The Best 14 Two Grand Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Two Grand jokes. There are some two grand twosome jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these two grand grand canyon puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Two Grand Jokes and Puns

Three rich guys bury a friend.

First guy throws a $1000 bucks into the coffin, saying "I want you to never need anything in the next life".
Second one, richer than the first, throws $5000 behind it.
All of them look to the third who is even richer than the other two. He writes a check for over 100 grand, throws it in the coffin and remarks "Cash it if you need anything".

Two drunks stumble out of a hotel...

...and manage to get into one of the cabs. After a bit of a process getting seated, one of them tells the cabbie.

"To the Grand Hotel please."

The cabbie turns around and says, "But we're already at the Grand Hotel."

One of the drunks gives the cabbie a bill, and says, "Next time, don't drive quite so fast."

Since the wife left me I've bought a motorbike, got a dog, slept with two women, and blown a grand on drink and drugs.

She'll go mad when she gets home from work.

3 women meet for brunch after a wild night...

1st woman says "girls I got so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks".

2nd woman says "you think that's bad? After I dropped you two off, I drove home. I was so hammered I ended up driving through my garage door and kept going. Destroyed my garage, my husband says it's going to cost 5 grand to fix".

3rd woman goes "When I got home I decided to take a bath and light some candles. I was so drunk, I passed out, knocked over the candles and ended up burning down my whole house".

1st woman exclaims "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog!"

Did you hear about the guy who went to the doctor bc he had a headache?

The doctor examined his ear and found money. The doctor kept pulling and pulling it out and found a total of $1,999. Then the doctor said, "no wonder you're not feeling two grand!"


I had dinner once with a Chess Grand Master in a restaurant with checked tablecloths..

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

Incredible Tennis statistic...

Novak is the first person to lose a Grand Slam after only missing two shots.

Two Grand joke, Incredible Tennis statistic...

I had an unrealistic dream about having several thousand dollars last night

Turns out it was two grand.

Part of our choir got kidnapped last week!

Two guys just got arrested for grand theft alto.

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle...

they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.

Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the ConnorPass.

At the ConnorPass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place…'

He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat.

Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'

Did you know that Ariana Grande has two sisters?

Their names are Ariana Tall and Ariana Venti.

You can explore two grand elephant reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean two grand students dad jokes. There are also two grand puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I think hospital cafeterias should serve Seizure Salads...

They can come in two sizes--Petite and Grand Mal

What do you call it when two big polish guy's push a car?

Grand theft Auto

Did you hear about the two tinkers that got divorced?

Ah it's grand. They're still cousins.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the two grand pence jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working two grand couple piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes