Following is our collection of Twelve jokes which are very funny. There are some twelve scotch jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these twelve seven puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
You've given me one too many.
That one is a freebie.
I would make the first twelve letters be E,T,A,O,I,N,S,H,R,D,L and U. Those being the approximate order of the most frequently appearing letters in the English alphabet.
A man is walking down the street when he begins to hear yelling. The man notices it's coming from the court yard of a mental hospital. Once he gets closer he notices they are all yelling the number 12. The fence being too high, he peaks through a hole into the fence to see why they are yelling twelve. To his surprise he gets poked in the eye and begins hearing everyone yell 13...13...
"Gimme twelve shots of your finest whiskey, and fast!"
The bartender lines up a dozen shot glasses and as he fills them, the man starts to down them one after the other.
Shocked, the bartender asks, "What's the hurry, buddy?"
Between shots, the man replies, "You'd drink fast too, if you had what I've got."
Concerned, the bartender asks kindly, "What have you got, brother?"
The man downs the last shot and puts all his money on the table. "Fifty cents!"
The bartender looks to him and says, "What'll it be?" He orders a glass of Redbreast and chats with the bartender awhile. The night grows old and the bar starts to clear out. Eventually he says to the barkeep, "You know, I like my whiskey like I like my women." The barkeep sets aside a freshly polished glass and says, "Yeah, I like my whiskey twelve years old, too."
What's the difference between a priest and acne? Acne usually waits until a boy is twelve to come on his face.
Twelve women, three periods each.
He got twelve months.
twelve years old and mixed up in coke.
. . . and asks the pharmacist for birth control for his twelve-year old daughter. The pharmacist looks shocked and asks incredulously, "Your TWELVE year-old daughter is sexually active?!" The man responds emphatically, "Hmmph, I wish! She mostly just lays there and cries."
Twelve, one to change it and the other eleven to start a support group called "recovering from the darkness"
You can explore twelve twenty reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean twelve six dad jokes. There are also twelve puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
They wanted me for the lead role in Twelve Years a slave but id only been married for 10
During a meeting with the cabinet, his aide walks up to him and says "Mr. President, we've just received word that twelve Brazilian soldiers died yesterday in Iraq."
George puts his head in his hands and is visibly shaken by the news.
He looks up at the shocked cabinet members and asks "How many is a brazillion?"
Because it's two against one
...were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his manhood, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos. Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage. Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest.
As he bent over to pick it up… all the other bells started to ring!
That not all rulers are twelve inches long
Pimples only come on your face after you turn twelve.
Her hips.
His wife says "grab a loaf of bread and if they have eggs get a dozen"
He comes home with twelve loaves of bread.
I asked him how and all he could say was "It's this new medication". He never told me what it was, but I could safely assume that it was a fast acting drug.
Thirteen. One to change the light bulb, and twelve to beat the room for being black.
She says buy bread, and if there are eggs get a dozen.
He came home with twelve loaves of bread
After Hitler dies, God calls him in His office. When he gets there, God asks "if I gave you the possibility to live another life, what would you do?"
Hitler answers "I'd kill all the Jews and twelve Eskimos".
God promptly asks "Why the Eskimos?".
"See, not even you care about Jews!"
A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know how many vehicles were operational.
Paddy answered, "We've got twelve trucks, ten utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-arsed colonel swanks around in."
There was a stony silence for a second or two.
''Do you know who you are speaking to?''
''No,'' said Paddy.
''It is the so-called fat-arsed colonel you so insubordinately referred to.''
''Well, do you know who you are talking to?'' asked paddy
''No,'' roared the colonel.
''Well thank goodness for that,'' said paddy and hung up the phone.
I never knew my real ladder.
Last I heard he was in a twelve step program.
I'll see myself out.
One doesn't come on your face until your twelve
Twelve years old and in the cellar.
Twelve years old and locked in a basement.
I replied "That's an awfully big word for a twelve year old."
Dozen matter.
Sounds weird, dozentit?
He replied "Four to twelve years, depending on preference."
She says, "Buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
An hour later, he returns home with twelve loaves of bread. She asks,
"Why did you get twelve loaves of bread?" Her husband replies,
"Because they had eggs."
Timmy: "Hey Lisa, I'll give you a dollar if we can go in the closet and you let me stick my finger in your belly button."
Lisa: "Okay."
They go into the dark closet.
Lisa: "Hey Timmy! That's not my belly button!"
Timmy: "That's okay. That's not my finger."
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
A zit will wait till your twelve years old to come on your face.
A priest walks into a barbershop. After he gets his hair cut, he goes to pay. The barber says "I do not charge men of faith." The next day the priest leaves twelve eggs in front of the barbershop as thanks.
Soon after, a monk walks into the same barbershop and gets his hair cut for free. The monk leaves twelve apples by the door as thanks.
A few days later, a Rabbi walks into the barbershop. He gets his free haircut. The next day the barber comes to work to see twelve Rabbis by the door.
All twelve.
I still have some suicidal thoughts, but most of them have already killed themselves.
I'm a perfectionist. I've been writing and rewriting a suicide note for twelve years. It's killing me.
My friend asked, Must you write so many suicide jokes?
Don't worry. I'll stop soon.
Jokes on them, though. She's actually twelve.
So far I've got twelve fridges.
She says, "Buy a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
When the husband returns, he's carrying twelve gallons of milk?
"Why did you buy twelve gallons of milk" asks the wife.
"Because they had eggs" says the husband.
Acne only comes on a boys face when he's twelve.
When i was six or so my dad started this routine every time he ate a banana...
Dad:
peels the first strip of the banana peel...
"One skin"
Peels the second strip...
"Two skin"
"Three skin"
"Five skin"
Me: "What happened to the Four skin"
Dad: "Jewish banana"
I was twelve and I finally figured it out....
That will be twelve fifty with tax.
Tax he exclaims!!! don't these things stay on by themselves???
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve beers and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."
The bartender says, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "Only 75 cents."
Because nobody can eat just one potato ship!
A mathematician comes home at 3:00 AM and gets a good shouting at from his wife
"You said you'd be home at 11:45, this is so unlike you!
The mathematician calmly responds,"No dear I said I'd be back home at a quarter *of* twelve."
He got twelve months
The bartender sets up the shots. He starts throwing them back in rapid fire. The bartender tells him to slow down or he's going to kill himself. The guy says if you had what I've got you'd be drinking like this too . The bartender steps back and says what have you got? He tells him, two dollars
I'll go ask my twelve brothers and sisters.
The rest of the pack I give to my twelve year old son.
Twelve to investigate Obama's involvement in the failure of the old bulb, 23 to deregulate the lightbulb industry and 51 to pass a tax credit for lightbulb changes.
The art collector asks the shop keeper if he could buy the cat.
The shop keeper tells him he can have it for $10.
The art collector asks if he could get the dish as well because the cats already familiar with it.
The shop keeper tells him he can't have it because its his lucky dish.
The art collector asks why it is lucky.
The shop keeper tells him its lucky because he has sold twelve cats this week.
What is Santa's favorite part of celebrating Christmas every year?
It's in the present
Merry Christmas everyone!
Diabetes
Because they have eight wheels and four people on them, and eight plus four is twelve, and there are 12 inches in a foot, and one foot is a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was also a ship, and the ship sailed the seas, and in the seas are fish, and fish have fins, and the Finns fought the Russians, and the Russians are red, and firetrucks are always russian around.
Gimme twelve shots quick!! He says. The bartender starts pouring them out as the man starts slamming them. After the last shot the bartender says "damn! You sure drank those fast!! The man says "buddy, you'd drink fast too, if you had what I got!" "Jeeze, what do you have bud?" The bartender says. The man says "about 75 cents".
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the twelve ten jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working twelve twelve or six piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.