Turtle Jokes

Funniest Turtle Short Jokes

Short turtle jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The turtle humour may include short frog jokes also.

1. A guy walking to library and asks for a book on sea turtles. The librarian asks "hard back?"
   The guy replies "yeah little heads too."
2. The Ninja Turtles went to a weapons store. They all got what they wanted except for Raphael They didn't have his sai's.
3. My 5 year old told me this. What did the snail say while on top of a turtle? Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
4. Me and my son we're at the zoo... And he asked me " those turtles are doing piggy backs" I knew it was time to have The Talk. So I said " Son those are tortoise"
5. I've just been robbed by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Though ironically, he wasn't wearing a mask so I don't know which one he was.
6. How do you call it when a turtle doesn't do what he's supposed to do? Uh, reptile dysfunction.
7. So a sloth got robbed by 3 turtles... When the cops asked him what happened the sloth said,
   It. all. happened. so. fast.
8. A Priest, a Rabbi, a Nun, two gorillas, a leopard, a horse, two turtles, and a dragonfly walk into a bar. Bartender yells, What is this, some sort of joke?
9. Why are the Ninja Turtles on the No-Fly list? Because they are members of an underground Splinter cell.
10. Little snail was beaten up by the turtles... The snail's father asked him: "What happened?"
    "I don't know... It all happened so fast..."

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Turtle One Liners

Which turtle one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with turtle? I can suggest the ones about unicorn and torch.

1. What do you call a female turtle? A clitortoise.
2. What do you call a turtle with a hard on? -A slow poke.
3. What batteries do turtles use? Durashells
4. where do you find a legless turtle? right where you left it
5. My 5 year olds joke Why did the turtle cross the road
   To get to the shell station
6. What did the snail say as it rode on the turtle's back? WEEEEEEEEE!
7. What do you call a porcupine riding a turtle? A slow poke.
8. The gun fight between the turtles and tortoises was barbaric! Empty shells everywhere.
9. What kind of photos do turtles take? Shellfies
10. A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train load of terrapins. What a turtle disaster.
11. Why is turtle wax so expensive? Because they only have little ears.
12. What happens to a turtle when it dies? It goes into riga-tortoise
13. What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine? A slow poke
14. There are two turtles in a tank... one says to the other, "how do you drive this thing?"
15. What do you call a turtle who sleeps during the day and is awake at night? Nocturtle

Ninja Turtle Jokes

Here is a list of funny ninja turtle jokes and even better ninja turtle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why was the little boy too scared to reach into his Happy Meal for the Ninja Turtles toy? Last time he did it, he got a Splinter.
• What do you say to the teenage mutant ninja turtle Raphael when he is holding a miniature version of his weapons? Those are the wrong Sais
• Why do the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles burn all their bank statements? Because they don't want to have a Shredder in the house.
• What do you call a ninja turtle with an addiction to pastries? Donutello
• What do the ninja turtles like to put on their toasts? Donutella
• What's a Ninja Turtle's favorite equation? A radical equation.
• Why don't the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?
• What does a Ninja Turtle call its belt? ....A Ninja Girdle.
• A teenage mutant ninja turtle walks into a bar Yeah, right, like ninjas would ever be *seen* walking into a bar.
• What do the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles call Usain Bolt? Master Sprinter.

Turtle Shell Jokes

Here is a list of funny turtle shell jokes and even better turtle shell puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• what do u call a turtle running on a 9V rechargeable battery? Dura-Shell
• Why did the turtle stop the car? To get gas at the shell station.
• What is wrong with a turtle who can't come out of his shell? Ereptile dysfunction
• Do you think turtles live longer than humans because... they live a shell-tered life?
• How do turtles communicate? With shell phones.
• What type of jokes do turtles like? Shell-arious ones.
  (My sister came up with this one, cut her some slack, she's seven)
• The comments about Mitch McConnell looking like a turtle without a shell are particularly apt... since he's clearly missing his spine.
• I recently went to a gathering for turtles... ..bit dull. None of us came out of our shell.
• Did you hear about the gay turtle? Finally came out of it's shell.
• Girl are you a turtle? Because your hot as shell

Sea Turtle Jokes

Here is a list of funny sea turtle jokes and even better sea turtle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What do you call a blind sea turtle? A turtle
• What do you call two beer drinkers arguing about sea turtles? Lager-heads at loggerheads about Loggerheads.
• That turtle just crawled out of the sea you see! I guess you could say it's a see-turtle!
• What's a sea turtle's favorite food? Unrecycled plastic.
• Surgeons remove 915 coins swallowed by Thai sea turtle They continue to monitor his Stool and see no change.

Snapping Turtle Jokes

Here is a list of funny snapping turtle jokes and even better snapping turtle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What do you call a reptile that goes to a poetry slam? A snapping turtle.
• What do you call a turtle that sends pictures to everyone? a Snapping Turtle
• I just realized what Mitch McConnell's spirit animal It's a obese snapping turtle
• Why did the turtle snap at the diver? He was under a lot of pressure
• What do you call a timid person that uses Snapchat? A snapping turtle!

Cheeky Turtle Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about turtle you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rabbit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make turtle pranks.