Twin Brother Jokes
118 twin brother jokes and hilarious twin brother puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about twin brother that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Twin Brother Short Jokes
Short twin brother jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The twin brother humour may include short twin jokes also.
- I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
- My mother asked me to hand out invitations to my brother's surprise party. That's when I realized he was her favourite twin.
- I am 24 seconds older than my twin brother... ... whenever I come out of the toilet I start a sentence with "When I was your age...." then proceed telling him the details of my majestic creation.
- I let my brother name my twins. He did fine with my daughter, Denise. But my son may never forgive him for naming him Denephew.
- So my friend is dating twins... ...And I said, "Isn't it hard to tell them appart?" He replied with, "Well not really, the brother has a moustache."
- My brother's a drummer and had twin daughters. You'll never guess what he named them! Anna 1, Anna 2
- My twin brother called me from jail He started with, So you know how we finish each other's sentences?
- My identical twin brother and I were both arrested this weekend. But there was a mix-up during processing. Now we are finishing each other's sentences.
- I found out today that I have an identical twin brother. I got very emotional when we finally met. I was beside myself.
- Me and my twin brother are 20 years old and never had a job or girlfriend. Today my dad said if he knew we would have turned out so useless he would have named us thoughts and prayers.
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Twin Brother One Liners
Which twin brother one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with twin brother? I can suggest the ones about sister brother and brother.
- Why did the brother octopi look so alike? They were itentacle twins.
- My father was a conjoined twin. His brother was my uncle on my fathers side once removed.
- My father was a conjoined twin so his brother was ... My uncle on my fathers side
- What do you call Michael Bublé's identical twin brother? Michael Dublé! :D
- What do you call twin brothers? A sunset
- My twin brother and I used to finish each other's sentences ... but now he's in jail.
- What do you call Identical Twin Brothers who choose a life of crime? Cell Mates
- Why is it confusing when twin brothers do Star Wars impressions? They Luke the same.
- Nobody knew Jesus' twin brother. Until Easter.
- What do you call a clown's twin brother? A clone.
- Have you heard of Napoleon's twin brother? They were Bonaparte from each other.
- My dad was a conjoined twin we call his brother our uncle from the father's side
- Who did the narcissist marry? His twin brother
- I've been framed. I can explain. This one is of me, not my twin brother.
- A police officer's Siamese twin brother was a criminal... He was con fused.
Share Hilarious Twin Brother Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about twin brother you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean twin sister jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make twin brother pranks.
A church's bell ringer passed away. The church posted the job opening in the local newspaper's classified ads and a man came in with no arms wanting the job. The clergy weren't sure he could do it, but he convinced them to let him try it. They climbed the bell tower and the guy ran toward the bell and hit it with his head, producing a beautiful melody. They gave him the job on the spot. The next day he went to ring the bell, tripped, bounced off the bell and fell to the sidewalk below. Two priests were walking past. One asked, "Do you know this guy?" The other responded, "No, but his face rings a bell."
The next day, the dead man's twin brother came in for the again vacant bell ringer position. He also had no arms. The clergy led him up to the bell tower, where he ran at the bell, tripped and fell to the sidewalk below. The same two priests walked up. The first asked, "Do you know him?" The second responded, "No, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
Twin brother were in a same class. Teacher ask them to write their father’s name.
They wrote different name.
Teacher was shocked and ask them why did they wrote the different names.
They reply, ” Now you wont say that we cheated”.
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and goes into a coma.
After nearly six months, she wakes up to find that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them, if you don't mind me saying he does seem a bit of a r**...!"
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not such a bad name! I like Denise!"
Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, "Denephew."
Two conjoined twins walks into a pub
The bartender is amazed: "You're not from around here"
The siamese on the left side:"No, we're french, every summer, we come to the UK, rent a car and start a road trip"
"So, you really seem to like the country?"
"Not that much, but once a year, my brother can drive".
A woman is pregnant with twins when she gets into a car accident...
...she wakes up in the hospital and the doctor says her twins have already been delivered, a boy and a girl. But since she wasn't around to name them, they had to ask her brother to give them legal names.
The woman was worried, because her brother was a bit of an idiot. "What did he name them?" she asked.
"He named the girl Denise," the doctor said.
"Oh, that's a nice name," she said in relief. "What did he name the boy?"
"Denephew."
s**... with Twins!
Two friends, Bob and Joe, were playing golf. Bob remarked, "Ya know Joe, last week I had s**... with twins!" "Really?" Joe replied. "How could you tell them apart?" "Well," Bob answered, "the brother had a moustache."
A pregnant woman from Virginia was involved in a
car accident...
A pregnant woman from Virginia was involved in a car accident and, while in the hospital, she fell into a coma. When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a child, and asked, "Doc, what happened to my baby!"
The doctor replied, "Ma'am, you've had twins! You're the proud mother of a handsome baby boy and a beautiful baby girl. Also, you should know that while you were in a coma, your brother named the children for you."
"Oh, no!" shrieked the woman. "Not my brother! He's not really all together, if you know what I mean!"
The doctor replied, "Well, ma'am, your brother named your daughter Denise."
"Oh, that's not so bad," smiled the woman. Then, hesitantly, she asked, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor grinned and said, "Denephew."
Mary and Sue are discussing good-looking boys in their high school.
Mary asks "Have you seen that new Mexican kid Amal Garcia?"
"Garcia?" Sue responds. "No, but I think I've seen his brother Juan"
Mary replies "They're identical twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!"
My buddy tells me he had s**... with his GF and her twin the other night.
I asked him how he told them apart.
He says, "well her brother has a mustache"
An Irish woman is 3 months pregnant...
She gets into a car accident and falls into a coma.
After nearly six months, she wakes up to find that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "You had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are grand. Luckily your brother named them!"
"Oh no, not my brother, he's a feckin eejit!" she says.
She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
"That's not so bad, what's the boy's name?" she asks the doctor.
"Denephew."
A couple gave their twin boys up for adoption...
...it was a tough decision, but they felt unable to care for them, and decided it was the only way their children would thrive. One of the boys went to a Spanish family, who called their new son Juan. The other went to an Egyptian couple, who named the new addition to their family Ahmal.
20 years past, and the now elderly couple received a surprise in the mail, a letter from Juan, with a recent photo included. The mother was ecstatic, and said to her husband "It is such a blessing to finally see an image of our son, all grown up. I only regret that I cannot see a photo of his brother as well".
The husband said "What are you talking about? They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!"
Denise and WHAT?!
A woman falls into a coma as she is giving birth. When she wakes up a few weeks later, the doctor greets her with some news.
"Congratulations! You had twins; a boy and a girl. Since you were in a coma, we gave your brother the liberty of naming your children."
"What did he name them?" she worriedly asked, "he isn't very bright!"
"Your daughter is Denise," replied the doctor.
Slightly relieved she says, "That's not so bad! And the boy?"
"Danephew."
The twins
There were two twin brothers called Juan and Jamal who had grown up and left their family to find their luck far away in two different parts of the country.
After a while, missing his sons, their father went to a trip to see them. When back home, his wife, who had stayed home, asked him about their kids.
"I went first to Juan. He is quite fine" he said.
"What about Jamal, did you visit him as well?"
"No need. If I've seen Juan, I've seen Jamal"
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident...
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident...
...and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies,
"Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother - he's an idiot!"
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!"
Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, DeNephew.
A Pregnant women gets in a car wreck....
...and fell into a coma. When she awoke a few days later, she noticed that she wasn't carrying a child, and asked the doctor, "Doctor, what happened to my baby!?"
The doctor replies, "It's all okay. You gave birth to beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. But we needed someone to name them, so your brother came in and gave them their names."
The woman is surprised. "No, not my brother! He's not the smartest guy in the world."
"Well ma'am, he named your daughter Denise," the doctor said.
"Oh, that's not too bad. What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew."
A lady almost 9 months pregnant falls down some stairs and knocks herself out...
When she wakes up, she is in a hospital bed.
Doctor: "We had to deliver your fraternal twins while you slept, but they are completely healthy. Also, your brother stopped by and named them for you"
New Mother: "My brother named them? But he's an idiot! What are their names?"
Doctor: "Well, the little girl is named Denise."
New Mother: "Well, that's not so bad. What about my son?"
Doctor: "Denephew."
Two identical twins separated at birth...
... And are put up for adoption. One of the twins gets adopted by a Mexican couple and is named Juan. The other twin gets adopted by an Egyptian family and is named Hamal.
Years later their biological mother and father receive a letter from both their children saying how through a bizarre series of coincidences they had found eachother and had tracked down their address. Enclosed was a picture of Juan smiling happily with his adoptive Mexican parents.
"Oh" the mother says to her husband. "he's so handsome! And seems so happy! I wish I knew what his brother looks like."
"Honey" said her husband "They're twins, once you've seen Juan, you've seen Hamal."
My buddy told me he had a t**... with his girlfriend and her twin.......
I asked how he could tell them apart. He said "Her brother has a mustache."
A man is late to his twin's birth
A man is late to his twin's birth, he gets to the hospital and apologizes to his wife for being late. The wife says, I am sorry, they needed paper work done, I let your brother name the children. The husband somewhat angry and shocked, "You let my crazy brother Larry name our children, what did he name the girl". "Denise", said the wife. The man repeated it "Denise..Denise..Denise..Denise is a pretty name what did he name the boy?"....The wife responded...."DaaNephew".
I introduced my new girlfriend to my family last night...
"This is my dad Roger," I said, "And this is my twin brother Dave."
"Nice to meet you," she smiled. "Who's the oldest?"
I said, "My dad."
A 3 months pregnant woman falls into a coma...
6 months later she awakes and she asks her doctor about her babies. And he replies
"Oh you had happy healthy twins. One boy, and one girl. Luckily your brother was here to name then"
"Oh god no" says the woman "my brothers an idiot. What are their names"
"The girls name is denise" says the doctor
"Oh thats not to bad, and the boy?"
"Denephew"
You don't know Jack...
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of
Knee-deep Schitt, Inc.
Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and they had 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt.
Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they had Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt married the Happens
brothers in a dual ceremony.
The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new bride, Pisa Schitt. Now you know Jack Schitt.
A heavily pregnant Women and her husband are in a car c**...
They both fall into a coma and her twins are removed from the Mother's w**... by c-section.
5 months later the Mother wakes up from the coma and sees her brother by her bedside.
Immediately she remembers her pregnancy, 'are my babies ok?' She asks her brother.
'Yes they're absolutely fine, you had a boy and a girl and I have been caring for them' he exclaims.
'Have you named them?' the mother asks,
'Yes the girls name is Denise'
'And the boys?'
'Denephew'
A pregnant woman is in labor
A pregnant woman goes into labor and is rushed into the hospital. While giving birth, she passes out due to the pain. When she wakes up the doctor tells her congrats on her twins. But since she was out cold and they needed to put names on the birth certificates, they had her brother name them.
At this news, the woman is visibly upset. Nooo, she says; my brother is r**.... You can't let him name them.
Tough luck says the doctor. Its already done. Heres your daughter, Denise.
O that's actually a pretty good name says the woman.
And here's your son, denephew.
A pregnant woman goes into a coma...
She wakes up from her coma to a doctor standing over her bed.
He says, "There's good news and bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"
She thinks for a minute then says, "the good news, please."
"You gave birth to boy and girl twins while you were in a coma. But the bad news is that your brother named them."
"What did he name them?" The doctor replies, "the first one, a girl, he named Denise." The woman was relieved and sighed. "What's the boy's name then?"
The doctors pauses, then replies, "Denephew."
A woman pregnant with twins goes into labor unexpectedly.
Her brother drove her to the hospital, since her husband was away on business. It was a very risky delivery, and the doctors had to put her under during the procedure.
The woman woke up and immediately asked, "Are my babies okay?"
The nurse on call said reassuringly, "Oh yes, your children were born healthy, a boy and a girl. However -- your brother had to name them because we needed to get the birth certificates filled out."
Nervously, she asked, "What did he name my daughter?"
"Denise," the nurse replied.
Relieved, the woman said, "That's a lovely name! I was worried he'd come up with something truly awful. And my son?"
"Denephew."
A woman goes into a coma...
A woman goes into a coma while pregnant with twins. Her husband dies in the car accident. A few months into the coma, she successfully gives birth to a boy and a girl. Shortly afterward, she wakes up.
"Where are my children? Are they alright?"
The doctor pats her shoulder reassuringly. "Yes, you delivered fine. You gave birth to a healthy boy and girl."
The woman sighs in relief. "Oh thank God. Who named them?"
The doctor frowns. "Your... brother, ma'am."
She lunged from the bed, grabbing him by the collar. "Oh no. He's an idiot. Tell me, WHAT DID HE NAME THEM?!"
"Deniece, he named the girl Deniece," he gasped.
She released her grip. "Oh... that's not too bad. And the boy?"
The doctor shamefully looked at the ground. "Denephew."
*Credit goes to my friend
Coma Pregnancy
A woman is in an accident while she's pregnant. While in a coma she has twins, a boy & a girl.
When she woke up she asked the doctor where her baby was. The doctor said she had twins but her brother named them.
She replied,My brother is an idiot I wonder what names he gave them. Anyway what did he name the girl?
"Denise", replied the doctor. That's not so bad.What about the boy?, she asked. "Denephew"
I was at this bar once..
and the bartenders were identical twins. The only way to tell them apart was that one of the brothers had a freakishly small head. After talking for a while I finally asked him what was up with is appearance. He looks around, lowers his voice and says "once I was walking down a beach and found a lamp in the sand, I rubbed it and I'll be d**... if a smoking hot genie didn't shoot up out of the lamp. The genie offers me one wish, the only thing off-limits is that she would not sleep with me, so I asked for a little head"
What did a black twin called his brother before they're born?
Inmates
A woman is pregnant with twins.
A woman is pregnant with twins. During her last month of pregnancy, she falls into a coma. When she wakes up, the doctor tells her that she had a girl and a boy, and that her brother claimed them until she came to. Immediately, she panics at the thought of her brother supervising her newborns.
"What did he name them?" She asks anxiously.
"He named the girl Denise", the doctor says.
That's not too bad, she thought, relieved. "What did he name my son?"
"Denephew."
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a girl and a boy. Fortunately, your brother was there to name them for you.
Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well, that isn't so bad. What did he name the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.
A woman passes out while giving birth to her twins leaving her immature, witty brother to name them.
She wakes up and immediately asks her brother what he named her new born girl. He replies,"Denise". Surprised she says,"That's a beautiful name, what about my baby boy"? He responds with a grin from ear to ear, "Denephew".
What do you call Michael Buble's long lost evil twin brother?
Pu-pu publé
A woman goes into labor with twins.
She all alone, no husband, but excited to meet her son and daughter. Unfortunately, she has a massive s**... during delivery and falls into a coma*.
She wakes up, miraculously, five years later! She has a million questions: are her babies ok? Who has them? How long has it been?! When she learns her brother took guardianship of her children, she's instantly worried. Her brother is an IDIOT! What kind of mess has he made with them?! God, what did he even name them?!
They bring in her kids. She tentatively asks the little girl, "What's your name?"
"Denise." The little girl offers. The woman is relieved. That's not so bad. It's actually kind of lovely. "And you?" she asks the boy.
"Denephew."
A woman gives birth to twins and then goes into a coma
When she wakes up, she realises that she is yet to name her child.
Doctor: Oh, don't worry about that miss. Your brother was here while you were unconscious. He named your children.
Mother: What!? My brother is a complete idiot! Oh God, what did he name my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Mother: Oh, I guess that's not too bad. What a relief. And what did he name my son?
Doctor: ....Denephew
My twin brother is a r**... thief.
He stole my chromosome.
A pregnant woman got in a car wreck and went into a coma.
While in the coma, she gave birth to twins.
4 months later she woke up asking where her kids were.
The nurse informed her she had given birth to twins, a boy and a girl, and her brother has been taking care of them.
The woman said "Oh no, not my idiot brother. What did he name my daughter?"
"Denise" the nurse said.
"Oh, that's not bad. What about the boy"
The nurse replied "Da-nephew"
A woman wakes up from a coma and...
A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew
My wife left me for my brother
My twin brother.
My mate brought two twins back..
My mate brought two twins back to his house the other night
I asked him how could you tell the difference between them?
He said the brother had a moustache
A woman who has just given birth has fallen into a coma.
After 7 months the mother finally awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: Good news, you had twins! a boy and a girl. They are healthy, luckily your brother named them for you.
Mother: Oh no, not my brother! he's so s**...! What did he name my daughter?
Doctor: Denise.
Mother: well that isn't so bad, and what did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew.
A woman gives birth to a girl and a boy but falls into a coma for a few months.
After she wakes up the doctor says "stay calm. You fell into a coma after having twins. Your brother came to pick them up and even name them."
The mother is worried "Oh no my Brother is terrible with names!"
The doctor says "He named the girl Denise"
The mother looks relieved "well that's not so bad. What did he name the boy?"
"Denephew"
A pregnant woman goes into a coma
A pregnant woman goes into a coma moments after she gives birth to twins, one boy and one girl.
When she finally wakes up several days later, she cries out frantically to see her children.
The doctors come to her, and the first thing she asks is "How are my children?"
"Fine" says the doctor, "your brother named them".
She thinks to herself, "Oh no!" "My brother's an idiot" and she asks the doctor "What did he name them?"
The doctor says "He named the girl Denise"
And she thinks, Well, maybe I misjudged my brother... Denise isn't such a bad name"
What did he name the boy?"
Replies the doctor "De nephew."
A woman passes out after giving birth to twins...
She wakes up after two days and panics.
"Where are my babies?!" she yells.
"Your babies are safe and healthy," the nurse says. "You have been asleep for two days, and the hospital has a policy for naming newborns that says they need to be named within 24 hours of birth."
"But I was passed out! Can't I name them now?"
"We had to let your nearest relative, your brother, name them."
The woman freaks out, "My brother! He's such an idiot!... What did he name them? What did he name my daughter?"
"Denise."
"Oh, I love that name! What did he name my baby boy?"
"Denephew."
I feel like people judge me because me and my brother are conjoined twins.
But the good part is that at least I know he always has my back!
If Matt Damon had a twin brother, he would look just like
Matt Damon.
What's in a name?
A pregnant woman lapses into a coma. She awakens and frantically calls for her doctor. "You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're fine," he says. "Your brother named them."
Oh, no, the new mother thinks. He's an idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks, "What's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
Not bad, she thinks. I guess I was wrong about him. "And the boy?"
"DeNephew."
A mother went into a coma after giving birth to twins
When she woke up after 6 months and 3 days, the doctor told the mother: "While you were in a coma, we had your brother name your children. One is a boy, one is a girl."
The mother, with a disappointed and angry look on her face told the doctor: "Why my brother? That guy is an idiot. So what did he name them?"
The mother, expecting hideous names, prepared herself.
"The girl, was named Denise." The mother thought, "Hey that wasn't so bad. What about my boy?"
The doctor said, "Denephew".
I have a friend...
Named Tope..and Tope has a twin brother...called ISO-Tope
A pregnant woman is hit by a car....
She is sent into a coma for 1 year. She wakes up, no longer pregnant, screaming," Doctor! Doctor! Where is my baby?!"
The doctor replies, "Calm down, your babies are fine. You had twins! a girl and a boy. We gave them to your brother to watch while you were in the hospital."
She says,"My brother? That guy is a m**...! Why would you do that?"
"I am sorry ma'am, we had no choice. There was nobody else. He even took the liberty of naming them."
"What??", she says. "What did he name my daughter?"
"He named her 'Denise' " says the doctor.
"Oh, well that's not so bad. What did he name my son?"
To which the doctor replies, "He named him 'Denephew' "
I just found out that George Clooney's wife has a twin brother named Juan who looks exactly like her
Some people say that once you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal
My wife's twin tricked me into sleeping with them
I swore I had no idea, but she just never forgave me for sleeping with her brother.
A woman is pregnant with twins
but because of complications during labor, she passed out for about 24 hours after the birth. When she wakes up, she asks to see her children, excited to name them.
The doctor says sure, here they are, but your brother already named them.
What? she exclaims, what did he name them?
He named the girl, Denise, said the doctor.
Hmm, she says, I guess that's ok. I like Denise. What did he name my son?
Denephew.
A pregnant woman is hit by a private car....!
She is sent into a coma for 2 years. She wakes up, no longer pregnant, screaming," Doctor! Doctor! Doctor! Where is my baby?!"
The doctor replies, "Calm down, Calm down, your babies are fine. You had twins! a girl and a boy. We gave them to your brother to watch while you were in the hospital."
She says,"My brother? That guy is a m**...! Why would you do that?"
"I am sorry ma'am, we had no choice. There was nobody else. He even took the liberty of naming them."
"What??", she says. "What did he name my daughter?"
"He named her 'Denise' " says the doctor.
"Oh, well that's not so bad. What did he name my son?"
To which the doctor replies, "He named him 'Denephew' "
If a brother and sister get together and have twins, the twins should be named Peanut Butter and Jelly.
Because they are in bread.
"Bort is a strange name, especially for a little girl", she told her twin brother Dopt.
Dopt replied, "Our parents could accept a Dopt son, but never a Bort son."
"Yeah, but it's still strange."
Baby names
Right before giving birth, a woman carrying twins falls into a coma and has an emergency C\-section. When she finally woke up, she called the doctor over and asked about her children. "Oh, they're beautiful. You had a boy and a girl." the doctor says.
She begins to smile and asks "Wait, who named them?"
"Your brother" the doctor answered.
"Oh, no. Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name my daughter?"
"Denise" The doctor replied.
"Oh, that's not so bad" the mother replied. "What about my son?"
"Denephew"
My mate Jeff met a g**... Tinder who invited him back to her flat for a t**... with her twin...
Apparently her brothers moustache was really tickly.
A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin.
I said "How can you tell them apart?"
He said "Her brother's got a mustache."
A woman who is a month pregnant falls into a deep coma. Three months after giving birth, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby...
Doctor: Well, I have good news and bad news for you. Which would you like to hear first?
Woman: Of course, the good news.
Doctor: You had twins, both girls, and they're both fine. Luckily, your brother was here to name them.
Woman: Oh, that drummer... What did he name the girls?
Doctor: Anna 1, Anna 2
I overheard two people having a argument about vaccines.
Guy 1: How could people even think that vaccines are harmful?
Guy 2: Well when I was young my parents did an experiment they got me vaccinated and my twin was vaccination free.
Now I have had many sicknesses while my brother had almost none!
Guy 1: Wait I never knew you had a twin.
Guy 2: Oh yes I did, but he died when we where young.
When I was about 9 years old, my mom forced me to go with her to the f**... of a friend of hers that I didn't know.
When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the f**... to end. Then a man approached me and said:
"Enjoy life, boy. Be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy mine."
He patted my head and left.
Before leaving, my Mom forced me to say goodbye to the dead person. When I looked in the coffin, I was startled to see the man who was talking to me in the corner was the same one in the coffin.
For several years, I was not able to sleep properly because of nightmares.
Years later, I discovered that the dead man had a twin brother.....
A pregnant lady went into a coma
Months later she wake up, no longer pregnant
"You had twins, a boy and a girl" the nurse exclaims "your brother named them"
"What did he name the girl?" the woman asked
"Denise"
"That's alright, I like Denise, what about the boy?"
"Denephew"