The Best 80 Turkey Jokes

It was Thanksgiving and all the family was gathered around the table. The turkey was in the oven, the potatoes were mashed, and the green beans were on the stove. But there was one thing missing: the jokes.

Uncle Joe was always the one to tell the jokes, but this year he was sick and couldn't make it. So, it fell to the next person in line: you.

You didn't mind, really. You always enjoyed making people laugh. But you were a little nervous about telling jokes about turkeys. Would they be too corny?

As it turned out, they were. But that was part of the fun. The family laughed and groaned at your jokes, but they appreciated the effort. And that's what mattered.

Top 10 Funniest Turkey Jokes and Puns

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?

If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?

The turkey trot.

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys for Thanksgiving, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

My wife threw a pack of turkey and a lighter in the cart and my God the temptation was strong...

It was just last week that I quit smoking cold turkey

jokes about turkey

After eating Thanksgiving at my house, my friends are always asking me how I prepare the turkey...

...easy, I tell the bird he is going to die.

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor.

Asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."

I've decided to avoid Turkey this Thanksgiving...

Way too close to Syria.

Turkey joke, I've decided to avoid Turkey this Thanksgiving...

Thanksgiving in Bulgaria

Obviously Thanksgiving is an American holiday. However, as a former soldier deployed to Southern Europe, I was given a week long pass during the week of Thanksgiving. I decided to go to Bulgaria. You know what the best thing about Thanksgiving in Bulgaria is?

Bulgaria is next to Turkey and Greece.

What country uses the most foul language?

Turkey

I've got a terrible addiction, I can't stop eating deli meats.

I'm trying to quit cold turkey.

I couldn't bring myself to shoot my own turkey for thanksgiving

... So I dressed one up in baggy sweat pants and gave it a bag of skittles and a cop shot it for me

You can explore turkey turk reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean turkey overs dad jokes. There are also turkey puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What do ISIS want for Christmas?

Turkey, apparently.

How do you end world hunger?

Put Turkey in Greece to cook it, then cut it up and put it into Chile. Then put it on China and give it to Hungary.

I was Hungary...

so Iran to Turkey

I love animals, and I want to stop eating meat...

But I just can't quit cold turkey!

If Russia were to invade Turkey from behind...

Do you think Greece would help?

Turkey joke, If Russia were to invade Turkey from behind...

Shot my first turkey today.

Scared everyone in the frozen meat department.

Russia might not celebrate thanksgiving but I'm pretty sure they will be frying a turkey.

If Turkey was attacked from the rear

Would Greece help?

What are the Russians eating for thanksgiving?

Beef with turkey

What do Americans and Putin have in common?

They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.

What do you call a turkey with no arms?

a turkey

It's Thanksgiving, who doesn't like Turkey?

Russia

My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke

Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that I could make such a mistake and asked how I could possibly do this when the breast would be round and make it difficult to get the turkey to not roll.

My lame joke:
>"Maybe I just like flat breasted turkeys."

Wife looks down at her chest:
>"Well now I feel self-conscious... Wait, is that why you always turn me face down?"

Everybody starts roaring with laughter and her dad turned bright red.

What's the best way to serve Turkey?

Join the Turkish Army.

There is no Turkey in the coop.

But there's a coup in Turkey.

Turkey joke, There is no Turkey in the coop.

What sound does a Turkey make?

"coup coup"

1915-17 may have been the worst years in human history for food poisoning.

1.5 million Armenians died from bad turkey.

The doctor said I should stop eating meat immediately for health reasons...

I asked if I had to quit cold turkey.

My family is getting worried about my consumption of deli meats, and I'm not sure what to do...

They're trying to pressure me into quitting cold turkey!

Why don't the Bulgarians, Greeks, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they don't like Turkey.

My daughter told me she wanted a puppy for Christmas...

I told her "you're eating turkey like everyone else".

Anyone hear what Russia is eating for Christmas?

Turkey...

Too soon?

I saw a man on the street with a sign saying he was hungry.

I told him I had an extra sandwich and he could pick which one he wanted, turkey or roast beef. He looked at both sandwiches for about 30 seconds, them threw up his hands and ran off.

I wondered for a second, then I remembered,

"Beggars can't be choosers"

I finally got a microwave to heat up my leftovers

So I was able to quit cold turkey

I accidentally ordered a ham and cheddar instead of a turkey and swiss...

Whoops, wrong sub

When Christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days...

I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.

What's the hardest part of going vegetarian?

Giving up cold turkey

My family told me to stop eating the leftover Thanksgiving food from the fridge.

But sadly, I couldn't quit cold turkey.

I no longer eat club sandwiches

I quit cold turkey.

I used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers

I had to quit cold turkey

I regret joining a band with a turkey on drums.

He usually forgets his drumsticks so he has to wing it.

Why don't you take a turkey to church?

Because they have fowl language

This year, I tried to smoke a turkey.

But I rolled it too tight and couldn't get the end lit.

The fastest way to quit being vegan is...

Cold turkey

What's the hardest food to stop eating?

Cold turkey

If Russia invaded Turkey from the rear...

Would Greece help?

A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh.

When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.

She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."

So Turkey wants to invade Syria from the rear,

Do you think Greece will help?

The four things you cannot choose.

1. Your gender
2. Your race
3. Your nationality
4. The president of Turkey.

Why was Austria-Hungary?

Turkey wasn't around yet.

Europe is like a fridge

You have the freezing cold part at the top

Then in the middle, you have cheese, cold meat, and a good drinks selection

Then down the bottom corner, there's just turkey and grease

A lady walked into a tattoo parlor and said, "Can you do a tattoo of a turkey on my right inner thigh and one of a Christmas tree on my left inner thigh?"

"Sure,* the tattoo artist said. "But if you
don't mind me asking, why did you choose
those two designs?"
The lady smiled. "My husband' she explained. "He says there's never anything to eat
between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"

Turkey cross the road

Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasn't chicken.

A 90 year old just told this: What happens when you drop the turkey out of the oven?

It's the downfall of Turkey and the overflow of grease.

I've been smoking weed for most of my life, and today I quit cold turkey.

I'll make do with the much cheaper chicken cold cuts and put the extra money towards buying more weed.

The CDC recommends that funeral gatherings be limited to 30 people and holiday gatherings be limited to 6 people.

Funeral proceedings for Gobbles the turkey will be held on November 26th and again on December 25th. Please bring beer to celebrate his life.

Why did the turkey cross the road twice?

To prove to everyone he wasn't chicken

What's the difference between retail workers and turkeys?

We let the turkey rest on Thanksgiving.

I made an coronavirus joke while eating turkey.

It was tasteless.

A woman was shopping for turkey at her grocery store. She finds a 12 lbs one and a 13 pound one, frustrated she asked a shop worker, "Do these get any bigger?"

The worker replied, "No, they're all dead."

"Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"

Mother : "No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year."

If Russia invaded Turkey from the rear,

Do you think Greece would help?

Kids said they wanted a cat for Christmas.

Normally we have turkey, but ok...

What Are We Eating?

A can of tuna has a picture of a tuna fish

A pack of Ham has a picture of a pig

Turkey has a picture of a turkey

Egg carton has a picture of a chicken

Beef has a picture of a cow

Dogfood has a picture of a dog

I decided to become vegan today

The hardest part is quitting cold turkey.

A turkey is about to cross the road...

When suddenly the chicken appears and says, 'Don't do it man! You'll never hear the end of it'

I'm not going to eat Thanksgiving leftovers anymore.

This year, I'm quitting cold turkey.

I asked a vegan what it was like cutting meat from their diet...

They said it wasn't hard to quit cold turkey.

I finally stopped eating deli meats...

yep, I quit cold turkey!

What's the name for a Middle Eastern fowl that can bowl three strikes in a row?

Turkey turkey turkey

What do you call a scary turkey?

A poultry giest.

On our first date with your mom, I wanted to impress her as I knew she was a vexillologist. So I arrived with a collection of flags from China, Turkey and Morocco.

She almost left right away, as it was too many red flags

My wife made me a turkey sandwich from lunchmeat in the fridge. I told her I could not eat it...

Doc said I had to quit cold turkey.

I'm not much of a hunter. but I managed to shoot my first turkey today!

Only problem is, now the supermarket says I'm banned for life...

I used to date someone from Albania, Viet Nam, Turkey, Morocco, Trinidad and Tobago, Russia, Tennessee, Tunisia, and China

Too many red flags

At a Diplomats' dinner, a waiter tripped

and shattered the beautiful plate in which he was carrying a large turkey.
Hushed silence turned into a roar of laughter, when
the quick-witted Diplomat announced:

"Ladies and Gentlemen!
You have just witnessed 4 major international events happening :-
Fall of Turkey
Breakup of China
Spillage of Greece
and Frustration of Hungary!"

I don't eat club sandwiches

I quit cold Turkey

I've decided to quit using macOS and windows cold turkey

I've become a gnu man

Did you hear about the guy who got addicted to eating thanksgiving leftovers out of the fridge?

He had to quit cold turkey.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the turkey turkey thanksgiving puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working turkey why did the turkey cross the road piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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