say "God is my Facebook."
Does that mean two men can poke each other on God?
Two boys sitting to pee
Two five year old boys are sitting at the p**... to pee.
When one says, " Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!"
" I've been circumcised." Says the second boy.
" What does that mean?"
"It means they cut the protective skin skin off the end."
" How old were you when it was cut off?"
" My mom said that I was two days old."
" Did it hurt?"
" You bet it hurt, I couldn't walk for a whole year!"
Aids or Alzheimer's
A man takes his wife to the doctor. The doctor says "Well, its either aids or alzheimers."
"What do you mean?" the guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Well, the two look a lot alike in the early stages." said the doctor, "Tell you what, drive her way out into the country. Once your there kick her out of the car. If she finds her way back, don't have s**... with her."
A boy and his dad.
A boy and his dad are walking through the streets
boy: "What does the word drunk mean?"
dad: "Well, for example, do you see those two policemen over there? if you were drunk you would think there are four policemen over there."
boy: "But dad there is only one policeman over there!"
I need help remembering a joke please.
The "intellectual" joke thread got me thinking about a joke I heard years ago which made me laugh. It requires knowing two languages (Spanish and French I think), but if you get it it's pretty funny. It's something to do with asking a question and the reply meaning two different things in the different languages. I'm sorry that's really vague but it's been years since I heard it!
Two penguins are paddling a canoe in the desert..
One says to the other: "Wheres the paddle!"
And the other says: "Sure does!"
Two armed guards were standing at a street corner...
They see a man walking casually on the other side of the street. The first guard raises his rifle and shoots the pedestrian, killing him instantly.
The second guard says to the first, "What was that for?"
"He was out past curfew." Replied the first guard.
"What do you mean?" Said the second guard, "It's not curfew for another hour."
"Yeah, but I knew the guy," Said the first guard, "He could never have made it home in time."
A Winking Salesman!
A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.
"Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified", says the interviewer. "Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you", adds the interviewer.
"But wait", says the man. "If I take two aspirin, I stop winking".
"Then show me", replies the interviewer.
So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colours before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.
"It's great. You stopped winking", says the interviewer, "but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country".
"What do you mean?", asks the man. "I'm happily married".
"How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.
"Oh, that", sighs the man. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
What jokes do you know that can only be understood if you know two (or more) languages?
Like a joke that involves a pun on a word that has different meanings in different languages.
Please tell us what languages they are in.
Soviet-era paranoia
Two acquaintances meet on a train.
"Where are you headed?", asks one.
"To Minsk, to see my daughter", replies the other.
He said he's going to Minsk, the first man thinks. That means he's going to Smolensk. But this train doesn't go to Smolensk. This is the Minsk train.
Why would he lie?
An oldie but a goodie
A guy walks into a butcher shop and says "I'd like two pounds of kidleys."
The butcher looks at him and says "Don't you mean you want two pounds of *kidneys*?"
The guy is all confused. "I *said* kidleys, d**... I?"
Little Johnny saw two dogs having s**... in the park...
... so he asks his mother what's going on.
The mom isn't ready to have "that talk" yet, so she makes up a story. "Well, Johnny," she says, "the d**... in the back hurt its front paws, so the one in the front is helping him get home."
Johnny thinks about that for a moment and then says, "Wow, so dogs are just like people, aren't they?"
The mom is puzzled by that. "What do you mean, Johnny?"
"Well," says Johnnie, "you try to help someone and you just end up getting s**...."
Two men see a dog l**... its n**...
The first man says, "I wish I could do that." The second man says, "What do you mean? Anyone can lick a dog's n**...."
I was walking around town the other day...
I was walking around town the other day when I saw these two j**...-offs wearing matching outfits, I mean, down to the *belt* same outfits, so I yelled to over to them "Hey faggots did you plan that?"
Anyways, they arrested me.
Man goes to a therapist. Says, "Doctor, every night I have the same dream, first I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam. Over and over again, all night long. What does it mean?"
Therapist replies, "Simple. You're two tents."
Weird Dreams
I've been having these weird dreams lately and, disturbed by them, I decide to call up my buddy who works as a psychologist.
He asks me what's wrong and I tell him about the weird dreams, "The first night, I dreamed I was a wigwam. And then the next night I had a dream I was a tipi. What do you think this means, doc?"
There was a brief pause before he replied, "Well, I think you're two tents."
Does hanging out with girls make you appear more attractive?
I mean like yeah you see someone hanging out with a girl you think like " oh good for him "
You see a guy around two girls you are like wow what a ladies man
But once you hit 3 girls you realize he's just gay
What's the difference between Indians and Pakistanis?
When a Pakistani has a red dot on his forehead it means he has about two seconds to live.
A Cuban just arrived on a raft...
And is being interviewed when they ask him Name? "Manolo".
s**...? "Two to three times a week"
No,no i mean Male or Female? "Well whatever I can get that week"
Three pregnant women, a blonde, brunette, and red head are at their obstetrician to find out the s**... of their babies.
The brunette says, "I'm going to have a boy because I was on top."
The red head says, "Well that means I'm going to have a girl because I was on bottom."
Just then the blonde starts crying her eyes out. "What's wrong?" the other two say.
"I'm going to have puppies!"
Two guys are driving down a country road. The first one looks out the window and says:
"hey look, a bunch of cows!"
The second guy looks at him and says: "no, you mean a herd of cows!"
His friend looks back at him and says: "of course I've heard of cows!"
The second guy then says: "no no no! I mean a cow herd!"
The first guy, looking confused, says: "what do I care what a cow heard!!?? I have no secrets from a cow!"
FAIR EXCHANGE
Two couples go on vacation together. After a week, they are thoroughly bored.
The men decide that maybe life will take on new meaning if they change partners. They all agree that it's an experiment worth trying.
The morning after the switch, one of the husbands says, ''I'm glad we tried this. It was exhilarating. Come on, let's go in the other room and see how the girls got on.''
So I saw these two guys walking down the street...
So I saw these two guys walking down the street, wearing the exact same outfit, I mean right down to the belt. So I yelled at them,
"Hey faggots, did you plan those outfits or what?"
Yeah they arrested me.
On a bench, in the park, two lovers
are kissing passionately. At some point another man sits down next to them and starts staring at the woman.
Eventually, her partner gets fed up by the staring and tells the other man:
- I haven't seen such insolence in my whole life!
- I'm sorry, I did not mean to disturb you, but I need to ask my wife to give me keys to the house.
Here's a funny joke based on the word avocate in french.
The word avocate in french means two things, avocado, and lawyer. Why? Because both of them are expensive and slimy on the inside. Sorry if anyones a lawyer... or an avocado.
The word politics is derived from two words
The word poly meaning many and the word ticks meaning blood s**... parasite.
Found this one on Wikipedia of all places
Two young women are drinking tea together. Suddenly, the doorbell rings. One of the women opens the door and finds a courier with a big great bouquet of roses. She walks inside and reads to her friend: *"Much love from your boyfriend!"* She immediately groans out: *"You know what this'll mean? This'll mean I'll be lying on my back with my legs spread wide open for the next two weeks!"* To which her friend says, *"Don't you have a vase?"*
Two students were complaining about math class.
"I hate math. Well, I really just hate numbers." "What do you mean?" "Take seventeen, for instance. I hate seventeen. There's nothing good about seventeen." "What's so bad about seventeen?" "Nothing really. It's just a prime example."
Two kids looked at a mummy exhibit...
Two kids looked at a mummy exhibit. On the bottom of the mummy case it said, "5000 B.C."
"What does that number mean?" the first one asked.
The second one wondered for a while, then said, "It must be the license plate number of the car that hit him."
Two Irish men were talking one morning..
"You were so drunk yesterday!", said Callum.
"Why, What did I do?", said David.
"You took a taxi home!"
"So what, it means i don't wan't to get caught for drunk drivin'!"
"The party was at your OWN HOUSE!"
There were two old men sitting on a park bench
...passing the day away talking.
One old man asked the other, "How is your wife?"
The second old guy replied, "I think she may be dead!"
"What do you mean you THINK she is dead?" asked the first man.
"Well..." explained the second man, "the s**... is the same but the dishes are starting to pile up."
If two heads are better than one...
Then does that mean men are better than women? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Two scientists walk into a bar...
The first one says, "I'd like some H2O."
The second says, "And I'll have some H2... wait. Why aren't you just referring to water by its normal name? I mean, I know it's our job, but we're just getting a drink."
The first scientist slams the table angrily, for his assassination scheme had been foiled.
Christmas in rural America
I live in rural America. On Christmas morning occasionally I will hear gun shots in the distance. This means one of two things:
1) Someone got a new gun for Christmas
2) Someone didn't
I told my girlfriend two sentences
"We need to buy a new car."
"I am thinking about taking a break."
She started crying. I mean, she could have just said she didn't like that type of cars.
A man describes his dreams to the psychiatrist.
Man - "Last night I dreamed that I was a teepee. The night before I dreamed that I was a yurt. What does it mean?"
Psychiatrist - "You're two tents."
Two tugboat captains have been friends for years.
They would always cry, "Aye!" and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other.
A new crewman asked his boat's mate, "What do they do that for?"
The mate looked surprised and replied, "You mean that you've never heard of ... an aye for an aye?"
Turns out there are TWO Loch Ness Monsters. One of them is quite mean, but the other actually gives away his forestry tools.
A little weird, sure, but it's always nice to see some random axe of Kind Ness.
Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".
"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.
"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"
My wife says I give preference to one of our two children.
I don't know if she means Vincent or that other kid.
Roll call in the Middle East
Teacher: Asghar?
Asghar: Here!
Teacher:Hassan?
Hassan: Present!
Teacher: Rahal?
Rahal: A present, count to four!
Teacher: Don't you mean 'present and accounted for'?
Rahal: No. Count to two.
Teacher: What do you- BOOM!
Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first chemist, who had a major disagreement with the second and knows the second chemist only drink water, says to the bartender, "I'll take some H2O."
The second chemist automatically responds, "I'll take some H2O too."
The bartender shrugs then turns around and promptly gives the first chemist his glass of water, and the second chemist a glass of water too... because the bartender is an adult and can infer meaning from contextual clues.
Two men are drinking away their sorrows...
In a bar high above the city when one says to the other "I think I want to kill myself." They other guy says "You know what? Me too. Let's do it." They walk over to the window and both jump out.
A few minutes later the second guy walks in the door and sits back down at the bar. The bartender says:"You sure are a mean drunk, Superman."
I just learnt that boxing is about two guys fighting the urge to come out as gay...
I mean. Two shirtless men fighting over a belt and a purse.
And they have to have another guy near them at all times who's entire job is to stop them from hugging.
Two programmers are talking about life...
Programmer 1: Does my life have meaning?
Programmer 2: False
Programmer 1: Stop Boolean me
What's a alcoholic
Jack asks his father "Dad, what's an alcoholic?" The dad says "You see those 4 trees over there, if you see eight it means your an alcoholic." the son replies with "But dad I only see two"
During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with secretary of State, Tillerson.
"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"
Wow, that's impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.
"Oh, I know", replied Melania, but neither does the parrot."
There are two types of people in the world...
Those who know Die Hard is a Christmas movie,
And those who need to learn the true meaning of Christmas.
My wife walked in on me m**......
I tried to hide what I was doing and quickly changed the TV channel but it switched to a programme about disfigured babies. She saw what I was doing and saw what was on TV, so now she thinks I get turned on by disfigured babies. I mean, how unlucky is that? The same programme being on at the same time on two different channels!
Grammar lesson
Two people were camping in a campground. The first says, "I think I'll go for a run." The second replies, "Don't you mean 'ran,' since it's past tents?"
A guy wanks into a bar.
He sees two stunningly beautiful blondes and says,
"Hey, barman, two beers for the ladies."
One of the ladies turns to the guy and asks.
"I think you're wasting your time, sir. We're l**...."
"What's that?" asks the guy.
"It means we only like to have s**... with women" the girl responds.
To which the guy retorts: "Hey barman, three beers for us l**...."
Love is so confusing...
The word "love" is thrown around so casually, no wonder it's a confusing concept. I mean, I love my girlfriend, my mother, and a good lasagna but I'd really only have s**... with two of those.
Do you know the difference between the North and the South?
Well, in the south, when you say your cousin's coming, that has two different meanings.
Two elephants see a n**... man
Elephant: How is he still alive? I mean, can he even feed himself with THAT?
Two Amish women are in the field picking potatoes...
The first Amish woman (FAW) pulls out an enormous potato from the field and says to the second (SAW), "Ohhh, this reminds me of Jacob's privates!"
SAW - "You mean Jacob's privates are that big?"
FAW - "No, but they're just as dirty!"
New DNA tests have revealed that Orville and Wilbur's parents were actually Chinese.
So I guess that means two Wongs make a Wright.
What do you call two acids with an attitude?
An a-mean-o acid, but the sour-foul-ric acids are the worst.
A little boy says to his sister: "Guess what sis, I have two Blow Pops!"
Sister: "Oh thank God, that means he won't make me do it tonight."
Daughter: What does g**... mean?
Me: Well you know mum and dad love each other - two men can love each other the same way
Her: So what's 'penetrating g**...'?
Me: Er... read me the whole sentence
Her: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze"
Me: Oh
Son asks his dad the meaning of the word gay
Dad, what does gay mean?
Well, it can mean two things. It can mean that a man is attracted to another man. Or it could mean happy.
Dad, are you gay?
No son, I'm married to your mother.
Two more
I mean... Ι appreciate that my friends are doing their best to cheer me up after my diagnosis, but I've heard so many cancer jokes today, that if I get to hear just tumor I'll really get mad.
The history of MANKIND is just as mysterious as the word itself.
MANKIND is made up of two words, MANK and IND. What do these two words mean? We will never know.
Steve comes home early to find his best friend n**... in bed with his wife having s**....
Bob! I mean, come on man! I expected it from her, but you and I have been friends since grade school. We played football together. You were the best man at my wedd.. could you two at least stop while I'm talking?
