JokoJokes

Two Faced People Jokes

23 two faced people jokes and hilarious two faced people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about two faced people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Two Faced People Short Jokes

Short two faced people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The two faced people humour may include short two faced jokes also.

  1. iPhone X has face recognition! What I can't grasp is... how will it work with two-faced people?
  2. I have two accounts on Facebook it means I have two faces.
    It's really good because one is cuter to attract people.

Share These Two Faced People Jokes With Friends




Two Faced People One Liners

Which two faced people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with two faced people? I can suggest the ones about there are two types of people and fake people.

  1. Fake people are like pennies Two-faced and not worth a dime.
  2. I feel bad about those people who have two faces . And more for those who have both ugly.
  3. I hate two-faced people. It's so hard to decide which face to slap first.

Charming Humor Two Faced People Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about two faced people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean two friends jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make two faced people pranks.

After a terrible night, two professors have to run through campus while n**......

As they run, the first guy covers his g**... and the second covers his face. The first guy asks the second, "Are you not ashamed of your indecency?"
The second guy responds, "Yeah... But, I don't know about you, but more people recognize me by my face than by my g**..."

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES : THESE REALLY WORK!!

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES : THESE REALLY WORK!!
 
 
 
 
 
                        1. TO AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES, GET SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
 
 
 
                        2 TO AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT-    USE THE SINK.
 
 
 
                        3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. [REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.]
 
 
 
                        4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
 
 
 
                        5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES - YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
 
 
 
                        6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE – OIL AND DUCT TAPE.    IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE OIL.     IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
 
 
 
                        7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
 
 
 
                        DAILY THOUGHT:
 
 
 
                        SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS.

A Priest and a Rabbi go for a Walk in the Park

As both come by a beautiful lake, the rabbi says: Let's take a dip, the water looks refreshing!
But we have no trunks
Then let's go in as god has created us.
Said and done, they go in. After a while, they get out and walk back to their clothes. There, a small group of people surprise the two n**... men.
Full of shame, the priest covers his manhood. He looks to the right and sees the rabbi covering his face.
What are you doing? , he asks.
The rabbi answers: My people recognize me by my face.

Three professors go to the nudist beach

They start reading their newspapers, when suddenly Miss Ridgewell approaches them from the Chemistry Department. The alarmed professors react immediately. Two of them hide their manhood with their newspapers, the third, however, hides his face. They politely salute the lady, who simply passes by to join her friends.
When she's far gone, one of them asks the third professor, "Why did you hide your face?"
To which the third professor replies, "I don't know about you guys, but people usually recognise my face..."

Slamming the door

Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you might need to move your cat."

Two Jews walk past a Christian Church.

There was a sign outside saying "If you let us baptize you as a Catholic we'll give you $500 dollars!."
The first Jew raised his eyebrows to the other and said "How about it?". "No!" the other Jew exclaimed, "I'm not forsaking my beliefs for $500!." "Hey money is money| the first Jew shrugged, "besides I'm not even that dedicated to the faith. I'm going in"
Grudgingly the second Jew consents to wait outside while the first Jew goes in to be baptized. He's gone for quite some time, but a couple of hours later he emerges with a beaming smile on his face, looking the picture of spiritual contentment. His curiosity peaked, the second Jew goes up to him and asks, "Well did you get the money?!
"Oh it's all about money with you people!"

Three bats are having a contest...

...to see which one can get the most blood. So the first one goes and half an hour later comes with a bit of blood on his cheeks. The other two bats ask him:
"where did you get that?"
"see the couple over there, kissing on the bench? that's where i got it."
So the second bat goes out. Like the first bat he comes back half an hour later, but his whole face is covered in blood. When they ask him, he replies:
"I found a party and all the people were so drunk, they didn't even notice."
And finaly the third bat goes outnto find some blood. But he comes back two minutes later completely covered in blood from head to toe. The other two ask him
"Wow! How did you do that?"
"You see that pole over there?"
"yes."
"Well, I didn't!"

The Church Bell

This church just lost there bell ringer and needed someone to ring the bell for them. They were holding auditions when a man with no arms came up to them and asked about the job. The priest asked the man " How are you going to ring the bell without any arms?" to which the man replied with " Like this." The man ran up to the top of the church and hit the bell with his face to make it ring. when he came down the priest said " Well I guess you got the job."
Over the years the man kept ringing the bell by hitting his face against the bell and causing it to ring, while, however, causing the man to be off balance. One day he went up to the bell, rung it again then slipped off the roof and landed hard onto the asphalt, killing him instantly. Two people found him dead in the parking lot, one asked the other " You know him?" to which the other said " Not really, but the face sure rings a bell."

Heard this one seems kind of old.

