Tuck Jokes
55 tuck jokes and hilarious tuck puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tuck that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Tuck in your laughter and get ready for a good time with these tummy-tickling tuck jokes! From puns about Friar Tuck to sweeties with a zipper, you can share these jokes with everyone. Read up and get ready to make your friends chuckle!
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Funniest Tuck Short Jokes
Short tuck jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tuck humour may include short buckle jokes also.
- I was tucking my son in last night, and he tells me that his teacher is "an idiot" and she's "out to get him." Which is just the last thing you want to hear when your kid's home schooled.
- I remember when my mother would tuck me in She really wanted a daughter
(taken from a front page meme) - Since COVID-19, I have the body of a 50 year old, the brain of a 40 year old and the heart of a 25 year old. All tucked away nicely in my freezer!
- For five years my mother tucked me in at night... she really wanted a girl
Credit goes to my friend Nick for telling me this one. Hi Nick! - I never realised how close "f" and "t" were on the keyboard... ...not until I texted my wife and told her I'd tucked our daughter in, anyway.
- A pirate's walking down the beach.... ...when he comes across a little girl. The litter girl says, "Hey Pirate! Where's your buccaneers??" The pirate responds, "tucked inside my buck'n hat!!"
- A benefit of Charles III ascension to the throne Once they change the picture on the money to the new King, Andrew won't have to tuck a picture of his mother into the G-strings of strippers.
- I spent all day hanging out at the spa. Until they told me I had to tuck it back in again.
- A clean Nantucket limerick There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket
His daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nan tuck it - What's the difference between a middle school flute player and a dress maker Dress makers tuck up frills
Share These Tuck Jokes With Friends
Tuck One Liners
Which tuck one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tuck? I can suggest the ones about tackle and shove.
- My mother used to tuck me in every night She always wanted a girl :(
- Sometimes I tuck my knees up into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
- What did P say to R? "Dude, tuck that back in!"
- A mother was tucking her son in one night she really wanted a daughter
- I was hanging out at the local pool Then someone told me and I tucked it in.
- It's good to be able to tuck it away quickly when needed It's hard sometimes though
- What did the squire say to his boss after he tucked him in? Night knight.
- I crouch down, tuck my head. That's how I roll.
- *Tucks in shirt* "Goodnight, shirt."
- How did the shirt hook up with the pants? By asking "you down to tuck?"
- What do you call a lifelong drag queen? Tuck Everlasting
- Transgendered children grow up fast... Mine usually tucks herself in.
- A father tucks his son in
- Why is it called a French Tuck? You start to tuck in your shirt and then you just give up
- People say I'm up and coming... Like I'm tucking in an elevator
Tummy Tuck Jokes
Here is a list of funny tummy tuck jokes and even better tummy tuck puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife told me to get her something she can use for her birthday this year. So I got her a face-lift and a tummy tuck.
Hilarious Tuck Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about tuck you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cuddle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tuck pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest and a nun ...
... are on a pilgrimage when they get caught in a blizzard. They make their way to a small abandoned cabin with a bed, a stack of blankets, and a sleeping bag. Now the priest, being a gentleman, offers the nun the bed and takes the sleeping bag for himself. They say their nightly prayers and tuck in for the night. The priest is nearly asleep when he is awoken by the nun, "Father, I'm cold!" The priest gets up, puts a blanket on her, checks that she's OK, and goes back to his sleeping bag.
This time he's starting to nod off when he's again awoken by the nun, "Father, I'm still cold!" So once again the priest gets up, places another blanket on the nun, and heads back to his sleeping bag. But when he's almost asleep this time she calls again, "Father, Father, I'm sooo cold!" The priest thinks on this situation and after a moment he responds. "Sister, we are in the middle of nowhere in a storm. No one but ourselves and the Lord God almighty will know what happens here this night. What would you say if, just for this night, we act as though we were married?" The nun thinks on this for a while and finally responds with an excited, "Yes Father, I'd like that!" To which the priest responds,
...
...
"GET UP AND GET YOUR OWN d**... BLANKET YA HARPY!"
A guy flags down a passing police car
Ossifer! Ossifer! You gotta help me. My car's been stolen.
Sir, are you sure it was stolen? it looks to me like you've had a bit to drink tonight. Are you sure you know where you left it?
Certainly I do! Don't be ridiculous. It was right here on the end of this key.
Sir, why don't you have a seat in the car, and I'll take you down to the station where they will take a report about your car. Before we do that, I'm going to have to tell you that your fly is unzipped and you're exposing yourself. You need to tuck yourself back in and zip up.
Oh my God! They got my girl, too!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Surgery
After her fifth child, Jane decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory because her gammon was dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a n**... here and a tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab.
Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.
"Who are these from?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them". "Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks".
"Ah, that's really nice" said Jane.
"The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!".
"Brilliant!" said Jane." "And the third?".
"That's from Eric in the burns unit" said the nurse..............he just wanted to say thanks for his new ears."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Japanese t**...?
n**... Tuck
My philosophy teacher walked in and told a story about his 5 year old daughter.
We just went over decartes last class.
We ask how his weekend was and he tells us about a philosophy conference at the University of Alabama. And how he was so happy when he Finally went home.
He goes on to tell us how proud he was of his daughter.
He says to us that he went to tuck his daughter in and randomly asked her does she know that he loves her?
She responded "hmm Idk I mean I think you love me, but you could be a evil robot that's just pretending to love me"
A 54 year old woman had a heart atack.
She was taken to the hospital for surgery. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up yet?" God said, "No, you have another 34 years to live". Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, tummy tuck, and changed her hair color. Finally she was released from the hospital. While crossing the road on her way home she was killed by a truck. Arriving in front of God in heaven she asked "You said I had another 34 years to live, why didn't you save me from the truck?" God said "I could not recognize you"
Is the officer from the McKinney police video...
Applying for the role of Paul Blart: Mall Cop 3? That recovery off the tuck and roll was impeccable.
Getting Drunk
Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself.
He says, "Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me."
His friend says, "Don't worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill."
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually he reels home and his wife starts to give him a bad time, "You reek of alcohol and you've thrown up all over yourself, you're disgusting..."
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says, "Wait. It's not what you think. I only had one drink, but this man was sick on me. He'd obviously had one too many, or else he just couldn't hold his liquor. He was very sorry and he gave me twenty dollars for the cleaning bill. Look in my breast pocket."
She looks in his breast pocket and says, "But this is forty dollars."
"Ah, yes," says the man. "He peed in my trousers too!!!"
Why did the momma pepper tuck in her baby?
Because he was a little chili
(Actually came up with this while making chili)
Dinner with Drag Queens
So, I went to a Potluck with a bunch of drag queens. When the food was finally served, the host stood up and said, "Tuck in!"
Why should you hire a drag queen to help clean your garage?
They know how to tuck away junk.
My mom said if I get ten thousand upvotes she will tuck me in
Come on. She really wants a daughter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My teacher told me to tuck my shirt in.
I said, "Why?"
"Because it *looks* like you've just had s**...," he said, zipping his trouser.
Do It Again!!!
After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically.
He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die.
No amount of talking was helping. His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted.
In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it, then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Daddy, do it again!!!"
What does a German parent say to their child with Celiac disease when they tuck them in?
Gluten Naught
I remember when my mom would tuck me in my bed every evening.
I would always tinish on her fiffies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman wakes up in hospital after having a v**... tuck. There are three bunches of flowers beside her bed.
One from her surgeon saying "all went well".
The second from her husband saying " I love you, get well soon".
The third was from Tommy in the burns ward saying "Thanks for the new ears .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy walks in on his parents having s**... in the bedroom...
Dad says that he and mommy are just having fun and he'll tuck in his son in 20 minutes.
After 15 minutes the father hears screaming from his son's room. He opens the door and sees the boy having s**... with his grandma. The boy looks at his father judgementally saying: It's not so funny when it's your mother, is it?
Bob Einstein in Comedians in Cars Getting Coffe
I always wondered why other kids had their parents tuck them in
I've always done it alone in front of my mirror
Playing with fate
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. Will I die? she asks.
God says, No. You have 30 more years to live.
With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. Since she's in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great! The day she's discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. Up in heaven, she sees God. You said I had 30 more years to live, she complains.
That's true, says God.
So what happened? she asks.
God shrugs. I didn't recognize you.
A lawyer, a teacher, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar
The lawyer leaves early because she wants to be home in time to tuck her five-year-old in.
The teacher leaves a little later to make sure his teenage son gets home at a reasonable hour.
The anti-vaxxer stays and has several more rounds because... well.
I tucked my son into bed...
When I'm about to leave, he looked up at me and said, "Daddy, check for monsters under the bed." Amused, I look underneath for him and see him, another him, shaking under the bed, and he whispers: "Daddy, there's someone on my bed."
Then I grounded the twin because it's a bad joke.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Colonoscopy Prep
My girlfriend is going in to get a colonoscopy tomorrow. She wants me to pick up some large Googly-eyes to make her a**... look like a face, then she wants to tuck in a post-it note saying Psssst: we've been wanting to talk to you about your car's extended warranty.
Never a dull moment here.
