Twins Jokes
157 twins jokes and hilarious twins puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about twins that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some laughs about conjoined twins, Irish twins, identical twins, the Minnesota Twins, or the Kray twins? Get your fill with this collection of Twins Jokes. These funny gags and puns about double and triple trouble are sure to produce laughs from all the Merrell Twins, Ahmal, and everyone in between.
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Funniest Twins Short Jokes
Short twins jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The twins humour may include short twin sister jokes also.
- I called two girls hipsters and got slapped. Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".
- I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
- Genders are like the Twin Towers There used to be two of them and now its a really sensitive subject.
- Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet. Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
- I've been cheating on my girlfriend with her twin, but it's OK because I can tell them apart. Brian has a moustache.
- I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
- I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting between two identical twins. It was impossible to differentiate between them.
- If I ever have twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate.. ....and the second one Duplikate.
- My friend Jay recently had twin girls, and wanted to name them after him. So I suggested Kaye and Elle.
- Two biologists get married and have twin girls. They name one Jessica and the other Control.
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Twins One Liners
Which twins one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with twins? I can suggest the ones about twin brother and twosome.
- Why does spiderman hate driving with his evil twin? Because he's a bad parallel Parker
- Genders are like the twin towers There used to be 2 of them but now it's a touchy subject
- Why do the Lannisters have such big beds? They push two twins together to make a king.
- I just found out my wife has an identical twin I saw her on Tinder.
- How do the Lanisters make large beds? They put two twins together to make a king.
- What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna 1, Anna 2
- Why did the Siamese twins move to England? So the other one could drive!
- Why are Lannisters like beds? Push two twins together and make a king.
- Why is the tower of pisa tilted? Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
- Why did the brother octopi look so alike? They were itentacle twins.
- What did tornado say to it's annoying twin? Sigh, clone.
- My father was a conjoined twin. His brother was my uncle on my fathers side once removed.
- What do you call Michael Bublé's identical twin brother? Michael Dublé! :D
- My ex hated when I started dating her twin sister. Like it's my fault they're conjoined.
- What do you call twin brothers? A sunset
Birth Twins Jokes
Here is a list of funny birth twins jokes and even better birth twins puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A friend of mine said, Wow! Your wife and your daughter look like twins. I said, Well, they were separated at birth.
- Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins? She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.
- Why do twins usually know each others habits so well right from the moment of birth? Because they have been wombmates for 9 months already!
- Jesus had a twin that was abducted shortly after birth In other words, there was doppelganger stranger danger in the manger.
- The Twins Ever heard of the twin boys seperated at birth? One was raised Spain and named Juan, the other in Egypt and named Amal.
They say, if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal. - Marvin Gaye and Aretha Franklin got it on in Spanish Harlem. As a result, Aretha gave birth to twin girls on the longest day of the year. What did they call them? Solsticetas
- A Woman just gave birth to twins She turns to her husband and says, "Honey, we've made mistakes"
- Our lead programmer is Mexican, she recently gave birth To a set of conjoined twins. It was a Juan to Manny join.
- John and Wilma Take accidentally give birth to twin girls. Ms. Takes were made.
Conjoined Twins Jokes
Here is a list of funny conjoined twins jokes and even better conjoined twins puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The two girls I met at a party were quite upset when I called them hipsters. Apparently, the correct term is 'conjoined twins'.
- When I first realised I was a conjoined twin..... I was beside myself!
- Two conjoined twins, attached by the face, have successfully been separated today. Since the operation they've done nothing but argue.
Having once been so close, they no longer see eye to eye. - I just dumped a pair of conjoined twins. I said, "It's not you, it's you."
- I recently broke it off with a pair of conjoined twins. I said, "It's not you, it's you."
- I met conjoined twins and I'm not sure which one I like more. They're neck and neck.
- What do you call conjoined twins with the same name? Sharron.
- My SO just left me for a guy with a conjoined twin. She says he's twice the man I am.
- TIL It is common for staff and surgeons to laugh hysterically during separation surgery to conjoined twins. Well it is side-splitting.
- There's this condition where twins are connected at the elbow and always laugh together, never separately. It's called conjoined Humor
Identical Twins Jokes
Here is a list of funny identical twins jokes and even better identical twins puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife's identical twin sister is living with us till she finds a job I said to my friend
He asked do you know how to tell them apart ?
I remarked why should I ? - Did you hear about the blonde identical twins? They couldn't tell each other apart.
- My identical twin brother and I were both arrested this weekend. But there was a mix-up during processing. Now we are finishing each other's sentences.
- A scientist couple had identical twins... They named one Peter and the other one Control Group.
- I found out today that I have an identical twin brother. I got very emotional when we finally met. I was beside myself.
- What do identical stars do? Twin-kle
- Did you know Juan the horse has a brother named jamal? Nothing really special, they're identical twins.
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal - Hey, did you hear about the Mexican-Indian twins that just moved in next door? They're identical too! Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.
- What do you call Identical Twin Brothers who choose a life of crime? Cell Mates
- My girlfriend broke up with me because I slept with her identical twin In my defense, he looked exactly like her.
Twins Identical Jokes
Here is a list of funny twins identical jokes and even better twins identical puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When you're telling a joke to identical twins, make sure you tell them the entire thing. Because you just can't tell them a part.
- If identical siblings are both interested in something, Do they have twin piques?
- Did you hear about the identical twins who robbed a bank? After they were caught, they finished each other's sentences.
- Twins Yesterday, I was hanging out with my girlfriend when her identical twin sister walked by. Then my girlfriend asked me, "Do you think my sister is pretty?"
- I've always had to live in the shadow of my identical twin. He may have got the brains, but I like to think I got the looks
- Very few people know the scientific term for identical twins. Fetus Repeatus.
- What do gender identities and the twin towers have in common? ...
There used to be two of them, and not everyone is REAL SENSITIVE about it - My neighbours have two sons - identical twins names Jamal and Juan. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.
- Where did the identical twins go after they went crazy? The insame asylum
- I just found out my wife is pregnant with identical twin boys. We decided to name them Pete and Repete.
Irish Twins Jokes
Here is a list of funny irish twins jokes and even better irish twins puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So many Irish twins being born these days the numbers just keep Dublin up.
- What do you call it when an Irish woman has twins? A McDouble
- Ireland puns what do irish people call split personallity disorder?
doublin
what do irish people call mytosis?
a doublin cell?
what do irish people call twins?
sean and connor
Cheerful Fun Twins Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about twins you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean two friends jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make twins pranks.
So my friend is dating twins...
...And I said, "Isn't it hard to tell them appart?" He replied with, "Well not really, the brother has a moustache."
Two conjoined twins walks into a pub
The bartender is amazed: "You're not from around here"
The siamese on the left side:"No, we're french, every summer, we come to the UK, rent a car and start a road trip"
"So, you really seem to like the country?"
"Not that much, but once a year, my brother can drive".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men are in a waiting room while their wives are giving birth...
The nurse comes out and says to the first man, "Congratulations, you're the father of twins!" "That's funny," he said," I work for Double Tree. Later on the nurse came out again and said to the second father, saying, "Congratulations, you're the father of triplets!" The man responded, "That's funny, I work for 3M. The third man started b**... his head against the wall, yelling. When they asked him what was wrong, he responded, "I work for 7 Up!"
a pregnant woman and a blonde woman...
are talking, and the pregnant woman says that she is pregnant with twins. So the blonde woman asks, "Oh my gosh! You cheated on your husband?? Who's the second father?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got arrested last night for m**......
I can't remember too much, I was out drinking till late. Once I left the pub I saw two young men fighting. It took some effort but I successfully managed to separate them.
The judge says they were Siamese twins conjoined at the head.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... with Twins!
Two friends, Bob and Joe, were playing golf. Bob remarked, "Ya know Joe, last week I had s**... with twins!" "Really?" Joe replied. "How could you tell them apart?" "Well," Bob answered, "the brother had a moustache."
Mary and Sue are discussing good-looking boys in their high school.
Mary asks "Have you seen that new Mexican kid Amal Garcia?"
"Garcia?" Sue responds. "No, but I think I've seen his brother Juan"
Mary replies "They're identical twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had s**... with both of the Olsen twins.
But that was before they were famous.
Drunk guy in a bar, next to him some twins.
The guy stares at them really confused for quite a while until of the twin finally says to him "It's okay, you are not *that* drunk. We are twins".
To which the guy responds: "What, all four of you?"
Denise and WHAT?!
A woman falls into a coma as she is giving birth. When she wakes up a few weeks later, the doctor greets her with some news.
"Congratulations! You had twins; a boy and a girl. Since you were in a coma, we gave your brother the liberty of naming your children."
"What did he name them?" she worriedly asked, "he isn't very bright!"
"Your daughter is Denise," replied the doctor.
Slightly relieved she says, "That's not so bad! And the boy?"
"Danephew."
A blond couple is in the hospital and the wife is in labor...
After a few laborious hours out pops a beautiful baby boy.
then, another!
Two beautiful twins!
however, the father is furious....
"Ok! who's the other guy you're seeing?!"
A Pregnant women gets in a car wreck....
...and fell into a coma. When she awoke a few days later, she noticed that she wasn't carrying a child, and asked the doctor, "Doctor, what happened to my baby!?"
The doctor replies, "It's all okay. You gave birth to beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. But we needed someone to name them, so your brother came in and gave them their names."
The woman is surprised. "No, not my brother! He's not the smartest guy in the world."
"Well ma'am, he named your daughter Denise," the doctor said.
"Oh, that's not too bad. What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lady almost 9 months pregnant falls down some stairs and knocks herself out...
When she wakes up, she is in a hospital bed.
Doctor: "We had to deliver your fraternal twins while you slept, but they are completely healthy. Also, your brother stopped by and named them for you"
New Mother: "My brother named them? But he's an idiot! What are their names?"
Doctor: "Well, the little girl is named Denise."
New Mother: "Well, that's not so bad. What about my son?"
Doctor: "Denephew."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My buddy has big news...
He comes to me one day and says "Dude, you'll never believe it, I'm b**... twins."
"That's awesome" I reply "but how can you tell them apart?"
"Easy" he says "Marys got long blonde hair and Steves got a moustache."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A 3 months pregnant woman falls into a coma...
6 months later she awakes and she asks her doctor about her babies. And he replies
"Oh you had happy healthy twins. One boy, and one girl. Luckily your brother was here to name then"
"Oh god no" says the woman "my brothers an idiot. What are their names"
"The girls name is denise" says the doctor
"Oh thats not to bad, and the boy?"
"Denephew"
Adrian Peterson just announced his retirement from the NFL
and will be joining the Minnesota Twins as a switch hitter.
(Sorry, news was too depressing not to joke about it)
I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs…
If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
A pair of twins have a deal...
They constantly get in trouble with the law for various reasons and are frequently thrown in jail. They don't like staying in jail for too long, so they made a deal: if only one of the twins is arrested and imprisoned, the other twin will sneak in and swap places with them when they have spent half the time served in prison.
It's great to see these twins are so close that they're always finish each other's sentences.
Coma Pregnancy
A woman is in an accident while she's pregnant. While in a coma she has twins, a boy & a girl.
When she woke up she asked the doctor where her baby was. The doctor said she had twins but her brother named them.
She replied,My brother is an idiot I wonder what names he gave them. Anyway what did he name the girl?
"Denise", replied the doctor. That's not so bad.What about the boy?, she asked. "Denephew"
I said this when I was 6, and everyone laughed
Two twins came to our house one day, and I kept calling them the wrong names (they were their names, but I said Harry to Thomas and vice-versa)
My dad came to me and said 'can't tell them apart, can ya?'
'No dad, I can't tell 'em together!'
(Waits for downvotes)
What do you call unborn twins?
Wombmates.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... with twins
Two guys are at a bar. One of them looks to the other and says, "I had the best time last night. I had s**... with twins!" The other asks, "How could you tell them apart?" "Well, Jessica had long, beautiful, blonde hair, and Alex had a goatee.
I'm dating anorexic twins.
Two birds, one stone
A woman is pregnant with twins.
A woman is pregnant with twins. During her last month of pregnancy, she falls into a coma. When she wakes up, the doctor tells her that she had a girl and a boy, and that her brother claimed them until she came to. Immediately, she panics at the thought of her brother supervising her newborns.
"What did he name them?" She asks anxiously.
"He named the girl Denise", the doctor says.
That's not too bad, she thought, relieved. "What did he name my son?"
"Denephew."
A blonde goes to the doctor
...and finds out she is pregnant with twins.
She starts crying, and the doctor asks her what's wrong.
She replies, "I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a girl and a boy. Fortunately, your brother was there to name them for you.
Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well, that isn't so bad. What did he name the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.
Why are the best accountants twins from Prague?
Because they always double Czech their work!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman gives birth to twins and then goes into a coma
When she wakes up, she realises that she is yet to name her child.
Doctor: Oh, don't worry about that miss. Your brother was here while you were unconscious. He named your children.
Mother: What!? My brother is a complete idiot! Oh God, what did he name my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Mother: Oh, I guess that's not too bad. What a relief. And what did he name my son?
Doctor: ....Denephew
My wife and I lost 150lbs combined!
So if you see our twins wandering around please let us know!
Why is King Joffrey like a mattress?
Two twins make a King.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman wakes up from a coma and...
A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew
What do you sing at a twins bat mitzvah?
Happy birthday two Jews
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
9/11 t**....
When twins go down on you.
Two twins were separated at birth
One of them lived in Cuba, and was named Juan. The other lived in Egypt, and was named Jamal.
10 years after their birth, their birth mother was sent a picture of one of the twins. "I wish I could see the other one," she said. The adoption mother then said,
" If you've seen juan, you've seen jamal."
A mother of twins went into labour and passed out.
A mother of twins went into labour and passed out. She woke up hours later to find her (not so bright) sister carrying her twins. Nervously the new mother asked her sister whether the children has been named. To which the sister replied yes. The new mother shocked and scared then asked the sister what she named the children to which she replied she named the niece Denise. The mother feeling a little better then asked what she had name the boy to which she replied Denephew.
What type of fruit do twins prefer?
Pears.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pregnant woman goes into a coma
A pregnant woman goes into a coma moments after she gives birth to twins, one boy and one girl.
When she finally wakes up several days later, she cries out frantically to see her children.
The doctors come to her, and the first thing she asks is "How are my children?"
"Fine" says the doctor, "your brother named them".
She thinks to herself, "Oh no!" "My brother's an idiot" and she asks the doctor "What did he name them?"
The doctor says "He named the girl Denise"
And she thinks, Well, maybe I misjudged my brother... Denise isn't such a bad name"
What did he name the boy?"
Replies the doctor "De nephew."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mate told me yesterday that he's started dating twins!
I asked how he could tell which one is which.
He said, 'Well, Andrea is really, really attractive - she has long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and plump red lips. Plus she's got a really nice body. Pretty much a perfect ten.
And Brian has a c**....'
What's in a name?
A pregnant woman lapses into a coma. She awakens and frantically calls for her doctor. "You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're fine," he says. "Your brother named them."
Oh, no, the new mother thinks. He's an idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks, "What's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
Not bad, she thinks. I guess I was wrong about him. "And the boy?"
"DeNephew."
My favourite joke ever
So a woman is in the hospital, having just given birth to twins. The midwife appears at her side and gravely says that she has some good news and some bad news. The woman asks for her to get the bad news out of the way. "Well," the midwife says, "unfortunately one of the children is ginger".
The Mother laughs and says, "Well then, whats the good news?"
"Its dead", the midwife says.
A mom is breastfeeding her baby twins.
One day, one of the twins realized that there is more milk coming from the breast where his twin sibling is feeding on. Because of extreme jealousy, he put poison on that specific breast while everyone is asleep.
The next day, the twins' uncle died.
A Vietnamese couple were going to have a baby.
The father was really hoping for a boy, while the mother wanted a girl.
As luck would have it, they ended up having twins -- one boy and one girl.
It was a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.
I told two twins their matching outfits are cute...
"Did your mom buy you matching clothes?" I asked politely.
To which they answered, "We're not twins and could we see your license and registration please."
I once knew twins who were exactly alike except one was missing an eye
They were dentical twins
I was just boasting at work about how I'm currently sleeping with a set of twins...
All the lads were very impressed but one asked;
"How do you tell them apart?"
"Easy", I said, "Michelle has long blonde hair and Dave has a moustache."
I let my brother name my twins.
He did fine with my daughter, Denise. But my son may never forgive him for naming him Denephew.
Today we celebrate international twins day.
Because twins are people two.
I was sleeping with two twins for while in my 20s....
My friends all asked, "how can you tell them apart?" I replied, "well...Sharon has long blonde hair, and Derek has a beard."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Can't tell right from wrong anymore...
s**... names for twins anyway.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is shopping one day and see's the ugliest, fattest woman he's ever seen with her 2 boys
The woman notices him looking over at them and asks if there's something he's looking for.
"no, just noticed you with your twin boys. Not often you see twins" he replies
"oh, they're not twins but they do look similar" she remarks and notices the mans puzzled expression. "Is there something wrong that they're not twins?"
"No, I'm just more surprised someone actually had s**... with you more than once."
Blonde childbirth
It's a blonde who gave birth to two beautiful babies, twins, however, she cries endlessly!
The nurse then tells him:
"But see madame! Why are you crying ? You are now mother of 2 beautiful babies, in good health!
- I know, says the blonde, but I do not know who is the father of the second!
A teacher enters a class room for the first time.
he notices that two of the guys sitting together looks similar to each other.The teacher curiously asks them
Teacher :Are you guys twins?
Guys:No sir, we are neighbors.
An expecting father paces nervously up and down the waiting room.
"First child?" Asks another father
"No" replies the first.
"Well then why are you so anxious?"
"When my wife read 'A tale of two cities', she had twins. When she read 'The three musketeers' she had triplets."
"That's amazing." says the second Man
"Yes" replies the first "but she just finished reading 'Birth of a Nation'.
Is it insensitive...
For a mother to say "here comes the airplane" when feeding her two twins.
There was a guy who was terrible at naming thing ...
His dog was named dog, his cat was named cat and so on. One day, the man's sister was having twins and in a long family tradition, the babies uncle had to chose the names. Absolutely mortified, the twin girl and boy were born and it was time;
What did you choose for the girl?
Denise
Oh man, that's not so bad. What did you choose for the boy?
Denephew
An eighty year old man is in the hospital waiting room about to be a first time father.
The nurse comes out of the opperating room as say "Good news sir your wife just gave birth to twins. You have two healthy baby boys. "
The old man stands up excitedly takes off his hat and says to the nurse "It just goes to show you even if you have snow on the roof you can still have a fire in the furnace!"
The nurse replied: "Well you better change your filter because the babies are black"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't you lose in a t**... with Vietnamese twins?
Because it's a Ngyuen-Ngyuen.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yesterday I had s**... with twins.
I'm now a doppelbanger.
What mattresses do Lannisters use ?
They push two twins together to make a king.
An old man goes to confession.
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I'm 80 years old and have been happily married to the love of my life for 60 years, but last night i cheated on her. With twins. 21 year old bikini model twins."
The priest asks how long it's been since his last confession.
"I've never been to confession. I'm Jewish."
"Then why are you telling me this?" the priest asks.
The old man replies, "I'm telling EVERYBODY!"
After 5 years of marriage, a couple filed for divorce.
The court was finalizing their divorce when the Judge looked to the couple and said; "You've got 3 kids, how will you divide them?"
The couple then had a long conversation between the two of them. "We'll be back after 1 year." They said.
9 months later, they had twins.
Three men were waiting outside the labor ward...
A nurse came out to tell the first man: "Congratulations. You are the father of twins." "Twins!"he exclaimed "How about that? I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Co!"
Five minutes later, a nurse came out to tell the second man: "Congratulations. You are the father of triplets." "Triplets!" he said "What a coincidence! I work for the 3M Organization!"
Upon hearing this, the third man stood up & muttered: ''I need some air, I work for 7 up!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I accidentally angered two people today by calling them hipsters.
Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins.
A man's wife is close to giving birth but he has to go away on business.
He asks his brother to look after his wife. A couple days into the trip and his brother calls from the hospital.
"I have good news and bad news. Good news is you have perfectly healthy twins! A boy and a girl! The bad news is they had to put your wife under for the birth. She's fine, but they needed names for the birth certificates, so I had to name them."
Father says, "That's not bad news. I trust you. What did you name the girl?"
"Deniece."
"Oh, that's a beautiful name! I knew I could trust you. What did you name the boy?"
"Denephew"
Welcome to Lannister family mattress store!
Where we push two twins together to make a king.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pair of conjoined twins went to see the psychiatrist. Twin A confessed to wanting to have s**... with twin B. The shrink responded...
Hey, you do you.