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in the Bozeman, Montana airport, while waiting for their respective flights...One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show, and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East ....Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette. Finally, the American Indian clears his t**... and softly he speaks, 'At one time here... my people were many... but sadly, now we are few.' The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, 'Once my people were few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?' The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl . . . 'I reckon that's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'.

The old Priest

In Washington, DC, an old Priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital and was well known among the elected officials. He motioned for his Nurse to come near.
Yes, Father?" said the Nurse.
"I would really like to see President Obama and Senator Reid before I die," whispered the Priest.
"I'll see what I can do, Father," replied the Nurse.
The Nurse had the request sent to the President and Congress and all waited for a response.
Soon the word arrived; President Obama and Harry Reid would be delighted to visit the Priest.
As they went to the hospital, Obama commented to Reid, "I don't know why the old Priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images.
Reid agreed that it was a good thing.
When they arrived at the Priest's room, the Priest took Obama's hand in his right hand and Reid's hand in his left hand. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old Priest's face.
Finally President Obama spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you neared the end?"
The old Priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
"Amen," said Obama. "Amen," said Reid.
The old Priest continued, "Jesus died between two lying thieves; in fulfilling that consummate desire, I wanted to do the same."

20 reasons why chocolate is better than s**...

1. you can *get* chocolate.
2. 'if you love me you'll s**... it' has real meaning with chocolate.
3. chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4. you can safely have chocolate while driving.
5. you can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6. you can have chocolate in front of your mother.
7. if you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate doesn't mind.
8. two people of the same s**... can have chocolate without being called n**... names.
9. the word 'commitment' doesn't scare off chocolate.
10. you can have chocolate on top of your worktable or desk during working hours without upsetting your coworkers.
11. you can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12. you don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13. with chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14. chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15. you can have chocolate any time of the month.
16. good chocolate is easy to find.
17. you can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18. you are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19. when you have chocolate it doesn't keep your neighbors awake.
20. with chocolate, size doesn't matter.

A politician is leaving office...

...and shaking the hand of the fresh face. The old bear motions the new comer to come closer - to exchange words.
"You're a public figure now. You must act in a most respectable way, you need to care for your people - not so much that they need you, but enough that they don't forget who you are. And most important - keep these two letters close by.'
"When you get yourself into a situation you can't get out of, open the first letter, and you'll be safe. When you get yourself into another situation you can't get out of, open the second letter".
Well, soon enough, the young professional was in a tight place, so they opened the first letter. Which said - "Blame everything on me". So tyhe old politician was blamed, it worked like a charm. Years later the politician got into a second situation they couldn't get out of - the second letter was opened. It said - "Sit down, and write two letters"

A miner walks into a San Francisco bar.

He's been working out in the gold mines for 6 months and is desperately craving the company of a woman. He walks up to the bartender and asks, "I don't suppose you have any women? I haven't had s**... in months..."
The bartender replies, "No, sorry... BUT we do have c**... Charlie out back if you want".
The miner says "Thanks, but I don't swing that way", and turns around and heads back to the mines.
He comes back in another 6 months, and asks again. "Do you have any women since I was here last time?"
"No, but we still have c**... Charlie"
"Sorry, I don't swing that way". The miner buys a whiskey and turns around and walks out the door and goes back to work in the mines.
6 months after that, the miner comes back to the bar.
"You get any women? It's been a year since my first visit..."
"No man, sorry. We still have c**... Charlie though".
Now, the miner is pretty desperate at this point. It's been 18 months since he last got laid, and he's tired of waiting. After some deep consideration, the miner sighs and says, "Alright fine. The only people that'll know about this is you, me, and c**... Charlie, right?"
"Yep. And the two men that hold him down," says the bartender.
"Why would there be two men holding him down?" The miner asks with a confused look on his face.
"c**... Charlie doesn't swing that way either".

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "

Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied.
"They taught us all the latest psychological techniques, visualization, association,it made a huge difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn't remember.
Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!"
He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

On top of a hill area, there are three draculas bragging about their powers to each other.

The first one, points at a large house in the village underneath them, and quickly fly towards it. In about five minutes, he's back with a hint of blood dripping from his lip. Proudly, he says that all the humans living in that house died from his attack. The second dracula laughs as he's pointing to a small village area. After that, the second dracula jumps and flies in a quicker manner than the first one, in not more than a minute, he's already back with his mouth covered in blood. He says that all the people in the village that he pointed at died from his quick and brutal attack. The first dracula felt beaten, while the third one didn't say anything, but he gave one cold stare to a direction with small city lights at the end of it. Without any word, he flashed into that direction, and in more of a shock, he's back in around five seconds of time with face all covered in blood. Both previous draculas are surprised, and asked him if had he slaughtered the people in that small city. The third dracula shouts, "Did you two see that electrical pole in front of us?" they replied, "Of course we did, why?" still shouting, the third dracula says, "g**..., I didn't!"