Twitter Jokes
159 twitter jokes and hilarious twitter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about twitter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh away with the funniest of jokes on Twitter! Read our blog and get in on the latest trending Twitter jokes, from deez nuts to Dark Humor. Follow us on YouTwitFace and Gmail to keep up with the most hilarious tweets.
Quick Jump To
- Short Twitter Jokes
- Twitter One Liners
- Facebook Twitter Jokes
- Twitter Accounts Jokes
- Musk Twitter Jokes
- Hashtags For Twitter Jokes
- More Twitter Jokes
Funniest Twitter Short Jokes
Short twitter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The twitter humour may include short tweet jokes also.
- What is the difference between game of thrones and Twitter? With Twitter you only get 140 characters.
- Elon Musk has come up with a fool proof plan of destroying Apple because they refuse to advertise on Twitter. He plan to buy it.
- "I always try to go the extra mile for my customers" -New York's most hated cab driver
Courtesy of @lordbeef on Twitter - Why did elon musk abandon his Twitter acquisition? He wanted to experience, for the first time in his life, the sensation of pulling out
- if Elon Musk had a dollar for every racial slur & sexist slur on Twitter... Oh, wait- he does.
- You want further proof that Biden is already the better president? He's got 23 million more Twitter followers than Trump.
- I hate it when people outright copy and paste somebody's joke on Twitter and post it on a different social media platform. Retweet if you agree.
- How do you keep Trump busy for the rest of his term? Tell him his twitter phone is in the corner of his office.
- My New Girlfriend Facebook asks what I'm thinking.
Twitter asks what I'm doing.
Google asks where I am.
The internet has turned into my girlfriend. - I'm beginning to worry about my obsession with technology. I told my doctor, "I think I'm addicted to Twitter."
He replied, "I don't follow you."
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Twitter One Liners
Which twitter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with twitter? I can suggest the ones about telegram and followers.
- Elon is firing Twitter employees with bad posture I have a hunch I might be next.
- Why doesn't George R. R. Martin use Twitter? He killed all 140 characters.
- Why does Voldemort use Twitter but not Facebook? He only has followers, not friends.
- Why doesn't pacman use Twitter? He doesn't like being followed.
- One day Facebook, YouTube and Twitter will merge. It will be called YouTwitFace.
- Doctor, doctor, I think I'm addicted to Twitter... Sorry, I don't follow you.
- Where is Ireland? One sea away from iceland.
(Credit; twitter user BazzaCC) - Why was Game Of Thrones banned from twitter? Because twitter has an 140 character limit.
- I made fun of the official Minecraft Twitter account So they blocked me
- "Ebola" is trending on Twitter... ...does that mean it's gone viral?
- What would the French say if they had Twitter during WWII? Retweet! Retweet!
- I've decided to delete my Twitter. I keep feeling that people are following me.
- Why don't Twitter users make good soldiers? Because they are quick to retweet
- I just tried to follow Tim Howard on twitter... I got blocked.
- My doctor got banned from twitter. Now he is unable to tweet any of his patients.
Facebook Twitter Jokes
Here is a list of funny facebook twitter jokes and even better facebook twitter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account... I just walk around announcing out loud what I'm doing at random times...
I've got 3 followers so far, but I think 2 are cops. - I'm pretty sure my next door neighbor thinks I'm a stalker. She wrote it on Facebook,Twitter, and in both of her diaries.
- Priests nowadays... ...have embraced technology. The have youtube channels, twitter, facebook and instagram accounts. And they just don't exorcise anymore, they uninstall demos.
- So, they're going to combine Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter into one website. It's going to be called "YouTwitFace".
- Why is Twitter more lenient than Facebook jail? Because they give out shorter sentences
- Why did voldermort used Twitter instead of Facebook? Because he only had followers. Not friends.
- The greatest merger of all time It was announced today that YouTube, Facebook and Twitter will all be merging.
The new name will be YouTwitFace - One day YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook join together and be called.... YouTwitFace
- What would you suggest to Facebook to do to Twitter in the bedroom? Flicker
- I was just reading that there's going to be a merger between YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook. Have you heard about this? Apparently the new company will be called YouTwitFace.
Twitter Accounts Jokes
Here is a list of funny twitter accounts jokes and even better twitter accounts puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So the Asian guy from the Human centipede has a Twitter account... He's not very popular though. He only has two people following him.
- Is KFC Twitter account Veryfried?
- Did you know the Golden Gate Bridge and Brooklyn Bridge have twitter accounts? They are both suspended.
- Does anyone know if Snap, Crackle, and Pop have a Twitter account? I could really go for a Rice Krispies tweet.
- Did you hear that Trump's twitter account got hacked? Well, I didn't either, but I've got about as much evidence as he does about those wiretaps, so I'm sticking to my story.
- My friend got so famous in our town for serving half-frozen fries to a customer, he decided to get a VIP twitter account. Didn't get veryfried.
- Donald Trump on Twitter: "Merry Christm--" [Status Update™ will be available after Government Shutdown. For more information, visit your Twitter® account settings.]
- Why can't HBO's Game of Thrones have an official Twitter account? Because they'd be limited to only 280 characters.
- Why doesn't JRR Tolkien have a twitter account? Because he killed all 140 characters.
- Twitter is my 'serious' account. My Bank account is the 'joke' one.
Musk Twitter Jokes
Here is a list of funny musk twitter jokes and even better musk twitter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How did Musk feel after banning everyone from Twitter? All Elone :(
- Elon Musk has only owned Twitter for one day... and it's already ran over 2 pedestrians.
- I expect the Musk-Twitter feud to take a really long time to resolve I mean, one should expect Elon-gate to drag out
- Elon Musk's Twitter is like a Tesla Model S It goes from 0 to 100 in 1.9 seconds.
Hashtags For Twitter Jokes
Here is a list of funny hashtags for twitter jokes and even better hashtags for twitter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the most common hashtag on elephant Twitter? #NeverForget
- I was arrested after using Twitter to buy drugs hashtag
- My kids are so addicted to Twitter they got me this c**... mug for fathers day What kind of hashtag is "world's hashtag 1 dad"?
Fun-Filled Twitter Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about twitter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean emoji jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make twitter pranks.
So the Pope joined twitter so he can "Reach out to a younger generation."
He is certainly not the first Catholic to have done that.
Why doesn't George R.R. Martin have Twitter?
Because he would just kill off all 140 characters.
Twitter Addiction
A man tells his doctor, Doc, help me. I'm addicted to Twitter! The doctor replies, Sorry, I don't follow you."
No one on Twitter ever quotes me properly.
I'm so mis-tweeted.
I thought Jack Nicholson and Jack Black followed me on Twitter earlier and I got excited...
..it wasn't them.
Guess it was p**... e-Jack elation.
I blamed being late for work on Rush Hour...
The next day I blamed it on Rush Hour 2
At breakfast this morning, my wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with Twitter.
I nearly choked on my #Brown
Great date last night
Last night, I went out with a great guy. Things were going well,but in the end, we both had to part ways. I said my goodbyes and went home on foot. Today, I woke up to a text from him.
"I followed you last night."
Perplexed, I replied :"Oh cool. How did you know my Twitter though?"
"What's Twitter?"
Jesus wouldn't have been good at Twitter
He would've only had twelve followers.
Did you hear the CEO of Twitter got in trouble for buying shares of rival companies?
I guess it was a conflict of Pinterest.
Why is George R.R. Martin really bad at using Twitter?
There's a limit to how many characters you are allowed to waste.
Jokes for the SJW
What's the difference between a third wave radical feminist and an ISIS t**...? One of them doesn't get PTSD from twitter.
Twitter management's favorite part of a book is always
Chapter 11
Why did the twitter army lose all their battles?
Because they kept retweeting.
Edward Snowden just joined Twitter. Almost immediately he got more followers than the NSA.
Luckily for the NSA, they follow a lot more people than Snowden.
So today is International Women's Day
It was supposed to be yesterday but they took too long to get ready.
^^stole ^^this ^^from ^^twitter, ^^sorry
Twitter addiction
A man goes to his doctor and says:
-Doctor, I think i am addicted to Twitter.
-Eh,sorry...I don't follow you.
What Do Twitter Users Call Themselves?
t**....
I told my doctor I was addicted to Twitter
He said "I don't follow you"
My husband's new prescription glasses is not working
He still can't see things my way.
^Credits ^to ^the ^original ^twitter ^post.
My recent letter from the BBC read...
"Thanks for entering your wife into our new quiz show.
However, we feel you may have misread the title?
The show is actually called "Fact Hunt"
Credit @ShitJokes via Twitter.
What climate scientist does Disney follow on twitter?
The rogue one
L. Ron Hubbard walks into a bar...
The bartender says "this seat's clear." Hubbard replies "that's not funny," and I was never heard from again.
(full disclosure, I read this on twitter six years ago)
My girlfriend broke up with me on Twitter.
I hope she tweets him better than she tweeted me.
I was at an important job interview today, when they asked me if I was on Facebook…
"Sorry, no. I'm not." I replied.
"Twitter?"
"Nope."
"Instagram?"
"Nah."
"Look, just put your phone away, will you!?"
If 50 cent were a woman.. would her name be 35 cent?
Credit : twitter @the_anastasia
Social media in a nutshell
Instagram: "I'm so pretty"
LinkedIn: "I'm so good at my job"
Twitter: "I'm so funny"
Snapchat: "I'm a dog"
Was on Twitter earlier telling everyone about how I had this tiny spot on my top lip that turned into a massive cold sore…
It's gone viral…
Well... there goes Ted's reputation
Trump: No one embarrasses themselves on Twitter like I do
Ted Cruz: Hold my milk
Trump: Wait, this isn't milk...
I wanted to share my novel based on the phone book over twitter
But it's got more than 140 characters
Why does Voldemort use Twitter and not Facebookm
Because he has followers, not friends.
Courtesy of my 10 year old son.
Equal pay for women is not where it needs to be.
Whatever beyonce is making, I want that.
Twitter @caredee
Does h**... a woman's leg count as s**... harassment?
If so, my dog is gonna be facing a lot of allegations on Twitter.
If you genetically edit the DNA of lettuce...
... you can make it CRISPR
Not mine... I read it off Twitter
So much for privacy...
Google: We really value your privacy
Twitter: We'd never collect anything
Apple: We securely encrypt everything on-device
Facebook: Literally gives you an ad for something you dreamt about
I couldn't figure out why my Twitter feed only showed videos of Ex vice presidents dancing.
Turns out it's just the Al gore rhythm
A limerick writ for a Twit
An executive reckless and bitter
Made a fool of himself via Twitter
*"Please stop!"* they entreated
But in answer he Tweeted
*"If I do they might call me a quitter"*
Saw on twitter
Don't worry if you missed 4:20 guys just smoke at 4:22 because it is 4:20 too
"How much longer are we going to have endure this erupting volcano full of hot air and gas" asked the Hawaiian
"I don't know, but turn off Twitter for a short term solution"
Me : "What's the WiFi password?"
Waiter : "Smile first."
Me : *smile*
Waiter : "......Smile first. No space."
**I found this on Twitter but the original joke isn't in English.
Donald Trump is old enough not be expected to know how Twitter works.
He might think he's just messaging his friends.
Sometime in the Middle Ages
Queen: come to bed
King: not until i have a name for my soldiers
Queen: k night
King: babe ur a genius
(Source: @fro_vo on Twitter)
Things that didn't exist the last time England were in the semis
iPhone
Facebook
Google
Amazon
Android
Twitter
Instagram
iPod
Yahoo
YouTube
Snapchat
Spotify
Tesla
Skype
Uber
Airbnb
Bitcoin
Fitbit
Emojis
iPad
and
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Croatia
A lot of people in Iran think that president, Hassan Rouhani went way over the line when he threatened the US with the mother of all wars in his latest speech.
In fact they are so concerned about the angry Twitter response from president Trump that they are going to set up their own 'Mullah investigation' to look into the matter.
Why'd the Twitter Bird go to the hospital.
He had to get tweetment.
Turkish Political Humor
Current Turkish gallows humour: A prisoner goes to the prison library, asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author." From Moshik_Temkin on Twitter
Twitter has banned "foreign spy" as hate speech.
The acceptable term is "undocumented knowledge worker."
"I have a migraine."
-- Italian farmer after the harvest
(blame @pauleggleston from Twitter)
Friend: Everyone exists because of that saying "I think therefore I am"
Me: So does Trump just disappear every time he's about to post to Twitter
Twitter screenshots aren't memes,
They're words of twisdom.
I would rather have a colonoscopy than read twitter comments
With a colonoscopy there's only a CHANCE you'll find cancer.
A dude walks into a Dr's office and says "Doc, I think I'm addicted to Twitter".
The Doc looks at him and says. "Sorry, I Don't follow you".
What's the difference between Minecraft and Lovecraft?
Apparently not much based on Notch's twitter
What does a Twitter user and Schizophrenic have in common?
They both think outloud.
Turns out Jesus is not that popular in Twitter
Only 12 followers
Covid 19 has been realy stressful for Flat Earthers
They fear that quarantine could push people off the edge
>!I apologize cause I completely ripped this off someone else's twitter!<
A man tells his Doctor, "Doc help me. I'm addicted to Twitter!"
The Doctor replies, "Sorry I don't follow you.."
Trump's Twitter is like the Christian Bible
Both believers and nonbelievers read it to reinforce their views
What's the easiest, yet longest way to get fired?
Say something controversial on Twitter and wait 5 years.
