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Two Dogs Jokes

97 two dogs jokes and hilarious two dogs puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about two dogs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Two Dogs Short Jokes

Short two dogs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The two dogs humour may include short dog and cat jokes also.

  1. My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one. She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
  2. My girlfriend's dog died so I got her an identical one She got even more upset and shouted at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
  3. • My friend's dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog. She was furious, she said *"what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"*
  4. My girlfriend's dog died so I got her an identical one to try and cheer her up. But it made her even more upset.
    She screamed at me saying, What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?
  5. My neighbor has two German Shepards that he has named "Rolex" and "Timex".... They're watch dogs
  6. I've been interrogating the dog for two solid hours.
    He still won't tell me who's a good boy.
  7. Two dogs are sitting in a bar. The first says, "wanna hear a joke?" The second dog says "sure!" The first dog says "knock knock." The second says... WOOF WOOF WOOF! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!!
  8. My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset.
    She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
  9. My neighbor just walked by with two dogs. I said to him, "I didn't know you had any dogs."
    He replied, "They're not my dogs. They're my sister's."
    I said, "Wow, your sisters are ugly!"
  10. My girlfriends dog died recently So to cheer her up I bought her another one just like it. It didn't work.
    She said "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

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Two Dogs One Liners

Which two dogs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with two dogs? I can suggest the ones about dogs and cats and cats dogs.

  1. I bought two Rottweilers and named them Rolex and Omega They're watch dogs...
  2. It was so hot today... That I actually saw two fire hydrants fighting over a dog.
  3. What has two legs and bleeds a lot? Half a dog
  4. I have two Dobermans, named Rolex and Timex. Watch dogs
  5. I bought two Dobermans named Rolex and Timex. They're watch dogs.
  6. Why was the dog bad at soccer? Because he had two left feet
  7. Dude buys two dogs. Names them One and Two. One ran away but he's still got Two.
  8. I got my dog from an orphanage like, two years ago. Those orphans STILL hold a grudge.
  9. Why are dogs terrible dancers ? Because they have two left feet.
  10. I tried to teach my dog to dance today. It was useless. He's got two left feet.
  11. Why are dogs such terrible dancers? They have two left feet.
  12. Do you know why dogs can't dance? They have two left feet.
  13. A man asks his dog what is two minus two. The dog says nothing.
  14. I asked my dog what's two minus two. He said nothing.
  15. Why aren't dogs very good dancers? They have two left feet.

Two Dogs Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about two dogs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cats and dogs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make two dogs pranks.

2 foreign immigrants have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other,

''"I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

"Mr. Trump, have you changed your plans for mass deportation?"

"No, I have not. I will deport 11 million undocumented immigrants and two dogs."
"Why the two dogs?"
"See? Nobody cares about the immigrants!"

An old h**... joke

Some time ago, a medium contacted h**...'s spirit by accident. Out of curiosity, he decided to listen to what h**... had to say.
"Listen to my words, you little brat: I'm gonna reincarnate someday, and I'm gonna kill six million Jews and two dogs".
"Why the two dogs?" the medium replied.
"See, nobody cares about the Jews!"

A young boy and his father are walking through a park when they see two dogs doing the dirty.


Boy: "Daddy, what are they doing?"
Dad: "Oh...uh...they're just making a puppy."
Later that night daddy and mommy put the boy to sleep and go off to their bedroom. After a couple glasses of wine they get at it. Suddenly the door opens and their son is standing at the foot of the bed.
Boy: "Daddy, what are you and mommy doing?"
Dad: "Oh...We're just making a baby."
Boy: "Well turn mommy over because I want a puppy."

Little Johnny saw two dogs having s**... in the park...

... so he asks his mother what's going on.
The mom isn't ready to have "that talk" yet, so she makes up a story. "Well, Johnny," she says, "the d**... in the back hurt its front paws, so the one in the front is helping him get home."
Johnny thinks about that for a moment and then says, "Wow, so dogs are just like people, aren't they?"
The mom is puzzled by that. "What do you mean, Johnny?"
"Well," says Johnnie, "you try to help someone and you just end up getting s**...."

Late Night Phone Call To The Vet

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after her neighbor`s male dog
while the neighbors were on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds,
rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage,
as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet,
who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said,
"Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.
I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his e**...
and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"Just worked on me," he replied.

Two Scottish nuns

Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replied, "But if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it. "Two dogs, please," said one.
The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their 'dogs'.

The mother superior was first to open hers, stared at it for a moment, then leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, "What part did you get?"

Woman can't get mating dogs apart

A woman had two dogs that she hadn't had fixed, but always kept them from mating. One night she wakes up at 2 AM to this terrible howling.
She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and is unable to separate them.
She called her vet ,who answered in a very grumpy voice.
After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his e**... and he will be able to withdraw.
Do you think that will work? she asked.
Just worked for me, he replied.

I would rather have a puppy!!

A little boy and his dad are walking down the street when they see two dogs having s**.... The little boy asks his father, "Daddy, what are they doing?"
The father says, "Making a puppy. "
So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having s**.... The little boy says, "Daddy, what are you doing?"
The father replies, "Making a baby."
The little boy says, "Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a puppy instead ! "

Two dogs are at the vet talking.

Two dogs are at the vet talking.
Great Dane: So what are you here for?
Poodle: Well I've been wandering around the neighborhood too much lately looking for s**... so they're having me castrated, you?
Great Dane: My mistress does the housework n**..., she was bending over cleaning the vegetable draw in the fridge and I just couldn't help myself so I went for it.
Poodle: So you're here for castration too hey?
Great Dane: No, I'm here to get my claws trimmed.

A guy with 2 dogs walks into a bar

A guy walks into his local bar with two dogs. "I didn't know you had dogs," the bartender comments. "They're not my dogs," the guy replies. "They're my sister's." "Wow, your sisters are ugly," the bartender says.

Two dogs meet on the street and sniff each other...

Finally one says, "I don't recall your name but your f**... familiar."

Two Dogs talking.

Dog one: Why are all of the humans wearing muzzles?
Dog two: Because they broke the rules and didn't sit and stay....

helpful dog

A man and his son come across two dogs h**.... The son says, "Dad, what are those dogs doing?"
His father replies, "Well, the dog on top must have hurt his two front paws, and that dog on the bottom is helping him home."
The son says, "It just figures -- you try to help someone out, and they screw you."

Little Timmy and his father are walking in the park

Little Timmy and his father are walking in the park. Timmy sees two dogs h**..., and says, "Dad, what are they doing?" His father looks and says, "Oh, they're making a puppy."
Later that night, Timmy walks into his parents' room and sees mom and dad going at it, and says "Dad, what are you doing??" His Dad says, "Oh, we're making you a baby brother." Timmy says, "Well flip her over, I'd rather have a puppy"

It's all in the position.

A father and son were standing in the front yard one day and the son notices two dogs having s**.... He asks "dad what they are doing?" The father replies "they are making puppies." A few nights later the son walks in on his mother and father having s**... and asks " dad what are y'all doing?" The father says "we're making babies." The son quickly replies " well turn her over, I want a puppy!"

s**... ed

One day a little boy was at the park with his grandfather when he saw two dogs having s**.... He asked what they were doing and was told that was how they made puppies. Later that night he had a bad dream and when he went in to his parents' room he saw them having s**.... When he asked what they were doing he was told they were trying to make him a baby brother or sister. Disgusted, he demanded "Well flip her over, I'd rather have a puppy!"

"Daddy, what are you doing?"

A little boy and his father are walking down the street, and they see two dogs having s**.... The little boy asks his father, Daddy, what are they doing? The father says, Making a puppy. So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having s**.... The little boy says, Daddy, what are you doing?
The father replies, Making a baby. The little boy says, Can you turn mommy over? I'd rather have a puppy.

A Native American child asks his father how they choose children's names.

