The Best 41 Twat Jokes

Following is our collection of Twat jokes which are very funny. There are some twat dicked jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these twat twitchy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Justice is a dish best served cold because...

...if it were served warm, it would be justwater.

Justice is a dish best served cold

If it were served warm it would be justwater.

Chinese Takeaway

Chinese Takeaway - £24

Petrol To pick it up - £2

Getting home and realizing the twats have forgotten one of your containers.

Riceless

Bloke goes to a doctor and says 'Why is it that every time I look in the mirror, I get an erection?'

Doctor says 'It's because you look like a twat!'

Do you know why Justice is a dish best-served cold?

Because if heated, it would become justwater.


I've finally treated myself to one of those new exercise smartwatches.

So far I've wanked 15 miles

Why is justice best served cold?

Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.

I bought a racehorse today

and I named him My Face. I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."

I'm really glad I finally got a saltwater aquarium

It really tide the room together

What do you call a German tampon?

A twatstika.

What Do Twitter Users Call Themselves?

Twats.

Top Twat Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore twat shlong reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean twat kiwi dad jokes. There are also twat puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A bloke walks into a pub with a meat and potato pie balanced on his head

He walks up to barman and says:

'Can I have a pint of bitter, please.'

'Certainly,' says the barman and starts pulling a pint. But he can't resist asking. 'You do realise, sir, you have a meat and potato pie on your head?'

The bloke replies: 'Yes, I always have a meat and potato pie on my head on a Wednesday.'

'Ah!' Says the barman. 'But today is Tuesday!'

'Oh no,' says the bloke. 'I must look like a right twat.'

I tried to make a belt by attaching all of my old wristwatches together.

It was a waist of time.

I wanted to put an England flag in my garden...

I wanted to put an England flag in my garden but wasn't sure if it would offend muslim extremists.

So I wrote 'Allah is a twat' on it just to make sure.

I asked my gynecologist what the medical term for queefing is...

Twatulence.

I have a highly collectible wristwatch from the Third Reich...

It's a Swatch-ticker

I was up late last night trying to make a belt out of wristwatches...

It turned out to be a waist of time.

Did you hear the Time Warner-AT&T merger has been approved ?

They're renaming the company to: * TWATT *

Two men and a woman flying on a plane...

Suddenly both engines stop, plane starts to go down. Guy#1 takes the only parachute and is going to jump out of the plane. But guy#2 says Hey, there's a lady for Christ's sake! Guy#1 looks at his wristwatch and says... Do you think we have time for this?


I got a new saltwater boat

I use it for saline

What do you call a truckload of vibrators?

Toys For Twats.

What's the most consumed beverage by Syrians?

Saltwater.

The sex toy industry could make millions during the holidays...

If they had a drive called "Toys for Twats."

A guy is fingering his girlfriend...

...after a while, she starts to shift uncomfortably and says "would you mind taking your ring off, please?"
The guy responds: "what ring? That's my wristwatch!"

If I ever become a filthy millionaire, I'm gonna string 50 smartwatches together and create a batman belt of gadgets out of them

I know it's a waist of time, but it'll be worth it.

I thought I'd make a really cool belt by stringing together all of my wristwatches...

But it was a waist of time.

I'm starting a second hand sex toy drive

It's called Toys for Twats.

When I was younger, everyone used a wristwatch, but now everyone has a clock on their phone.

How times have changed.

Why was the African man wearing a wristwatch?

He needed to hold up his pants.

How is an elephant like a wristwatch?

They both come in quartz.

What's the difference between someone wearing a wristwatch, and the US Soccer team?

Nothing. They both have time on their hands.

Yo mumma so fat...

Yo mumma so fat that she needs two wristwatches, one on each hand because she's in two timezones.

NOTE: I'm Australian so I spell the word mum with an 'u'

One time, I considered becoming a gynecologist...

...but then I heard I'd be dealing with twats every day.

What did the sand in the hourglass say to the quartz in the wristwatch?

"You rock!"

Alfred: Your bathwater's ready in the bathroom, sir.

Batman: We've been over this, Alfred. BATwater. BATroom.

I'm busy eating my wristwatch and it's taking forever.

It's really time consuming.

Day 103 without sex...

My smartwatch thinks I've jogged 3 1/2 miles in the last 12 hours. but I haven't left the house.

Did you hear about Rommels wristwatch?

It fell off while he was crossing a river, and just floated there, didn't sink, didn't drift downstream, just floated there.
They called it die wacht am Rhein.

For St Paddys day

Say "Irish wristwatch" 3 times fast

What do you call an illegal wristwatch trade?

A wrist-ky buisness.

How are a lesbian wristwatch and Bruce Willis' character in Die Hard similar?

Both take a licking and keep on ticking.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the twat movember jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working twat pussies piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes