Twenty Jokes

What are some Twenty jokes?

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

Two deer walk out of a gay bar

One looks at the other and says, man, I blew like, twenty bucks in there!

I asked my grandfather for twenty dollars.

"Twenty dollars?!" he said. "For what?"

"To buy groceries," I told him.

"When I was a boy," my grandfather said. "My mama would give me one dollar, just *one dollar*, and I'd go to the store and come home with two loaves of bread, two sacks of potatoes, a carton of eggs, three bottles of milk, a can of coffee and a box of tea."

He shrugged and paused.

"Times have changed and ya can't do that now," he told me. "Too many fuckin' security cameras."

Did you know 2 x 10 is the same as 2 x 11?

**One is twenty, and the other is twenty too!**

This farmer was telling me about how brilliant his sheepdog was at maths,

"Watch this," he said. "Shep, what's seven plus two, "
And the dog barked ten times.
"OK, Shep, what's fifteen plus four. "
And the dog barked twenty times.
"He's very good, " I replied, but he's a little over. "
"Yeah, " answered the farmer, "old habits die hard, he's just rounding them up. "

A man went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting.

"Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.

The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.

"Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"

"Aha!'' says the doctor. ''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"

What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life?

Fred and George Weasley.

I stopped my car beside a prostitute last night.

As she got in I asked, *"How much for a blow job?"*

She said, *"Thirty dollars."*

I said, *"Can you do twenty?"*

*"Yeah, okay"*, she replied.

I said, *"Great, here's $600 then."*

"Son, I want to let you know that you were adopted.

"What?! Really?!", I said.

"Yep! Go pack your things and get ready", my dad said. "They'll be here to pick you up in twenty minutes."

A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says Make me one with everything .

The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.

The Buddhist asks Where's my change? and the vendor replies change must come from within .

A gun then extends from the Buddhist's chest and he asks again.

The vendor says Whoa, man, where did that come from?

The Buddhist replies This is my inner piece .

What walks on eight legs until the age of one, four legs until the age of twenty, and two legs after?

The Weasley twins

Two guys are walking down a dark alley

when a mugger approaches them and demand their money.

They both grudgingly pull our their wallets and begin taking out their cash.

Just then, one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Hey, here's that twenty dollars I owe you."

Little Johnny

"Hey, Mom," asked Johnny "Can you give me twenty dollars?"

"Certainly not."

"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."

His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?"

"He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.' "

A kangaroo walks into a bar

A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. He pays with a twenty and the bartender figures, "What does a kangaroo know about money?" gives him a single in change.

Then his curiosity gets the better of him. "You know," he says to the kangaroo, "we don't get a lot of kangaroos in this place."

The kangaroo replies sourly, "Yeah, and at $19 for a beer, you won't be getting many more."

DIVING WITHOUT EQUIPMENT

Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear.
The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him.
The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?"
The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

A woman asks her husband, a programmer, to go shopping.

Wife: Dear, please, go to the nearby grocery store to buy some bread. Also, if they have eggs, buy 6.
Husband: O.K., hun.

Twenty minutes later the husband comes back bringing 6 loaves of bread. His wife is flabbergasted.

Wife: Dear, why on earth did you buy 6 loaves of bread?
Husband: They had eggs.

Dramatic Arts

Little Charlie has had his dreams set on becoming an actor, and, finally, he lands a part in the school play. He runs home after school to tell his dad. "That's fantastic!" his father replies. "Who do you play?" he asks. "Dad, I play a guy who's been married for twenty years!" His dad plants a hand on Charlie's shoulder, smiling sweetly, and says, "Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part."

A little help with your math

A businessman is getting a 17% discount on an order worth $20,000.00, but can't figure out the total in his head. He asks his secretary, "Betty, if I were to give you twenty thousand dollars with a 17% discount, how much would you take off?" She thinks for a minute, then says, "Everything except my earrings."

My 5yo son just told me this joke and it made me chuckle so thought I'd share... "Mom, if I had twenty apples in this hand (shakes left hand) and twenty apples in this hand (shakes right hand), what would I have?..."

"Massive hands!"

My wife gave birth this morning I said to the doctor How long will it be before we can have sex?

He winked at me and said Meet me in the car park in twenty minutes......

How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.

I don't always tell Dad jokes...

But I've been saving the best ones for twenty years, and we're going have such a laugh when he comes back with those smokes!

A Jewish kid goes to his dad and says, "Dad, I need to borrow fifty bucks".

The dad says, "Forty bucks? I don't have thirty bucks, what do you need twenty bucks for?"

A police officer pulls a guy over.....

and the driver rolls down his window and asks why he is being pulled over. The cop explains that he didn't completely stop at the stop sign. The driver says: I slowed down and took a look. The cop grabs him through the window, pulls his head out, and starts slapping him in the face with his summons book repeatedly. After about twenty slaps, the cop asks him:
Do you want me to stop or slow down?

What's the hardest part about getting twenty one year olds drunk?

Slipping the booze into their baby bottles without the parents noticing

A man is walking home late at night when he hears a woman's voice….

...from the shadow call out, Twenty bucks?

The man takes the mystery woman up on the offer. They've been going at it for a few minutes when a police officer points his flashlight at them and demands to know what's going on.

Do you mind? I'm making love to my wife, replies the man.

Sorry, says the cop, I didn't know.

The man replies, Neither did I, until you turned on the flashlight.

Which President had the shortest term?

Grover Cleveland.

He was the twenty second President.

An Irishman and an Englishman find a lamp

Upon rubbing it a genie pops out and says For freeing me, I will grant you each one wish!"
The Englishman says "I love my country, but it's being ruined by foreigners. I wish a wall to be built around it so that no one else can get in."
The genie says, "Done. And you, Irishman?"
The Irishman looks thoughtful for a moment and says, "Tell me more about this wall."
The genie responds, "It is twenty miles tall, a hundred feet thick and made of granite. Nothing can get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it with water."

Two economists walk down a road...

Two economists walk down a road and they see a twenty dollar bill lying on the side-walk. One of them asks is that a twenty dollar bill? Then the other one answers It can't be, because someone would have picked it up already, and they keep walking.

I'm gonna open a Pho restaurant that never closes!

It's called Twenty Pho Seven

The Buddha walks into a pizza joint and says, "Make me one with everything."

The cashier says "That'll be $12.50."

The Buddha gives him a twenty and holds out his hand for the change.

The cashier shakes his head, smiles and says, "Change must come from within."

A young man goes up to his father and asks him, "Can i have twenty bucks for a blow job?"

Father replies, " i don't know, are you any good?"

I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on."

After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"

"Yeah," she replied, "…but I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"

Johnny paid his way through college by waitering in a restaurant.

"What's the usual tip?" asked a customer.

"Well," said Johnny, "this is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I'd be doing great."

"Is that so?" growled the customer. "In that case, here's twenty dollars."

"Thanks. I'll put it in my college fund," Johnny said.

"By the way, what are you studying?" asked the customer.

"Applied psychology."

Me and my girlfriend have been living a happy life for twenty years.

Then we met.

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender: "Twenty shots of your finest tequila, please."

The bartender is surprised, but obliges. The man then goes down the line, taking shot after shot, back to back. The bartender is amazed!

"Wow! I've never seen anyone drink like that before!" says the bartender

The man says: "Yeah, well, when you have what I have, you'd drink like that too"

"Well, what do you have?"

"A dollar."

Did you hear about the first Reich?

Did you hear about the first Reich?

Or the second Reich?

The third Reich?

The fifth Reich?

The eight Reich?

Not even the thirteenth Reich?

Perhaps the twenty first Reich?

Huh. I guess you've never met any Fibbonazis.

A bus full of cheerleaders went off a cliff

Miraculously, all twenty of them managed to grab onto the same branch sticking out of the cliffside. There were nineteen beautiful blondes and one brunette. The brunette saw the branch was starting to break, so she made a decision.

"Listen ladies," she said. "As skinny as we are, this branch can't hold all our weight. You're all so beautiful and talented, so I'm going to let go in hopes that it's enough to save your lives. Tell my family I love them."

The blondes were so moved by her selfless sacrifice that they gave her a round of applause.

Hooker

Bubba was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.

"Twenty dollars", she whispers.

Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks, so they hide in the bushes.

They're in there for only a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer. "What's going on here, people?", asks the officer.

"I'm making love to my wife!", Bubba answers sounding annoyed.

"Oh, I'm sorry", says the cop, "I didn't know."

Bubba says, "Well, neither did I, till ya shined that light in her face."

An amateur golfer playing in his first tournament

was delighted when a beautiful girl came up to him after the round and suggested he come over for a while. The fellow was a bit embarrassed to explain that he really couldn't stay all night but that he'd be glad to come over for a while. Twenty minutes later they were in he bed making love. When it was over, he got out of bed and started getting dressed.

"Hey," called the girl from beneath the covers, "where do you think you're going? Arnold Palmer wouldn't leave so early."

At that he the golfer stripped off his clothes and jumped on top of her. After they'd made love a second time, he got out of bed and put his pants back on.

"What are you up to?" she called. "Jack Nicklaus wouldn't think of leaving now." So the golfer pulled off his pants and screwed her a third time, and afterward he started to get dressed.

"C'mon, you can't leave yet," protested the girl. "Tiger Woods wouldn't call it a day."

"Lady, would you tell me one thing?" asked the golfer, looking at her very seriously. "What's par for this hole?"

Why did Michael Jackson like twenty nine year olds?

There's 20 of them

Getting Drunk

Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself.

He says, "Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me."

His friend says, "Don't worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill."

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.

Eventually he reels home and his wife starts to give him a bad time, "You reek of alcohol and you've thrown up all over yourself, you're disgusting..."

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says, "Wait. It's not what you think. I only had one drink, but this man was sick on me. He'd obviously had one too many, or else he just couldn't hold his liquor. He was very sorry and he gave me twenty dollars for the cleaning bill. Look in my breast pocket."

She looks in his breast pocket and says, "But this is forty dollars."

"Ah, yes," says the man. "He peed in my trousers too!!!"

A sad looking man walks into a bar

And orders three shots. He knocks them back one after the other and orders another three.

The bartender says "I've never seen anyone drink like that"

The man replies "you'd drink like this if you had what I've got"

This continues twice more, shots, never seen it, you would if you had what I've got.

After the fifteenth shot the bartender asks "I've got to know, what have you got?"

The man grins wide and shouts "twenty cents!" he slaps the coins on the bar and bolts out the door.

A man in Texas is driving with twenty penguins in the bed of his pickup…

…when he is stopped by a State Trooper. The trooper approaches and tells the man that he needs to take the penguins to the zoo immediately as they are non-native and not registered to the man as pets. Right away, officer, replies the man, and off he goes.

The following day, the same man is driving on the same road with the same twenty penguins in the bed of his truck. This time, however, the penguins are all wearing sunglasses and straw hats. Sure enough, the man is stopped by the same officer. After pulling the man over, the officer approaches.

What is the meaning of this? I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday, why are they still in the bed of your truck? Did you really think these disguises would fool me?

They're not disguises, officer, you see I DID take them to the zoo yesterdayβ€”in fact, we had so much fun, we're going to the beach today.

What's the most offensive joke you have heard?

Here is a few I've heard:
What's the best thing about sex with twenty one year olds?
There's twenty of them


How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Cut the rope

What do you call a black woman who's had 7 abortions?
A crime fighter

Whats the difference between a jew and a dollar?
People would care about losing 6 million dollars

My mom told me my first dirty joke.

Why didn't Cinderella go to the ball?
She didn't want to choke!


I'm twenty three now, I was fourteen when she said it but always stuck with me because my mom was always very polite and didn't tell dirty jokes.
Thanks for all the comments;)!

Give me twenty shots of your best single-malt scotch quick!

A man walks in to a bar and says to the bartender "Give me twenty shots of your best single-malt scotch quick!"

The bartender pours the shots, and the man drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender says "Wow. I never saw anybody put away scotch that fast."

The man says "Well, you would drink as fast as I do if you had what I have."

The bartender says "Oh my god. What is it? What do you have?"

The man looks at him and says "Fifty cents."

An Odd Funeral...

A guy is just coming out of the store when he sees an unusual funeral procession moving down the road. In front is a black hearse, which is followed at a respectable distance of about 30 feet by another, slow moving hearse. Behind the two walks a man with a dog. And some twenty feet behind him is a line of 100 more men, walking just as slowly.

His curiosity gets the better of him and he approaches the man with the dog as they pass, falling into step beside him.

"This may not be the best time..." he begins "but I've never seen a funeral like this, so I need to ask what's going on. Who's in the first hearse?"

"My wife" says the man with the dog, mournfully. "She yelled at me, so Rover attacked and killed her." As if it feels guilty, the dog lowers its head and tail at the mention of his name.

"Oh.. oh my. I'm so sorry for your loss." Says the second guy. He walks alongside in respectful silence for a while before, once more, curiosity gets the better of him. "So whose in the second hearse?"

"My mother-in-law." comes the reply. "She tried to help my wife, so Rover killed her too."

"Oh my god, that's awful!" says the other guy, and walks alongside in respectful silence for a moment more. Eventually, he looks up and says "I don't suppose I could borrow your dog, could I?"

"Get in line." answers the guy.

A city bus driver is doing his route.

After picking up some passengers, an argument about race broke out. Most of the passengers on the bus are getting involved and after twenty minutes of bickering the driver, tired of the argument, slams on the brakes and stops in the middle of the street. Everyone shuts up. He stands up and shouts at them, "I'm TIRED of this. I'm an old man and I can't bear to listen to this arguing anymore. From now on, there's no black, there's no white, got it? We're all the same color. We're all green. Now everyone sit down, dark green in back, light green in front."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor

and tells him, "make me one with everything."