Father - "After you are born, we open the tepee and the first thing we see is what we name you. Like your eldest brother, Soaring Eagle, your sister, Falling Leaves, and your little brother, Grizzly Cub. Why do you ask Two Dogs h**...?"

A man and his young son are walking through a park

where they see two dogs having s**.... The son asks, "What are they doing?" The man says with some embarrassment, "Those dogs are making puppies."
The next week the son enters his parents room while they are having s**.... The son says, "Dad, what are you doing to mom?" He e**... responds, "We're making babies." The son replies, "Flip her over, I want puppies instead."

These dogs

A man was walking his two dogs.
Someone asked, "What are their names?"

Man replied, "Rolex and Omega!" "Wow! I have never heard those names for dogs.

Man said "These are watchdogs.

A Native American boy goes to his chief with a question

Chief Running Bear, where do our names come from?
The Chief replied, You are named after the first thing we see in nature after you are born. Soon after I was born, my chief saw a bear running through the trees, so I am named Running Bear. Why do you ask, Two Dogs h**...?

two dogs at the vet

A great dane and a poodle are in nearby kennels at a vet's office.
Poodle: "I get overly excited and pee on the floor when my owner comes home. His evil wife is having me put to sleep. What are you in for?"
Dane: "That's too bad. I got way too excited when my owner started doing Bikram yoga. I couldn't help it...I started h**... her like crazy."
Poodle: "So is she putting you down too?"
Dane: "Naw, I'm just getting my nails done."

Two dogs are laying in their front room

First dog says to the second dog: Hey, do you want to hear a joke?
Second dog: Yeah, go on then.
First dog: Knock, knock.
Second dog: Woof, woof, woof, woof!

Today I saw two dogs make hot streamy love on the roadside.

It's really hurtful to see your ex moving on so quickly.

I adopted two dogs and named them Timex and Rolex

They're my watch dogs.

Two dogs are sitting in a field.

First dog turns to the second dog and says d**... man you smell like s**...! Have you been rolling in s**...?
Yep.
Wow. That is foul. Is it like a compulsive behavior?
Nope.
Do you do it to cover your scent up, like to ward off predators?
Nope.
Is it some weird f**... that gets you off?
Nope.
Then why would you roll in such pungent p**...!?
So I can sit in peace and not be bothered. Figures it wouldn't work on a German Shepherd

Sore Paws

Little Johnny calls his dad, 'Dad those two dogs over there, why is the one at the front giving the one at the back a ride?'
'Errr, hmm, well son, the one at the back has saw front paws, so the one at the front is giving him a lift home'
'It's always the same innit dad'
'What's that son?'
'You try and help someone out, you end up getting f**...!'

Sniffs

Two dogs were walking down the street. One dog says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for a minute, then walks back across the street. The other dog says, "What was that about?"
The dog first dog says, "I was just checking my messages."

Two dogs were fighting the other day.

So I called the police to report domesticated a**....

Making cake....

A mother and a daughter were walking down the street and they see two dogs h**.... The daughter quickly looks up to her mother and says "mommy, mommy, what are they doing?" The mother replies by saying, "they're making cake."
The next day the daughter enters her parents room and says "I saw you two making cake!" The mother quickly replies, "How do you know that?"
And finally the daughter quickly responds by saying "I licked the icing off the bed!"

Why can't two dogs ever finish a movie?

They keep hitting paws.

Two dogs have a home construction business and work on the tops of houses together.

I guess you could say they work on woofs.

Saw two dogs doing it human style.

Saw two dogs doing it human style. They were fighting.

What do you call two dogs having s**...

K-69

Two dogs are running through the desert

One turns to the other and says
"if we don't find a tree soon, I'm going to pee my pants"

Two dogs are sitting outside

One is wearing the cone of shame and the other is not
The dog wearing the cone says to the other,
"Hey Bob, I'm going to have to ask you do me a favor"

Indian names

A young Indian boy was very self conscious of his name and wanted to know why he was called what he was. He went to the chief and asked "chief, why have you given me my name?". The chief said "well son, we give our children their names based on what we see when they are born. Like your brother, Running Buffalo, we saw buffalo running when he was born. Your sister, Blue Sky, was so ugly that we had to look up at the sky when she was born. So, why do you ask Two Dogs p**...?"

A Native American boy talks to his father,

Boy: Dad, why is my sister called 'Running Water'?
Father: Son, in our family we have a tradition. When our child is born we name them after the first thing we see in nature. Your sister was born next to a stream.
Boy: Oh ok. So my brother is called 'Soaring Eagle' because when he was born you saw a flying eagle?
Father: Yes that's correct. Hopefully you understand now 'Two Dogs f**...'.

Two dogs having a serious conversation

Dog 1-Bow bow
Dog 2-Bow bow
Dog 1-Bow bow
Dog 2- Bow bow
Dog 1-Cow cow
Dog 2- Don't change the topic.

Why did two dogs swim?

Because t**... quatre cinque

Get two dogs and name them 'one' and 'two'.

Because if one runs away, you'll still have two.

What do you call a chinese person with two dogs?

Not Hung Lee.

Two dogs and a cat appeared in heaven

Two dogs and a cat appeared in heaven and were seeking admission. God Himself decided to hear their appeal from His judgement seat.
The St Bernard said "I was a valued rescue dog and helped find those nuns after the avalanche."
"Fine then, you're in," said God.
The collie said, "I was always faithful to my master and brought the family together when they were down."
"Sounds wonderful," said God. "Welcome."
Then it was the cat's turn. "Why should we let you in?" asked God.
"Well actually, I think you're in my chair."

Two dogs walk into a bar: What do they say?

Nothing. Dogs don't speak.

Two dogs were walking by a parking meter

The first dog said,
"Would you look at that, a pay toilet."

Two dogs walking down the road

First dog says to the second do you use a rubber when you make love to your missus?
Second dog says Durex
First dog says no, I asked you first

I was walking my two dogs in the park yesterday

A man approached me and asked are they jack russels?
I said nah they're mine

What happens when two dogs breed in a pound?

Dog pound dog pounds dog pound dog.

A man walking with his friend tells him that he doesn't know how to have s**... with his wife

"It's not hard, man! Look there." his friend says as he points towards two dogs having s**....
"Just do the exact same thing with your wife."
"Ok, I'll try."
They both go home and meet up the next day at a bar.
"So, how did it go?" asks the friend.
"Great, but I had a hard time u**... her on the sidewalk."

Two dogs are walking along a street. They are passed by a third dog driving a lorry load of logs. One turns to the other and says: "He started fetching a stick and built up the business from there."

When two men have s**... what position are they going to be in?
But what about when two dogs have s**...?
That means that the two men are having s**... d**... then what ways are the dogs having s**...?
That means that the dogs are having an affair with the men to have s**... d**....

A young man turns 21 and decides to change his name.

He goes to the village wise man and explains what he wants.
"You do realize that, in our village, it is a tradition for the father to name a child after the first thing he sees after the child is born, don't you?" The young man nods.
"That is why your older sister is named 'Flying Dove.'" The young man nods.
"And that is also why your younger brother is named 'Running Deer.'" The young man nods.
"So, I don't understand why you would want to change your name, 'Two Dogs f**...'!"

Little Johnny

Little Johnny and his dad are going for a walk in the park where they see two dogs h**....
Johnny asks Dad what are those dogs doing?
The dad gets flustered and says They are making a puppy
Later that night Johnny hears strange noises coming from his parents room. When he goes to investigate he sees his dad laying on top of his mom.
Johnny asks. What are you doing?
The dad says We are making you a little brother
To that Johnny replies
Well roll the b**... over cuz I rather have a puppy

A man walking his son in the park comes across two dogs h**....

The son turns to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are those dogs doing?"
The dad, thinking he should wait for his son to get a bit older, says
"Son, I'm about to teach you a very important thing about life. You see that dog on top? Well his two front paws are hurt and that dog on the bottom is helping him home."
The son turns to his father and says, "You're right dad, that is a very important thing in life to learn."
The dad asks, "Do you know why that is, son?"
The son replies, "Because every time you try to help someone out, you always get s**...."

I've already got a freaking dog!!!

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 dogs and another 2 dogs and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two dogs, and another two dogs and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two dogs, and another two dogss and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking dog!"

A father and son walk in the park

A father is walking with his son through a park and they see two dogs mating. The son asks the father what they're doing.
"They're making puppies", he replies.
Later that night the son hears something in his parents room and goes to investigate.
He walks in on his parents having s**..., and immediately asks, "Father, what are you doing?"
After a seconds hesitation the father responds, "we're making a baby"
To which the son says, "Turn her over, I want a puppy!"

One day, a father and his son are walking home (not sure if this is a repost)

They see two dogs on the side of the road having s**.... The son looks to his father and asks What are they doing? The father wanted to be honest with his son, so he said They're making a puppy.
That night, the boy opened the door to his parents room to find them having s**.... The boy asks Dad, what are you doing? The father wanted to be honest with his son, so he said We're making a baby.
The son thought for a minute and then looked to his father and said, No, flip Mom over. I want a puppy!

A boy and his mom went for a walk...

The boy sees two dogs going at it. The boy asked his mom what are they doing?
O they are just making a puppy, dear! The boy nods and they walk home. Later that night the boy hears weird noises coming from his parents room and gets up to investigate.
He opens the door and sees his dad on top of his mom and asked Daddy, what are you doing to mommy?!
We are making a baby. The boy thinks for a moment and finally says
Well, flip her over! I want a puppy!

"How do we get our names?"

There was once a young Native American boy talking to his father.
"How do we get our names, dad?" The boy asked.
"Well, son," the boy's father replied, "after a baby is born we go out of the teepee and name the child after the first thing we see. This is why your great grandfather was Soaring Eagle, your grandfather is Running Elk, and I am Hopping Grasshopper."
The boy nodded, but still looked as though he was confused.
The boy's dad then asks, "Why do you ask, Two Dogs F*cking?"

Little Jonny Sees Two Dogs in the Park

Little Jonny is walking with his dad through the park when he sees a dog mount on another one and starts having s**....
"Dad," he asked, "what are those dogs doing?"
"Well, they're making puppies."
Late that night, Little Jonny walked in his parents' room and caught them having s**....
"Mommy, Daddy, what are you guys doing?"
"Well," Dad replied, "we're making a little brother or sister for you."
Jonny thought about it for a moment, then said, "Turn her over, Daddy. I'd rather have a puppy!"

Two Dogs Are In The Vet

Two dogs are in the vet office, waiting to be seen. The first dog turns to the one to his left and asks, "what are you in for?"
The other dog looks at him sadly and says, "our neighbors got a really smoking hot poodle, so I jumped the fence and did her right then and there. I'm here to get neutered."
The first dog sighs and says, "yeah, I'm here for a similar situation. My owner has a really hot girlfriend. She had just gotten out of the shower, and I just couldn't help myself. I plowed her good."
"So you're getting neutered too?"
"Nah, I'm here to get my nails clipped."

A man is walking through the park with his son...

Suddenly the boy exclaims, "Dad! Dad! Look!"
And the man turns to see two dogs h**... wildly.
"What are they doing?" the boy asks.
The man hesitates for a moment and says, "Ah, well son... *They're making puppies!*"
"Wow! Neat!" the boy says, rather astonished.
Later that night – thinking their son is asleep – the man and his wife begin some very passionate love making.
"What are you doing?" they suddenly hear from their doorway. It's their boy!
Shocked and embarrassed they stop. "Well son," the man begins, "Mommy and I were, ah, just making a new little brother or sister for you!"
The boy looks at his dad for a moment, and says, "Well, turn her around! I want a puppy!"

A boy and his Father are walking down the road.

As they pass an alley the boy stops and sees two dogs going at it.
The boy turns to his Father and asks, *Daddy, what are those dogs doing?*
The Father thinks and decides that his son is old enough and tells him the truth.
Son, they are making a puppy
The boy is satisfied with this answer and they continue their walk.
Later that night after the boy has gone to bed, the Father and the Misses feel a little frisky and start to enjoy some romantic relations.
They were quiet but not quiet enough as their bedroom door opens up and the boy catches his parents.
He asks, *Daddy, what are you and Mommy doing?*
The Father thinks and says:
Son, we are making a baby
The boy then say; *Well, can you flip Mom over, I want a puppy instead!*

Three Dogs Are Sitting in the Vet's Waiting Room

The dogs ask each other what they're in for.
The first dog sadly says, "I just can't help myself when it comes to the mailman. I just get so angry when he walks up to the door that I bit him. Now I'm being put to sleep."
The second dog says, "Oh no, that's terrible. I'm a barker myself. I know I'm not supposed to bark all night, but I just can't help myself. So I'm being put to sleep too."
The first two look at the third dog for his story.
"Well, my owner likes to do her housework in the n**...," he said. "Yesterday, she was vacuuming and bent over to get under the couch. I mean, I couldn't help myself; I hopped right on and had the ride of my life!"
The other two dogs looked at him compassionately. "So you're being put to sleep too?"
"What? No, she's having my nails clipped!"

Puppy Love

A man and his younger son are enjoying an afternoon in the park. Two dogs nearby are h**... away and the son curiously asks "Dad, what are they doing?"
The Dad thinks it's about time for these kind of questions so he calmly replies "Well son .. they are making puppies."
Later that night the son has trouble sleeping and wanders into his parents bedroom. He stops when he sees his parents are having s**.... The son cautiously asks "Uh, Dad... what are you doing to Mom?"
The Dad says "Well son.. we are making a baby."
The son ponders this for a moment and says "Well flip her over, I want a puppy!"

A man and his son stumble upon two dogs h**......

When the little boy asks his dad what the dogs are doing, he explains that they're making puppies.
Later that night, the man and his wife are going at it hot and heavy in the bedroom. The little boy stumbles in unannounced. In a panic, the parents hurriedly gather themselves.
The boy asks, "daddy, what are you and mommy doing?"
"Well..." his father says, "we were making babies, son."
"Quick, dad," the boy shouts. "Roll her over! I'd rather have puppies."

A father and his 8 year old son are on a walk and come across two dogs h**....

"Dad, what are those dogs doing?" the boy asks.
"Well son, they're trying to make puppies."
That answer seemed to satisfy the son's curiosity, so no more was said about it and they finished their walk.
Later that night the boy had a nightmare and ran into his parent's room, only to catch them in the act.
"Dad, what are you doing."
"Well son, your mom and I are trying to make you a little brother or sister for you."
"Can you turn her over dad? I'd rather have a puppy."

Two Dogs (From the movie Silkwood)

A young brave visits the chief of the tribe with a question. "Wise one, is it true you name all the members of the tribe, and if so, how is it done?"
The venerable old man replies "Yes, for over 20 years I have named each person who is born to the tribe. I sit outside the lodge, and when I hear the infants' first cry, I open my eyes and the first thing I see becomes the name. So it was with your brother Big Bear, your sister Singing Bird, your cousin Blue Cloud, and so on."
"But tell me, Two Dogs F**king...... why do you ask?"

Two Irish nuns are on a boat to the US...

Two Irish nuns are on a boat to the US, when the first nun says, "You know, I've heard they eat dogs in America."
"I've heard the same thing," says the second.
After some discussion, the two nuns decide that they will try some dog in order to start immersing themselves in American cultural customs.
When they get off the boat, they find their way to a hot dog stand on the corner, ask for two dogs, and sit down to eat this new food.
The first nun unwraps her tinfoil and blushes a deep red.
"What is it?!" asks the second nun.
The first nun asks, "What part did you get?"

