The Best 89 Twins Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Twins jokes. There are some twins quadruplets jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these twins brother puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Twins Jokes and Puns

I failed my calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.

I couldn't differentiate between them.

I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.

Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".

So my friend is dating twins...

...And I said, "Isn't it hard to tell them appart?" He replied with, "Well not really, the brother has a moustache."

Twins joke, So my friend is dating twins...

Two conjoined twins walks into a pub

The bartender is amazed: "You're not from around here"
The siamese on the left side:"No, we're french, every summer, we come to the UK, rent a car and start a road trip"
"So, you really seem to like the country?"
"Not that much, but once a year, my brother can drive".

Three men are in a waiting room while their wives are giving birth...

The nurse comes out and says to the first man, "Congratulations, you're the father of twins!" "That's funny," he said," I work for Double Tree. Later on the nurse came out again and said to the second father, saying, "Congratulations, you're the father of triplets!" The man responded, "That's funny, I work for 3M. The third man started banging his head against the wall, yelling. When they asked him what was wrong, he responded, "I work for 7 Up!"


I got arrested last night for murder...

I can't remember too much, I was out drinking till late. Once I left the pub I saw two young men fighting. It took some effort but I successfully managed to separate them.

The judge says they were Siamese twins conjoined at the head.

Sex with Twins!

Two friends, Bob and Joe, were playing golf. Bob remarked, "Ya know Joe, last week I had sex with twins!" "Really?" Joe replied. "How could you tell them apart?" "Well," Bob answered, "the brother had a moustache."

Twins joke, Sex with Twins!

Mary and Sue are discussing good-looking boys in their high school.

Mary asks "Have you seen that new Mexican kid Amal Garcia?"

"Garcia?" Sue responds. "No, but I think I've seen his brother Juan"

Mary replies "They're identical twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!"

I had sex with both of the Olsen twins.

But that was before they were famous.

Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

So the other one could learn to drive.

Courtesy of the movie "Man on the Moon".

Drunk guy in a bar, next to him some twins.

The guy stares at them really confused for quite a while until of the twin finally says to him "It's okay, you are not *that* drunk. We are twins".

To which the guy responds: "What, all four of you?"

You can explore twins double reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean twins twin brothers dad jokes. There are also twins puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Denise and WHAT?!

A woman falls into a coma as she is giving birth. When she wakes up a few weeks later, the doctor greets her with some news.

"Congratulations! You had twins; a boy and a girl. Since you were in a coma, we gave your brother the liberty of naming your children."

"What did he name them?" she worriedly asked, "he isn't very bright!"

"Your daughter is Denise," replied the doctor.

Slightly relieved she says, "That's not so bad! And the boy?"

"Danephew."

A woman has twins...

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." '

A Pregnant women gets in a car wreck....

...and fell into a coma. When she awoke a few days later, she noticed that she wasn't carrying a child, and asked the doctor, "Doctor, what happened to my baby!?"

The doctor replies, "It's all okay. You gave birth to beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. But we needed someone to name them, so your brother came in and gave them their names."

The woman is surprised. "No, not my brother! He's not the smartest guy in the world."

"Well ma'am, he named your daughter Denise," the doctor said.

"Oh, that's not too bad. What's the boy's name?"

"Denephew."

A lady almost 9 months pregnant falls down some stairs and knocks herself out...

When she wakes up, she is in a hospital bed.

Doctor: "We had to deliver your fraternal twins while you slept, but they are completely healthy. Also, your brother stopped by and named them for you"

New Mother: "My brother named them? But he's an idiot! What are their names?"

Doctor: "Well, the little girl is named Denise."

New Mother: "Well, that's not so bad. What about my son?"

Doctor: "Denephew."

My buddy has big news...

He comes to me one day and says "Dude, you'll never believe it, I'm banging twins."

"That's awesome" I reply "but how can you tell them apart?"

"Easy" he says "Marys got long blonde hair and Steves got a moustache."

Twins joke, My buddy has big news...

A scientist couple had identical twins...

They named one Peter and the other one Control Group.

A 3 months pregnant woman falls into a coma...

6 months later she awakes and she asks her doctor about her babies. And he replies
"Oh you had happy healthy twins. One boy, and one girl. Luckily your brother was here to name then"
"Oh god no" says the woman "my brothers an idiot. What are their names"
"The girls name is denise" says the doctor
"Oh thats not to bad, and the boy?"
"Denephew"

Why did the brother octopi look so alike?

They were itentacle twins.


Did you hear about the agnostic scientist who had twins?

She had one of them baptised, the other one is the control.

Did you hear about the twins with a fruit fetish? (May be NSFW)

They came in pears

I phoned my wife earlier. "I'm just setting off from work, do you want me to pick up fish and chips on my way home?" It was met with a stony silence...

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home.

I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.

A pair of twins have a deal...

They constantly get in trouble with the law for various reasons and are frequently thrown in jail. They don't like staying in jail for too long, so they made a deal: if only one of the twins is arrested and imprisoned, the other twin will sneak in and swap places with them when they have spent half the time served in prison.

It's great to see these twins are so close that they're always finish each other's sentences.

Why do the Lannisters have such big beds?

They push two twins together to make a king.

I said this when I was 6, and everyone laughed

Two twins came to our house one day, and I kept calling them the wrong names (they were their names, but I said Harry to Thomas and vice-versa)

My dad came to me and said 'can't tell them apart, can ya?'

'No dad, I can't tell 'em together!'

(Waits for downvotes)

So many Irish twins being born these days

the numbers just keep Dublin up.

A woman is pregnant with twins.

A woman is pregnant with twins. During her last month of pregnancy, she falls into a coma. When she wakes up, the doctor tells her that she had a girl and a boy, and that her brother claimed them until she came to. Immediately, she panics at the thought of her brother supervising her newborns.

"What did he name them?" She asks anxiously.

"He named the girl Denise", the doctor says.

That's not too bad, she thought, relieved. "What did he name my son?"

"Denephew."

A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a girl and a boy. Fortunately, your brother was there to name them for you.

Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Well, that isn't so bad. What did he name the boy?

Doctor: Denephew.

Did you hear about the blonde identical twins?

They couldn't tell each other apart.

What walks on eight legs until the age of one, four legs until the age of twenty, and two legs after?

The Weasley twins

Hipsters

I had the joy of meeting a couple of hipsters today, and they yelled at me for making fun of them. Apparently the politically correct term is "conjoined twins".

A woman gives birth to twins and then goes into a coma

When she wakes up, she realises that she is yet to name her child.

Doctor: Oh, don't worry about that miss. Your brother was here while you were unconscious. He named your children.

Mother: What!? My brother is a complete idiot! Oh God, what did he name my daughter?

Doctor: Denise

Mother: Oh, I guess that's not too bad. What a relief. And what did he name my son?

Doctor: ....Denephew

Women are too sensitive.

My friend said she was having twins. All I said was at least you'll finally have 2 kids with the same father.

How do the Lannisters save money on new beds?

They push Two twins together to make a King

A pregnant woman got in a car wreck and went into a coma.

While in the coma, she gave birth to twins.

4 months later she woke up asking where her kids were.

The nurse informed her she had given birth to twins, a boy and a girl, and her brother has been taking care of them.

The woman said "Oh no, not my idiot brother. What did he name my daughter?"

"Denise" the nurse said.

"Oh, that's not bad. What about the boy"

The nurse replied "Da-nephew"

A woman wakes up from a coma and...

A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.

Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?

Doctor: Denise

Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?

Doctor: Denephew

How do the Lanisters make large beds?

They put two twins together to make a king.

9/11 Threesome.

When twins go down on you.

Two twins were separated at birth

One of them lived in Cuba, and was named Juan. The other lived in Egypt, and was named Jamal.
10 years after their birth, their birth mother was sent a picture of one of the twins. "I wish I could see the other one," she said. The adoption mother then said,
" If you've seen juan, you've seen jamal."

A terribly ugly woman enters a store.

On each hand, she has a child. The clerk asks the woman: "Are those twins?" "No," the woman says, "TheyΒ΄re three years apart. Why? Do you think they look alike?" The clerk says: "No, I just canΒ΄t believe you got laid twice."

A mother of twins went into labour and passed out.

A mother of twins went into labour and passed out. She woke up hours later to find her (not so bright) sister carrying her twins. Nervously the new mother asked her sister whether the children has been named. To which the sister replied yes. The new mother shocked and scared then asked the sister what she named the children to which she replied she named the niece Denise. The mother feeling a little better then asked what she had name the boy to which she replied Denephew.

A woman who has just given birth has fallen into a coma.

After 7 months the mother finally awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: Good news, you had twins! a boy and a girl. They are healthy, luckily your brother named them for you.

Mother: Oh no, not my brother! he's so stupid! What did he name my daughter?

Doctor: Denise.

Mother: well that isn't so bad, and what did he name my son?

Doctor: Denephew.

I just dumped a pair of conjoined twins.

I said, "It's not you, it's you."

When writing your calculus exam, make sure you don't sit between twins.

Because you might not be able to differentiate between them.

A pregnant woman goes into a coma

A pregnant woman goes into a coma moments after she gives birth to twins, one boy and one girl.
When she finally wakes up several days later, she cries out frantically to see her children.
The doctors come to her, and the first thing she asks is "How are my children?"
"Fine" says the doctor, "your brother named them".
She thinks to herself, "Oh no!" "My brother's an idiot" and she asks the doctor "What did he name them?"
The doctor says "He named the girl Denise"
And she thinks, Well, maybe I misjudged my brother... Denise isn't such a bad name"
What did he name the boy?"
Replies the doctor "De nephew."

My mate told me yesterday that he's started dating twins!

I asked how he could tell which one is which.

He said, 'Well, Andrea is really, really attractive - she has long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and plump red lips. Plus she's got a really nice body. Pretty much a perfect ten.

And Brian has a cock.'

What's in a name?

A pregnant woman lapses into a coma. She awakens and frantically calls for her doctor. "You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're fine," he says. "Your brother named them."

Oh, no, the new mother thinks.Β He's an idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks, "What's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor says.

Not bad, she thinks.Β I guess I was wrong about him. "And the boy?"

"DeNephew."

My favourite joke ever

So a woman is in the hospital, having just given birth to twins. The midwife appears at her side and gravely says that she has some good news and some bad news. The woman asks for her to get the bad news out of the way. "Well," the midwife says, "unfortunately one of the children is ginger".
The Mother laughs and says, "Well then, whats the good news?"
"Its dead", the midwife says.

Why are Lannisters like beds?

Push two twins together and make a king.

I phoned the wife last night and asked her if she wanted me to pick up Fish & Chips on my way home.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins!

I told two twins their matching outfits are cute...

"Did your mom buy you matching clothes?" I asked politely.

To which they answered, "We're not twins and could we see your license and registration please."

I once knew twins who were exactly alike except one was missing an eye

They were dentical twins

Fish and chips

I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home from work but she just put the phone down on me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

I was just boasting at work about how I'm currently sleeping with a set of twins...

All the lads were very impressed but one asked;
"How do you tell them apart?"
"Easy", I said, "Michelle has long blonde hair and Dave has a moustache."

A biologist gives birth ...........

A biologist gives birth to a set of twins. She names one Jessica and the other Control.

I let my brother name my twins.

He did fine with my daughter, Denise. But my son may never forgive him for naming him Denephew.

I was sleeping with two twins for while in my 20s....

My friends all asked, "how can you tell them apart?" I replied, "well...Sharon has long blonde hair, and Derek has a beard."

Can't tell right from wrong anymore...

Stupid names for twins anyway.

Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

So the other one could drive!

Blonde childbirth

It's a blonde who gave birth to two beautiful babies, twins, however, she cries endlessly!
The nurse then tells him:
"But see madame! Why are you crying ? You are now mother of 2 beautiful babies, in good health!
- I know, says the blonde, but I do not know who is the father of the second!

Phoned my wife and asked if she wanted me to pick Fish and Chips up after work..

She just grunted at me..

Think she regrets letting me name the twins.

Two conjoined twins, attached by the face, have successfully been separated today.

Since the operation they've done nothing but argue.

Having once been so close, they no longer see eye to eye.

A teacher enters a class room for the first time.

he notices that two of the guys sitting together looks similar to each other.The teacher curiously asks them

Teacher :Are you guys twins?

Guys:No sir, we are neighbors.

I phoned my wife...

...and said "would you like me to pick up fish & chips on the way home from work"

She had just grunted down the phone.

I think she is regretting letting me pick the names for our twins

A woman is pregnant with twins

but because of complications during labor, she passed out for about 24 hours after the birth. When she wakes up, she asks to see her children, excited to name them.

The doctor says sure, here they are, but your brother already named them.

What? she exclaims, what did he name them?

He named the girl, Denise, said the doctor.

Hmm, she says, I guess that's ok. I like Denise. What did he name my son?

Denephew.

An expecting father paces nervously up and down the waiting room.

"First child?" Asks another father
"No" replies the first.
"Well then why are you so anxious?"
"When my wife read 'A tale of two cities', she had twins. When she read 'The three musketeers' she had triplets."
"That's amazing." says the second Man
"Yes" replies the first "but she just finished reading 'Birth of a Nation'.

I called my wife and said that I'll pick up Burger and Fries on the way home from work. I was met with stony silence.

I think she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.

There was a guy who was terrible at naming thing ...

His dog was named dog, his cat was named cat and so on. One day, the man's sister was having twins and in a long family tradition, the babies uncle had to chose the names. Absolutely mortified, the twin girl and boy were born and it was time;

What did you choose for the girl?

Denise

Oh man, that's not so bad. What did you choose for the boy?

Denephew

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption

One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan.Β 
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.
He responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal

There is a good chance you'll fail your calculus exam if you are sitting between identical twins.

Because it's hard to differentiate between them.

Yesterday I had sex with twins.

I'm now a doppelbanger.

A pregnant lady went into a coma

Months later she wake up, no longer pregnant

"You had twins, a boy and a girl" the nurse exclaims "your brother named them"

"What did he name the girl?" the woman asked

"Denise"

"That's alright, I like Denise, what about the boy?"

"Denephew"

An old man goes to confession.

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I'm 80 years old and have been happily married to the love of my life for 60 years, but last night i cheated on her. With twins. 21 year old bikini model twins."

The priest asks how long it's been since his last confession.

"I've never been to confession. I'm Jewish."

"Then why are you telling me this?" the priest asks.

The old man replies, "I'm telling EVERYBODY!"

Twins

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.

I angered two people by calling them hipsters...

Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins.

After 5 years of marriage, a couple filed for divorce.

The court was finalizing their divorce when the Judge looked to the couple and said; "You've got 3 kids, how will you divide them?"

The couple then had a long conversation between the two of them. "We'll be back after 1 year." They said.

9 months later, they had twins.

I accidentally angered two people today by calling them hipsters.

Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins.

I called my wife and asked her if I should pick up fish and chips on the way home, and she slammed the phone down on me.

She still regrets letting me name the twins.

A man's wife is close to giving birth but he has to go away on business.

He asks his brother to look after his wife. A couple days into the trip and his brother calls from the hospital.

"I have good news and bad news. Good news is you have perfectly healthy twins! A boy and a girl! The bad news is they had to put your wife under for the birth. She's fine, but they needed names for the birth certificates, so I had to name them."

Father says, "That's not bad news. I trust you. What did you name the girl?"

"Deniece."

"Oh, that's a beautiful name! I knew I could trust you. What did you name the boy?"

"Denephew"

Welcome to Lannister family mattress store!

Where we push two twins together to make a king.

Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.

Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.

If you want to pass your calculus exam, don't sit in between two identical twins.

It's very hard to differentiate between them.

Had sex with twins last night, my friend asked how i could tell them apart, "easy" i said..

.."the brother had a moustache"

Me and my brother have quite the connection together

We're siamese twins



Note: I am actually not a siamese twin

A pair of twins walk into a bar...

A pair of twins walk into a bar.

A man walks up to them and asks:

"So is it true that twins can communicate telepathically"

They look at each other in silence for about 30 seconds when the man says:

"I'm sorry if that was an awkward question, it was stupid of me to ask"

They respond in unison "No it's fine, we were just discussing an answer to give you"

Juan and Amal are twins, but their mother only carries around a picture of Juan.

When asked why she replies, Once you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.

My friend said, "Your wife and daughter look like twins!" Nodding, I replied, " Yeah well..."

"They *were* separated at birth!"

I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the twins gemini jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working twins triplet piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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