The vendor gives him a hot dog and the buddhist gives him a twenty dollar bill.
After a moment of waiting, the buddhist asks, "Where's my change?"
The vendor smiles and says, "Ahh, change must come from within."

The aging head of a secluded Monastary decides he will take a walk into the nearby town for the first time in 30 years.

As he's walking down the street he passes a hooker on a corner who says "Hey twenty dollars for a quicky". Confused, he walks past another corner and another hooker says "Hey padre, twenty dollars for a quicky". He has no idea whats going on, so he returns to the monastary and calls the Mother Superior to his office and asks her "Whats a quicky?" She replies "Twenty dollars, same as in town".

A man finally got engaged to his dream woman. Eager to show off his new fiance, he took her to his home town.

Upon arrival, he approached his mother and said, I'm going to bring home three girls and I want you to guess which one is my fiance.

Sure enough, twenty minutes later, the man walked in the door with three girls following behind him.

Without a moment's hesitation the mother pointed to the man's fiance and said, It's that one.

Wow! exclaimed the man. How in the world did you know it was her?

The mother shrugged, I just don't like her.

Bedroom animals

A pair of newlyweds are out for drinks with a middle-aged couple who have been married for twenty years.
Having knocked back a few, the older husbandΒ turns to the newlyweds and remarks with a wink: "I bet you two are like a couple of rabbits in the bedroom."
The newlyweds laugh awkwardly at this, and then theΒ young husband asks "Well, what kind of bedroom animals are you two then?"
The older husband screws up his face and thinks about it for a moment, then exclaims wryly: "Don't know about me, but Margaret here would have to be a camel: she can go for weeks and weeks without sex."
Without missing a beat, MargaretΒ replies: "That's funny because I was thinking George here would also be a camel: two humps and it's over."

A woman goes to the doctor...

A woman goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have the strangest problem. I have silent farts. I fart all the time, but they're silent and they don't smell. In fact, I must have farted twenty times since I came into your office, and you didn't notice a thing. What should I do?"

The doctor prescribes her some pills and says, "Take one of these a day and come back in a week."

A week later, the woman returns, very confused. "Doctor, what did those pills *do*? I still have silent farts, but now they stink like crazy!"

"Good," says the doctor, "we've got your sinuses cleared up. Now let's work on your hearing."

Fifty Years of Marriage

An older gentleman goes into a bar and hears the other patrons discussing the ups and down of mariage.

"Next week my wife and I will celebrate our fiftieth anniversary," he tells them.

"That's great. What's your secret for a long and happy marriage," one asks.

"Well, you have to do nice things for your wife."

"Such as?"

"Well, for our twenty fifth anniversary I took her to Italy."

"That is nice. What are you going to do for your fiftieth?"

"I'm going back to visit her."

"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse.

"I'm a professional. In over twenty years, I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," said Bob, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen. In length and width, it was almost identical to a AAA battery.

Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out. Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the man's part, she composed herself as well as she could. "I am so sorry," she said, "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise that won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Bob replied.

"Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?" asked the wife.


"No," I said.

She gave me a sexy little smile, reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.

"Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked.

"No," I said.

She gave me another sexy little smile, reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.

"Now," she said, "have you ever seen 30,000 pounds all crumpled up?"

"No," I said, intrigued.

"Well, go and take a quick look in the garage."

Three mice walk into a bar...

After a few drinks, they get into a heated argument about how tough they are.

The first mouse says, When I see a mousetrap, I lay on my back and set it off with my foot. Then, I catch the bar with my teeth and bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite. Only then do I make off with the cheese!

The second mouse says, Oh yeah? Well, whenever I see rat poison, I take it all and grind it into powder. Then when morning comes, I use it to flavor my coffee! It helps me get a nice buzz going for the rest of the day!

The third mouse, checking his watch, sighs, stands up and says I've gotta go. I have a date with a cat.

Americans are getting stronger.

Fifty years ago, it took two people to carry twenty dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

A Jewish boy

asks his father "Can I have thirty dollars?"

His father replies "Twenty dollars? What do you need ten dollars for?"

A girl and a boy are at recess one day...

Boy : I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb the flagpole
Girl : Ok! (climbs the flagpole)
(Later that day)
Girl : Mommy, mom! A boy payed me money to climb a flagpole!
Mother : (chuckles) He just wants to see your underwear.

-NEXT DAY-

Boy : I'll pay you TWENTY bucks to climb the flagpole.
Girl : Alright! (climbs the flagpole)

-Later that day-

Girl : Mom, the same boy payed me twenty bucks to climb the flagpole; but I tricked him this time, and I wasn't wearing underwear.
Mom : .........

There's this band called one thousand and twenty three megabytes

They haven't had any gigs yet.

The last twenty five years have been a bizarre time to grow up.

For instance, i've lived through more 'Spiderman' re-boots than legitimate presidential elections.

An Irish bloke goes to the doctor

and says "Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya wood".
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible," he says, "there is a $20 bill lodged up here". Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, only to see another $10 bill appear. "This is amazing" exclaims the Doctor "What do you want me to do?"

"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out man" shrieks the patient. The doctor pulls out the ten and another twenty appears, and another and another and so on...Finally the last bill comes out and no more appear.

"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare den? The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "$1990 exactly."

"Ah, dat'd be roit." says Paddy "I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."

A man goes to the beach...

...while he's walking down the shore he sees a 20-year old, blonde-haired girl sitting in the sand crying. Concerned, the man runs over to her. "What's wrong?" He asks.
"I'm twenty years old and I've never been hugged by someone other than family!" She starts sobbing.
Feeling bad, the man hugs her. "There, now you've been hugged." And walks on.
The next day the man walks on the beach again and sees another girl, this one with black hair, sitting in here chair bawling. "What's wrong?" He asks her.
"I'm 19 and I've never been kissed before!" She whines.
He gives her a small kiss on the lips. "There, now you've been kissed." And he walks on.
The third day of his vacation he sees a brunette, openly crying like the other two women. He sighs. "What's wrong?"
"I'm 18 and I've never been screwed before!"
He picks her up, looks her in the eyes, and tosses her out into the ocean, where sharks surround her.
"There. Now you're screwed."

An old woman drinks whisky for the first time.

She thinks for a while, and then says: Strange, the stuff tastes exactly like the medicine my late husband had to take for twenty years!

What's so good about having sex with twenty one year olds?

There's twenty of them.

These manager's joke

A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.

The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."

The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."

A couple has a child, but it comes out as only a head...

They go home and place the head on their living room table, where they care for it, feeding, teaching, and entertaining it. For twenty one years they do this.

Then, on the child's twenty-first birthday, the father decides that he wants to take his son out for a drink, so he moves the head to his car and drives it down to the bar.

There, the father tells the bartender to give him two shots. After downing one, he raises the second glass to his son's lips, and the head downs the beer in just a second. Suddenly, a torso appears below the head.

"Bartender! Gimme another shot!" The father yells excitedly. After downing that one as well, the rest of the body appears, and the father is ecstatic.

"Bartender! Gimme one more shot for good luck and to celebrate!" The father yells, amazed at this unexpected sequence of events. As the first bit of alcohol reaches the son's lips, he vanishes completely.

The father, distraught, doesn't know what to do. The bartender shakes his head and says, "Should've quit while he was a head."

I don't understand why people say it's hard to quit smoking

I have done it twenty times a day for years now.

whats the best part about sleeping with twenty-seven year olds?

There are twenty of them

So a man walks into a bar..

...He sits down and notices a jar full of money on the counter. He asks the bartender why it's there.

The bartender says "If you put twenty dollars in, you get to do the challenge."

The man asks "What's the challenge?"

"Well, first you have to drink 10 shots of vodka. We have a bull out back with a bad tooth, so go back there and fix his tooth. Also, there's an old lady who lives across the street who hasn't been pleasured in a while. The last part is to pleasure the old lady; then you win all the money in the jar."

The man decides to take the challenge and puts his money in the jar. The bartender gives him the vodka, which he drinks. Then he walks out back to the bull. After about 10 minutes, he walks back in.

"That first part was too easy.
Now, where's that old lady with the bad tooth?"


Einstein, Tesla, Newton, and Pascal are all playing Hide 'N Seek

It is Einstein's turn to be it. So he covers his eyes and slowly counts to 20.

Tesla climbs up a tree, Pascal jumps behind a bush, and Newton stands right where he is and draws a 1m x 1m square around him.

"...eighteen, nineteen, twenty! Ready or not, here I come!" exclaims Einstein. Of course, Newton is the first person he sees so he tags him. "Gotcha, Newton!"

To which Newton responds, "Nope. Pascal!"

'Of course I won't laugh,' said the nurse.

'I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'

'Okay then,' said Dave, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing.

Ten minutes later, she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure. 'I am so sorry,' she said. 'I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?'
'It's swollen',he said.....

How to make Twenty jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Twenty to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Twenty? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Twenty pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes