trump Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious trump stories

What are the best Trump puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Trump? Well here is a complete list of Trump dad jokes:

Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the gays, make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....

Like he's a Muslim or something.

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"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"

"Mister President, we've been over this..."

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What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

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Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.

One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.

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Trump should not have said "shit-hole countries".

The correct term is "turd-world countries".

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Why will the congress never impeach Trump?

Because the republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.

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Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump.

But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.

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Don't Read If You're A Trump Supporter

A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?

The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.

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Why will congress never impeach Trump?

Republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.

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Donald Trump was asked what the J in Donald J Trump stood for

He said 'Genius'

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Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump.

But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.

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Why won't the Republicans impeach Trump?

Because they insist on carrying a baby to full term

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Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump...

But that's comparing apples to oranges.

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What do you call a stolen Tesla?

An Edison.

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How do you get Trump to change a lightbulb?

Tell him Obama put it in

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When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan

But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution

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How do you get Donald Trump to change a lightbulb?

You tell him Barack Obama installed it.

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The problem with Trump jokes:

Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.

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What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common?

I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.

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Trump is blaming Sanders for the violence at his rally...

because you can't truly be Hitler until you blame a jew for all your problems.

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My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties

It didn't help that she was still wearing them.

Or that his whole family was there.

That made the rest of his sister's funeral kind of awkward.

And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child more awkward than it already was..

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The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters

So Trump can't tweet it

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Donald Trump - "I'm not orange!"

"Impeach."

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Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000.

That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.

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If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives?

America.

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What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common?

They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.

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Donald Trump just turned 73

which makes him the first President whose age surpassed his IQ.

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Boris Johnson, Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron at NATO meeting joking about Trump:

Macron: Is that why he was late?

Trudeau: He was late because he takes a 40-minute press conference off the top !

Trudeau: Oh, yeah, yeah yeah. He announced ...

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Pamela Karlan during Impeachment Hearing:

The Constitution says there can be no titles of nobility, so while the president Trump can name his son Barron, he can’t make him a baron.

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What's the Difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea?

Donald Trump wouldn't pay $50 to have a Garbanzo Bean on his Face!

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Why does Donald Trump hate the new Canadian government?

Because it's a minority.

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President Trump just compared impeachment to being lynched.

If you are expecting an apology he will leave you hanging.

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What do Trump and a maxed out credit card have in common?

They both deny all charges.

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Why is Trump known as a 'horse whisperer'?

He's a ***stable*** genius.

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Someone should tell trump and his fellow Republicans that the constitution isn't a bible

You can't pick and choose which parts you want to obey.

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The orchestra's new trumpet player

A local orchestra's trumpet player just died of old age. They start auditions so they can find a new one.

The judges call in the first candidate. He walks in wearing a beautifully tailored dark tuxedo. He pulls out an incredibly expensive trumpet. His trumpet case is lined with red velvet. He brings the gold plated instrument up to his mouth and starts playing.

And wow, he's terrible. The judges cringe as he clumsily stumbles through a few messy runs. Nearly everything he plays is hideously out of tune. They send him away and bring in the next candidate.

This guy looks exactly opposite from the other guy. His hair is messy. He hasn't showered in weeks. His beard has food particles in it. He opens a crumpled brown paper bag and pulls out a rusty trumpet. He shakily puts the instrument to his lips and starts playing.

And man, *he was worse.*

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Alabama has the highest approval rating for Trump in the country.

They also have a law banning the sale of vibrators.


Apparently they can only support one dildo at a time.

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I Brought a Trump Pinata to Birthday Party, But No One Appreciated It Very Much

Turned out to be filled with crap

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At a Whitehouse party for past presidents.

Michelle Obama caught Barron Trump making faces at Sasha.
Michelle walked over to reprimand the child and said, "Barron, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Baron looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Obama, you can't say you weren't warned."

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A property developer and a building contractor are standing on a construction site...

It's getting late and the developer wants the contractor to stay and finish the work. The discussion starts getting a little heated. The contractor says, "You know, when I was working for Donald Trump, he would put $10 000 on the table as a bonus and we would work through the night and get the job done. Why don't you do that?" The developer glances across the construction site and says, "Well, we don't have a table".

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Donald Trump Takes Formal Steps Toward A 2016 Presidential Run

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Donald trump running for president

Is the best thing to happen to comedy in 15 years.

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Haitians don't need an apology from Trump

They need a lock of his hair.

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What did Donald Trump say to one of his
employees when they said he should upgrade from
windows xp to vista?

"No"

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The Pope and Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Mr. Trump and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"

Trump replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!"

So the Pope slapped him

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President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road

President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.

"What happened to you?" asked Trump

"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.

The driver replies, "I'm president Donald Trump's driver, and I just killed the pig."

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Trump and Obama getting haircut is same barbershop

Donald Trump and Barack Obama end up in the same barbershop As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn into politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. Trump was quick to stop him saying "No way buddy, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a damn whorehouse." The second barber turned to Obama and said "How about you?" Obama replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.

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President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road

President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.

"What happened to you?" asked Trump

"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.

The driver replies, "I'm president Donald Trump's driver, and I just killed the pig."

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Trump is visiting a class in an elementary school where they are talking about words and meanings

The teacher asks Trump if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word tragedy .

So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers, if my best friend who lives on a farm is playing in a field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that'd be a tragedy.

Not quite , says Mr. Trump, that would be an accident.

A little girl raises her hand: if a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.

I'm afraid not, explained the president. That's what we would call a great loss.

The room goes silent. Trump searches the room. Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?

Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, If Air Force One, carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens; that would be a tragedy.

Fantastic! exclaimed Mr. Trump. That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?

Well', said little Johnny, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and probably wouldn't be an accident either.

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What did Pete Buttigieg do to Trump after the election?

Creamed his ass!

But lost the election.

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best trump jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about trump. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty trump gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these trump jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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