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Trumpet Jokes

78 trumpet jokes and hilarious trumpet puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about trumpet that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a laugh? Check out this collection of hilarious jokes about trumpet players, bad trumpet playing, trombones, accordions, and lyres! Find out why these instruments are the butt of so many jokes.

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Funniest Trumpet Short Jokes

Short trumpet jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The trumpet humour may include short trombone jokes also.

  1. And verily, John said to the Lord, The world shall end with Trumpets? God: No, I meant Trump/Pence.
    John: Trumpets, got it.
    God: No... ah, forget it.
  2. If I were a trumpet player I would constantly borrow other people's trumpets. I'd hate to toot my own horn
  3. What would be the most useless superpower? How about the ability to go invisible, but it only works while you're playing a trumpet.
  4. What's worse than your neighbor playing the trumpet at 4 am? Him not quite knowing how to play the trumpet at 4 am
  5. I taught my pet dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground today He went from Barking to Tooting in about 15 minutes
  6. I saw a man on the London Underground, teaching his dog to play the trumpet. He went from Barking to Tooting
  7. Heard this one from my trumpet playing band director Does anyone know the Trumpeteer handshake?
    "Hi, I'm better than you"
  8. *cop pulls me over* COP: please blow into this, sir
    ME: *plays trumpet perfectly*
    COP: okay you're definitely sober and way cool
  9. A marching band passed by this morning, shouting "Make America Great Again!" Must be some Donald Trumpeters.
  10. The transcriber of the book of Revelations misheard the Angel Gabriel The world isn't going to end with trumpets.
    It's going to end with Trump/Pence.

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Trumpet One Liners

Which trumpet one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with trumpet? I can suggest the ones about car horn and whistle.

  1. What is Vladimir Putin's favorite instrument to play? A Trumpet!
  2. What do you call a woman of the night playing a trumpet? A prosti-toot
  3. What Do You Call An Arrogant Trumpet Player? A Brass-Hole
  4. What do you call a cheap trumpet? A frugal horn
  5. What is the loudest kind of pet? A trumpet
  6. What do you do with a rubber trumpet? Join an elastic band.
  7. What's the instrument of oppression? the Trumpet
  8. Q: Which pet makes the most noise?
    A: A trumpet.
  9. What do u call it when a trumpet farts? A toot !
  10. Which musical instrument does Vladimir Putin know how to play best? The TRUMPet!
  11. If the President had a dog Would it be a Trumpet?
  12. What instrument do Mexicans hate? The TRUMPet.
  13. What do you call a self-absorbed trumpet player? Brasshole
  14. What did the Scotsman do to the trumpet plant? He rooted it oot.
  15. Why did the politician join the orchestra? He wanted to play the trumpet.

Trumpet Player Jokes

Here is a list of funny trumpet player jokes and even better trumpet player puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
  • How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb? 13, 1 to actually do it and the other 12 talk about how much better they could have done it.
  • What do you call it when a professional trumpet player calls in sick because he has too much iron in his blood? Ferrous bugler's day off
  • How many trumpet players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 10; 1 to do it, and 9 to stand around and say how much better of a job they could have done.
  • How Do You Kill a Trumpet Player? You shove then off their ego!
  • What do m**... and being a bad trumpet player have in common? Blow your horn in private, no one wants to see you rehearsing in a public park.
  • Did you hear about the Iraqi s**...'ite Trumpet player who quit the Baghdad Big Band today? On a gig last night the band leader called the first number - "On the Sunni side of the street."
  • How is a pirate like a trumpet player? They both m**... on the high C's.

Bad Trumpet Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad trumpet jokes and even better bad trumpet puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If you s**... at playing the trumpet... ...that's probably why.
    My neighbor who had horrible jokes passed away this week. This was one of his favorites. Enjoy a good (bad) pun in his memory.
Trumpet joke, If you s**... at playing the trumpet...

Trumpet joke, If you s**... at playing the trumpet...

Share Hilarious Trumpet Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about trumpet you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flute jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make trumpet pranks.

Heaven Between Legs

A nun went to her Mother Superior and asked her to hear a confession.
"Mother, today I experienced the pleasures of the flesh. Father Saunders came to me and told me I had the gates to Heaven between my legs. He then told me he had the key to Heaven and put it in the gates."
"Why that lying ba***rd !" the Mother Superior screamed. "For years he has told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and I've been blowing it!"

I'd say I'm quite good at s**...

...but I'm not able to blow my own trumpet

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus that can play any instrument in the world. Everyone laughs, so he says he'll bet $50. A guy walks up with a guitar and sits it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, so the man pays his $50. Another guy walks up with a trumpet, and the octopus plays it better than Dizzy Gillespie. So the man pays his $50. A third guy walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sets it down with a confused look. "Ha!" the man says, "Can't you play it?" The octopus looks up at the man and says, "Play it? I'm going to screw it as soon as I get its pajamas off."

Trumpets and Guns

In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.
One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?"
"What do you mean strange?"
"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"
"So?"
"Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?"
"It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."

My downstairs neighbor was yelling and b**... on the ceiling until 3 AM

Did that bother you?
Not much. I was up til about the same time practicing my trumpet.

Middle of the night...

Middle of the night asking a guest at a party after the time. The host says: "My watches are unfortunately broken, but we did the same!" He opens the window, brings his trumpet and begins to play. As a neighbor opens his window and yells: "Are you mad? It is at half past two! "

Music Jokes!

Jake: What did the Clarinet say to the naughty Trumpet?
Sean: What?
Jake: Why are you always in treble?

Why are trumpets more expensive than clarinets?

Brass tax

What is the most racist (and ignorant) musical instrument?

The Trumpet.

What does a German use to polish his trumpet?

Toot tonic

If your job is to play a type of trumpet on a large rotating wheel and you finally take a day off...

Is it ferris bugler's day off?

I don't like to blow my own trumpet.

Which is probably why I got removed from the school orchestra.

There were two friends drinking and one says to the other

I have a trumpet that tells the hour.
"The hour?" the friend asks.
Yes, yes look.... he grabs the trumpet and opens the window and starts to play it like crazy when all of a sudden you can hear...
"You $#@% it's 3 in the morning"

Why did the Trumpeter get in trouble?

He got caught tooting his own horn.

Trump was asked what his favorite musical instrument is, and said "Trumpet."

He was asked what his favorite topic is, and said "Tropics."
He was asked what his favorite multiplier is, said "Triple."
He was asked what he favorite reason is, said "Treaso-...shut up."

What do. A trumpet and a pirate have in common?

They both commit m**... on the high C(sea)

If you s**... at the trumpet

maybe that's why.

The new tenants

Landlord: How are the new tenants above you.
Renter: They are ok. But it sounds like they are bang on the floor every night at 1 in the morning.
Landlord: That is outrageous. I will talk to them at once.
Renter: No. It is really not that big of a deal. I am usually up then practising my trumpet.

I can't play the trumpet...

...I s**....

What did the trumpeter do when he was constipated?

He rooted-it-oot.
(Works best to say it out loud)

If you s**... at playing the trumpet,

That's probably why.

How did the jewish ram's-horn trumpet get it's name?

Because you can hear it from shofar away.

Which is the President's favorite musical instrument?

The Trumpet.

What did the Scottish woman do when she found a trumpet buried in her garden?

She had to root-e-toot

I want the trumpets from Uptown Funk to play in the background wherever I go.

Don't believe me? Just watch.

Satchmo: "My trumpet is very handy. It tells me what time it is." Sanborn: "Seriously?" Satchmo launches into a jazzy riff.

Immediately, the occupant of the apartment next door bangs on the wall and hollers, "Hey, pipe down! Don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning?"

Coffee Shop

I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to pass gas.
The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my b**... trumpet to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.
I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod with earbuds.

Trumpets and Guns

In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.
One day his neighbr pays him a visit and says, ‟So how is your strange business going?
‟What do you mean strange?
‟Because you sell only trumpets and guns!
‟So?
‟Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?
‟It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun.

Trumpet joke, What do u call it when a trumpet farts?

jokes about trumpet