The Best 80 Turkey Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Turkey jokes. There are some turkey overs jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these turkey giblets puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Turkey Jokes and Puns

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?

If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?

The turkey trot.

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys for Thanksgiving, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Turkey joke, A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys for Thanksgiving, but she couldn't find one big enough

My wife threw a pack of turkey and a lighter in the cart and my God the temptation was strong...

It was just last week that I quit smoking cold turkey

After eating Thanksgiving at my house, my friends are always asking me how I prepare the turkey...

...easy, I tell the bird he is going to die.


A woman walks into a tattoo parlor.

Asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."

I've decided to avoid Turkey this Thanksgiving...

Way too close to Syria.

Turkey joke, I've decided to avoid Turkey this Thanksgiving...

Thanksgiving in Bulgaria

Obviously Thanksgiving is an American holiday. However, as a former soldier deployed to Southern Europe, I was given a week long pass during the week of Thanksgiving. I decided to go to Bulgaria. You know what the best thing about Thanksgiving in Bulgaria is?

Bulgaria is next to Turkey and Greece.

What country uses the most foul language?

Turkey

I've got a terrible addiction, I can't stop eating deli meats.

I'm trying to quit cold turkey.

I couldn't bring myself to shoot my own turkey for thanksgiving

... So I dressed one up in baggy sweat pants and gave it a bag of skittles and a cop shot it for me

You can explore turkey coup reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean turkey tet dad jokes. There are also turkey puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do ISIS want for Christmas?

Turkey, apparently.

How do you end world hunger?

Put Turkey in Greece to cook it, then cut it up and put it into Chile. Then put it on China and give it to Hungary.

I was Hungary...

so Iran to Turkey

I love animals, and I want to stop eating meat...

But I just can't quit cold turkey!

If Russia were to invade Turkey from behind...

Do you think Greece would help?

Turkey joke, If Russia were to invade Turkey from behind...

Shot my first turkey today.

Scared everyone in the frozen meat department.

Why can't you have Christmas dinner in the EU?

Because there is no Turkey

Russia might not celebrate thanksgiving but I'm pretty sure they will be frying a turkey.


If Turkey was attacked from the rear

Would Greece help?

Well done Turkey on shooting down a Russian warplane.

Now proceed to level two where you have to destroy fifty Russian warplanes and fight off an invading ground force.

What are the Russians eating for thanksgiving?

Beef with turkey

What do Americans and Putin have in common?

They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.

What do you call a turkey with no arms?

a turkey

It's Thanksgiving, who doesn't like Turkey?

Russia

My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke

Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that I could make such a mistake and asked how I could possibly do this when the breast would be round and make it difficult to get the turkey to not roll.

My lame joke:
>"Maybe I just like flat breasted turkeys."

Wife looks down at her chest:
>"Well now I feel self-conscious... Wait, is that why you always turn me face down?"

Everybody starts roaring with laughter and her dad turned bright red.

What's the best way to serve Turkey?

Join the Turkish Army.

There is no Turkey in the coop.

But there's a coup in Turkey.

What sound does a Turkey make?

"coup coup"

1915-17 may have been the worst years in human history for food poisoning.

1.5 million Armenians died from bad turkey.

The doctor said I should stop eating meat immediately for health reasons...

I asked if I had to quit cold turkey.

My family is getting worried about my consumption of deli meats, and I'm not sure what to do...

They're trying to pressure me into quitting cold turkey!

Why don't the Bulgarians, Greeks, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they don't like Turkey.

My daughter told me she wanted a puppy for Christmas...

I told her "you're eating turkey like everyone else".

If Russia tried to take Turkey from behind...

... do you think Greece would help ?

Anyone hear what Russia is eating for Christmas?

Turkey...

Too soon?

What would happen if Hungary invaded and conquered Turkey?

A new kingdom would be formed known as full.

I saw a man on the street with a sign saying he was hungry.

I told him I had an extra sandwich and he could pick which one he wanted, turkey or roast beef. He looked at both sandwiches for about 30 seconds, them threw up his hands and ran off.

I wondered for a second, then I remembered,

"Beggars can't be choosers"

I finally got a microwave to heat up my leftovers

So I was able to quit cold turkey

I accidentally ordered a ham and cheddar instead of a turkey and swiss...

Whoops, wrong sub

So, I was at the UN headquarters...

So, I was at the UN headquarters and I was feeling a bit Hungary, so I was Russian to the kitchen to get a slice of Turkey, but it was covered in Greece. There's Norway I'm eating that, so I got some Chile instead. Something just Francy enough for me.

When Christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days...

I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.

What's the hardest part of going vegetarian?

Giving up cold turkey

What international disaster occurred after someone dropped the Christmas dinner?

The downfall of Turkey, the overthrow of Greece and the destruction of China.

My family told me to stop eating the leftover Thanksgiving food from the fridge.

But sadly, I couldn't quit cold turkey.

I no longer eat club sandwiches

I quit cold turkey.

I used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers

I had to quit cold turkey

I regret joining a band with a turkey on drums.

He usually forgets his drumsticks so he has to wing it.

Why don't you take a turkey to church?

Because they have fowl language

The EU was invited to a thanksgiving dinner

but they refused to have turkey

This year, I tried to smoke a turkey.

But I rolled it too tight and couldn't get the end lit.

The fastest way to quit being vegan is...

Cold turkey

"Mum, can I have a dog for Christmas?"

"No, you can have turkey like everyone else"

What's the hardest food to stop eating?

Cold turkey

If Russia invaded Turkey from the rear...

Would Greece help?

A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh.

When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.

She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."

How many chefs does it take to stuff a turkey?

One, but you really have to cram him in there.

So Turkey wants to invade Syria from the rear,

Do you think Greece will help?

The four things you cannot choose.

1. Your gender
2. Your race
3. Your nationality
4. The president of Turkey.

Why was Austria-Hungary?

Turkey wasn't around yet.

Europe is like a fridge

You have the freezing cold part at the top

Then in the middle, you have cheese, cold meat, and a good drinks selection

Then down the bottom corner, there's just turkey and grease

A lady walked into a tattoo parlor and said, "Can you do a tattoo of a turkey on my right inner thigh and one of a Christmas tree on my left inner thigh?"

"Sure,* the tattoo artist said. "But if you
don't mind me asking, why did you choose
those two designs?"
The lady smiled. "My husband' she explained. "He says there's never anything to eat
between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"

Turkey cross the road

Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasn't chicken.

A 90 year old just told this: What happens when you drop the turkey out of the oven?

It's the downfall of Turkey and the overflow of grease.

I've been smoking weed for most of my life, and today I quit cold turkey.

I'll make do with the much cheaper chicken cold cuts and put the extra money towards buying more weed.

The CDC recommends that funeral gatherings be limited to 30 people and holiday gatherings be limited to 6 people.

Funeral proceedings for Gobbles the turkey will be held on November 26th and again on December 25th. Please bring beer to celebrate his life.

Why did the turkey cross the road twice?

To prove to everyone he wasn't chicken

What's the difference between retail workers and turkeys?

We let the turkey rest on Thanksgiving.

A man goes to a restaurant and has the most delicious turkey he's ever tasted...

He asks the chef, "How do you prepare the turkeys?"

The chef replies, "Oh, nothing special, we just tell them they're gonna die."

I made an coronavirus joke while eating turkey.

It was tasteless.

Would you like some Thanksgiving leftovers?

I'm trying to quit cold turkey.

A woman was shopping for turkey at her grocery store. She finds a 12 lbs one and a 13 pound one, frustrated she asked a shop worker, "Do these get any bigger?"

The worker replied, "No, they're all dead."

"Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"

Mother : "No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year."

If Russia invaded Turkey from the rear,

Do you think Greece would help?

How much Turkey should I buy?

I need enough for 12 people and maybe 2 police officers

Kids said they wanted a cat for Christmas.

Normally we have turkey, but ok...

I used to live in Turkey, China, and Morocco, but I left ...

there were too many red flags.

What Are We Eating?

A can of tuna has a picture of a tuna fish

A pack of Ham has a picture of a pig

Turkey has a picture of a turkey

Egg carton has a picture of a chicken

Beef has a picture of a cow

Dogfood has a picture of a dog

Nation dialogue

You know, I was very Hungary one day, so I went to go Czech the fridge. I managed to find some Turkey that was leftover from Thanksgiving, but it was all covered in Greece. So I closed the fridge and Czech'd the pantry. I saw a Canada beans, so I grabbed them and microwaved them, but it exploded. My mom says that Iran out of diversity with food, and that I needed to expand on that. She also mentioned we need to get groceries. I said "Denmark my words, I shall go to the grocery store!".

I was looking at myself in the mirror the other day while my wife was there

I said to her, 'my nose is getting bigger every day, so is my belly, I've got more wrinkles than a pug, I've got more hair coming out of my nose than I've got on my head, the skin on my neck is so loose I look like a turkey. I could really use a compliment.'

My wife said, 'your eyesight is absolutely perfect.'

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the turkey turkish jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working turkey hungary piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes