Twitter Jokes

What are some Twitter jokes?

What is the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter?

With Twitter you only get 140 characters.

Why doesn't George R. R. Martin use Twitter?

He killed all 140 characters.

Why does Voldemort use Twitter but not Facebook?

He only has followers, not friends.

"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers"

-New York's most hated cab driver


Courtesy of @lordbeef on Twitter

Why doesn't Pacman use Twitter?

He doesn't like being followed.

I was at an important job interview today, when they asked me if I was on Facebook…

"Sorry, no. I'm not." I replied.

"Twitter?"

"Nope."

"Instagram?"

"Nah."

"Look, just put your phone away, will you!?"

My recent letter from the BBC read...

"Thanks for entering your wife into our new quiz show.

However, we feel you may have misread the title?

The show is actually called "Fact Hunt"




Credit @ShitJokes via Twitter.

How do you keep Trump busy for the rest of his term?

Tell him his twitter phone is in the corner of his office.

One day Facebook, YouTube and Twitter will merge.

It will be called YouTwitFace.

I'm beginning to worry about my obsession with technology.

I told my doctor, "I think I'm addicted to Twitter."
He replied, "I don't follow you."

Doctor, doctor, I think I'm addicted to Twitter...

Sorry, I don't follow you.

My New Girlfriend

Facebook asks what I'm thinking.

Twitter asks what I'm doing.

Google asks where I am.

The internet has turned into my girlfriend.

Twitter Addiction

A man tells his doctor, Doc, help me. I'm addicted to Twitter! The doctor replies, Sorry, I don't follow you."

Why is George R.R. Martin really bad at using Twitter?

There's a limit to how many characters you are allowed to waste.

So the Asian guy from the Human Centipede has a Twitter account...

He's not very popular though. He only has two people following him.

Why was Game Of Thrones banned from twitter?

Because twitter has an 140 character limit.

I made fun of the official Minecraft Twitter account

So they blocked me

So the Pope joined twitter so he can "Reach out to a younger generation."

He is certainly not the first Catholic to have done that.

So much for privacy...

Google: We really value your privacy

Twitter: We'd never collect anything

Apple: We securely encrypt everything on-device

Facebook: Literally gives you an ad for something you dreamt about

"Ebola" is trending on Twitter...

...does that mean it's gone viral?

Well... there goes Ted's reputation

Trump: No one embarrasses themselves on Twitter like I do

Ted Cruz: Hold my milk

Trump: Wait, this isn't milk...

Why doesn't George R.R. Martin have Twitter?

Because he would just kill off all 140 characters.

Why does Voldemort use Twitter and not Facebookm

Because he has followers, not friends.

Courtesy of my 10 year old son.

What would the French say if they had Twitter during WWII?

Retweet! Retweet!

I've decided to delete my Twitter.

I keep feeling that people are following me.

I just tried to follow Tim Howard on twitter...

I got blocked.

If 50 cent were a woman.. would her name be 35 cent?

Credit : twitter @the_anastasia

I couldn't figure out why my Twitter feed only showed videos of Ex vice presidents dancing.

Turns out it's just the Al gore rhythm

Twitter addiction

A man goes to his doctor and says:


-Doctor, I think i am addicted to Twitter.

-Eh,sorry...I don't follow you.

What Do Twitter Users Call Themselves?

Twats.

I told my doctor I was addicted to Twitter

He said "I don't follow you"

Turkish Political Humor

Current Turkish gallows humour: A prisoner goes to the prison library, asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author." From Moshik_Temkin on Twitter

My girlfriend broke up with me on Twitter.

I hope she tweets himΒ better than sheΒ tweetedΒ me.

Why did the twitter army lose all their battles?

Because they kept retweeting.

Sometime in the Middle Ages

Queen: come to bed

King: not until i have a name for my soldiers

Queen: k night

King: babe ur a genius



(Source: @fro_vo on Twitter)

Equal pay for women is not where it needs to be.

Whatever Beyonce is making, I want that.


Twitter @caredee

I would rather have a colonoscopy than read twitter comments

With a colonoscopy there's only a CHANCE you'll find cancer.

So today is International Women's Day

It was supposed to be yesterday but they took too long to get ready.

^^stole ^^this ^^from ^^twitter, ^^sorry

My husband's new prescription glasses is not working

He still can't see things my way.

^Credits ^to ^the ^original ^twitter ^post.

Friend: Everyone exists because of that saying "I think therefore I am"

Me: So does Trump just disappear every time he's about to post to Twitter

Saw on twitter

Don't worry if you missed 4:20 guys just smoke at 4:22 because it is 4:20 too

What climate scientist does Disney follow on twitter?

The rogue one

At breakfast this morning, my wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with Twitter.

I nearly choked on my #Brown

So, they're going to combine Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter into one website.

It's going to be called "YouTwitFace".

What does a Twitter user and Schizophrenic have in common?

They both think outloud.

Things that didn't exist the last time England were in the semis

iPhone

Facebook

Google

Amazon

Android

Twitter

Instagram

iPod

Yahoo

YouTube

Snapchat

Spotify

Tesla

Skype

Uber

Airbnb

Bitcoin

Fitbit

Emojis

iPad

and
.

.


.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.


Croatia

"How much longer are we going to have endure this erupting volcano full of hot air and gas" asked the Hawaiian

"I don't know, but turn off Twitter for a short term solution"

Edward Snowden just joined Twitter. Almost immediately he got more followers than the NSA.

Luckily for the NSA, they follow a lot more people than Snowden.

A limerick writ for a Twit

An executive reckless and bitter

Made a fool of himself via Twitter

*"Please stop!"* they entreated

But in answer he Tweeted

*"If I do they might call me a quitter"*

Why'd the Twitter Bird go to the hospital.

He had to get tweetment.

I blamed being late for work on Rush Hour...

The next day I blamed it on Rush Hour 2

Twitter has banned "foreign spy" as hate speech.

The acceptable term is "undocumented knowledge worker."

Me : "What's the WiFi password?"

Waiter : "Smile first."

Me : *smile*

Waiter : "......Smile first. No space."





**I found this on Twitter but the original joke isn't in English.

If you genetically edit the DNA of lettuce...

... you can make it CRISPR

Not mine... I read it off Twitter

How to make Twitter jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Twitter to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Twitter? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Twitter pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes