Two Cows Jokes
107 two cows jokes and hilarious two cows puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about two cows that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Two Cows Short Jokes
Short two cows jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The two cows humour may include short you have two cows jokes also.
- What happens if you you cross an angry cow with an angry sheep? You get two animals that are in a *baaaad moooood.*
- Two cows on a hill. One cow ask the other, have you herd of the mad cow disease? The other cow says, yeah, but why do I care? I'm a helicopter!
- Two cows got in a fight.. One started to march towards the other, while the other got scared.
One was cowrageous.
The other was a coward. - Two cows are eating grass in a field The first turns to the second and says "Moooooo"
The second turns to the first and says "I was just about to say that" - Cow Joke * What do you call a cow with no legs - Ground Beef
* What do you call a cow with three legs - Lean Beef
* What do you call a cow with two legs - your mother - Two cows are standing around talking... "Hey, have you been following the news? All this mad cow disease going around is scary!"
"Yeah! thank god we're elephants." - What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and an angry cow? You get two animals in a baaaaaad moooood.
- Two of the cows on our farm will not produce milk We called the one Milk Dud and the other an Udder Failure
- Two cows standing on a slope There's two cows standing on a slope. Which cows reaches the bottom first?
The one with the smaller mu. - Two cows walk into a barn "man i hate this farm", said the first one.
"mood", mooed the second cow.
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Two Cows One Liners
Which two cows one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with two cows? I can suggest the ones about cows and two dogs.
- Two cows walk into a vegan bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here."
- what do you call a cow with two legs? lean beef.
- What does a woman have two of that a cow has four of? Legs.
- A cow recently submitted a two word theater review... "Udderly Mooving."
- What do two cows say in a meat shop? I really enjoyed hanging with you.
- Why weren't the two cows friends They had some beef
^^sorry - What do you call a cow with only its front two legs? Well that would be an utter drag...
- What are the two sexiest farm animals? Brown chicken brown cow.
- Did you hear about the two cows who got in fight? They had beef.
- Ever seen two female cows fighting? It is utter chaos._.
]=(:) - What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves. - How do you tell two cows apart? Yell "mom" and see which one responds
- What do you call a cow with two legs? My ex-wife.
- Two cows meet while cowing Cow 1: MOOOOHHHHH
Cow 2: Hey that's what I was gonna say - What do you call a cow with two legs? HILLARY CLINTON
You Have Two Cows Jokes
Here is a list of funny you have two cows jokes and even better you have two cows puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two cows are standing in a field. The first cow says, "hey, I'm really worried about this mad cow disease going around". The second cow says, "I don't care, I'm a submarine!".
- A man was recently convicted of beating another man's cow to death using only two small porcelain figures... Police report that it was the first case of a knickknack paddywhack
- Cow land Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!" - There once were two cow farmers that absolutely hated each other. I guess you could say they had major beef.
- As an Indian man It greatly offends me when people say we don't value women in our culture. The fact is, we put great value on our women.
Some are worth one cow, some are worth two... - I have been living with two horses and three cows for a while now and I am much smarter than all of them. You could even say I'm a stable genius.
- Two types of cows Now, everyone knows that a cow without legs is called ground beef, but what do you call a cow with only one leg?
A calf. - Two dogs having a serious conversation Dog 1-Bow bow
Dog 2-Bow bow
Dog 1-Bow bow
Dog 2- Bow bow
Dog 1-Cow cow
Dog 2- Don't change the topic. - Approximately how many cows does it take to stock a grocery store with beef? Most of them won't even show up to work, but if you can get them there, two should be able to handle the job.
- There are two cows in a room when your parents walk in Now there are three cows and your dad
Cheeky Two Cows Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about two cows you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean two whales jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make two cows pranks.
Two cows were talking.One cow asked the other"
I wonder what hamburgers are made of?"
The other cow replied "YOUR MOM!
Teacher: "Name five things that contain milk."
Pupil: "Butter, cheese, ice cream … and two cows."
Berry good
Two guys were arguing over the best way to grow strawberries. One asserted that Miracle-Gro was the best method, the other insisted that cow manure would yield the largest and sweetest berries. They finally decided to ask Mrs. Thompson, who was known far and wide for her succulent, large strawberries. So one farmer says Mrs. Thompson, do you put cow manure on your strawberries. She replied, No, I either eat them plain or add sugar and cream.
An addendum to the Interrupting Cow knock-knock joke. I believe this is the appropriate way to tell it.
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Impatient Cow."
"Impatient Cow W--"
"MOO!"
___
part two:
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"*Patient Cow...*"
"Patient Cow *who?*"
"....."
".................."
.
.
.
.
.
"..."
This has been my stand-by joke since I was about 12
Two brothers want to go deer hunting but the only land nearby is owned by a grumpy farmer.
The decide to ask him if they can hunt on his property but when they pull up in the driveway neither brother wants to go knock on the door.
They play rock-paper-scissors and the older brother loses. He walks to the door and asks the farmer if they can go hunting.
The old farmer points to a nearby corral and says "See that horse? She's been mine for 20 years. She's blind and dying and I don't have the heart to put her down. If you do that for me, you boys can hunt on my land".
The older brother agrees and while walking back to the truck he thinks of a prank to play on his younger brother.
"I'll teach that lousy no-good farmer to say no!" he exclaims. "See that horse over there? Watch this!" He levels his rifle and shoots it! He hears gunshots next to him and looks at his brother.
"I got two of his cows" yells the younger brother, "lets get out of here!"
Mad Cow Disease
There are two cows out in the pasture, watching as the farmer takes a prize bull behind the barn to shoot it.
The first cow looks at the second one and says "Can't believe Joe came down with mad cow disease. Are you scared we might get it too?"
The second cow looks at the first cow with a puzzled look and says "Why should I be scared? We're ducks."
Two cows are standing...
in the pasture. One turns to the other and says, "Although pi is usually abbreviated to five numbers, it actually goes on to infinity."
The second cow turns to the first and says: "Moo."
(stolen from Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar...)
Tapeworms in a cow
Time for another terrible joke.
So, there are these two tapeworms in a cow. They are talking and just generally gossiping a bunch. One of them tells the other something shocking. The other tapeworm says. "Where did you ever hear that" The first tapeworm replies.
"I heard it through the bovine."
I'll show myself out now.
Two cows at the North Pole...
One turns to the other and says "Don't know about you but I'm Friesian".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two woman in an argument at a clothes store.
**1st Woman:** You should return that leather jacket you just bought.
**2nd Woman:** Why would I do that?
**1st Woman:** because it looked better on the first cow.
On another peaceful hill, stand two cows, the first cows turns chewing her cud to the second cow and says, " I say, does this mad cow malarkey worry you at all". The second cow turns to the first, swallows his cud and says...
"Nah, it don't worry us tractors"
Two bagels are out flying.
All of the sudden one of them plummets to the ground. Why?
Because bagels can't fly!
The same day two cows are also out flying and chatting and out of nowhere one of them also plunge down towards the ground. Why?
A bagel hit him in the eye!
Two guys are driving down a country road. The first one looks out the window and says:
"hey look, a bunch of cows!"
The second guy looks at him and says: "no, you mean a herd of cows!"
His friend looks back at him and says: "of course I've heard of cows!"
The second guy then says: "no no no! I mean a cow herd!"
The first guy, looking confused, says: "what do I care what a cow heard!!?? I have no secrets from a cow!"
Two cows are talking to each other while grazing....
The first cow says
"Hey I heard there's a case of mad cow disease going around, are you worried?"
The second cow looks at the first and says
"Why should I be worried? I'm a squirrel."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you have two cows,
Socialism: The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor
Communism: You give them to the government and the government gives you some milk
Fascism: You keep the cows and give the milk to the government, then the government sells you some milk
New Dealism: You shoot one and milk the other, then you pour the milk down the drain
n**...: The government shoots you and keeps the cows
Capitalism: You sell one and buy a bull. Then put both of them in your wife's name and declare bankruptcy.
Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them
Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned
Binaryism: You have 10 cows
I tried to tell my daughter some jokes….
Me: What do you call a cow with no legs?
Her: Ground beef.
Me: What do you call a cow with one leg?
Her: Steak.
Me: What do you call a cow with two legs?
Her: Mommy.
Jokes told by my tour guide while rafting.
* Why doesn't anyone tell knock knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings.
* What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
* What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
* What do you call a cow with 1 leg?
A steak.
My son and I were driving along the countryside.
He looked out the window and said, "Daddy, what are those two cows doing?"
"They are creating children," I replied, stopping the car.
"Is that how you and mummy made me?" he asked.
I said, "Yes, in the middle of a field while people watched."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A s**... joke that my mum tells me a lot
So there are two cows eating grass in a paddock. One cow looks up and says "moo". The other cow says "hey, I was gonna say that!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girl comes home with two pair of new shoes
And her boyfriend asked her: Why did you bought two pair of shoes you s**... cow???
She said: Because cow have four legs!
One Dark Halloween Night........
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap- tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. "Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?" "Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
Two cows one horse
So two cows and a horse walks into a bar. One cow says "moo," and horse yells, "baaaaaaa." What does the second cow say?
There are two cows standing in a field....
The first cow says to the other, I was artificially inseminated this morning. The second cow replies, No way, I don't believe you. The first says, It's true, no bull.
Two cow talking in a field
The first one ask :
"aren't you afraid about this terrible disease from the neighbor's farm called" mad cow" ? "
The second one looked at her, surprised, and answered :
" I don't care... I'm a rabbit"
Since we are doing time period jokes: A Joke from the Great Depression.
Government: you have two cows
Socialism: You keep one cow's milk and the government takes the other and gives out its milk.
Communism: The government takes both cows and gives its milk away as it sees fit.
New Dealism: You get rid of both your cows and milk the government.
Two cows are standing in a field...
One turns to the other and says, "have you heard about mad cow disease? Apparently, it makes cows completely lose their minds."
The second says, "oh. Weird."
The first says, "well aren't you worried?"
The other says, "why would I be worried? I'm a helicopter."
Colin Mochrie's best joke.
Our top story today: Convicted hitman Jimmy 'TwoShoes' McClardy confessed today that he was once paid to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only two small porcelain figures.
Police admit this might be the only case of a knickknack paddywhack.
Two cows are standing in a field.
*The first cow says*: did you hear about that "mad cow disease" that's going around? That sounds pretty terrible.
*The second cow says*: yeah, it does. Good thing us chickens don't have to worry about that!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Heard this on the 80s movie "Night Patrol" : What do you call two cows m**...?
Beef Strokinoff.
Two cows met...
and one said "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?".
"Why would I? I'm a helicopter!".
Two cows are standing in an open field
One cow says to the other cow: "it's cold in here".
The other cow replies: "yeah.. the farmer left the gate open".
Two guys from New York go on a cross-country trip and end up walking into a bar in Kansas.
After a few too many drinks, one of the guys asks the bartender, "Hey, can you tell us how to go cow tipping?" "I'm sorry, gentlemen. Cow tipping is simply an urban myth," the bartender explains. "The farmers actually pay them a competitive wage."
I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull...
I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.
Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.
The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine! I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ........but they kind of taste like peppermint.
Jokes from my Nana: what do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef.
What do you call a cow with three legs? Tri-tip.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with one leg? Steak.
What do you call a cow with four legs? A cow.
Thanks Nana.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call it when two s**... cows and a g**... play poker?
A High-Steaks Situation
Two farmers were looking at their new born cows
And one turns to the other and said we need to raise the steaks
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Convicted hit man Jimmy "Two Shoes" McClarty.
Confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using on two small porcelain figures. Police admit this may be the first know case of a knick knack p**... whack.
Cr
How many hits of acid do I need before I can change a light bulb?
Two. One to help me get the ladder and the other to distract all the spiders. Oh god - - there are SPIDERS everywhere!! And now they're purple cows. With fangs. Only 8 more hours of blblblblblblblblbl.
Good pickup line.
Two male flies are buzzing around the farmyard when they spot a female fly landing on a fresh pile of cow dung.
The one fly says, "Wow, she is cute! I'm going to try to talk to her, wish me luck."
He swoops down, lands right next to her and says, "Excuse me Miss, is this stool taken?"
My two year-old son told his first joke today. Afterwards, he burst out laughing for about 5 minutes straight saying 'I'm so funny' over and over again.
The joke.
Son comes in carrying a soft toy, a cow.
Son: "Mummy Mummy cow is being noisy!"
Mummy: "How is cow being nois---"
Son: "Moooooooo!!!!"
Then bursts into loud laughter.
Love this kid!
(Last one for the night) - Two cows are standing in a field. The first cow turns and says "Hey have you heard about the mad cow disease going around?" and the second cow responds...
"No, luckily I'm a helicopter."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys chatting at the bar....
One says, "I committed an embarrassing faux pas this morning. Went to the travel agency to buy some plane tickets. The young girl had the most spectacular b**... and I accidentally asked for two plane-t**..." His mate replies, "Oh yes. I did the exact same thing this morning. Went to ask my wife to pass the corn-flakes and accidentally said, "You fat cow, you've totally ruined my life"'
One dark night, two men are walking home after a party and decide to take a shortcut through the cemetery.
Right in the middle of the cemetery they are startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they find an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, dude," one says after catching his breath. "You scared us half to death. We thought you were a ghost! What are you doing, working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbles. "They misspelled my name!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Lean beef
What do you call a cow with one leg?
Stake
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom!
Mary had the only bull in the village.
John decides it's time to take his cow to a bull, and so he went to Mary. As they were both watching the two animals do their thing, John looks at Mary and winks, saying "Mary, would you let me do what your bull is doing?", and she replies "Well John, it's your cow..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's two cows talking in a field.
The first one says, "Did you hear the farmer just bought a new tractor?" The second cow is about to reply when a dog walks up and says, "What's up, ladies?"
The first cow says "Holy s**...! A talking dog!"
A farmer has dozens of cows and two bulls, but both bulls are too old to mate anymore.
One day the famer brings a third bull into the field. The new bull is much younger than the other two, and immediately starts mating with cow after cow.
When the old bulls see this, one of them starts huffing, snorting, and scraping the ground with his hoof.
"Don't bother competing with that guy," says the other old bull. "You're too old. He'd laugh at you."
"I'm not trying to compete with him," replies the first old bull. "I just want him to know I'm not a cow."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 drunk guys are walking home
Two drunk guys, John and Adam were walking hime from a long day at the pub. The two spot a pile of cow s**... in front of them.
John says, "Is that a pile of cow s**...?"
Adam says, "That's just a pile of mud, idiot. Want me to prove it to you?"
John agrees, and Adam goes over to the pile of s**... and tastes it, the m**....
Adam exclaims, "Holy s**...! It IS cow s**...!"
John, with his high intelligence, goes over too and also has a taste.
"I told you it was cow s**..., good thing we didn't step on it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A big fat Texan goes to a ranch to pick out some cattle.
The owner lines them up and the buyer walks down the line until he sees one he likes.
He pulls out two pieces of bread and stuffs them in the cow's ears.
"Hey! .. What are you doing?" asks the owner. "Stop that!"
The Texan replies, "I can make my sandwich any d**... way I want!"
