Trust Jokes
120 trust jokes and hilarious trust puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about trust that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some funny trust jokes? We've got you covered. Check out our selection of trust jokes that are sure to make you laugh.
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Funniest Trust Short Jokes
Short trust jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The trust humour may include short confidence jokes also.
- A good romance starts with a foundation of trust and friendship. A bad romance starts with a rah rah rah-ah-ah, roma roma-ma gaga ooh la la
- Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet. Your parents in 2017: Freedom eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.
- I told my wife I lost 10 lbs in one hour "No way. That's impossible!" she said.
"Trust me," I said, "I have no idea where our baby is." - Did you know if you drink the fluid from a magic 8 ball you can see the future. Trust me. My friend Keith did it once and he said he was going to die and then he did.
- Sony has a site where you can watch The Interview for $5.99 and I can't think of a single reason not to trust them with my credit card info.
- Elon Musk says he is going to pull tesla out of California Never trust a guy with 6 kids that says he is going to pull out
- I saw a sign at McDonald's, it said,"We do not accept bills over $20." Trust me, if I had more than $20, I wouldn't be eating at McDonald's.
- A policeman said he wanted to search my car. "You won't find any drugs," I told him.
He said, "You don't sound sure about that."
I said, "Trust me, I looked earlier." - What is the most common middle name? Its Y.
If you don't trust me, verify by asking 10 random people around you. - Never trust German butchers! They said they had the best sausages in the world
But they kept showing me their wurst.
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Trust One Liners
Which trust one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with trust? I can suggest the ones about faith and fortune.
- Why doesn't Jesus trust mankind? He's afraid he'll get double crossed
- Why can't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
- I don't trust stairs... They look like they're up to something.
- I don't trust umbrellas. They're shady.
- Why can't you trust an artist? Cuz they're sketchy, shady, and they'll frame you
- I don't trust people with graph paper They're always plotting something
- Never trust a mathematician with a graph. They're always plotting something.
- Never trust stairs, They're always up to something.
- I don't trust people who can draw... They all seem kinda sketchy.
- Don't trust people who avoid the sun. They're shady.
- Never trust anybody who has graph paper. They're always plotting something.
- I stopped going to my acupuncturist because I couldn't trust him He was a backstabber.
- You know why I don't trust gay people? Because they're never straight with me
- A doctor told me I was colorblind But I don't trust purple people
- Never trust an atom when the pressure is on, they split.
Never Trust Jokes
Here is a list of funny never trust jokes and even better never trust puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why can you never trust a car made in the Soviet Union? They keep Lenin to the left, and Stalin.
- I've never trusted lizards... right from the gecko.
- Never trust a person with 2 anuses Because they're biassed
- You can never trust a teacher who uses graph paper, they're always plotting something.
- Never ever... Never trust a midget that tells you your wife's hair smells nice.
- Why was the 89 degree angle not trusted He's never right
- Never trust a ghost when it says "i love you".. It was just the boos talking
- Never trust an acupuncturist They're all backstabbers
- "Never trust an actor with a gun" said Abraham Lincoln
- Never trust a harp. They're all lyres.
Trust Issues Jokes
Here is a list of funny trust issues jokes and even better trust issues puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I read in my girlfriend's diary...... that I have real trust issues!! What a bunch of BS...
- People say I have trust issues... I don't believe them
- I was told I had Trust Issues, I don't believe it though.
- My girlfriend has a lot of trust issues. Well, one of them does.
- I'm 99% sure I have trust issues. Though I'm not sure I trust my math.
- Why does internet explorer ask so many questions? Because it's insecure. It has trust issues.
- I have trust issues Been wearing them for 3 years now. Good as new
- Why did the shampoo have trust issues? Because the soap was a lye.
- My girlfriend has real trust issues, always paranoid. My wife on the other hand is a lot more chill.
- What ethical issues might arise regarding an experiment involving children? Children can't be trusted.
Amusing & Witty Trust Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about trust you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean secure jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make trust pranks.
My girlfriend...
... invited me to her house, I found her sister alone in the house, she was unbelievably s**..., she whispered in my ear, "i have feelings for you, shall we have s**..." , I immediately turned around and walked to the front door to go to my car, I found my girlfriend standing there, she hugged me and said: "you've won my trust"... Moral of the story: always keep your condoms in the car
5 Important Qualities to have in your women:
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who likes to be with you.
5. It's very important that these four women do not know each other.
A joke my Dad made up (says lots bout Dad): A philosopher and a nudist are at a beach resort...
The philosopher asks the nudist, "have you read marx? And the nudist replies, "why, yes! But I think it's the wicker chairs."
Czech and a Mexican
A Czechoslovakian and a Mexican go camping, while they were in the woods the Czech gets eaten by a bear. So the Mexican runs to find the park ranger and says "park ranger a bear ate my friend"
The park ranger and the Mexican find two bears, a male and a female. The park ranger asked the Mexican which ate his friend he points to the male and the ranger kills him and guts him there are no remains of the Czech man in the bear. Moral of the story never trust a Mexican when he says the Check is in the male
My girlfriend invited me to her house...
My girlfriend invited me to her house where I found her sister alone. So I sat their waiting for my girlfriend while her unbelievably s**... sister was waiting their with me. A few minutes go by, then she comes up next to me and whispers in my ear "we should have s**... before my sister comes home." I immediately got up turned around and walked to my car when I found my girlfriend standing by the door at which point she hugged me and said "you've earned my trust" Moral of the story, always keep your condoms in your car.
I don't trust Bonsai trees.
They are a little shady.
Five secrets of a perfect Relationship
1. It`s important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans and has a job.
2. It`s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It`s important to have a woman you can trust and who would never lie.
4. It`s important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes being with you.
5. It`s absolutely important that these four women never meet.
What's the definition of "trust"?
Two cannibals doing 69.
A woman visits her hypnotherapist
A weeping woman visits her hypnotherapist and laments, "Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and slept with another man... The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!"
To which the hypnotherapist replies, "Jesus Christ, not again!"
Why did no one trust the dermatologist?
He kept making rash decisions.
IT guy
John is being shown around the office by his new boss. They enter the IT department and John sees a man using two keyboards at once. "That's incredible", says John. "Trust a geek to use two keyboards at once". "Hey!" replied his boss. "That's stereotyping. "
5 advices to men for a happy life
1. You should find a woman that helps you with the cleaning and the chores,
2. You should find a woman that is a good cook,
3. You should find a woman that you can trust and share your feelings with,
4. You should find a woman that enjoys making love to you,
5. Last and the most important thing is that these 4 women should never meet.
Erections happen all the time
A man is about to get a prostate exam from his doctor. Before the doctor begins, he tells the man "I must tell you, during this type of examination, erections happen all the time. They are very common, and trust me, it's nothing to be embarrassed about."
The man seems a little uncomfortable, but the doctor continues, "Now a little less common, is you may get one too."
I don't understand why banks keep their pens chained to the counter
If I trust you with my money, then you should trust me with your pen!
My girlfriend invites me to her home, and she wasn't there, but her sister, who leaned in and said:
''We should have s**... right here, when my sister isn't here.'', I got up, and ran to my car, when my girlfriend stood there with a smile. ''I knew I could trust you!'' she said when she hugged me and kissed me passionate.
Moral of the story: Always keep condoms in the car.
Why can't you trust 8?
cause she's a two-timin' four.
I was at my GF's house hanging with her and her smoking hot younger sister
My girlfriend leaves the room leaving me alone with her sister. She's been gone for a while when her sister climbs up on top of me and says "we should have s**... right this second, any way you want it, before my sister gets back". I immediately throw her off and start walking out. My girlfriend is waiting outside the room and kisses me, saying I won her trust.
Lesson learned: always keep c**... in the car
My girlfriend invited me to her house where I found her sister alone.
So I sat there waiting for my girlfriend while her unbelievable s**... sister was sitting next to me. A few moments later she whispered to me:
"We should have s**... while my sister isn't home."
I immediately got up and turned around to head back to my car. I find my girlfriend standing by the door, she hugged me and said:
"You've just won my trust honey!"
Moral of the story: Always keep your condoms in your car.
Why wouldn't the p**... water his lawn?
He couldn't trust his hose.
Don't eat royal sausage in vietnamese noodle soup
Trust me, it's the Pho King Wurst
So far, not a single girl I've asked is interested in a fling.
I don't think they trust my human catapult.
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO LIVE HAPPY LIFE!
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, whom you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be in it with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other
Had to stop following Business Insider for the headline: "Amy Schumer's new comedy movie is shockingly awful"
I can't trust anybody who finds that shocking.
God finishes creating the man
His angel assistant asks him: "Are we done"?
God says: "Yes. Wait, actually, no. Just add another little toe to his feet."
Assistant: "Why?"
God: "For home furniture."
Assistant: "Furniture?"
God: "Trust me, it's going to be hillarious."
A jealous woman, while on a road trip with her friends, would call her husband everyday to check on him.
Her: Where are you?
Him: At home hun.
Her: Don't trust you. Can you run the food processor for me so I know you are home?
Him: Sure Hun .
Whirrrrrrrrrr
Him: There you go.
