Tuna Jokes

Following is our collection of sushi humor and crustaceans one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Tuna puns for adults, dirty swordfish jokes or clean potpourri gags for kids.

There is an abundance of sardine jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 67 funniest jokes on tuna. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any fish witze you can hear about tuna.

The Best jokes about Tuna

What's the difference between tuna, glue and a piano?

You can tuna piano but you can't piano tuna!

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

I just fell victim to a dad joke

Dad: What do you get when you cross a tuna, a piano, and glue.

Me: I don't know?

Dad: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.

Me: What about the glue?

Dad: I knew you would get stuck on that part.

A crab, a tuna, a lobster, and a Chinese man being run over by a steam roller. What doesn't belong?

The Tuna, since all of the others are crushedasians.

Given the terms crab , tuna , lobster , and Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders , which does not fit?

Ans: tuna . The other 3 are crushed asians.


I made a tuna salad this morning.

Stupid thing didn't even eat it.

How long should you microwave fish for?

Tuna half minutes.

Did you hear the one about the armless man and the tuna sandwich?

**He didn't make it.**

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all builders working on a bridge. The Englishman opens his lunch-box and says, "If I get one more tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Scotsman opens his lunch box and says, "If I get one more ham sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Irishman then says, "If I get one more egg sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge."

The next day, all three get the same lunch, all three jump off the bridge, and all three die. At their funeral, the Englishman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like tuna." The Scotsman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like ham." The Irishman's wife says, "I don't understand it. He made his own sandwiches."

I paid a fish to come over to re-key my guitar, piano and drums.

He was a professional tuna.

What does a piano, a tuna and glue have in common?

You can tuna piano but can't piano a tuna


A hungry man stops at a small restaurant along the road...

to buy something to eat. Behind the bar is a very attractive young girl smiling at him. Next to her is a board that reads:

* Tuna Sandwich $8
* Beef Sandwich $9
* Turkey Sandwich $8.5
* Handjob $5

After having read the board, the man asks the beautiful girl "Hey gorgeous are you the one giving handjobs for 5 dollars?" to what the girls replies "Yes sir" with a big smile.
The man then tells her "Alright then go wash your hands and make me a tuna sandwich"

Guess how many fish I got from the market?

Tuna half.

What's the best trade a palindrome has ever made?

A nut for a jar of tuna.

I looked at the bottom of a tuna tin and it said: "Best Before Date"

I thought, "No, it isn't."

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman...

...are all builders working on a bridge. The Englishman opens his lunch-box and says, "If I get one more tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Scotsman opens his lunch box and says, "If I get one more ham sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Irishman then says, "If I get one more egg sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The next day, all three get the same lunch, all three jump off the bridge, and all three die. At their funeral, the Englishman's wife wails, "If only I'd known he didn't like tuna!" The Scotsman's wife cries, "If only I'd known he didn't like ham!" The Irishman's wife says, "I don't understand it. He made his own sandwiches."

How are Michael Jackson and Starfish Tuna similar?

They both come in little cans.

Whats the difference between a piano a can of tuna and a bucket of glue...

You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna









(Random person) "what about the bucket of glue?"


(You) "I knew you would get stuck on that"

Why did the cat stop singing?

Because it was out of tuna.


What's the difference between a Piano, a Tuna, and a tub of Glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna. As for the glue... well I knew you'd get stuck on that one.

This joke might seem a little fishy, but I find it key to tell a joke that can really stick with people.

What do you call 2 sodium atoms in the ocean?

tuNa

Guy 1:"Tell me a bad pun" Guy 2: "Alright What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano and a tube of glue" Guy 1: "Ok that last one was random as heck what is the difference"

Guy 2: " you can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna" Guy 1: "Ok where does the glue come in" Guy 2: Ah i knew you'd get stuck on that

What's the difference...

...between a piano, a fish, and glue?
You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish
"What about the glue?"
I knew you'd get stuck on that.

You're hungry. In the fridge there is a bag of bread, jar of jam, a can of tuna, and some milk. To answer the riddle, what do you open first?

This thread!

What's saltier than a tuNa?

A barNaCle

Why do the French never eat tuna sandwiches?

Because bread is pain and fish is poisson

What's in common between tuna and Jared from Subway?

They both come in little cans.

Why do fish always sing off key?

You can't tuna fish.

What's the difference between...

Requires the receivers input so I will just tell the full joke. It's given me quite a bit of laughs and sighs so I thought I would share it!

What's the difference between a tuna, a piano and a bathtub full of glue?

"I dont know!"

Well you can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna!

"What about the bathtub of glue?"

I thought you might get stuck on that one!

Why was the fisherman upset with his new property?

After selling his sole for a small plaice perched by the sea (something to the tuna 500 square feet), he found something fishy within contract and realised he cod do better if he weren't such a cheap-skate.

If girls are made of sugar, spice, and everything nice ...

Why do they smell like tuna?

What is a jawa's favorite style of pasta?

Rotini

Sorry, was picking out pasta for tuna casserole and it made me laugh.

How is a piano similar to a fish?

You can tune a piano, and you also can tuna fish

If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...

they would be Starkist lovers.

Sometimes

Sometimes I like to stand in front of my fishbowl, eating a tuna sandwich. Let 'em know who's boss.

What do Roman Polanski and Bumblebee Tuna have in common?

They both come in little cans.

Dad: What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue? Son: I don't know, what?

Dad: You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

Son: But, Dad, what about the glue?

Dad: I knew you'd get stuck there!

If you have three tuna and take away one half, what do you have?

Two 'n' a half -OR- tuna half.

A blonde, brunette, and red-head are sitting on a bridge ...

... eating lunch. The brunette opens up her lunch bag and says: "ugh, if I get a tuna sandwich again tomorrow, I'm gonna jump off this bridge". The red-head open up her lunch bag and says: "ugh, if I get a tuna sandwich again tomorrow, I'm gonna jump off this bridge". The blonde opens up her lunch bag and says: "ugh, if I get a tuna sandwich again tomorrow, I'm gonna jump off this bridge".

THE NEXT DAY:

The husbands of the three woman are sitting on the bridge because their wives killed themselves. The brunette's husband says: "If only I didn't make her a tuna sandwich". The red-heads husband says: "If only I didn't make her a tuna sandwich". The blonde's husband says: "If only she didn't make that tuna sandwich".

Two tuna fish passing by a submarine. Big Tuna Mommy says:

Don't be scared little Tuna, these are canned humans.

-I read this joke when I was five. I still think it's funny. -

Is that a tuna roll in your pocket, or are you just happy sashimi

yuk yuk yuk

What do a tuna, a piano, and a sheet of adhesive paper have in common?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna!

At what age did the world's greatest sushi chef begin his training?

Tuna half.

I can hear my cat's stomach growling in D#...

I better get him a tuna.

What do you call 2 sodium atoms?

TuNa.

The robbery

Two robbers broke into a house, started taking the cash found inside, and then began to eat the tuna casserole made by the wife.

"Honey, wake up!" the wife said to her husband. "What's going on?" the husband said groggily. "I think two men broke into our house, took our cash, and started to eat the tuna casserole I made yesterday! We need to call 911!" the wife said frantically. "You say they're eating your casserole?" the husband said. "Yes!" the wife said back. "Well," the husband said, "Instead of calling 911, we'd better call an ambulance."

The fish's guitar sounded terrible.

He must've forgotten his tuna.

The Tuna thought he was doing a great job at work.

Instead, he was canned.

Why did the squirrel bury the tuna?

Because if you spell it backwards, it's a nut.

What does a piano, tuna, and a bucket of glue have in common?

You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna! Don't ask me about the bucket of glue though... I've been stuck there for a while

I got fired from my job at a tuna cannery because I came into work dressed as Ironman.

I told them this was who I was now, and they were being Starkist.

How do you check the intonation of a guitar underwater?

With a tuna.

Why did the tuna cross the strait?

To get to the other tide.

What do you call it when you have a fish on the line but it gets away?

Herring Loss.


Alternatively:

Q: Why was it so difficult for the old man to reel in his fish?



A: He was hard of herring.



Q: How can fish just ignore you completely?


A: They just tuna you out.



Q: Why is Timmy afraid to go out to sea?


A: Lassie had to get help after he fell down a whale.

A man messaged his ex : Just now ate a tuna taco and suddenly you came in my mind

She messaged him back : just now ordered a mini hot dog , it came in just 2 minutes. Suddenlu you came in my mind

What kind of fish loves to fix instruments?

A tuna.

What do you call a slutty tuna?

An Alba-whore.

How do you get a sea creature to play music?

You tuna fish

How do fish find their way in the dark?

They follow the light tuna

What do you call the offspring of a tuna and a manatee?

An oppor-tuna-tee!

Why can't tuna swim past Townsville?

Because they will be in Cairns

What's the difference between a piano tuna and glue (read after thinking of an awnser)?

You can tuna piano but you can't piano tuna. "But what about the glue?" you might be asking, well I knew you'd get stuck on that one.

How many cans of tuna can a toucan can if a toucan can can tuna?

Two cans!

What kind of fish is funny, beautiful and a good role model for young women?

Tuna Fey.

Why was the musician bad at fishing?

Because he didn't know how to tuna fish

How are fish and guitars similar.

You can tuna fish and you can tuna guitar.

What did the visually-challenged gentleman say as he walked past the tuna stand at the open air market on a hot summer's day?

Hello ladies. Warm enough for you?

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes