Turkey Jokes
162 turkey jokes and hilarious turkey puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about turkey that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Thanksgiving Turkey Jokes
As a professional writer, I find the appeal of Thanksgiving turkey jokes to be universal. Feasting on turkey is a tradition that has been a source of humor for decades. These jokes can turn Thanksgiving into an even more enjoyable experience. I love how the humor intertwines with the ritual of the holiday, making us laugh while we anticipate the big meal.
With the upcoming Thanksgiving read some turkey jokes and hilarious turkey puns to laugh out loud. #turkeyjokes
— Joko Jokes (@jokes_joko) November 4, 2023
1. Russia might not celebrate thanksgiving but I'm pretty sure they will be frying a turkey. https://t.co/EkNHp7iygM pic.twitter.com/pxK6x9D3RB
Turkey Jokes for Adults
I regard turkey jokes for adults as a distinct subcategory, slightly more sophisticated, maybe a bit edgier. They work great at dinner parties when you want to lighten the mood or even as ice breakers. I've heard a good turkey joke turn a tense moment into a moment of communal laughter. To put it simply, these jokes have an essential place in adult gatherings, and not just during Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving Funny Stories and Jokes
Thanksgiving funny stories and jokes, these are my favourite! They have a storytelling aspect that not only delivers a punchline but also often a touch of family drama flavored with humor. They keep you hooked, wanting to know what comes next. These jokes remind us that life is fun, and we all have amusing stories to tell. Thanksgiving becomes even more special when it's shared over laughter from such stories and jokes.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Turkey Short Jokes
Short turkey jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The turkey humour may include short thanksgiving jokes also.
- When christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days... I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.
- Russia might not celebrate thanksgiving but I'm pretty sure they will be frying a turkey.
- The doctor said I should stop eating meat immediately for health reasons... I asked if I had to quit cold turkey.
- My wife keeps getting mad at me for eating leftovers straight from the fridge. I told her that it's really hard to quit cold turkey.
- What's the difference between retail workers and turkeys? We let the turkey rest on Thanksgiving.
- My daughter told me she wanted a puppy for Christmas... I told her "you're eating turkey like everyone else".
- What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
- Why don't the Bulgarians, Greeks, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving? Because they don't like Turkey.
- 1915-17 may have been the worst years in human history for food poisoning. 1.5 million Armenians died from bad turkey.
- My family is getting worried about my consumption of deli meats, and I'm not sure what to do... They're trying to pressure me into quitting cold turkey!
Share These Turkey Jokes With Friends
Turkey One Liners
Which turkey one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with turkey? I can suggest the ones about poultry and chicken.
- What sound does a Turkey make? "coup coup"
- I used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers I had to quit cold turkey
- I decided to become vegan today The hardest part is quitting cold turkey.
- Kids said they wanted a cat for Christmas. Normally we have turkey, but ok...
- If Russia invaded Turkey from the rear, Do you think Greece would help?
- I finally got a microwave to heat up my leftovers So I was able to quit cold turkey
- What's the best way to serve Turkey? Join the turkish Army.
- Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove it wasn't chicken.
- What are the Russians eating for thanksgiving? Beef with turkey
- It's Thanksgiving, who doesn't like Turkey? Russia
- I finally stopped eating deli meats... yep, I quit cold turkey!
- I'm not going to eat Thanksgiving leftovers anymore. This year, I'm quitting cold turkey.
- What's the hardest food to stop eating? Cold turkey
- I no longer eat club sandwiches I quit cold turkey.
- I was Hungary... so Iran to Turkey
Thanksgiving Turkey Jokes
Here is a list of funny thanksgiving turkey jokes and even better thanksgiving turkey puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the guy who got addicted to eating thanksgiving leftovers out of the fridge? He had to quit cold turkey.
- I couldn't bring myself to shoot my own turkey for thanksgiving ... So I dressed one up in baggy sweat pants and gave it a bag of skittles and a cop shot it for me
- What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
- I've decided to avoid Turkey this Thanksgiving... Way too close to Syria.
- Why should you never set the turkey next to the dessert? Because he will gobble, gobble it up!
- My family told me to stop eating the leftover Thanksgiving food from the fridge. But sadly, I couldn't quit cold turkey.
- Why did the cranberries turn red at Thanksgiving dinner?
Because they heard the turkey got stuffed! - Why do turkeys love thanksgiving? Because they don't have to worry about buying Christmas presents
- The EU was invited to a thanksgiving dinner but they refused to have turkey
- Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Turkey Thanksgiving Jokes
Here is a list of funny turkey thanksgiving jokes and even better turkey thanksgiving puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Would you like some Thanksgiving leftovers? I'm trying to quit cold turkey.
- Finally time for my thanksgiving joke!! Why did the turkey get kicked out of the football stadium?
Because he tryptophan - What's the best song to sing when preparing your turkey? All About That Baste.
- What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and an EA game? The turkey is stuffed with content and you only have to pay for it once.
- What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
- Knock Knock. Who's there? Tamara. Tamara who? Tamara we'll have turkey leftovers!
- I always heat up my Thanksgiving leftovers. I quit cold turkey a long time ago.
- Why shouldn't you join alcoholics anonymous on Thanksgiving? Because all they serve is cold turkey.
- I didn't think housework is a full-time job, so for Thanksgiving my wife served me a raw turkey. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
- Ever year after Thanksgiving, I give up all my bad habits. I can do it, because I have lots of cold turkey.
Turkey Christmas Jokes
Here is a list of funny turkey christmas jokes and even better turkey christmas puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My daughter really wants a dog this Christmas I am open for new ideas but we normally eat turkey.
- "Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?" Mother : "No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year."
- Anyone hear what Russia is eating for Christmas? Turkey...
Too soon? - Why can't you have Christmas dinner in the EU? Because there is no Turkey
- What international disaster occurred after someone dropped the Christmas dinner? The downfall of Turkey, the overthrow of Greece and the destruction of China.
- What do rehab and the days after Christmas have in common? Cold turkey
- Who wasn't hungry on Christmas? The Turkey, he was stuffed!
- What is Putin having for Christmas? Turkey.
- My dad's addicted to christmas dinner But he's been cold turkey every meal since.
- Two turkeys are looking at the sky at dusk The other one asks the other one - Do you believe in life after Christmas?
Christmas Turkey Jokes
Here is a list of funny christmas turkey jokes and even better christmas turkey puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I suggest we all go to Russia for Christmas.. They'll have fried Turkey
- This year, every one of my kids agreed that they wanted a cat for Christmas In retrospect, I should have just gone with the Turkey, like I do every year.
- A Chinese kid asked his mom if he can have a dog for Christmas His mom said no.
He gets turkey and stuffing like everyone else. - My kids wants to have a puppy for Christmas... I usually prepare them Turkey... But the choice is theirs...
- Farmer sez to the turkey... Yes, we're having you for Christmas dinner.
No, you don't need to bring wine. - I said yes, but we usually have a turkey for Christmas. The girls said they wanted a dog this year.
- My children want a cat for Christmas... I normally cook a turkey, but hey, whatever makes 'em happy.
- My kids asked for a dog for Christmas. We usually have turkey, but I'll try to make them happy.
- My kids want a cat for Christmas. We usually have turkey, but hey what ever makes them happy .
- My kids wanted a car for Christmas. I was going to cook a turkey.
But hey, whatever makes them happy.
Turkey Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny turkey day jokes and even better turkey day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Lame joke of the day. Why did the turkey get ejected from the soccer game?
He had tripped a fan. - What song do turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
- On my cake day, I went to the Doctor and was told that my love of deli meats was going to kill me. I had to quit cold turkey.
- The day after Thanksgiving someone wished me Happy Turkey Recovery Day Sorry to burst your bubble, but those turkeys aren't recovering from yesterday.
- A giant destroyed three countries the other day He picked up Turkey, dipped it in Greece and fried it in Japan.
- Is it turkey day yet? You butterball-ieve it is!
- Happy Turkey day everyone Sorry Mr Khashoggi, not you
- What happens if you starve Turkey for 3 days? You get a massive economic recession.
- What's a turkey's favorite holiday? The day after Thanksgiving. (Black Friday)
- In honour of canadian thanksgiving... I will be tickling the turkey instead of choking the chicken all day today
Comical Turkey Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about turkey you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pumpkin jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make turkey pranks.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys for Thanksgiving, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
My wife threw a pack of turkey and a lighter in the cart and my God the temptation was strong...
It was just last week that I quit smoking cold turkey
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After eating Thanksgiving at my house, my friends are always asking me how I prepare the turkey...
...easy, I tell the bird he is going to die.
Thanksgiving in Bulgaria
Obviously Thanksgiving is an American holiday. However, as a former soldier deployed to Southern Europe, I was given a week long pass during the week of Thanksgiving. I decided to go to Bulgaria. You know what the best thing about Thanksgiving in Bulgaria is?
Bulgaria is next to Turkey and Greece.
What country uses the most foul language?
Turkey
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've got a terrible addiction, I can't stop eating deli meats.
I'm trying to quit cold turkey.
So a turkey and a ham are walking into a cancer survivors meeting...
The ham looks over at the turkey and says:
"What are you doing here? You aren't cured. "
How did Jim start losing weight after the holidays?
He just quit eating cold turkey.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do ISIS want for Christmas?
Turkey, apparently.
A young couple is having their first christmas together and they're cooking a turkey.
Just before they put the turkey in the oven the guy cuts an inch and a half off each end. His girlfriend asks "Why did you do that?" "That's how my mom does it." "Why does she do it?" "I don't know." So they phone his mom and she says "That's how *my* mom did it." So they phone the grandma and she says "I had a small oven."
What's the difference between a turkey sandwich and a ham sandwich?
A turkey sandwich doesn't recognize the armenian genocide
I love animals, and I want to stop eating meat...
But I just can't quit cold turkey!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a turkey with Parkinson's Disease?
Turkey Jerky
Shot my first turkey today.
Scared everyone in the frozen meat department.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Well done Turkey on shooting down a Russian warplane.
Now proceed to level two where you have to destroy fifty Russian warplanes and fight off an invading ground force.
What do you call a turkey with no arms?
a turkey
My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke
Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that I could make such a mistake and asked how I could possibly do this when the breast would be round and make it difficult to get the turkey to not roll.
My lame joke:
>"Maybe I just like flat breasted turkeys."
Wife looks down at her chest:
>"Well now I feel self-conscious... Wait, is that why you always turn me face down?"
Everybody starts roaring with laughter and her dad turned bright red.
There is no Turkey in the coop.
But there's a coup in Turkey.
I used to be addicted to frozen sandwiches
But I decided to go cold turkey.
I'll have a foot long Italian with turkey and cheddar cheese.
Whoops, wrong sub
What would happen if Hungary invaded and conquered Turkey?
A new kingdom would be formed known as full.
I saw a man on the street with a sign saying he was hungry.
I told him I had an extra sandwich and he could pick which one he wanted, turkey or roast beef. He looked at both sandwiches for about 30 seconds, them threw up his hands and ran off.
I wondered for a second, then I remembered,
"Beggars can't be choosers"
I accidentally ordered a ham and cheddar instead of a turkey and swiss...
Whoops, wrong sub
So, I was at the UN headquarters...
So, I was at the UN headquarters and I was feeling a bit Hungary, so I was Russian to the kitchen to get a slice of Turkey, but it was covered in Greece. There's Norway I'm eating that, so I got some Chile instead. Something just Francy enough for me.
What's the hardest part of going vegetarian?
Giving up cold turkey
I regret joining a band with a turkey on drums.
He usually forgets his drumsticks so he has to wing it.
The White House just released a statement that...
Trump is only pardoning the white meat of the turkey this year.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't you take a turkey to church?
Because they have fowl language
This year, I tried to smoke a turkey.
But I rolled it too tight and couldn't get the end lit.
The fastest way to quit being vegan is...
Cold turkey
I quit smoking cold turkey
Now I just eat it like everybody else
A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh.
When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.
She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
How many chefs does it take to stuff a turkey?
One, but you really have to cram him in there.
James Bond orders a sandwich
James Bond goes to a deli and orders a club sandwich.
The employee says to him, "Mr. Bond, we have ham or turkey. How would you like it?"
Bond replies, "bacon, not bird."
The four things you cannot choose.
1. Your gender
2. Your race
3. Your nationality
4. The president of Turkey.
Why was Austria-Hungary?
Turkey wasn't around yet.
Europe is like a fridge
You have the freezing cold part at the top
Then in the middle, you have cheese, cold meat, and a good drinks selection
Then down the bottom corner, there's just turkey and grease
A 90 year old just told this: What happens when you drop the turkey out of the oven?
It's the downfall of Turkey and the overflow of grease.
A drunk orders a shot of Wild Turkey....
Sorry sir, we don't have Wild Turkey only a House bourbon? What can I get you?
I'll have a shot of Wild Turkey
I'm so sorry sir, we just ran out, how about a Jack Daniels
I'll have a shot of Wild Turkey
Okay sir, if you can spell Wild Turkey, I'll get you a shot
W-I-L-D T-U-R-K-E-Y, Wild Turkey
Sir you forgot the F
There's no F in Wild Turkey
That's what I've been trying to tell you,
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've been smoking w**... for most of my life, and today I quit cold turkey.
I'll make do with the much cheaper chicken cold cuts and put the extra money towards buying more w**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I used to eat cold turkey all the time..
The only way I could stop was to taper off my intake gradually.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The CDC recommends that f**... gatherings be limited to 30 people and holiday gatherings be limited to 6 people.
f**... proceedings for Gobbles the turkey will be held on November 26th and again on December 25th. Please bring beer to celebrate his life.
A man goes to a restaurant and has the most delicious turkey he's ever tasted...
He asks the chef, "How do you prepare the turkeys?"
The chef replies, "Oh, nothing special, we just tell them they're gonna die."
I made an coronavirus joke while eating turkey.
It was tasteless.
What Are We Eating?
A can of tuna has a picture of a tuna fish
A pack of Ham has a picture of a pig
Turkey has a picture of a turkey
Egg carton has a picture of a chicken
Beef has a picture of a cow
Dogfood has a picture of a dog
I used to work at a deli…
But I quit slicing cold turkey.
I asked a vegan what it was like cutting meat from their diet...
They said it wasn't hard to quit cold turkey.
