Truth Jokes
127 truth jokes and hilarious truth puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about truth that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Enjoy a good laugh with the best truth jokes ever! From the simple truth to the inconvenient truth, these truth jokes will put a smile on your face. Laugh out loud to jokes that give a humorous take on the concept of truth and untruthful situations. Dive into a world of fun with jokes about truth or dare and how to deal with the bitter truth. Learn to laugh at life's challenges and find forgiveness in the technically the truth. Get ready for some good laughs and entertain yourself truthfully!
Quick Jump To
- Short Truth Jokes
- Truth One Liners
- Truth Or Dare Jokes
- Inconvenient Truth Jokes
- Technically The Truth Jokes
- More Truth Jokes
Funniest Truth Short Jokes
Short truth jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The truth humour may include short fact jokes also.
- What is the difference between Washington, Nixon and Trump? George Washington couldn't tell a lie.
Richard Nixon couldn't tell the truth.
Donald Trump can't tell the difference - In US Presidential History: Washington could not tell a lie, Nixon could not tell a truth... and Trump can not tell the difference
- How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb? We may never know the truth.
- Will you get mad? Wife: *Honey, do I look fat in this dress?*
Husband: *Will you get mad if I tell you the truth?*
Wife: *No, silly. Of course not*
Husband: *I slept with your sister* - What do you get it you ask a politician to tell 'the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth'? 3 different answers
- Just saw a guy wearing t-shirt that read "truth+God=life" Thank god I'm good at math. Truth = life - God
- Why aren't there any "old husband tales"? There are. They just get re-branded as "logic" and "the truth".
- George Washington: "I cannot tell a lie!"; Richard Nixon: "I cannot tell the truth!"; Donald Trump: ... "I cannot tell the difference!"
- I was at a restaurant last night... and I asked the waiter "How do you prepare the lobster?" And he said "We just tell him the truth, man. This is the end of the line."
- Jesus told his desciples: "I tell you the truth, that Y = X^2 + 3X -5." But they didn't understand… …because Jesus was speaking parabolically.
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Truth One Liners
Which truth one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with truth? I can suggest the ones about lies and true.
- You shouldn't fat shame people. But to be truthful, they won't come running after you.
- What document is guaranteed to only contain the truth? Fax
- Name A Scam My Parents : If you tell us the truth we wont get Angry
- What do you call a Cajun that never tells the truth? Jumbolaya
- My son said my dad jokes are terrible. I told him that couldn't be father from the truth.
- What do you call a factory that makes truths? a factory.
- The truth about oil drilling The system is rigged
- What do you call a guy who always tells the truth? Frank.
- What's the difference between the truth and a conspiracy theory? About 6-12 months.
- What do you call simba when he doesn't tell the truth The lying king
- What drug is the opposite of truth serum? Liedocaine
- What do you call a truthful politician? Impossible
- What do you call someone who denies the truth ? Factos intolerant.
- The Truth is gay It always comes out.
- What do you call a river that refuses to see the truth? Denial
Truth Or Dare Jokes
Here is a list of funny truth or dare jokes and even better truth or dare puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Me and my friends were playing Truth and Dare the other day I choose Dare
They dared me to go home - Girl: I'm having a party at my house, we're playing Truth or Dare and Twister, can you come? Guy: I already did.
- I never forget the time when we were at the party, playing truth and dare and someone dared me to go home
- Tattoos are like babies. You don't dare tell the truth and say they're ugly.
- Truth or Dare Ling Ling truth or dare?
"Truth"
Where is Stacey's dog?
"Dare" - I was playing truth or dare with this really hot girl and she chose truth... ...so I asked her for her atm pin and social security number.
- Playing Truth or Dare Boy: Truth.
Girl: Did you suggest we play this game strictly to try to hookup with me?
Boy: You're not playing the game right. - "Alright, truth or dare? -None, I'm a politician!"
- My friends coaxed me into smoking cigarettes and m**... in the same night. I guess I s**... at Truth or D.A.R.E
Inconvenient Truth Jokes
Here is a list of funny inconvenient truth jokes and even better inconvenient truth puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I had to stop watching An Inconvenient Truth after 20 minutes. Can't stand movies with that much gore.
- I keep seeing clips from An Inconvenient Truth on my YouTube homepage... Must just be the Al Gore-ithim
- What was the title of the soundtrack to 'The Inconvenient Truth'? Al Gore Rhythms
- What does the soundtrack of An Inconvenient Truth have in common with solving a Rubik's Cube? Algorithms
- What natural disaster movie has the most gore in it? An Inconvenient Truth
- People had a rough time with An Inconvenient Truth It was all the Gore-y details.
- My friend wanted a scary movie recommendation I suggested An Inconvenient Truth
- An Inconvenient Truth Whoops, sorry for the title Gore.
- What is an inconvenient truth with music? Algorithm.
Technically The Truth Jokes
Here is a list of funny technically the truth jokes and even better technically the truth puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I drink regularly every two weeks... ...but every week too.
\[technically the truth, practically too\]\[OC\] - The other day I was playing 2 truths and a lie. Well, technically I was testifying in a m**... trial.
- Technically the truth The deaf can r**... and say they never heard the victim say no.
Charming Humor Truth Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about truth you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean true story jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make truth pranks.
The truth was that Rapunzel didn't want a prince to save her
She was just k**... and wanted someone to pull her hair
A m**... was having an affair with a 15 year old girl who had lied about her age, when he learned the truth he broke it off and over the next few week guilt set in and he confessed to his wife. She screamed at him,
"How could you cheat on me like that with an older woman!?!?!?".
What did Cinderella say when she sat on pinocchio's face?
Tell me a lie. Tell me the truth. Tell me a lie. Tell me the truth. Tell me a lie...
families
so a young boy was told by one of his friends that if he told adults he knows the whole truth they'll give him stuff. so he went home and told his mom i know the whole truth. the mother responded by saying " take these 20 dollars and shut up", so the next day he said the same thing to his dad his dad said "shut up and take this 50 dollars". so the next day he saw the mail man and said i know the whole truth the mail man said " then come and give your real father a big hug.
Wrong queue !
This girl was a p**..., but her "granny" didn't know about it. One day, the police rounded up a group of pro's and the girl was caught. The cops had them lined up against a wall of the street where they were caught soliciting. Just then the grandmother walked by and saw her granddaughter.
She asked the girl, "What are you lining up for?"
The granddaughter, not willing to tell the truth, told her grandmother that she was lining up for some free oranges. Well, grandma, not one for passing up something free, joined the back of the line. A policeman who was going down the line taking information from each girl, soon reached the grandmother. He was stunned and bewildered to see her.
So, he asked carefully, "Ma am, you're rather old to be out here, how do you still do it?"
Grandma proudly replied, "Oh, it's easy, I just take out my teeth and s**...'em dry."
Do these jeans make me look fat?
wife : Do these jeans make me look fat?
Me totally scared: Would you get mad if i tell you the truth?
Wife : No, i won't! Tell me.
Me : I slept with your sister
Man goes to his son and asks 'Did you tip over the outhouse'?
Son says, 'Father, I cannot tell a lie: I tipped over the outhouse into the creek'. Father says 'That's it, you're going to the woodshed for some serious a**...-whuppin!' 'But Father, George Washington told his dad the truth about chopping down the cherry tree and didn't get punished!' 'George Washington's father wasn't IN the cherry tree!'
Every hotel room was taken.
By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded. "Or just a bed--I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired traveler assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope. I shut him up in no time?"
"How'd you manage that?"
"He was already in bed, snoring away. when I came in the room," John said. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
The Last Man on Earth
I wouldn't mind being the last man on Earth. At least I'd find out if all those girls were telling the truth.
Magical Mirror
In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth — if you lie, you disappear.
One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. I think I'm the smartest woman on earth. p**...! She disappears.
The redhead goes up to try. I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth. p**...! She disappears.
The blonde goes up. I think– p**...!"
An American and an Australian are chatting in a bar.
An American and an Australian are chatting in a bar.
After both ordering their drinks, the Australian asks the American "So what is it that you do for a living?"
"Oh" the American responds. "I help my clients by representing them in court, and also advise them in other legal matters."
In a thick Australian accent, the other man replies "You're a lawyer."
And the American says "No really, it's the truth."
Son told his dad he loves the girl next door
"Son, you can't love her. She's my secret daughter with another wife."
"But dad, what about the other girl next next door?"
"Sorry, son. She's also my secret daughter with the other wife."
Son walks away with tears in his eyes after knowing the truth. Mom heard it all and approaches to him
"Honey, you can love the girls next door if you want to. You're not your dad's son anyway."
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist.
Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Grandmas don't know everything.........
Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her,
'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'
She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called s**... i**... , darling.
Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,
'Grandma, it isn't called s**... i**... . It's called Bunk Beds.
And Jimmy 's mum wants to talk to you.'
The night before the wedding
The bride-to-be and her bridesmaids were giggling over tequila and strawberry daiquiris at the bachelorette party. The maid of honor started a game of truth or dare.
"If your boyfriend were a soda, what would he be?" she slurred at the other bridesmaid.
"7-Up, because he's got seven inches and he can keep it up. What about you?"
"Mountain Dew. He knows how to mount and do me. And what about the future Mrs. Johnson? What kind of soda is Matt?"
"Jack Daniels," said the bride proudly.
"But that's not a soda! Jack Daniels is a hard liquor!" protested her friends.
The bride looked at them and said, "Girls, why do you think I'm marrying him?"
Know-it-alls think themselves a fountain of knowledge. In truth they are an oil spill of knowledge...
Unwelcome and hard to get rid of.
Why did the lead acid battery have to tell the truth?
Because if it didn't it would be Li-ion.
My dad called me a fool for taking a job at the penny factory.
But the truth is it makes a lot of cents.
Some people say that you should let sleeping dogs lie...
But I believe that all animals should tell the truth.
A little boy is hit by a bus...
...and things are not looking good. So an old lady leans over and says to the boy:
"Son you got hit pretty bad, I know it's hard to hear the truth but I'm afraid you might meet Jesus soon. Would you like to see a priest?"
To which the little boy replies:
"How can you think about s**... in a time like this?"
A doctor was visiting a patient
She asked him 'doctor am I going to die?'
Out of pity the doctor told her the truth, 'we are all dying slowly, some just faster than others.'
The patient said, 'how fast am I dying.'
The doctor leaned over and said 'you are the usain bolt of dying.'
The i**... protesting with Mexican flags, shouting "Trump is not my President" are telling the truth.
Their president is Enrique Peña Nieto.
My friends think my cat is loyal and selective with his affection, but the truth is
that I don't have any friends.
A bus carrying 53 politicians rolls off a cliff....
A farmer sees what happened and buries all the politicians.
Two hours later there are 100 reporters at the farmhouse to interview the poor fellow. One reporter asked him - did you make sure they were all dead before burying them?
The farmer replied - the truth is, some of them said they were still alive, but I know never to trust a politician!
A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven
The first thing he does is ask God, "Who really killed JFK?"
To which God replies, "It was Lee Harvey Oswald. He acted alone."
The conspiracy theorists thinks to him self for a moment then says, "This cover up of the truth goes even further than I thought!"
The Truth About The Beatles
John was the brain
Paul was the heart
George was the spirit
Ringo was the drummer
A nun was out for a walk...
...when a black van pulls up beside her. A man jumps out and drags her into the van were he proceeds to r**... her. When he's done he stands up beside her and asks:
- So what are you gonna tell your sisters when you get back?
- I will tell them the truth. That a horrible man attacked me and r**... me twice.
- Twice? the man asks.
- Yes. the nun replies. If your not in a rush of course?
A queen asked a beardless knight...
A queen asked a beardless knight, "tell me true: have you fathered any children?" "In truth, my Queen, I have not." "I believe it," she replied, "for it's known to all that one can look at the hay to see if the pitchfork's any good."
"Tell me true," asked the knight, "have you any hair between your legs?" "In truth, young knight, I have not." "I believe it," he replied, "for it's known to all that when too many walk a road, the grass stops growing."
Joseph decides it's time to tell Jesus the truth....
Since Jesus is a teenager, Joseph thinks he can handle it. He tells Jesus that he's not really his father, in a technical sense.
Jesus is incredulous. He can't believe it. He asks who his father really is.
Joseph explains to Jesus that he's the son of god. Jesus can't even comprehend this. He can only manage to stammer out "No way"
Joseph looks at him and says "Yahweh..."
There are three truths in religion:
1) Jewish people do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
3) Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.
Saw my ex-girlfriend across the street today and she didn't even look at me.
Truth is, i've changed a lot since kindergarten.
There's only three things that tell the truth in the world
Kids, Alcoholics and yoga pants.
The government has covered up the existence of monsters for centuries...
The truth is kept under Loch and key.
My barrister
You have to tell me the truth," my barrister said. "It doesn't matter to me if you're guilty or not, I just don't want to be surprised in court."
"Ok, I r**... and murdered those prostitutes." I admitted.
"Interesting, but can we get back to this shoplifting charge please?"
A little boy asks his dad, "Where does p**... come from?"
His father is taken aback by the question but decides to tell the son the truth.
"Well, son," he says, "food passes down the oesophagus, enters the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction. Then it passes through the alimentary canal before waste enters the colon, and then it finally emerges as p**...."
"Wow," says the boy. "So where does Tigger come from?"
Ole came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike.
"Vere did you get da money for da bike? Dat musta cost $500," he asked.
"It was easy, Dad," little Lars replied. "I earned it hiking."
"Come on Lars," Ole said. "Tell me da truth."
"Dat is da truth Dad!" Lars replied.
"Every night you ver gone, Sven, would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $10 bill and tell me ta take a hike.
Doctor, how long I have left?
"Doctor, please tell me the truth, how long I have left?"
"Ten"
"Ten what?"
"Nine"
Jesus and the Pharisees were having a heated debate
Pharisees:YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH
Jesus: I AM THE TRUTH
What's the difference between the Chinese Government and a Random Word Generator?
At least a random word generator sometimes tells the truth
When I passed through Nevada, all i saw were h**...'s. Then in Utah, I didnt see as many, but there were quite a few h**...'s if you looked. When I left Salt Lake City, the truth hit me like a brick when I crossed the border...
Idaho.
I really don't understand how Karen's aren't in better shape...
They're always stretching the truth and jumping to conclusions
So today my six year old daughter ask me where she came from.
Now, I've always said, when she asks, it means she's ready to hear the truth, and I will explain the truth as best I can and it's appropriate for her age.
So, I explain to my six-year-old daughter, the facts of life. To which she replies, wow my friend Debbie said she came from Oklahoma.
When I got my license I didn't have money for a car, so I robbed a bank. Anyway, as I was being dragged off to jail my mother wanted to know why I did it. So I told her the truth:
"I did it for the car, ma!"
Oldy repurposed
Trump was feeling the pressure of the office and stood before the protraits of our greatest leaders.
Looking at Washington, the Donald said:
"George, you were the first. Can you give me some advise?"
A ghostly voice replied
"Tell the truth"
Trump knew that wouldn't work, so next went to Jefferson.
" Tom, you wrote the constitution. Do you have any words for me?"
Another voice said "Be for the people"
As he had always placed himself before everyone, Trump moved on.
He stood before Lincoln and asked " Abe, you are one of the greatest. Can you advise me?"
A new voice drifted by saying
"Go to the Theater"
Tetanus isn't actually caused by rusty objects, but by bacteria in dirt, which we often associate with rusty nails and tools that can introduce the bacteria through wounds.
This is why tetanus vaccines are so important. For anti-vaxxers, that truth could be hard to s**....
Any appreciation for lockjaw puns?
A mother asks her two sons who broke her favorite vase. She told them she won't get angry if they told the truth, yet one of them lied. The first son said he played soccer in the house but broke nothing. The second son said he only broke his own doll house. Who's lying?
The mother is, we all know she will stil get angry no matter what.
The number 69
Some people think 69 is the perfect number, but the truth is that 9's tired of 6 coming first.
I was asked at my last job interview if I was a natural born citizen?
I had to tell the truth: "Nope. Cesarean!
How to loose belly fat
Little Johny walks to his mom and starts asking her about what he had seen the previous night while sneaking around the house.
Little Johny: Mommy, mommy why ware you jumping on daddy's stomach last night?
Mom: Johny you're old enough to know the truth... your dad is getting obese so I need to jump on top of him to help him loose the belly.
Little Johny: I don't think that's going to work mommy.
Mom: Why do you say that?
Little Johny: When you leave for work the neighbor comes in and blow him back up.
People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about.
It's your Vacuum Cleaner that you need to be worried about....
....it's been collecting dirt on you for years.
Not This Time
A man is blessed with four beautiful daughters but he always wanted a son. So he and his wife get to work and they try and try and finally are able to conceive a son. When the son is born, it's one ugly baby. The husband is visibly upset and suspects his wife cheated on him and decides to confront her. "We have 4 beautiful daughters and now look at our son. He is as ugly as can be. I want you to tell me the truth, did you cheat on me." His wife looks at him and says, "No my dear, not this time!"
On a weather forecast in Russia reporter said it was -50C in Yakutsk.
On a weather forecast in Russia reporter said it was -50C in Yakutsk.
A guy from Moscow says to his wife:
Guy:- They are overreacting, I'll call my cousin who lives there, and he'll tell me the truth.
He calls his cousin and asks,
Guy:- What's the weather like where you are?
Cousin:- It's around -20C I would say.
Guy:- I knew the news were lying, they said it was -50C.
Cousin:- Oh, well it might be outside.
A Knight, a Samurai, and a Viking are lost in a desert.
They see someone in the distance, and as they draw closer, they realise it's a buck n**... woman in a crusader's helmet with a samurai sword on her back.
The knight exclaims, "Look at her helm. Surely she is of my people! "
The samurai says "Nay! See the sword. She is obviously from Japan!"
The Viking shakes his head and says " No! She is in truth a Viking! Behold the beard of Thor!"
An unhappy couple are driving on a snowy night when they get into an accident.
Both of them are hospitalized soon but the wife doesn't survive. The husband is unconscious for quite some time after the accident.
When he wakes up, the doctor gently tells him the truth.
He says, "Sir, we have a bad news."
The man tenses up. He replies, "What? Is it my wife? What happened to her?"
The doctor feels sad saying this, "Yes sir, it's about your wife. She uhhh..."
The man cuts him off and say, "Wait, you said it was a bad news, right? Oh God she survived didn't she?"
Why did Superman slowly go insane?
Because he was fighting for Truth, Justice AND the American Way
A woman and her 10 year old son are driving in a taxi at night in Detroit…
It's raining hard and and all the prostitutes are huddled under an awning. The young boy asks his mom, what are those ladies doing? The mom responds, they're all waiting for their husbands to get off work.
The taxi driver is annoyed and responds, Lady, just tell your son the truth! They are prostitutes and they have s**... with random men for money! The boy asks, mom, is this true? She responds, yes son, it's true.
The boy then asks, what happens to their babies? Mom responds, they grow up to be taxi drivers!
On a weather forecast in Russia reporter said it was -50C in Yakutsk.
A guy from Moscow says to his wife, "They are overreacting, I'll call my cousin who lives there, and he'll tell me the truth."
He calls the guy and asks, "What's the weather like where you are?"
"It's around -20C I would say."
"I knew the news were lying, they said it was -50C."
"Oh, well it might be outside."
The first mate on a ship rarely drinks
The first mate on a ship rarely drinks, but the crew threw him a party on his birthday and went out of their way to get him drunk. The next morning he woke up with a hangover, and went to the bridge. He opened the ship's log and found that the captain had written, "The first mate got drunk last night". He complained to the captain saying that it was very rare. The captain defended his entry saying that it was the truth, wasn't it? The next day the captain opened the ship's log, and the first mate had written, "The captain was able to stay sober last night."
The truth about marriage
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Did you know in some other countries you don't know who your wife is until you are married?" he asks the bartender. "It's the same everywhere, son," the bartender replies.
The truth about job promotions
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Hey, congratulations on the job promotion!" the bartender says. "Thanks. But you know, success in life is kind of like being pregnant," the guy replies. "Everybody congratulates you, but nobody knows how many times you were s**...."
Little boy (6) runs into the living room dressed as a lion.
6: Look dad! I'm a lion!
Dad: Always tell the truth son.
My dad used to tell me, "son, you gotta stand up and tell the truth", but instead I sat down and told a lie.
It wasn't that I didn't want to tell the truth, I just preferred de seat.
