Two Cows Jokes
107 two cows jokes and hilarious two cows puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about two cows that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Two Cows Short Jokes
Short two cows jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The two cows humour may include short you have two cows jokes also.
- What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Yo momma. - What happens if you you cross an angry cow with an angry sheep? You get two animals that are in a *baaaad moooood.*
- Two cows on a hill. One cow ask the other, have you herd of the mad cow disease? The other cow says, yeah, but why do I care? I'm a helicopter!
- Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says, Man that mad cow disease sure is scary isn't it?
The other responds, Yea it is, thank god I'm a helicopter. - Two cows were talking in a field.. One said to the other, "Have you heard about that mad cow disease?" The other says, "Yeah, good thing we're penguins".
- Two cows got in a fight.. One started to march towards the other, while the other got scared.
One was cowrageous.
The other was a coward. - What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with one leg?
Steak.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom. - Two cows are grazing in a field... One turns to the other and asks "Have you heard all this talk of mad cow disease?"
The other replies "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter" - Two cows are eating grass in a field The first turns to the second and says "Moooooo"
The second turns to the first and says "I was just about to say that" - Two cows Two cows were chatting in a field. One says to the other, Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?
Yeah, the other cow says. Makes me happy I'm a penguin.
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Two Cows One Liners
Which two cows one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with two cows? I can suggest the ones about cows and two dogs.
- Two cows walk into a vegan bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here."
- what do you call a cow with two legs? lean beef.
- What does a woman have two of that a cow has four of? Legs.
- A cow recently submitted a two word theater review... "Udderly Mooving."
- What do you call a cow with two legs? Yo Mamma
- What does a girl have two of but a cow has more? Legs, you pervert
- What do two cows say in a meat shop? I really enjoyed hanging with you.
- Why weren't the two cows friends They had some beef
^^sorry - What do you call a cow with only its front two legs? Well that would be an utter drag...
- What are the two sexiest farm animals? Brown chicken brown cow.
- Two Scottish cows in a field, what one is on holiday? The one with the wee calf.
- Did you hear about the two cows who got in fight? They had beef.
- Q. Two cows standing in a field. Which one is on holiday? A. The one with the wee calf.
- Ever seen two female cows fighting? It is utter chaos._.
]=(:) - What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
You Have Two Cows Jokes
Here is a list of funny you have two cows jokes and even better you have two cows puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two cows are standing on a hill.... One turns to the other and says "Hey, aren't you worried about mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter!" - Two cows are standing in a barn. Cow 1: Hey, did you hear about the big outbreak of mad cow disease?
Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter. - Two cows are standing in a field ...and one says to the other, "Say, are you worried about this mad cow disease going around?" And the other one says, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter! PFFFFFT!"
- What's the difference between a cow and the crucifixion? You can't milk a cow for two thousand years...
- Two cows Two cows were talking in a field.
"Aren't you worried about this Mad Cow Disease that's going round?"
"No", said the other. "I'm a goat". - Two cows in a field. One asks should I be worried about mad cow's disease ? Well I'm not , the other replies, ...because I'm a squirrel!
- Two cows were grazing in the field, when one of them says to the other, "How about that mad cow disease, huh?" The second one says, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter"
- Cow Joke * What do you call a cow with no legs - Ground Beef
* What do you call a cow with three legs - Lean Beef
* What do you call a cow with two legs - your mother - Two cows are standing around talking... "Hey, have you been following the news? All this mad cow disease going around is scary!"
"Yeah! Thank god we're elephants." - Two cows are standing in a field… One cow says to the other What do you think about the mad cow disease?
The other cow responds why should I care? I'm a helicopter
Cheeky Two Cows Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about two cows you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean two whales jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make two cows pranks.
Berry good
Two guys were arguing over the best way to grow strawberries. One asserted that Miracle-Gro was the best method, the other insisted that cow manure would yield the largest and sweetest berries. They finally decided to ask Mrs. Thompson, who was known far and wide for her succulent, large strawberries. So one farmer says Mrs. Thompson, do you put cow manure on your strawberries. She replied, No, I either eat them plain or add sugar and cream.
Mad cow disease
Two cows were talking over the fence bordering their farms.
The first cow said "Have you heard about this mad cow disease, it's spreading really fast."
The second cow responded "What do I care? I'm a helicopter."
This has been my stand-by joke since I was about 12
Two brothers want to go deer hunting but the only land nearby is owned by a grumpy farmer.
The decide to ask him if they can hunt on his property but when they pull up in the driveway neither brother wants to go knock on the door.
They play rock-paper-scissors and the older brother loses. He walks to the door and asks the farmer if they can go hunting.
The old farmer points to a nearby corral and says "See that horse? She's been mine for 20 years. She's blind and dying and I don't have the heart to put her down. If you do that for me, you boys can hunt on my land".
The older brother agrees and while walking back to the truck he thinks of a prank to play on his younger brother.
"I'll teach that lousy no-good farmer to say no!" he exclaims. "See that horse over there? Watch this!" He levels his rifle and shoots it! He hears gunshots next to him and looks at his brother.
"I got two of his cows" yells the younger brother, "lets get out of here!"
Mad Cow Disease
There are two cows out in the pasture, watching as the farmer takes a prize bull behind the barn to shoot it.
The first cow looks at the second one and says "Can't believe Joe came down with mad cow disease. Are you scared we might get it too?"
The second cow looks at the first cow with a puzzled look and says "Why should I be scared? We're ducks."
Two cows are on a field
one turns to the other and asks " are you worried about mad cow disease" the other says nope. The first cow, was astonished at the ignorance the other cow was showing and barked "WHY?" the second cow slowly turns and shouts "because I am a helicopter"
Two cows are standing...
in the pasture. One turns to the other and says, "Although pi is usually abbreviated to five numbers, it actually goes on to infinity."
The second cow turns to the first and says: "Moo."
(stolen from Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar...)
Two cows are out grazing in a pasture.
One turns to the other and says, "Have you heard about this mad cow disease that's going around? Its pretty scary stuff."
The other cow nods and chews its cud thoughtfully. "I suppose it is pretty scary, but it doesn't affect us ducks."
Mad Cows
Their are two cows grazing in a meadow. One turns to the other and says "Aren't you worried about mad cow disease?". The other thinks very carefully for a few minutes and says "Of course not I'm a duck!"
Two woman in an argument at a clothes store.
**1st Woman:** You should return that leather jacket you just bought.
**2nd Woman:** Why would I do that?
**1st Woman:** because it looked better on the first cow.
Two guys are driving down a country road. The first one looks out the window and says:
"hey look, a bunch of cows!"
The second guy looks at him and says: "no, you mean a herd of cows!"
His friend looks back at him and says: "of course I've heard of cows!"
The second guy then says: "no no no! I mean a cow herd!"
The first guy, looking confused, says: "what do I care what a cow heard!!?? I have no secrets from a cow!"
Two cows are talking to each other while grazing....
The first cow says
"Hey I heard there's a case of mad cow disease going around, are you worried?"
The second cow looks at the first and says
"Why should I be worried? I'm a squirrel."
I tried to tell my daughter some jokes….
Me: What do you call a cow with no legs?
Her: Ground beef.
Me: What do you call a cow with one leg?
Her: Steak.
Me: What do you call a cow with two legs?
Her: Mommy.
Jokes told by my tour guide while rafting.
* Why doesn't anyone tell knock knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings.
* What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
* What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
* What do you call a cow with 1 leg?
A steak.
My son and I were driving along the countryside.
He looked out the window and said, "Daddy, what are those two cows doing?"
"They are creating children," I replied, stopping the car.
"Is that how you and mummy made me?" he asked.
I said, "Yes, in the middle of a field while people watched."
Mad Cow Disease
So two cows are talking in a field, The first cow says "hey man, you worried about this mad cow disease that is going around?" The second cow says "Naw bro, I'm a helicopter."
Two cows are standing in a field. The first cow says, "hey, I'm really worried about this mad cow disease going around".
The second cow says, "I don't care, I'm a submarine!".
There are two cows standing in a field....
The first cow says to the other, I was artificially inseminated this morning. The second cow replies, No way, I don't believe you. The first says, It's true, no bull.
Two cow talking in a field
The first one ask :
"aren't you afraid about this terrible disease from the neighbor's farm called" mad cow" ? "
The second one looked at her, surprised, and answered :
" I don't care... I'm a rabbit"
Two cows are standing in a field.
One cow turns to the other and says, "Did you hear about that outbreak of mad cow disease?"
The other one looks at him and says, "Good thing I'm a helicopter."
Two cows are standing in a field...
One turns to the other and says, "have you heard about mad cow disease? Apparently, it makes cows completely lose their minds."
The second says, "oh. Weird."
The first says, "well aren't you worried?"
The other says, "why would I be worried? I'm a helicopter."
Colin Mochrie's best joke.
Our top story today: Convicted hitman Jimmy 'TwoShoes' McClardy confessed today that he was once paid to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only two small porcelain figures.
Police admit this might be the only case of a knickknack paddywhack.
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says "Hey, did you hear about the Mad Cow Disease? It's spreading pretty fast."
The other cow says "Yeah. Good thing I'm a helicopter."
Two cows are standing in a field.
*The first cow says*: did you hear about that "mad cow disease" that's going around? That sounds pretty terrible.
*The second cow says*: yeah, it does. Good thing us chickens don't have to worry about that!
Two cows are standing in a field in Canada in the year 2003.
One cow turns to the other and says, "we gotta watch out. I hear mad cow disease has been spreading through the herd." The other cow looks towards him and says, "what are telling me for? I'm not a cow, I'm a duck!"
Two s**... cows
What do you call two s**... cows in Las Vegas?
High steaks.
Two cows are talking...
"Have you heard of the 'mad cow' disease?"
"I don't worry about that, I'm a penguin!"
Two cows are standing in a pasture. The first cow says "Hey have you heard about the mad cow disease going around?" and the second cow says...
"No, luckily I'm a helicopter."
Two cows standing on a slope
There's two cows standing on a slope. Which cows reaches the bottom first?
The one with the smaller mu.
A hitman beats a cow to death in a ricefield using two small porcelain figures.
Police admit this is the first known case of a knick-knack p**... whack.
Two cows...
... standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy said to Dolly
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly
"It's true, straight up, no bull!"
Two guys from New York go on a cross-country trip and end up walking into a bar in Kansas.
After a few too many drinks, one of the guys asks the bartender, "Hey, can you tell us how to go cow tipping?" "I'm sorry, gentlemen. Cow tipping is simply an urban myth," the bartender explains. "The farmers actually pay them a competitive wage."
Jokes from my Nana: what do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef.
What do you call a cow with three legs? Tri-tip.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with one leg? Steak.
What do you call a cow with four legs? A cow.
Thanks Nana.
Convicted hit man Jimmy "Two Shoes" McClarty.
Confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using on two small porcelain figures. Police admit this may be the first know case of a knick knack p**... whack.
Cr
Two of the cows on our farm will not produce milk
We called the one Milk Dud and the other an Udder Failure
Good pickup line.
Two male flies are buzzing around the farmyard when they spot a female fly landing on a fresh pile of cow dung.
The one fly says, "Wow, she is cute! I'm going to try to talk to her, wish me luck."
He swoops down, lands right next to her and says, "Excuse me Miss, is this stool taken?"
Two cows are standing in a field.
The first cow says to the second, have you heard about this mad cow disease? It makes cows go crazy and then they die .
The second cow replies, good thing I'm a helicopter.
My two year-old son told his first joke today. Afterwards, he burst out laughing for about 5 minutes straight saying 'I'm so funny' over and over again.
The joke.
Son comes in carrying a soft toy, a cow.
Son: "Mummy Mummy cow is being noisy!"
Mummy: "How is cow being nois---"
Son: "Moooooooo!!!!"
Then bursts into loud laughter.
Love this kid!
Two cows are grazing next to each other in a field...
One cow says to the other, "The news is so scary with all this talk of mad cow disease, it really has me worried"
The other cow looks over and says ," I'm not worried at all..... I'm a helicopter....."
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with long legs?
High steaks.
What do you call a cow in an elevator?
Raising the steaks.
What do you call two cows m**... in a field?
beef stroganoff
Two cows are standing in a field
The first cow says to the second have you heard about this mad cow disease? It makes cows go crazy and then they die .
The second cow replies good thing I'm a helicopter
Two guys chatting at the bar....
One says, "I committed an embarrassing faux pas this morning. Went to the travel agency to buy some plane tickets. The young girl had the most spectacular b**... and I accidentally asked for two plane-t**..." His mate replies, "Oh yes. I did the exact same thing this morning. Went to ask my wife to pass the corn-flakes and accidentally said, "You fat cow, you've totally ruined my life"'
Two cows are grazing in a field: You ever worry about Mad Cow Disease?
The other cow goes- Why would I care? I'm a helicopter.
One dark night, two men are walking home after a party and decide to take a shortcut through the cemetery.
Right in the middle of the cemetery they are startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they find an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, dude," one says after catching his breath. "You scared us half to death. We thought you were a ghost! What are you doing, working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbles. "They misspelled my name!"
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Lean beef
What do you call a cow with one leg?
Stake
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom!
Two cows walk into a barn
"man i hate this farm", said the first one.
"mood", mooed the second cow.
Mary had the only bull in the village.
John decides it's time to take his cow to a bull, and so he went to Mary. As they were both watching the two animals do their thing, John looks at Mary and winks, saying "Mary, would you let me do what your bull is doing?", and she replies "Well John, it's your cow..."
Two cows are standing in a field.
One of them says, "There's been rumors going around about a 'Mad Cow Disease.' Do you think it's real?"
The other cow says, "I don't care! I'm a helicopter!"
There's two cows talking in a field.
The first one says, "Did you hear the farmer just bought a new tractor?" The second cow is about to reply when a dog walks up and says, "What's up, ladies?"
The first cow says "Holy s**...! A talking dog!"
Two cows are grazing together.
The first looks over to the second and asks, Did you hear about the recent outbreak of Mad Cow disease?
The second continues his grazing, unconcerned. Why should I care? I'm a helicopter!
A farmer has dozens of cows and two bulls, but both bulls are too old to mate anymore.
One day the famer brings a third bull into the field. The new bull is much younger than the other two, and immediately starts mating with cow after cow.
When the old bulls see this, one of them starts huffing, snorting, and scraping the ground with his hoof.
"Don't bother competing with that guy," says the other old bull. "You're too old. He'd laugh at you."
"I'm not trying to compete with him," replies the first old bull. "I just want him to know I'm not a cow."
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mum.
ze mad cow disease
On a land full of grass, two cows were walking together.
Cow 1: Have you heard of the mad cow disease going around?
Cow 2: Yes, I'm so happy I'm a penguin.
2 drunk guys are walking home
Two drunk guys, John and Adam were walking hime from a long day at the pub. The two spot a pile of cow s**... in front of them.
John says, "Is that a pile of cow s**...?"
Adam says, "That's just a pile of mud, idiot. Want me to prove it to you?"
John agrees, and Adam goes over to the pile of s**... and tastes it, the m**....
Adam exclaims, "Holy s**...! It IS cow s**...!"
John, with his high intelligence, goes over too and also has a taste.
"I told you it was cow s**..., good thing we didn't step on it."
A big fat Texan goes to a ranch to pick out some cattle.
The owner lines them up and the buyer walks down the line until he sees one he likes.
He pulls out two pieces of bread and stuffs them in the cow's ears.
"Hey! .. What are you doing?" asks the owner. "Stop that!"
The Texan replies, "I can make my sandwich any d**... way I want!"
What do you call a cow with three legs?
What do you call a cow with **three** legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with **no** legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with **two** legs? Your mom.
What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and an angry cow?
You get two animals in a baaaaaad moooood.