A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having s**......

A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having s**.... The boy is shocked by what he sees and asks his father "Daddy, what are they doing?"
The father, not wanting to lie to his son, says "they're just making a puppy."
"OK" says the son, and the father is relieved that he doesn't probe further.
The next day, the son bursts into his parents' room and sees them having s**.... The father jumps up and quickly covers himself. Knowing he's in for an interesting talk, walks downstairs with him and they sit at the dining room table. His son asks him "Daddy, what were you and mommy doing?"
Again, wanting to be honest with his son, he says "me and mommy were making a baby."
His son pauses for a moment, thinking, and then replies "flip mommy over, I want a puppy!"

Dog sitting

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbours' male dog while the neighbours were on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds.
She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
After she explained the problem to him, the vet said,
"Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs."
"I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his e**... and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"It just worked for me," he replied.

A Man and His Son...and Puppies

A man and his young son are walking together in a park, and they stumble upon two dogs having s**.... The son asks, "Daddy, Daddy! What are those dogs doing?" to which the man replies, "Son, those dogs are making puppies." His son seems to understand.
One day, a few weeks later, the child walks in on his parents having s**.... Of course, he asks, "Daddy! What are you doing?" The man, blushing, responds, "Well, son........we're making babies."
The child then says, "Flip her over! I want puppies!!"

"Dog Sitting"

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbors male dog while the neighbors were on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them and perplexed as to what to do next, she called the veterinarian. Although it was late, he answered in a very grumpy voice. After having explained the problem to him, the vet said "Hang up the phone and place it alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise from the ringing will make the male dog lose his e**... and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"Well, it just worked for me." he replied.

Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart.
"Two dogs, please," she says.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.
Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
One of them opens the foil and begins to blush.
Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

A doctor, an architect, and an attorney were dining at the country club one day, and the conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which were apparently quite extraordinary.
A wager was placed on who had the most intelligent dog.
The physician offered to show his dog first, and called to the parking lot, “Hippocrates, come!”
Hippocrates ran in, and was told by the doctor to do his stuff.
Hippocrates ran to the golf course and dug for a while, producing a number of bones.
He dragged the bones into the country club, and assembled them into a complete, fully articulated human skeleton.
The physician patted Hippocrates on the head, and gave him a cookie for his efforts.
The architect was only marginally impressed, and called for his dog, “Sliderule, come!”
Sliderule ran in, and was told to do his stuff.
The dog immediately chewed the skeleton to rubble, but reassembled the fragments into a scale model of the Taj Mahal.
The architect patted his dog and gave him a cookie.
The attorney watched the other two dogs, and called “b**..., come!”
b**... entered and was told to do his stuff.
b**... immediately sodomised the other two dogs, stole their cookies, auctioned the Taj Mahal replica to the other club members for his fee, and went outside to play golf.

A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating.
The little boy asked his Dad what was happening.
The father replied, “Well, son, they’re making a puppy.”
The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water.
Not being able to reach the glasses, he walked unannounced into his parents bedroom, who were making love in their usual m**....
Confused, the boy asked what were they doing.
The dad responded very slowly and caringly to his impressionanle little boy, “Well, son, we are making you a little brother.”
The little boy replied ,”Please turn Mom over, Dad, I’d rather have a puppy!”

A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having s**....
The boy is shocked by what he sees and asks his father "Daddy, what are they doing?"
The father, not wanting to lie to his son, says "they're just making a puppy."
"OK" says the son, and the father is relieved that he doesn't probe further.
The next day, the son bursts into his parents' room and sees them having s**....
The father jumps up and quickly covers himself.
Knowing he's in for an interesting talk, walks downstairs with him and they sit at the dining room table.
His son asks him "Daddy, what were you and mommy doing?"
Again, wanting to be honest with his son, he says "me and mommy were making a baby."
His son pauses for a moment, thinking, and then replies "flip mommy over, I want a puppy!"