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Turning 45 Jokes

15 turning 45 jokes and hilarious turning 45 puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about turning 45 that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Turning 45 Short Jokes

Short turning 45 jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The turning 45 humour may include short turning 50 jokes also.

  1. And then he turned to the Yeast. And the good Lord said, "Arise, my son! Arise! And you shall be a meal!"
    (45,711)
  2. My brother turned 45 and decided to buy a bunch of insurance he couldn't afford. Typical MetLife crisis

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Turning 45 One Liners

Which turning 45 one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with turning 45? I can suggest the ones about turning 40 and turning fifty.

  1. Phew!! 45 minutes on the treadmill and I didn't die.... Maybe, I'll turn it on next time.
  2. Why do n**... love Vinyls? Cause you can turn the tables from 45 to 33.

Ridiculous Turning 45 Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about turning 45 you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean turning 60 jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make turning 45 pranks.

45 year old charming guy

Having recently turned 45, I thought I had lost all the appeal and charm I used to have with the ladies, until today that is. At my local gas station, the pretty young girl who has served me every other day or so for several weeks asked for my number. I was taken aback. I explained how I was flattered but was perhaps a bit too old for her and that if I were 20 or so years younger I would happily take her up on her offer, I explained how love and s**... attraction, when intertwined, can be exciting and that I hadn't felt this way in years and asked that she save her love for someone who will truly care for her and respect her not only as a woman, but as a person.
. . . . "No," she said. "Your pump number, sir."

A couple of men in prison were telling each other jokes

After telling them so many times to each other they started referring to them as numbers. Someone would shout "45!" and they'd all start laughing. One day a new inmate arrived. He never understood why they laughed everytime someone said a number, so he just laughed along. After a week or so he decided it was his turn to try, so he shouted "345!" and to his luck, everyone laughed like never before because they hadn't heard that one before.

Aviation

"Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees.. "
"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can we make up here? "
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 707 makes when it hits a 727? "

Blonde Jokes

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? You pull the pin and throw it back!
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Tuesday.
Why can't a blonde dial 911? Because they can't find the 11.
A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,
"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."
Now your turn!

Air traffic controller:
"Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees.

"
Airline pilot: "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Air Traffic controller: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 737?"

Never assume that your boss knows what he is doing.

A young engineer was leaving the office at 5:45 PM when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. Listen, said the CEO, This is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?
Certainly, said the young engineer. He turned on the machine, inserted the paper and pushed the start button.
Excellent,excellent! said the CEO as the paper disappeared inside the machine. I just need one copy; can you do that for me?

CNN reporter

In Jerusalem, a female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time.
So she went to check it out.
She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was!
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.
"I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship."
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a f**...' wall."

Family xmas problem solved

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!". Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."

The Perfect Husband.

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: Hello?
WOMAN: Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?
MAN: Yes.
WOMAN: I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only Rs. 25,000. Is it OK if I buy it?
MAN: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.
WOMAN: I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked.
MAN: How much?
WOMAN: Rs. 55,40,000.″
MAN: OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.
WOMAN: Great! Oh, and one more thing… the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking Rs. 1,95,00,000″
MAN: Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of Rs. 1,50,00,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 45 lakhs if it's really a pretty good price.
WOMAN: Ok. I'll see you later! I love you so much!
MAN: Bye! I love you, too.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.
He turns and asks: Anyone know who this phone belongs to?