Two Guys Walk Into A Bar Jokes
134 two guys walk into a bar jokes and hilarious two guys walk into a bar puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about two guys walk into a bar that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Two Guys Walk Into A Bar Short Jokes
Short two guys walk into a bar jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The two guys walk into a bar humour may include short three guys walk into a bar jokes also.
- For my cake day, I'd like to share my favorite joke of all time. Three guys were walking down the street.
Two of them walked into a bar.
The third guy ducked. - A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem, He asked for two shots of…
He was cut off by the bartender saying: you only get one shot. - My Uncle said this now that there are two popes Two popes walk into a bar with Yankee caps on.
The bartender says, "Didn't you guys use to be Cardinals?" - A data analyst walks into a bar and sees two tables.. So he goes over to them and says; "Hey guys, can I join you?"
- So a guy walks into a bar where Eminem is the bartender Guy: Two shots please
eminem: You only get one shot - Two Jewish guys walk into a bar with a funny looking pile of gold. The bartender asks, "What is this, a racist joke?"
One of the jewish guys say, "No, this is comedy gold!" - Two guys at a bar, one says "My wife drives me to drink." The other says "You're lucky, my wife makes me walk."
- Two jumper cables walk into a bar.. The bartender says "I'm gonna serve you guys, but you have to promise not to start something".
- Two guys walk into a bar... The first guy asks for H2O. The second guy says that sounds good, I'll have H2O too.
The second guy dies. - Two nice guys didn't walk into a bar They both insists they would hold the door for each others.
Share These Two Guys Walk Into A Bar Jokes With Friends
Two Guys Walk Into A Bar One Liners
Which two guys walk into a bar one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with two guys walk into a bar? I can suggest the ones about three men walk into a bar and a woman walks into a bar.
- Two drunks walk into a bar. Then the sober guy behind them laughs and walks under it.
- Two guys walk into a bar. The bartender says "Is this a joke?"
- Two guys walk into a bar. Which is weird. You'd think the second guy would have seen it.
- Two guys walked into a bar The third one ducked.
- Two guys walked into a bar. The second one should've ducked.
- Two gay guys walk into a bar. One sits down slowly, the other pushes his stool in.
- Two guys walk into a bar The third guy ducks
- Two guys walk into a bar Why didn't the second guy duck?
- Two guys walk into a bar.... You would think the first guy would've warned the other.
- two guys walk into a bar... the second one should have seen it coming.
- Two guys walked into a bar They got injured pretty bad.
- Two guys walk into a bar.. I thought the second guy would've ducked
- Two Irish guys walk out of a bar.
- Two guys walk into a Bar. One fails and the other becomes an ace attorney.
- Two guys walk into a bar 3rd guy: "You dummies never learn. Walk around."
Witty Two Guys Walk Into A Bar Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about two guys walk into a bar you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean animal walks into a bar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make two guys walk into a bar pranks.
These two drunks walk out of a bar and see a dog across the streets l**... its own nuts.
First guy says "Man, sure wish I could do that."
Second says "I dunno, I think I'd pet him first."
On the morning a cop walks into a bar and sees his wife with two of his best friends.
He takes a sit on the table behind them to eavesdrop then his wife says "let's have him kidnaped."
A poor guy heartbroken pulls out a gun and shoots them all and runs back to his house to grab some cash and clothe to escape.
When he finally reached his house and opens the door everyone yells happy birthday!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first one orders a beer, the second one orders half a beer, the third one orders a quarter, and the fourth one orders one eighth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says,"you guys should know your limits."
Two guys walk into a bar....
And the 2nd guy goes, "I didn't see it either."
Two Native Americans
Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit
down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there
s**... back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says,
"How would you boys like a b**...?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him
unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do
that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting
a job!"
So, This Blind Guy Walks Into a Bar...
And takes a seat in front of the bartender.
"Would you like to here a great blonde joke?" He asks.
The bartender leans in close and says,
"Well, the priest and rabbi to your right are blonde. The two cheerleaders to your left are blonde and, to top it all off, I'M blonde. You still want to tell that joke buddy?"
The blind guy takes a moment to think about it and says
"Nah. I'd rather not have to explain it five times."
This Joke Is A Real Lemon
A barman was very proud of the fact that he could squeeze a lemon so that no more juice would come out of it He made a standing offer of $1000 to anyone who could get more juice out of a lemon after he'd squeezed it. Every night big, burly regulars at the bar attempted to get more juice from a lemon he'd squeezed, but no one could produce so much as a drop. But one night, a little bloke walked in and said he'd heard of the standing offer and would like to try. The barman said 'How do you think you could succeed when all these blokes have failed?' And the little guy said: 'Just give me a chance and I'll show you'.
So the barman, thinking his regulars would enjoy the joke, picked up a lemon and squeezed it. After squeezing all the juice he could out of it, he handed the dried ring to the little bloke and said: 'Here you go.' The little bloke took the lemon and squeezed it and managed to get one, two, three for fix, SIX more drops of juice. Amazed, the barman said: 'Well, here's your $1000. But what do you do for a living? Are you a professional bodybuilder or what?' And the little bloke said: 'No, I work for the Tax Department.'
Science Joke
Two guys walk into a bar and sit down, the bartender asks the first guy what he wants, he says "I'll have some H20." The bartender asks the second guy what he wants and he says, "I'll have some H202". The second guy dies.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first one orders a beer, the second one orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, etc. The bartender pours two beers and says, "Hey, you guys ought to know your limits."
My Favorite Math Joke
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one tells the bartender he wants a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender puts two beers on the bar and says You guys need to learn your limits.
Two guys walk into a bar...
The first guy looks at the second guy and says... "You ever wonder why we always walk in together?"
A Man Walks Into A Bar.....
He says to the bartender gimme a shot of whiskey. He get's it and downs it. He then says get me a glass of whiskey, he get's that and downs it. Then he asks for a pint of whiskey, the bartender says "Well he won't down this one" the guy downs it. by now he's swaying and staggering, he then asks for two pints of whiskey. The bartender says "Why are you downing all these whiskeys so fast?" the guy replies "Because I've only got 50 pence"
Do It Yourself?
Two Guys are walking down the street after leaving the bar. When they look across the street and see a dog l**... himself. The o**... goes to the other, "man I wish i could do that", and then his friend says, "Don't you think you should try petting him first?"
Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first says, "I'll have a beer." The second says, "I'll have half a beer." The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer."
The bartender pulls out just two beers.
The mathematicians ask, "That's all you're giving us?"
The bartender says, "Come on guys. Know your limits."
Two guys walk into a bar
The first guy asks for a glass of H2O.
The second guy asks for a glass of H2O too.
The second guy died.
Two guys walk into a bar.....
First guy says, "Ouch!"
Second guy says, "Yea I didn't see it there either."
Two guys were walking their dogs....
Two guys were walking their dogs-one had a German Shepherd and the other had a Chihuahua. The man with the Shepherd suggested going into a bar for a drink. The other man says, "They're not going to let dogs into the bar." And the first guy says, "No? Watch this." So he puts on some dark glasses, acts like the German Shepherd is a seeing-eye dog, walks into the bar and orders a drink. And no one says anything. So the second guy takes out some dark glasses, slips them on, and walks his Chihuahua into the bar. The bartender says, "Sorry-we don't allow dogs in here." And the man says, "It's okay-it's my seeing-eye dog." The bartender laughs and says, "This Chihuahua is your seeing-eye dog?" And the guy says, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"
So, an infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first mathematician orders a pint. The second orders half a pint. The third orders a quarter, the fourth orders an eighth, and the fifth orders a sixteenth. The sixth mathematician is about to speak up when the bartender interrupts him and puts two pints on the bar, saying "You guys don't know your limits."
Science Joke
Two men walk into a bar. One says, I would like a glass of H20. The other guy says I would like some H20 TOO. The second guy dies...
Two guys walk into a bar...
The bartender asks "So, what'll it be?". The first man says "I'll just have a glass of H2O, thanks.", the bartender then turns to his friend and asks him what he'd like.
"I'll take a glass of H2O too."
He died.
Two gay guys walk into a bar in the Middle East...
Two escaped prisoners walk into a bar...
Bartender says "Hey, before you guys head home, both of you gotta take a shot!"
Two jumper cables walk into a bar
What did the Bartender say when two jumper cables walk into a bar. "You guys better not start anything in here."
Two guys walk into a bar
o**... says, 'I'd like some H2O.'
The other guy says, 'I'd like some H2O, too.'
The second guy died.
The bartender is a chemist.
Science Joke
Two guys walk into a bar.
The first guy says, "I'll have some H*_2_*0, please."
The other guy says, "I'll have some H*_2_*0, too."
The other guy died.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first mathematician orders a beer. The second mathematician orders half a beer. The third mathematician orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth mathematician orders an eighth of a beer. Before the next one can speak, the rather annoyed bartender slams two beers down on the bar and says, "You guys really need to learn your limits!"
Girls from England?
A guy walks into a bar and hears two women speaking in a British accent. He asks, "Are you ladies from England?" One says to him "No, it's Wales, you idiot!" So, then the guy says, "Okay, sorry. So, are you two whales from England?"
Three members of the k**... walk into a bar...
They sit at the back in full costume.
The first k**... thinks to himself, "If the black guy at the bar tries to pull off my hood, I'll kill him!"
The second k**... thinks to himself, "If the gay guy at the bar tries to pull off my hood, I'll kill him!"
The third k**... thinks to himself, "If someone pulls off my hood, the gay black guy at the bar will recognize me from last night, and these two will kill me!"
An infinite number of people walk into a bar...
...the first one orders a beer.
The second one orders half a beer.
The third one orders a quarter of a beer.
The bartender stops them and pours two full beers.
The infinite hoard is outraged and demands more, to which the bartender responds "C'mon, guys. Know your limits".
Two guys walk in to a Bar
First Guy orders an H2O.
The Other Guy orders H2O too.
The Other Guy dies.
Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first orders one beer.
The second orders half a beer.
The third orders a quarter of a beer
This pattern continues for a few more, and then the bartender stops them, and pours two beers.
"Why'd you do that?" Asked the first guy.
"Come on guys. I thought you knew your limits." Said the bartender.
A guy walks into a bar and begins to tell a Polish joke.
The bartender stops him and says "I'm Polish. You see the guy over there - he's the owner of this bar and he's Polish. You see these two big guys drinking beer beside you - they're Polish. You still want to tell your joke?" The guy thinks about it and says "No, I don't want to tell it anymore. Nobody will get it."
Donald Trump walks into a bar with two guys, one named Moe Lester and the other Ray P. Kreap.
Bartender asks Moe Lester and Ray P. Kreap how they know Trump.
Trump answers, "Women are always screaming out their names when I touch them, so I figured they'd make great wingmen."
So two guys walk into a bar...
The first one orders h20, the second one says "I'll have h20 too".
The second guy died.
Two guys walk into a bar...
The first guy says get me a bottle of H2O, the second guy says get me a bottle of H2O too the second guy dies.
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender
"Give me two beers. Rough day at work."
And the bartender says, "Oh? what do you do?"
The guy says, "I take care of the Corgis - you know, the dogs that the royal family owns."
The bartender says, "Tough job, huh?"
The guy says, "Well, all that in-breeding has led to low intelligence
and bad temperament. And the dogs aren't that smart either."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first says, "I'll have a beer."
The second says, "I'll have one half of a beer."
The third says, "I'll have one fourth of a beer."
Frustrated, the bartender pulls out two bottles and says, "You guys should know your limits."
3 guys walk into a bar...
One of them is Mexican, another African and an American. The American looks at the other two and says "is this some kind of joke?"
A guy meets his buddy at the bar.
He says, "I don't want to brag, but when I walked in, those two girls by the door looked at me, then both said to each other, 'nine' ". His buddy said, "Really? When I walked in, they were speaking German!"
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one walks up and orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third one wants 1/4 of a beer, and the next wants just 1/8th. The bartender sees where this is going, and stops them before anyone else can order.
The bartender pours two beers, hands them over, and says "You guys should really know your limits".
Guy walks into a bar with two Bananas in his ears...
Guy walks into a bar with two Bananas in his ears...
Bartender says "Hey man, what's up with the Bananas?!?"
Guy says "What?"
An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first says, I'll have a beer. The second says, I'll have half a beer. The third says, I'll have a quarter of a beer. Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. Come on, now, he says to the group, You guys have got to learn your limits.
Two men are drinking away their sorrows...
In a bar high above the city when one says to the other "I think I want to kill myself." They other guy says "You know what? Me too. Let's do it." They walk over to the window and both jump out.
A few minutes later the second guy walks in the door and sits back down at the bar. The bartender says:"You sure are a mean drunk, Superman."
Two guys walk into a bar...
The first guy walks up to the counter and says "I'll have some H2O please".
The second guy walks up to the counter and says "I'll have some H2O too"
The second guy dies
Two guys walk into a bar
They walk up to the robot bartender and the first guy says "I'll have an h2o." The second guy says "I'll have an h2o too!" The robot bartender then murders them both because Elon Musk was right about AI.
Two almonds
Two almonds walk into a bar. They order 20 tequila shots each.
Bartender says: "What are you guys, nuts?"
Two guys walked into a bar
Two men walk into a bar.
The first one says "I'll have some H2O"
The second one says "I'll have some H2O2"
The bartender brought out two glasses of water because he understood that the second guy meant too and not two.
A guy was meeting his friend in the bar
As he walked in, he noticed two pretty girls looking at him. He heard one girl say to the other, "Nine." Feeling pleased with himself, he swaggered over to his buddy at the bar and told him that the girl in the corner had just rated him a nine out of ten. "Sorry to spoil your evening," said his friend, "but when I walked in they were speaking German"
Two guys walk into a bar...
which is kinda s**... because the second guy should of seen it.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second orders half a pint, the third orders a quarter pint. The bartender interrupts them, You guys need to learn your limits. Two pints, coming right up!
A group of people of all genders walk into a bar...
The first orders a beer... The second orders half a beer... The third orders one quarter of a beer... The fourth orders one eighth of a beer...
The bartender pours two beers for the entire group, and replies "cmon guys, know your limits."
Two guys walk into a bar, and one of them orders a mushroom soup.
The other guy asks him how the mushroom soup tastes, to which he responds "It's good, but there is mushroom for improvement"
Two guys walk into a bar
Which is funny because you would have thought the second one would notice it.
A guy gets thrown out of a bar.
Two priests approach the guy that was thrown out. He looks at the first priest and says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest shakes his head.
The guy looks at the second priest and says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The second priest also shakes his head.
"Okay, let me prove it to you." The guy walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back already?"
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have a beer." The second says, "I'll have half a beer." The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer." And so on.
The bartender hands them two glasses of beer and says, "You guys need to know your limits."
A guy walk up to a bar with two women
A guy walk up to a bar with two women and says "you ladies from Scotland?
They give him a dirty look and say "Wales"
"Oh I'm sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"
Two Guys Walk Into A Bar
The Third goes around.
Two guys walked into a bar.
You'd think the second one would've seen it coming.
(I first heard this from my English teacher, I'm sure it's been posted somewhere already)
A guy has 10 bucks in his pocket and walks into a bar.
As soon as he get in, he sees a sign on the wall:
- Beer $5.00
- h**... $10.00
He calls the hottest waitress in the room and asks: "Who are the one who gives the h**...?"
The waitress respond: "That would be me."
"Ok... Go wash your hands and bring me two beers."
Two guys walk into a bar...
They look around, and see that at one table, there's a rabbi, a priest, and an imman. At another there's an Irishman, a Scottsman, and a Brit. At a third there's a blonde, a brunette, and a readhead. Up at the bar, sits a dog with a bandaged paw.
Guy looks to his friend and says, 'What is this, some kind of joke?'
3 Bats Walk Into A Bar...
One tells the bartender "I'll have a pint of blood". The next bat says "I'll have a pint of blood as well." The last bat says "I'll have a pint of plasma."
So the bartender says, "alright let me get this straight, you guys want two bloods and a blood lite?"
Two guys walk into a bar
One of them says to the bartender ,"I'll have H2O" . The other guy says, "I'll have H20 too"
They both drink water because the bartender has enough common sense to not serve shots of hydrogen peroxide at a bar
Two guys from New York go on a cross-country trip and end up walking into a bar in Kansas.
After a few too many drinks, one of the guys asks the bartender, "Hey, can you tell us how to go cow tipping?" "I'm sorry, gentlemen. Cow tipping is simply an urban myth," the bartender explains. "The farmers actually pay them a competitive wage."
A guy walks into a bar...
He sees 2 steaks nailed to the ceiling. He asks the bartender, "What's up with those two steaks?"
The bartender replies,
"if you can jump up and take those two steaks from the ceiling, I'll give you $1,000,000, if not, I'll cut your arms off."
The guy then replies,
"I won't do it, the stakes are too high."
Two guys walk into a bar...
The bartender walks over...
Another guy walks out of the bar...
People are just walking around.
A lawyer, a spy, a mob boss and two Russian oligarchs walk into a bar. The bartender says...
"You guys must be here to talk about adoption."
Two black guys walk into a bar...
The bartender looks around and says... what'll you two fine gentlemen have? And they paid their tab, and couldn't have been more courteous.
Two guys walk into a bar...
Another exits the bar. Two more walk in, one more guy exits crying. People just walking around.
