The Best 61 Turned Jokes

Following is our collection of Turned jokes which are very funny. There are some turned sat jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these turned tablecloth puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

A man took his 6-year-old daughter to his office on 'Take your kid to work day'

As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong

As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"

I got so fed up with the trick-or-treaters last Halloween that I turned off the lights and pretended I wasn't home.

My lighthouse, my rules.

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.

As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."ย 

He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"

I can't believe Penn State took the Joe Paterno Statue down.

They should have just turned it so it looked the other way.

A married couple of 20 years are lying in bed

The man rolled over and said to his wife, "Hey, honey, I have a hard on that I just can't get rid of. Think you wanna help?"

The wife turned around and stripped naked.

The husband then rolled back over, closed his eyes, and said, "thanks, honey, that did the trick!"


My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work.

She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"
I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.
Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.
Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.
Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"

As I looked into her eyes I felt my knees go weak and my stomach turned to butterflies.

That's when I realized I'd drugged the wrong glass.

An old lady in front of me dropped $20 and I thought, "What would Jesus do?"

So I turned it into wine. I bought wine.

Three drunk guys get into a taxi.

The driver knew they were drunk. He turned the engine on and quickly turned it back off. He said "We've arrived."

The 1st drunk pays the driver, the 2nd drunk thanked him, and the 3rd drunk slapped him. He thought the 3rd drunk knew what he did, but he asked anyway "What was that for?"

"CONTROL YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME! You nearly killed us!"

I dreamt about a horse last night.

It turned out to be a night mare.

I was offered a job building Egyptian tombs

Turned out to be a pyramid scheme

Top Turned Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore turned turn reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean turned asked dad jokes. There are also turned puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The Nintendo 64 turned 18 today

Now you can legally blow the cartridges.

When I get naked in the bathroom..

The shower usually gets turned on.

I like my women how I like my computer.

On my lap.
Turned on.
Virus free.

Yeah, I lost to my computer at chess.

But it turned out to be no match for me at kickboxing.

Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said

"You're a lot like a math exam."

I replied "Why? Because I'm long and hard?"

She said, "No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."

When I found out my wife was having an affair, I was heartbroken. I turned to religion to cope.

Now I'm Muslim and we're stoning her tomorrow.

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves.........?

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?"

My best friend turned his back on me when I told him I was gay...

That was his first mistake (ย อกยฐย อœส–ย อกยฐย )


I found a wallet today and as a good Christian I thought "what would Jesus do?"

... so I turned it into wine.

At the pharmacy I asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing.

I turned around, looked them straight in the eyes and said, "Make that 52."๏ปฟ

So I just turned 21 and there is still no change in my eyesight...

when do I get my adult supervision?

All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh...

But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.

I just turned on nickelodeon and saw bob the builder building a wall...

... to keep Dora from exploring.

I went to a pharmacy and asked for 50 condoms.

There were 2 girls behind me who started laughing. I turned around and looked them straight in the eyes and said, "make that 52".
.
.
.
.
.
.
Now both of them have condom balloons :D

Carl opened a zoo.

Carl opened a zoo and made the entry fee $60. No one turned up.

Carl made the entry fee $30. Yet again, no one turned up.

So, Carl made the zoo free to enter, soon enough, it was full.

Carl shut the gates, released the lions, and made the exit fee $60.

BOSS: I've called you here because I suspect one of you

is an owl?

ME: Who?

*everyone stares at me, even Gary whose head is turned 180ยฐ*

I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle...

I bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.

To avoid that, I drank all of the rum before I left the store.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home

TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation

Now it looks like the French landed on the moon

Britain's oldest woman turned 114 today

When asked the secret of her longevity, she attributed it to taking a walk at midnight every night. When quizzed on whether she was concerned about the increase in muggings in recent years, she said that she was not, and would continue mugging people as long as her health holds out.

Yesterday I was nothing more than a sad, teenage virgin

But today I turned 20

I like my women like I like my toasters,

Turned on, and in the tub with me

I like my woman like I like my Laptop

On my lap , turned on ,Virus free

As I looked into her eyes across the candlelit table, I felt my knees go weak, my heart began to race and my stomach turned to butterflies...

That's when I realized I drugged the wrong glass!

Guess who's no longer a 24 year old virgin...

...i turned 25 yesterday.

TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag.

Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

Yesterday I found a 20 dollar bill on the street. I was told to do the same thing Jesus would have done.

So I took it and turned it into wine.

God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn

He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"

The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"

I saw a TV for sale for 1$

I saw that the TV was in very good condition.

"Why is it so cheap? " I asked the seller

"The volume is stuck at max, and it can't be turned down" he replied

"So everything else works?" I asked

He turned it on, and sure enough everything worked, except the volume

"So you're gonna buy it?"

"A TV for $1? Can't turn it down"

My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.

Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal.

But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.

100 years ago everyone had a horse and only the rich had cars. Nowadays everyone has a car and only the rich have horses

Oh how the stables have turned

I found a wallet what do i do?

I found a wallet with 20 dollars in it. I wasn't sure how to proceed, but then I thought, "What would Jesus do?"

So I turned it into wine.

A man runs out of petrol

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.

"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.

"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.

After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

`"Try it now,'' said the bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.

"Wow,'' the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my petrol tank?''

"BP,'' answered the bee.

After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt.

Turns out she felt the same way. So I turned the airconditioning on.

Old German joke

An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, The soup is cold."

His astonished mother exclaimed, Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?"

The boy looked at her and replied, Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton...

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a president under constant federal investigation from day one.

Turned out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I have been stuck for years with a president under federal investigation from day one.

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.

Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.

With that the man turned to his accuser and said "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson".

The troubles of foreigners in Canada

A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.

"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."

"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud โ€“ French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."

"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked 'C'."

"Of course," said the manager. "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."

**

Jane and Erica are talking in heaven

"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion."
"Too bad you didnt look in the freezer," said Erica, "Or we might both still be alive."

A husband took his wife to a disco on the weekend. There was a guy on the dance floor busting tile. He was breakdancing, moonwalking, doing back flips - the works. The wife turned to husband and said: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Her husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!"

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. Stay where you are, she whispered. He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me.

The husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife: Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?

You're so drunk you miscounted, said the wife. "Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there."

The husband climbed out of bed and counted again: "One, two, three, four. Oh, you're right."

Quarantine has turned us into dogs.

We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told "no" if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.

The wife and I walked passed a swanky, expensive restaurant last night.

She said "The aroma of their cooking from there is absolutely gorgeous"

Being a spontaneous sort of guy, I thought I would treat her. So I turned her around and we walked past it again.

My grandfather turned 90 today, but he still doesn't need glasses.

He drinks straight from the bottle.

I went to a fancy Italian restaurant but stormed out when I found bugs in my food.

Turned out it was the anty pasto.

Last night I dropped my phone on my face...

Well I geuss my android has turned into an eye phone.

Went to the off license on my bike last night and bought a bottle of vodka

Just before I was to leave I thought, what if I fall off my bike and smash it, so I drank it right there. Turned out to be a good decision as I fell off my bike seven times on my way home.

My 85-year-old grandfather was rushed to the hospital with a possible concussion.

**The doctor asked him a series of questions: Do you know where you are? I'm at Rex Hospital. What city are you in? Raleigh. Do you know who I am? Dr. Hamilton. My grandfather then turned to the nurse and said, I hope he doesn't ask me any more questions. Why? she asked. Because all of those answers were on his badge. **

So I took a shot of vodka the other day.

The picture turned out quite nice.

Today I aggressively plugged in my phone

Needless to say, it got turned on.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the turned ran jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working turned began piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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