Her: Ok. Talk to you later...
This went on for a few days. She would call him and ask him to run the food processor, which he would do.
One day she called her children and asked : Where is dad?
Kid: No idea. He leaves early in the morning and comes back late in the night.
But he takes the food processor along wherever he goes.
Growing up my father told me to "only trust a man as far as you can throw him."
That's why I trust babies so much.
What's the definition of trust?
Two gay cannibals giving each other a b**...
Don't trust installation files...
They're all a setup.
Don't trust cats
I was talking to this cat who insisted he was the biggest house cat in existence.
Turns out he was lion
I CAME HOME EARLY FROM WORK ONE AFTERNOON AND FOUND MY WIFE AND BEST FRIEND HAVING i**....
I couldn't believe it.
I was in tears.
I could never trust her again.
I sent her away and told her to never return. It was over.
Still weeping, I sat on the bed next to my best friend.
I said, "bad dog".
What do you trust more than the government?
The ads on Pornhub telling me girls within 3 miles of my location want to hook up.
Why I don't trust stairs?
Because they are always up to something.
My girlfriend invited me to her house to watch Netflix.
She says Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.
Out of nowhere, her s**... sister comes in and sits by me.
She asks Do you want to have s**... before she gets back?
I got up and went straight to my car.
My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said I knew I could trust you.
Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car.
Marriage
**Before Marriage**
Boy: Ah, finally, I've waited so long.
Girl: You want me to leave?
Boy: No. I dare to not even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course. Lots!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: No! Why are you asking me?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every time I get the chance!
Girl: Will you ever hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy? Of course not!
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling?
**After Marriage**
Read it Backwards.
PSA: Don't buy shoes from your drug dealer.
Trust me. I did. I don't know what they were laced with but I was tripping all day.
Bro, you really don't want to get into a d**...-measuring contest with me. Trust me, you'll lose.
I'm really good at measuring d**....
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp with a genie willing to grant him one wish.
Man: I wish your name was "Burger King".
Genie: Wait, what? Why?
Man: It's for a joke, trust me.
Genie: You'd waste a wish, something with the power to change the cosmos itself, for a joke?
Man: Yes.
Burger King: Have it your way.
Did you hear about the Ninja that couldn't trust anyone?
He always had a sneaking suspicion.
An anti-vaxxer got a call from the Doctor.
The doctor said "Your test results are in and I'm afraid it's not good news."
"Nonsense," replied the anti-vaxxer. "I don't trust your pharmaceutical industry. My entire life I relied on homeopathic remedies instead of medication, and the only diagnosis I accept is based on my horoscope."
"Fair enough, in that case tell me your star -sign." said the doctor.
The anti-vaxxer replied "My star sign is Cancer."
The doctor said "Well what a d**... coincidence..."
People say the first year of marriage is the hardest
Trust me, the last year is way, way harder.
A good romance starts with a foundation of trust, friendship and mutual respect
A bad romance starts with rah rah-ah-ah-ah roma roma-ma gaga ooh-la-la.
A knight was about to ride off into battle.
Afraid that his wife would be unfaithful, he fitted her with a chastity belt. He gave the key to his best friend, telling him that he was the only person he could trust.
The knight rode off, and an hour later he heard the sound of galloping hoofbeats behind him. His friend rode up next to him.
"I'm glad I caught you," said the friend. "You gave me the wrong key."
Gabriel ask god have about his latest creation
what is this?
"its human"
what is that 2 round thing?
"it's called eyes, so they can see my other creations"
and this thing?
"it's called hands, so they can create things just like i did"
and this?
"it's toe, for the furniture"
what furniture?
"trust me, it will be hilarious"
I don't usually trust trees.
Some of them can be pretty shady.
"Drive that thing like you stole it!"
One Friday night, when I was a teenager getting ready to go out, my Dad handed me the car keys and said, "Have fun, son. And remember. Drive that thing like you stole it!"
Upset, my Mom immediately asked why he would say such a reckless thing to his teenager.
To which my Dad replied, "Trust me, Sweetie. If he stole a car, he'd be driving the speed limit, using his turn signals, stopping at red lights, and heading home as soon as possible to avoid the attention of the cops."
One thing I have learnt this year is to never trust acupuncturists
They'll stab you in the back the first chance they get
Trust an overthinker when they tell you they love you.
They've already thought of every reason to not love you.
A woman walks into a tattoo shop...
After her session, she lifts her shirt.
Woman: "I trust these will cover it?"
Artist: "Wh-what are you doing?"
Woman: "I'm paying you."
Artist: "I'm confused."
Woman: "You know? t**... for tat."