Turning 70 Jokes
13 turning 70 jokes and hilarious turning 70 puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about turning 70 that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Turning 70 Short Jokes
Short turning 70 jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The turning 70 humour may include short turning 60 jokes also.
- Someone is selling a 42" Smart Tv for just £70. There's something wrong with the volume control, but for that price you can't turn it down.
- My grandma started walking 2 miles every single day when she turned 60. She's 70 now and doesn't have a clue where she is.
- My gran started walking 2 miles a day when she turned 60 to try and keep fit She's 70 odd now and I've not got a clue where she is.
- You shouldn't worry about headaches I mean, it's all in your head.
- My parents finally poured a drink for me when I turned 21 I said no, that v**... is at least 70% water
Share These Turning 70 Jokes With Friends
Turning 70 One Liners
Which turning 70 one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with turning 70? I can suggest the ones about turning 80 and turning 50.
- Why can't Bill wait for Hillary to turn 70? Because he's sick of her at 69.
- It turns out that 70 percent of people are s**.... Glad I'm in the other 20 percent!
Turning 70 Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about turning 70 you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean turning fifty jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make turning 70 pranks.
Receptionist: Sir. wait here, the doctor will bring you the news very soon. Doctor arrives: Hello sir, how old are you? Patient all smiles : I'm turning 70 next month!!
Doctor: I don't think so
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are stuck on an island.
They figure out that they are 100 miles from the mainland. They decide to try to swim home. The redhead goes first, gets 10 miles, and comes back. She said it was too hard and too far. The brunette goes next, swims 25 miles, and comes back. She too says it was too far and she got tired. Finally, the blond goes. She was a very strong swimmer who swam lots of distance. She makes it 70 miles, turns around and comes back. She too said it was too far. I never could have made it all 100 .
With age comes wisdom...
A 70 year old retired Military officer had one hobby - he loved to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' he looked around and couldn't see anyone.
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, ''Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The retd officer said, 'Are you talking to me ?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me; and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous, because I will be your bride !'
The retired officer looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket.
The frog said, 'What, are you nuts ? Didn't you hear what I said ?'
I said, 'Kiss me, and I will be your beautiful bride.'
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said
'Nah. At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog.'
A married couple is driving...
down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him. "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but I want a divorce." The husband says nothing, but slowly turns up to speed to 60 mph.
"I don't want you to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you."
70 mph.
"I want the house as well."
75 mph.
"I want the kids."
80 mph.
"And I want the bank account and all the credit cards."
85 mph.
"You're taking this incredibly calmly," she said. "Isn't there anything you want?"
"I've got all I need."
"What's that?"
"The airbag."