Turkey Jokes

Following is our collection of coup puns and overs one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Turkey jokes for adults, dirty tet jokes and clean giblets dad gags for kids.

The Best Turkey Puns

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys for Thanksgiving, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

What sound does a Turkey make?

"coup coup"

When Christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days...

I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.

Russia might not celebrate thanksgiving but I'm pretty sure they will be frying a turkey.

I used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers

I had to quit cold turkey


The doctor said I should stop eating meat immediately for health reasons...

I asked if I had to quit cold turkey.

A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh.

When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.


She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."

What do Americans and Putin have in common?

They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.

If Russia invaded Turkey from the rear...

Would Greece help?

I finally got a microwave to heat up my leftovers

So I was able to quit cold turkey

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor.

Asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."


My daughter told me she wanted a puppy for Christmas...

I told her "you're eating turkey like everyone else".

Turkey cross the road

Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasn't chicken.

What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?

The turkey trot.

Europe is like a fridge

You have the freezing cold part at the top


Then in the middle, you have cheese, cold meat, and a good drinks selection


Then down the bottom corner, there's just turkey and grease

What's the best way to serve Turkey?

Join the Turkish Army.

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?

If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

The CDC recommends that funeral gatherings be limited to 30 people and holiday gatherings be limited to 6 people.

Funeral proceedings for Gobbles the turkey will be held on November 26th and again on December 25th. Please bring beer to celebrate his life.

What are the Russians eating for thanksgiving?

Beef with turkey


1915-17 may have been the worst years in human history for food poisoning.

1.5 million Armenians died from bad turkey.

It's Thanksgiving, who doesn't like Turkey?

Russia

If Turkey was attacked from the rear

Would Greece help?

Why don't the Bulgarians, Greeks, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they don't like Turkey.

My family is getting worried about my consumption of deli meats, and I'm not sure what to do...

They're trying to pressure me into quitting cold turkey!

I saw a man on the street with a sign saying he was hungry.

I told him I had an extra sandwich and he could pick which one he wanted, turkey or roast beef. He looked at both sandwiches for about 30 seconds, them threw up his hands and ran off.

I wondered for a second, then I remembered,

"Beggars can't be choosers"

What's the hardest food to stop eating?

Cold turkey

I no longer eat club sandwiches

I quit cold turkey.

I regret joining a band with a turkey on drums.

He usually forgets his drumsticks so he has to wing it.

My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke

Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that I could make such a mistake and asked how I could possibly do this when the breast would be round and make it difficult to get the turkey to not roll.

My lame joke:
>"Maybe I just like flat breasted turkeys."

Wife looks down at her chest:
>"Well now I feel self-conscious... Wait, is that why you always turn me face down?"

Everybody starts roaring with laughter and her dad turned bright red.

What do ISIS want for Christmas?

Turkey, apparently.

I was Hungary...

so Iran to Turkey

If Russia were to invade Turkey from behind...

Do you think Greece would help?

The fastest way to quit being vegan is...

Cold turkey

Shot my first turkey today.

Scared everyone in the frozen meat department.

There is no Turkey in the coop.

But there's a coup in Turkey.

I love animals, and I want to stop eating meat...

But I just can't quit cold turkey!

What do you call a turkey with no arms?

a turkey

I couldn't bring myself to shoot my own turkey for thanksgiving

... So I dressed one up in baggy sweat pants and gave it a bag of skittles and a cop shot it for me

Why don't you take a turkey to church?

Because they have fowl language

Why was Austria-Hungary?

Turkey wasn't around yet.

How do you end world hunger?

Put Turkey in Greece to cook it, then cut it up and put it into Chile. Then put it on China and give it to Hungary.

I've got a terrible addiction, I can't stop eating deli meats.

I'm trying to quit cold turkey.

After eating Thanksgiving at my house, my friends are always asking me how I prepare the turkey...

...easy, I tell the bird he is going to die.

So Turkey wants to invade Syria from the rear,

Do you think Greece will help?

I've decided to avoid Turkey this Thanksgiving...

Way too close to Syria.

I've been smoking weed for most of my life, and today I quit cold turkey.

I'll make do with the much cheaper chicken cold cuts and put the extra money towards buying more weed.

The four things you cannot choose.

1. Your gender
2. Your race
3. Your nationality
4. The president of Turkey.

This year, I tried to smoke a turkey.

But I rolled it too tight and couldn't get the end lit.

A lady walked into a tattoo parlor and said, "Can you do a tattoo of a turkey on my right inner thigh and one of a Christmas tree on my left inner thigh?"

"Sure,* the tattoo artist said. "But if you
don't mind me asking, why did you choose
those two designs?"
The lady smiled. "My husband' she explained. "He says there's never anything to eat
between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"

My family told me to stop eating the leftover Thanksgiving food from the fridge.

But sadly, I couldn't quit cold turkey.

My wife threw a pack of turkey and a lighter in the cart and my God the temptation was strong...

It was just last week that I quit smoking cold turkey

Thanksgiving in Bulgaria

Obviously Thanksgiving is an American holiday. However, as a former soldier deployed to Southern Europe, I was given a week long pass during the week of Thanksgiving. I decided to go to Bulgaria. You know what the best thing about Thanksgiving in Bulgaria is?

Bulgaria is next to Turkey and Greece.

A 90 year old just told this: What happens when you drop the turkey out of the oven?

It's the downfall of Turkey and the overflow of grease.

Anyone hear what Russia is eating for Christmas?

Turkey...

Too soon?

What country uses the most foul language?

Turkey

What's the hardest part of going vegetarian?

Giving up cold turkey

I accidentally ordered a ham and cheddar instead of a turkey and swiss...

Whoops, wrong sub

Well done Turkey on shooting down a Russian warplane.

Now proceed to level two where you have to destroy fifty Russian warplanes and fight off an invading ground force.

Why can't you have Christmas dinner in the EU?

Because there is no Turkey

The EU was invited to a thanksgiving dinner

but they refused to have turkey

So, I was at the UN headquarters...

So, I was at the UN headquarters and I was feeling a bit Hungary, so I was Russian to the kitchen to get a slice of Turkey, but it was covered in Greece. There's Norway I'm eating that, so I got some Chile instead. Something just Francy enough for me.

How many chefs does it take to stuff a turkey?

One, but you really have to cram him in there.

What would happen if Hungary invaded and conquered Turkey?

A new kingdom would be formed known as full.

"Mum, can I have a dog for Christmas?"

"No, you can have turkey like everyone else"

What international disaster occurred after someone dropped the Christmas dinner?

The downfall of Turkey, the overthrow of Greece and the destruction of China.

If Russia tried to take Turkey from behind...

... do you think Greece would help ?

I used to eat cold turkey all the time..

The only way I could stop was to taper off my intake gradually.

I'll have a foot long Italian with turkey and cheddar cheese.

Whoops, wrong sub

What do rehab and the days after Christmas have in common?

Cold turkey

So a turkey and a ham are walking into a cancer survivors meeting...

The ham looks over at the turkey and says:

"What are you doing here? You aren't cured. "

James Bond orders a sandwich

James Bond goes to a deli and orders a club sandwich.

The employee says to him, "Mr. Bond, we have ham or turkey. How would you like it?"

Bond replies, "bacon, not bird."

I quit smoking cold turkey

Now I just eat it like everybody else

The White House just released a statement that...

Trump is only pardoning the white meat of the turkey this year.

I used to be addicted to frozen sandwiches

But I decided to go cold turkey.

How did Jim start losing weight after the holidays?

He just quit eating cold turkey.

The first year I didn't eat Thanksgiving leftovers on the day after.

I quit cold turkey.

There is an abundance of turkish jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 76 funniest jokes and turkey puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any hungary witze you can hear about turkey.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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