The Best 56 Turkish Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Turkish jokes. There are some turkish airspace jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these turkish istanbul puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Turkish Jokes and Puns

A Turkish man stopped by my convenience store and bought a gallon of milk. He comes back in an hour later with the same jug of milk, absolutely furious at me for selling him "bad milk!" I ask him what the problem is and he tells me its all

Kurdled

How do you dress like a Turkish person?

Don a kebab.

Did you hear about that Turkish prisoner named Stan who didn't pull his tea towards him?

It was a con, Stan, tea no pull.

Turkish joke, Did you hear about that Turkish prisoner named Stan who didn't pull his tea towards him?

What do you call an incontinent Turkish man?

Mustafa Pee.

An English guys digs the ground 100 feet...

and finds telephone wires, he says this proves that we had telephone 100 years ago. An American guy digs 200 feet and finds telephone wires, he says this proves we had telephone 200 years ago. A Turkish guy, digs the ground 2000 feet and finds nothing, he says this proves that we had cell phones 2000 years ago.


Where do Turkish people go to purchase their furniture?

The Ottoman Empire.

Two old friends meet in bar...

[translated from Turkish]

-Hey Jack! How have you been! It's been months!

-Bonjour Monsieur ! Indeed, it's been a while

-"Bonjour Monsieur"? What's this French?

-Mais biensur !

-Don't screw with me Jack. I know you don't know French. We both went to the same school and we never had any French lessons!!

-No, no! I'm learning via the radio. 99.3 FM. Every day at 10AM you have French lessons. Very easy, I suggest you try.

-Oh, ok, cool I'll give a try tomorrow.

Next morning he calls Jack:
-Yo Jack, I have those old radios with a needle for tuning. Does it work with those old radios too?

-Sure! Scroll to 99, then go a little further to the right.

-Oh cool! Thx!

-Mais de rien !

-oh! stfu already...

Couple of weeks later, he meets Jack again. And Jack asks:
-Salut mon ami, How is your French?

- Shhhszzzzoussssshzzziuhli! (static noise)

[probably not the best written joke :/]

Turkish joke, Two old friends meet in bar...

What's the favourite toy of Turkish rulers?

Beyblades.

Why did Erdogan stop a man from jumping off a bridge?

One does not simply fly in Turkish airspace without Erdogan's permission.

Just found out the Turkish President is getting into acting

He shot a pilot a few month back

What's the best way to serve Turkey?

Join the Turkish Army.

You can explore turkish constantinople reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean turkish wehrmacht dad jokes. There are also turkish puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The EU is like a box of chocolates;

Nobody likes the Turkish.

What do you call Turkish President, Recep Erdogan, after the military coup?

Erdogone

Tried Turkish food today...

It was revolting

How many French words has the Turkish language recently adopted?

Beaucoup.

What are Turkish cattle best known for?

Mootiny.

Turkish joke, What are Turkish cattle best known for?

Have you heard of the turkish version of sudoku?

It's called a pseudo-coup.

A german, a french and a turkish man on a plane

The plane is about to crash unless the passengers drop some weight. The pilot tells the three guys to drop something which they have enough of in their country.

The french man throws a baguette out of the window.

The turkish man throws a kebap out of the window.

The german throws the turkish man out of the window.

After being hit by an airstrike from the Turkish air force, a Syrian leader was quoted as saying...

"As God is my witness, I thought the Turkish couldn't fly..."


Turkish fundraising dinner

Donor Kebab

Sex is like Kebab. When it's good, it's really good...

...and when I'm drunk I'm willing to pay for it in a roadside turkish buffet.

From the Gallipoli campaign in World War I...

The Australians are interrogating a captured Turkish soldier, when finally poor Mehmet has a question for them.

"Why do you call God such awful names? Why do you curse Him when your soldiers go into battle?"

The Aussies were surprised. "What do you mean?"

"Well, when we Turks leap out of our trenches and charge your lines, we cry 'Allah! Allah!' But when you charge us, you shout 'Bloody BASTAAARRRDD!!!'"

What do you call a Turkish erection?

A bΓΆner.

Where do we keep all of the Turkish hens?

In a coup.

What's the difference between a Syrian chapel and a Turkish terrorist camp?

America will let in people from the terrorist camp.

What do you experience when you meditate inside a Turkish prison?

The deep state.

Turkish Airlines should rename themselves...

...to Air-Dogan

I heard lack of admittance into the European Union is really annoying Turkish citizens...

Guess you could say it really irks the Turks

In recent news, a woman flying with Turkish Airlines gave birth to a baby girl midflight.

In keeping with the times, the baby girl was promptly dragged off the plane by security.

You ever tried Turkish Coffee before?

It's got a little kick to it.

TIL that Turkish has some weird pronunciation.

I mean, they pronounce Constantinople as Istanbul.

What do you call a Turkish man who needs the toilet?

Mustafa Wee.

Why was a Turkish plane trying to bomb Greece?

It was on otto pilot.

I thought my girlfriend was cheating on me with a Turkish guy...

...turned out it was an Otto-man.

What's a nickname for Turkish police officers?

The Fez

I was challenged to name as many Turkish heads of state as I could in 60 seconds.

Unfortunately I had only Erdogan.

What's the Turkish cannibals favorite meal?

Organ Doner

Turkish gallows humor

A prisoner goes to the prison library, and asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author."

Turkish Political Humor

Current Turkish gallows humour: A prisoner goes to the prison library, asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author." From Moshik_Temkin on Twitter

Have a turkish joke

A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book. The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author"

Marvel will introduce a turkish superhero in the second infinity war movie

Ayran Man

[Turkish pun] What do you do when someone steals your carpet?

Kilim

I asked my Turkish friend how they say "Armenian Genocide in his language

He had no words

I like my women like I like my Constantinople.

Turkish.

How do you encourage a Turkish person?

Pat them on the back and say "Ataturk!"

Why did the Turkish army stay out of Syria?

There were curds in their whey.

What is the most heat resistant thing in the world?

Tantalum carbide,
Hafnium carbide,

Grandmoms, Niki Lauda, Every italian,
Turkish Guys in a kebap shop in Summer

A small turkish family had a car accident.

18 people died.

A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.

He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "Turkish got 3 problems."

Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."

The Turkish respond: "Okay, maybe we should settle this outside."
The Russian: "That's your second problem: You always want to solve your problems with violence."

The Turkish bring him outside and pull their knives.
The Russian: "And here's your third problem. You always bring knives to gun fights."

Turkish saying about the Placebo effect

"If you take this medicine, you'll be cured in 7 days. If you don't take it, you'll be cured in one week"

Perpendicular in turkish means "dik"

That's why maths is always hard.

Nasreddin hodja imparting wisdom (Original in Turkish, let's see if this works)

Two guys were in dispute and came to Nasreddin Hodja for his wisdom. Hodja listenened to the first one and said, "You are right". He listened to the second one, and said "You are right, too". His wife overheard this and said to Hodja, "Hodja these men provided completely diffrent viewpoints, but you said they were both right. What kind of wisdom is this? Hodja said, "You are right, as well".

Since other people liked the Turkish joke I translated, here's another one

Nasreddin Hodja was on his deathbed. He called her wife and told her to dress up nicely and wear makeup. She was confused about why he wanted that, so she asked him why.

Well, when the reaper comes he might like you more and take you with him instead of me.

Another crudely translated Persian joke

A Persian man asks a Turkish man "who do you like more, your mom or your dad?" to which the Turkish man replies "your mom!"

One of the British national daily newspapers was asking readers: "What it means to be British?".

Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.
Β 
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV. He buys a holiday home in Spain, Skis in France, fancies Swedish birds and has a Romanian au-pair.
Β 
And the most British thing of all?
"Suspicious of anything Foreign "

Turkish Joke

A prisoner goes to the warden and asks for a book. The guard makes a phone call then says:
We don't have the book but we have the author across the hall.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the turkish coup jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working turkish ich piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes