Two Dogs Jokes

Late Night Phone Call To The Vet

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after her neighbor`s male dog
while the neighbors were on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds,
rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage,
as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet,
who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said,
"Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.
I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his e**...
and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"Just worked on me," he replied.

Woman can't get mating dogs apart

A woman had two dogs that she hadn't had fixed, but always kept them from mating. One night she wakes up at 2 AM to this terrible howling.
She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and is unable to separate them.
She called her vet ,who answered in a very grumpy voice.
After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his e**... and he will be able to withdraw.
Do you think that will work? she asked.
Just worked for me, he replied.

I would rather have a puppy!!

A little boy and his dad are walking down the street when they see two dogs having s**.... The little boy asks his father, "Daddy, what are they doing?"
The father says, "Making a puppy. "
So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having s**.... The little boy says, "Daddy, what are you doing?"
The father replies, "Making a baby."
The little boy says, "Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a puppy instead ! "

Two dogs are at the vet talking.

Two dogs are at the vet talking.
Great Dane: So what are you here for?
Poodle: Well I've been wandering around the neighborhood too much lately looking for s**... so they're having me castrated, you?
Great Dane: My mistress does the housework n**..., she was bending over cleaning the vegetable draw in the fridge and I just couldn't help myself so I went for it.
Poodle: So you're here for castration too hey?
Great Dane: No, I'm here to get my claws trimmed.

A man walking with his friend tells him that he doesn't know how to have s**... with his wife

"It's not hard, man! Look there." his friend says as he points towards two dogs having s**....
"Just do the exact same thing with your wife."
"Ok, I'll try."
They both go home and meet up the next day at a bar.
"So, how did it go?" asks the friend.
"Great, but I had a hard time u**... her on the sidewalk."

A man walking his son in the park comes across two dogs h**....

The son turns to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are those dogs doing?"
The dad, thinking he should wait for his son to get a bit older, says
"Son, I'm about to teach you a very important thing about life. You see that dog on top? Well his two front paws are hurt and that dog on the bottom is helping him home."
The son turns to his father and says, "You're right dad, that is a very important thing in life to learn."
The dad asks, "Do you know why that is, son?"
The son replies, "Because every time you try to help someone out, you always get s**...."

A father and son walk in the park

A father is walking with his son through a park and they see two dogs mating. The son asks the father what they're doing.
"They're making puppies", he replies.
Later that night the son hears something in his parents room and goes to investigate.
He walks in on his parents having s**..., and immediately asks, "Father, what are you doing?"
After a seconds hesitation the father responds, "we're making a baby"
To which the son says, "Turn her over, I want a puppy!"

Little Jonny Sees Two Dogs in the Park

Little Jonny is walking with his dad through the park when he sees a dog mount on another one and starts having s**....
"Dad," he asked, "what are those dogs doing?"
"Well, they're making puppies."
Late that night, Little Jonny walked in his parents' room and caught them having s**....
"Mommy, Daddy, what are you guys doing?"
"Well," Dad replied, "we're making a little brother or sister for you."
Jonny thought about it for a moment, then said, "Turn her over, Daddy. I'd rather have a puppy!"

A man is walking through the park with his son...

Suddenly the boy exclaims, "Dad! Dad! Look!"
And the man turns to see two dogs h**... wildly.
"What are they doing?" the boy asks.
The man hesitates for a moment and says, "Ah, well son... *They're making puppies!*"
"Wow! Neat!" the boy says, rather astonished.
Later that night – thinking their son is asleep – the man and his wife begin some very passionate love making.
"What are you doing?" they suddenly hear from their doorway. It's their boy!
Shocked and embarrassed they stop. "Well son," the man begins, "Mommy and I were, ah, just making a new little brother or sister for you!"
The boy looks at his dad for a moment, and says, "Well, turn her around! I want a puppy!"

Three Dogs Are Sitting in the Vet's Waiting Room

The dogs ask each other what they're in for.
The first dog sadly says, "I just can't help myself when it comes to the mailman. I just get so angry when he walks up to the door that I bit him. Now I'm being put to sleep."
The second dog says, "Oh no, that's terrible. I'm a barker myself. I know I'm not supposed to bark all night, but I just can't help myself. So I'm being put to sleep too."
The first two look at the third dog for his story.
"Well, my owner likes to do her housework in the n**...," he said. "Yesterday, she was vacuuming and bent over to get under the couch. I mean, I couldn't help myself; I hopped right on and had the ride of my life!"
The other two dogs looked at him compassionately. "So you're being put to sleep too?"
"What? No, she's having my nails clipped!"

Puppy Love

A man and his younger son are enjoying an afternoon in the park. Two dogs nearby are h**... away and the son curiously asks "Dad, what are they doing?"
The Dad thinks it's about time for these kind of questions so he calmly replies "Well son .. they are making puppies."
Later that night the son has trouble sleeping and wanders into his parents bedroom. He stops when he sees his parents are having s**.... The son cautiously asks "Uh, Dad... what are you doing to Mom?"
The Dad says "Well son.. we are making a baby."
The son ponders this for a moment and says "Well flip her over, I want a puppy!"

A father and his 8 year old son are on a walk and come across two dogs h**....

"Dad, what are those dogs doing?" the boy asks.
"Well son, they're trying to make puppies."
That answer seemed to satisfy the son's curiosity, so no more was said about it and they finished their walk.
Later that night the boy had a nightmare and ran into his parent's room, only to catch them in the act.
"Dad, what are you doing."
"Well son, your mom and I are trying to make you a little brother or sister for you."
"Can you turn her over dad? I'd rather have a puppy."

A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having s**......

A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having s**.... The boy is shocked by what he sees and asks his father "Daddy, what are they doing?"
The father, not wanting to lie to his son, says "they're just making a puppy."
"OK" says the son, and the father is relieved that he doesn't probe further.
The next day, the son bursts into his parents' room and sees them having s**.... The father jumps up and quickly covers himself. Knowing he's in for an interesting talk, walks downstairs with him and they sit at the dining room table. His son asks him "Daddy, what were you and mommy doing?"
Again, wanting to be honest with his son, he says "me and mommy were making a baby."
His son pauses for a moment, thinking, and then replies "flip mommy over, I want a puppy!"

Dog sitting

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbours' male dog while the neighbours were on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds.
She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
After she explained the problem to him, the vet said,
"Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs."
"I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his e**... and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"It just worked for me," he replied.

"Dog Sitting"

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbors male dog while the neighbors were on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them and perplexed as to what to do next, she called the veterinarian. Although it was late, he answered in a very grumpy voice. After having explained the problem to him, the vet said "Hang up the phone and place it alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise from the ringing will make the male dog lose his e**... and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"Well, it just worked for me." he replied.

Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

A doctor, an architect, and an attorney were dining at the country club one day, and the conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which were apparently quite extraordinary.
A wager was placed on who had the most intelligent dog.
The physician offered to show his dog first, and called to the parking lot, “Hippocrates, come!”
Hippocrates ran in, and was told by the doctor to do his stuff.
Hippocrates ran to the golf course and dug for a while, producing a number of bones.
He dragged the bones into the country club, and assembled them into a complete, fully articulated human skeleton.
The physician patted Hippocrates on the head, and gave him a cookie for his efforts.
The architect was only marginally impressed, and called for his dog, “Sliderule, come!”
Sliderule ran in, and was told to do his stuff.
The dog immediately chewed the skeleton to rubble, but reassembled the fragments into a scale model of the Taj Mahal.
The architect patted his dog and gave him a cookie.
The attorney watched the other two dogs, and called “b**..., come!”
b**... entered and was told to do his stuff.
b**... immediately sodomised the other two dogs, stole their cookies, auctioned the Taj Mahal replica to the other club members for his fee, and went outside to play golf.

A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating.
The little boy asked his Dad what was happening.
The father replied, “Well, son, they’re making a puppy.”
The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water.
Not being able to reach the glasses, he walked unannounced into his parents bedroom, who were making love in their usual m**....
Confused, the boy asked what were they doing.
The dad responded very slowly and caringly to his impressionanle little boy, “Well, son, we are making you a little brother.”
The little boy replied ,”Please turn Mom over, Dad, I’d rather have a puppy!”

A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having s**....
The boy is shocked by what he sees and asks his father "Daddy, what are they doing?"
The father, not wanting to lie to his son, says "they're just making a puppy."
"OK" says the son, and the father is relieved that he doesn't probe further.
The next day, the son bursts into his parents' room and sees them having s**....
The father jumps up and quickly covers himself.
Knowing he's in for an interesting talk, walks downstairs with him and they sit at the dining room table.
His son asks him "Daddy, what were you and mommy doing?"
Again, wanting to be honest with his son, he says "me and mommy were making a baby."
His son pauses for a moment, thinking, and then replies "flip mommy over, I want a puppy!"