Tummy Jokes
36 tummy jokes and hilarious tummy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tummy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laughter is the best medicine! Check out these funny and family-friendly tummy jokes, from upset tummy gags to tummy tuck puns and even a few tummy bug rhymes for the little ones. Put a smile on Daddy's belly and have a good time!
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Funniest Tummy Short Jokes
Short tummy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tummy humour may include short belly jokes also.
- Why men are the best cooks Because with 2 eggs, a sausage, and a little bit of milk they can fill a girl's tummy for 9 months
- I'm attracted to my neighbor's garden decoration. The beard, the cute tummy…. Does that make me a gnomosexual?
- My wife told me to get her something she can use for her birthday this year. So I got her a face-lift and a tummy tuck.
- "Honey, do you feel fat?" "Yes, I do!"
"It's okay."
\*Rubs her tummy\*
"I feel it too! haha."
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Tummy One Liners
Which tummy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tummy? I can suggest the ones about stomach and big belly.
- What type of cheese will always hurt your tummy? OUCHIES!!
- Marriage is a tummy ache Divorce is a laxative
- What did the Greek man say when he got a tummy ache? "I falafel!"
- I am part of something big. It's my tummy.
- How does J.G. Wentworth tell you that he's hungry? "It's my tummy, and I feed it NOW!"
- What do you call the bloated tummy of a starvation victim? A *Boer* belly
- What does Professor Xavier say when he wants to be tickled? tummy, my X-Men!
- Favourite song of c**... smugglers? Yummy, Yummy, Yummy i got coke in my tummy
Laughable Tummy Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about tummy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean belly button jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tummy pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My 3 year old daughter asked
My 3 year old daughter asked: Where does p**... come from?
I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said: You just had breakfast?
Yes , she replied.
Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummy. Our body takes all the good stuff it needs out of the food and then what's left goes down to your bottom and when you go to the toilet that comes out as p**....
She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds. Then asked: And Tigger?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My 5 year-old son caught me having s**... with my wife.
He asked, "Dad, what are you doing with Mom?"
"I was just pushing the air out of her tummy." I replied.
"It's no use, I saw our neighbor blowing air between Mom's legs every morning after you leave for work."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny catches his mom and dad...
Mom and dad are having s**... when little Johnny walks in. Quickly, dad tells him to leave. When mom and dad come out of the room, they explain to Johnny that sometimes daddy's get a big tummy and mommy's have to jump on it so it will deflate. Then Johnny replies, "But why does mommy have to deflate it when Ms. Jane next door just comes over every day to blow it back up?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Men are better cooks
With just a piece of sausage and an egg, they can fill a woman's tummy for 9 months.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two kids watch a p**...-bellied man undress in a changing room,
One of them say "What is in your tummy that makes it so round?" To have some fun the p**...-bellied man says, "A bomb". Dumbfounded the second child says, "What a short fuse!"
A little boy walks into his parents' room
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." "You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled. "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
Two ladies are in the gym locker room ....
changing into their running outfits. One lady notices her friend's tummy and asks: "Sara, why is there wax in your belly button?" Sara says, "Oh, you'll never believe how romantic my boyfriend can be. He just loves to eat by candlelight."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dad how are babies made?
Dad: Daddy plants a seed in mums tummy.
Daughter: Does mummy s**... the seed?
Dad: Only if she wants new shoes
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Timmy walks in on his parents having s**...
He sees his mom bouncing up and down on his dad. "Mommy, what are you and daddy doing?" The parents, obvioulsy very embarassed, are trying hard to make up a harmless explanation. "Uhm... I'm a... I'm sitting on daddys tummy to make all the air go out of it... because he's a bit fat..." stutters his mother.
"There's no use in that, mom. The maid always blows the air back in when you're not there"
I heard a report!
I heard a report about a bad outbreak of the tummy bug, apparently, 9 out of 10 people there suffered from diarrhea. I can't stop thinking about that tenth person who apparently enjoyed it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cat goes to the doctor to get diagnosed
He goes to his office and says:
Cat:"Doc, the last few weeks have been really rough, My head is starting to hurt a lot and my tummy hurts"
Doctor:"Well, those are common symptoms for...d**... it I forgot what's its called!"
Cat:"C'mon doc, I'm dying from curiosity"
Doctor:"yeah that's the one!"
Don't Eat Too Many Lollipops
A mother tells her little boy, "Johnny, you mustn't eat too many lollies or I'll hide the lolly jar." Johnny asks, "Why?" His mother says, "Because something bad will happen! Your tummy will blow up big like a balloon and then pop!" The next day at church, the boy is sitting next to a pregnant woman. He points to her belly smiling and says, "I know what you've been doing!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the vampire s**... on his wife's tummy?
Because vampires have to be invited before they can come inside.
Why did u eat it???
A lady was pregnant. Her son asked her Mom, What's in u'r tummy?
Mom answered Its a sweet, lovely baby.
Son says, If the baby is so sweet and lovely then WHY DID U EAT IT???
Little John and his mother were attending church
Suddenly in the middle of mass, John clenched his tummy and looks distressed
Concerned his mother asks him, " What's wrong, son?"
John replies," My tummy really hurts, I think I am going to throw up"
Since the mass was still underway, she turns to him and says , " Ok, You know where the washroom is right? Go there, and when u feel better, come back"
Little John rushes out and soon returns
His mother is perplexed because the washrooms were located on the other side of the church.
"Are you feeling better? Did you use the washroom?"
John replies, "Oh there was no need to go all the way there, there is box outside titled 'For The Sick'"
Young Timmy asks his mother a question.
"Mummy?" begins Timmy
"Yes, Timmy?" she responds, a smile on her face.
"Why do you jump up and down on Daddy's tummy in bed at night?"
Slightly shocked, she held her composure. "Well, Timmy, it's because I'm pushing all of the air out of Daddy's tummy so that it doesn't look so big any more."
"Oh," said Timmy, looking confused.
"Is there a problem, Timmy?" asks his mother.
"Yes, Mummy. You shouldn't bother squashing Daddy's tummy any more because Aunt Tracey comes over every morning when you're at work and keeps blowing it back up again."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johhny was playing with a bottle in the street
when a priest happend to be walking by and said "what are you doing there sonny"
he said, "im playing with this bottle of sulphuric acid"
The priest, shocked said "don't you realise thats very dangerous!? Here, look. I'll trade you this bottle of Holy water.
Little Johnny said "oh, no way"
The father said "look, its great! just the other day, i rubbed some holy water on this lady's tummy and she passed a beautiful little baby"
Little Johhny said "ahh, thats nuthin. I rubbed some of this on my dogs a**... and he passed a Mercedes"
Playing with fate
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. Will I die? she asks.
God says, No. You have 30 more years to live.
With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. Since she's in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great! The day she's discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. Up in heaven, she sees God. You said I had 30 more years to live, she complains.
That's true, says God.
So what happened? she asks.
God shrugs. I didn't recognize you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny walks in on his dad having s**... with his aunt.
Aunt was going up and down on his dad.When he sees little Johnny he is embarrassed and quickly tries covering up.
"So,..Son, see Aunty was ju.."
Little Johnny interrupts before dad could say further and says, "I know she was helping you flatten your tummy by going up and down, right?"
Dad is perplexed as it was the exactly what he was going to say and asks Johnny, "Right... Uhh, but how do you know?"
"Well, mommy too was helping the mailman flatten his tummy the other day."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Another dirty joke #03
One night a little girl walks in on her parents having s**.... The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. What are you doing, Mommy? The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about s**... so she makes up an answer. Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy's tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out. The little girl replies, Well, mommy you really shouldn't bother with that. The mother has a confused look on her face, Why do you say that sweetheart? The little girl replies, Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One night a little girl walks in on her parents having s**....
The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops.
What are you doing, Mommy?
The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about s**... so she makes up an answer.
Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy's tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.
The little girl replies, Well, mommy you really shouldn't bother with that.
The mother has a confused look on her face, Why do you say that sweetheart?
The little girl replies, Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.
