turkey Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious turkey puns

While picking up a turkey for this Thanksgiving, I overheard this gem.

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

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What sound does a Turkey make?

"coup coup"

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When Christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days...

I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.

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Russia might not celebrate thanksgiving but I'm pretty sure they will be frying a turkey.

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I used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers

I had to quit cold turkey

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Shot my first turkey today.

Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen foods section.

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The doctor said I should stop eating meat immediately for health reasons...

I asked if I had to quit cold turkey.

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A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh.

When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.


She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."

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What do Americans and Putin have in common?

They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.

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If Russia invaded Turkey from the rear...

Would Greece help?

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I shot my first turkey today.

Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food aisle.

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I finally got a microwave to heat up my leftovers

So I was able to quit cold turkey

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I feel bad for eating all the Thanksgiving leftovers that were in the fridge...

but it's hard to quit cold turkey.

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A woman walks into a tattoo parlor.

Asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."

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A woman goes to get a tattoo

The tattoo artist asks her what she wants and she points to her legs and says right here I want a great big Christmas Tree and on my left thigh I want a great big turkey.

Curious the tattoo artist asks why she wants these tattoos

The woman's answers. Because my husband always says there isn't anything good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

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It seems like every year I wind up eating leftovers from Thanksgiving until weeks afterwards.

Not this year though, I'm quitting cold turkey.

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My daughter told me she wanted a puppy for Christmas...

I told her "you're eating turkey like everyone else".

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What's the best way to serve Turkey?

Join the Turkish Army.

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What are the Russians eating for thanksgiving?

Beef with turkey

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1915-17 may have been the worst years in human history for food poisoning.

1.5 million Armenians died from bad turkey.

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It's Thanksgiving, who doesn't like Turkey?

Russia

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If Turkey was attacked from the rear

Would Greece help?

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Why don't the Greeks, Slavs, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they don't like Turkey

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My family is getting worried about my consumption of deli meats, and I'm not sure what to do...

They're trying to pressure me into quitting cold turkey!

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I saw a man on the street with a sign saying he was hungry.

I told him I had an extra sandwich and he could pick which one he wanted, turkey or roast beef. He looked at both sandwiches for about 30 seconds, them threw up his hands and ran off.

I wondered for a second, then I remembered,

"Beggars can't be choosers"

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What's the hardest food to stop eating?

Cold turkey

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I no longer eat club sandwiches

I quit cold turkey.

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He's Serving Her

Little Johnny went to visit his grandfather's farm for a holiday. While grandfather was showing him around the farm, he saw a cock doing his business with one of the hens, and he asked, "Grandpa, what's that?

Grandpa replied, "That's a cock, and that's a hen, and he's serving her."

Further on, Johnny saw a horse doing his business with a mare, and he asked, "Grandpa, what's that?

Grandpa replied, "That's a horse, and that's a mare, and he's serving her."

At dinner that night, Grandma said, "Grandpa, will you please serve the turkey?"

At that, little Johnny jumped up and said, "If he does that, I'm having a hamburger!"

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A ventriloquist's car breaks down in the middle of nowhere.
He enters a nearby farm and asks the farmer if he can call for help.

After the call, the farmer asks :
- You look like a magician, can you do a trick ?
- Yes, I can make animals speak. Like that turkey :
*I'm worried, haven't seen Roger since Christmas and Bob since Thanksgiving.*
The farmer starts laughing.
- I can do it on the cat if you want :
*If I find the bastard that took my balls!*
The farmer is getting red
- Oh, a sheep, they often have the best stories.
Then, the farmer becomes white and shouts :
- No, don't listen to her, she always tells lies!

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I regret joining a band with a turkey on drums.

He usually forgets his drumsticks so he has to wing it.

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What do ISIS want for Christmas?

Turkey, apparently.

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My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke

Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that I could make such a mistake and asked how I could possibly do this when the breast would be round and make it difficult to get the turkey to not roll.

My lame joke:
>"Maybe I just like flat breasted turkeys."

Wife looks down at her chest:
>"Well now I feel self-conscious... Wait, is that why you always turn me face down?"

Everybody starts roaring with laughter and her dad turned bright red.

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I was Hungary...

so Iran to Turkey

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If Russia were to invade Turkey from behind...

Do you think Greece would help?

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The fastest way to quit being vegan is...

Cold turkey

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What are the most funny Turkey jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Turkey? Well, here are the best Turkey dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Turkey pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes