The Best 70 Turn Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Turn jokes. There are some turn flip jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these turn twist and turns puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Turn Jokes and Puns
As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time"
I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?
How many BuzzFeed workers does it take to turn on an electric chair?
Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.
Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."
I thought, "I can't turn that down."
Why don't hillbillies ever try reverse cowgirl?
Because you don't turn your back on family.
A priest and a pastor...
... are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, 'The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!'
They hold up the sign to cars passing by.
"Leave us alone, you religious nuts!" yells the first driver as he speeds by.
From around the curve they hear screeching tires and a big splash.
"Do you think," says the priest to the pastor, "we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"
What do cubs fans do after they win the world series?
They turn off their Xbox.
What color does your skin turn when you pour molten gold onto it?
Au-burn
^He^^He^^^He^^^^He
My new favorite sex position is called "wow".
It's where I turn your mom upside down.
How do you turn a 3D printer into a 4D printer?
Just give it time.
Two boys are in the woods...
...They were walking when they noticed two girls getting naked in a nearby pond. One kid bolted the other way and the other one chased after him. "Why did you leave man! That was the prime opportunity for us to see naked chicks!" Then the other kid said "well, my mom said if I ever see a naked girl before I'm married, I'll turn to stone and I felt something getting hard!"
I told my gay friend I could turn fruits into vegetables...
He said "prove it."
So I pushed him off the balcony.
You can explore turn twirl reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean turn stoplight dad jokes. There are also turn puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I saw an advert that read: Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.
I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.
Politicians are like sperm..
one in a million turn out to be an actual human being.
If you ever feel like your job is meaningless, remember
there is someone who is currently installing the turn signal at BMW.
So I just turned 21 and there is still no change in my eyesight...
when do I get my adult supervision?
sapnu puas
Turn it upside down ;)
It turns out vaccines cause cancer.
You'll actually live long enough to get it.
It turns out my high school Chemistry teacher was right....
Alcohol IS a solution.
TIL that, by law, you have to turn your headlights on when it's raining in Sweden.
Who the fuck's going to let me know when it's raining in Sweden?
A day in the life of an IT guy...
Customer: Hi, my computer isn't working.
IT guy: OK, what happens when you try to turn it on?
Customer: Nothing.
IT guy: Can you check to see if it's plugged into the outlet?
Customer: Uhhhh I dunno it's pretty dark back there...
IT guy: ...Can you turn on a light?
Customer: Nope. The power's out.
The last four letters in "queue" are not silent
They're just waiting their turn
I saw an ad in a shop window, "TV for $5- Volume stuck on full"
Couldn't turn it down.
When the inventor of the USB dies...
they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again.
Bill Withers Duck joke
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Leave it in the oven till it's Bill Withers.
My son asked me what a dilemma was?
"Imagine you're naked and in a big bed" I explained, "A beautiful woman on one side and a gay man on the other...
Who you going to turn your back on?"
A young boy was kissed by a girl he really liked.
But after only a few seconds, the boy abruptly ended his first kiss. "I'm so sorry, but I can't continue!" he said. "Why not," the girl asked, "didn't you like it?"
"No, that's not it," the boy replied. "It's my mom. She said that if I kiss a girl before I'm sixteen, I'll turn into a statue. And I could feel it starting already."
"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?"
"Rhino!"
"We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it's not your turn."
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn't see himself doing it.
I was in a Uber today and the driver said,
"I love my job, I'm my own boss.
Nobody tells me what to do…"
Then I said "turn left"
A lot of women actually turn into good drivers
So if you're a good driver watch out.
Queue is Just Q followed by 4 Silent letters
Teacher: Queue is Just Q followed by 4 Silent letters
Me: They aren't Silent, They are waiting their turn
God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn
He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"
The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"
I saw a TV for sale for 1$
I saw that the TV was in very good condition.
"Why is it so cheap? " I asked the seller
"The volume is stuck at max, and it can't be turned down" he replied
"So everything else works?" I asked
He turned it on, and sure enough everything worked, except the volume
"So you're gonna buy it?"
"A TV for $1? Can't turn it down"
A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.
Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"
A cop just stopped me for jaywalking and then tasered me after exchanging a few words...
Police: Turn around.
Me: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round...
Police: TURN AROUND!!
Me: BRIGHT EYES, Every now and then I fall apart. And you I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ev--AHHHHHH!
If I was a cop I would be ticketing people for not using their turn signals..
Left and right
A cop pulls over a car with two priests.
The cop makes his way up to the window and says, We're looking for two child molesters.
The priests look at each other for a moment and turn back to the cop.
We'll do it.
How do you make a room full of epileptics go nuts?
Ask someone with parkingsons disease to turn off the lights
Queue sounds like q followed by 4 silent letters, but…
They're just waiting their turn.
Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean
Einstein said to Mr. Bean: "I'll ask you a question.If you can't answer correctly, you'll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can't answer correctly, I'll give you 1000 dollars.
Einstein: asks a question.
Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.
Einstein says: Okay, it's your turn.
Mr. Bean asks: What's an animal that has four legs, but when it's crossing a street, it has three legs and when it's on the other side of the street, it has only two?
Einstein: Thinks hard for a while.
Einstein says: I give up. *Gives 1000 dollars to Mr. Bean*
Einstein asks: What is it?
Mr. Bean: gives a dollar to Einstein.
In Britain, when you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen.
And when you turn 16, you get a text from Prince Andrew.
R.I.P. dad
My dad passed away yesterday (this is true). He was 87 and had a good innings. We've done the bulk of our grieving and all is good. My brother sent me this message this morning:
"I reckon dad has already told Eddie Van Halen to turn the volume down."
___________________
Three men are talking in a Soviet gulag.
One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"
The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."
The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accused me of wanting to be favored and promoted over my fellow workers."
Then they turn to the one who asked the question: "How about you, then?"
"Well, I arrived at the factory right on time, and so they accused me of having a watch from the West."
How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to turn on an electric chair?
Ten. But number four will shock you.
A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen.
He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:
"Ma nishtanah halailah hazeh mikol haleilot."
Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"
It turns out, 'Fox News' has no actual coverage of foxes.
I was also disappointed by BBC news.
Why does Shaggy always let Scooby roll their joints?
Because shaggys joints don't always turn out good but Scooby's doobies do
Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"
Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
Fox News actually saved my life.
I was in a coma for 7 years, but one day one of the nurses changed the channel on my TV to Fox and I had to get up to turn it off.
How do you keep Texans and their politics in Texas?
Place a "Welcome to California" sign on every road leading out of Texas. They'll turn right around.
*Edit*: Hey, hey, hey. If you don't like the joke, downvote ME. Leave my commenters alone!
I tried having my mother's phone disconnected, but customer service told me that since the account was in my dad's name, he'd have to be the one to put in the request.....
The fact that he'd been dead for 40 years didn't sway the rep. Then a solution hit me: If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right?
Well, yes, she said reluctantly. But that would ruin his credit.
Babies are born with 4 kidneys.
When they grow up, 2 of them turn into adult knees.
If you ever feel like your job has no purpose, always remember
right now, there is someone who is installing a turn signal in a BMW
When I was a boy my dad gave me money....
When I was a boy my dad gave my money to go downtown and pay the electric bill but instead I bought raffle tickets for a chance to win a truck. I told my dad when I got home and he beat my ass but the next morning in the driveway sat a new truck. We all held each other and cried, especially me because it was the truck from electric company there to turn the lights off.
....Dad beat my ass again ....
Professor X [sitting in his wheel chair] asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?" Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
r>Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
What does "Secure the Building" mean to veterans?
If you're a veteran, I can tell what branch of the military you were in based on how you understand the phrase "secure the building."
If you were a Marine you think it means to hit the building with mortar and machine gun fire.
If you were in the Army you think it means to go from room to room clearing them of enemy combatants.
If you were in the Navy it means to turn out all the lights and lock the door.
If you were in the Air Force it means to take out a five year lease with an option to buy.
My final work dad joke
I always include a dad joke on the schedule for my employees (which this sub helps out with when I can't think of one, thank you). Next Friday is my last day, and this is the last schedule I'm sending to them. We work in a bookstore, and my final, cringe inducing joke to them is:
After careful consideration, I've decided to leave my job at the bookstore.
_It's time to turn the page to a new chapter in my life_
Pretty bad even by my standards, but it felt right.
Wife: "Who's the new Batman?" | Me: "Robert Pattinson"
Wife: "So vampires do turn into bats."
(I have no idea if she heard this elsewhere, but I def laughed at breakfast.)
A priest is being chased through the woods by a hungry bear.
As the priest is running, he makes an impassioned plea to God: Oh please God, in your infinite wisdom and mercy, turn this bear into a good Christian!
Before he can get another word out, he trips over a log and goes sprawling. The bear catches up and approaches the terrified priest. Rising up on its hind legs, it puts its paws together, and says
Lord, thank you for this meal that I am about to receive.
Why don't rednecks like reverse cowgirl?
Because you don't turn your back on family
When you are born you actually have 4 kidneys.
But as you get older, two of them turn into adult knees
A scrawny teenage boy asks his muscular friend how he gets so many girls to sleep with him.
The muscular friend says, "Here's what you do: next time there's a party, get a large potato and stick it down your pants and act normal. You'll see - that'll turn you into a chick magnet."
A minute later, all the girls at the party run away from the scrawny kid, screaming and laughing and pointing.
The muscular friend sees this and comes over to his scrawny friend. "Dude," he says. "You have to put the potato in the front."
Positivity
Was discussing the power of positivity with family members. Told them I could turn any situation into a positive one.
About a month later one of our cousins passed. He was a very heavy drinker & smoker. At the funeral another cousin came up to a group of us talking & said let's see you turn THIS into a positive. I thought for a minute…and realized our cousin was being cremated. That's when it hit me. I told the group, the good news is he quit drinking, and a few days from now when the flames die down, he'll have quit smoking too.
How do you turn a goose into a musician?
You boil it until its Bill Withers.
Did you see they're turning poop into diesel now?
Turns out you can get pretty far with a load of bullshit.
How many incels does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he has no idea how to turn it on.
Certain public employees who have to submit daily to the rapid fire ...
... of well-meant but needless questions may be excused if they occasionally turn upon their persecutors. This is how an elevator boy dealt with one of them:
"Don't you ever feel sick going up and down this elevator all day?" a fussy lady asked him.
"Yes, ma'am", courteously replied the elevator boy.
"Is it the motion going down?" pursued the lady.
"No, ma'am."
"The going up?"
"No, ma'am."
"Is it the stopping that does it?"
"No, ma'am."
"Then what is it?"
"Answering questions, ma'am."
Source: 1913 newspaper
I've seen aliens. I've seen Bigfoot. I've even fed a few fish to the Lochness Monster.
But I still have never seen a BMW driver use his turn signals.
My local Chinese restaurant has been hit with a £10k electricity bill.
They said they can't turn off all the lights but they do dim sum.
A Man Walks into A Psychiatrist's Office
And says,
"Hey, doc, I think my brother's gone crazy! He's convinced he's a chicken."
The doc says,
"Well, it looks like a simple case of an identity disorder: why don't you turn him in?"
The guy responds,
"I would, doc, but I need the eggs."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the turn transform puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working turn signal piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.