Cheeky Trump Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the g**..., make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....
Like he's a Muslim or something.
"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"
"Mister President, we've been over this..."
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?
One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.
Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.
One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.
Trump should not have said "s**...-hole countries".
The correct term is "t**...-world countries".
Why will the congress never impeach Trump?
Because the republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.
Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump.
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you s**...? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you r**...?
The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.
Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump.
But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.
When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan
But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution
The problem with Trump jokes:
Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.
You can explore trump gop reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean trump nomination dad jokes. There are also trump puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common?
I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.
My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's p**...
It didn't help that she was still wearing them.
Or that his whole family was there.
That made the rest of his sister's f**... kind of awkward.
And who thought you could make the f**... for such a small child more awkward than it already was..
Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000.
That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common?
They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.
Boris Johnson, Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron at NATO meeting joking about Trump:
Macron: Is that why he was late?
Trudeau: He was late because he takes a 40-minute press conference off the top !
Trudeau: Oh, yeah, yeah yeah. He announced ...
Minorities have the race card, women have the gender card, homosexuals have the gay card, but what do discriminatory white men have?
The Trump card.
Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?
Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
Donald Trump is the next President but...
The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.
2 Trump Supporters go to heaven
St. Peter greets them at the Pearly gates and asks if there is anything in the universe they'd like to know before meeting God. The fist guy asks, "What was really in Hillary's emails?"
"Nothing incriminating really", replies St. Peter.
The other guy turns and whispers, "Wow, this goes higher than we thought."
A conversation with god about Trump
John (while writing Revelations): "So Lord, the end will be signaled by trumpets?"
God: "No... I said Trump/Pence."
John: Yeah, trumpets.
God: "Never mind. They'll know."
Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.
He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
Trump 20:16
Not everything Donald Trump says is s**....
The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!
People compare Trump and h**... all the time, but there is one major difference.
h**... was good at making speeches
The trump family is flying from New York to DC
Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
A lone s**... was just about to assassinate Donald Trump.
Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"
Trump: The less immigrants that come in, the better
Pence: The fewer
Trump: I told you not to call me that yet
Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks "When am I going to die?"
The fortune teller replies: "you will die on a major Mexican holiday."
Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"
The fortune teller replies: "ANY day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"
Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation.
I did and we do.
Minorities play the race card. Women play the gender card. Homosexuals play the gay card. What's left for straight white men?
The Trump card.
The only person Trump ever hired who was actually qualified to do their job was Stormy Daniels
Now you know who the best people are
4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.
The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.
The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.
Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."
Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump...
But that's comparing apples to oranges.
Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.
Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:
370HSSV - 0773H
Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI
No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its meaning, FBI finally asked MSS (Ministry of State Security in China for help.
Within a few seconds MSS cabled back with this reply:
"Tell The President he's holding the message upside down."
What is the difference between Washington, Nixon and Trump?
George Washington couldn't tell a lie.
Richard Nixon couldn't tell the truth.
Donald Trump can't tell the difference
If Trump really wanted Hillary to be locked up...
He should have just hired her!
Trump and Biden are trapped on island. Who survives?
America
If Biden is elected, I'm leaving the country
If Trump is reelected, I'm leaving the country.
This is not a political post. I just want to travel.
If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly c**..., who would survive?
The United States of America.
All those people claiming Donald Trump is like h**... need a reality check.
After all, its not like Donald Trump could write a book.
You have to give President Trump credit
Because he definitely doesn't have any cash.
Trump tests positive for COVID-19.
He finally passed a test without cheating, good for him.
Trump might finally get what he wants the most
He might get to be president for the rest of his life.
I have a joke about the exceptional healthcare and medicine Trump took to recover from COVID.
But, no one else would get it.
Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has p**... Trump s**... in the fresh snow.
Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says Mr President, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we've done a dna test on the u**..., and found the culprit. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. That traitor , shouts Trump. I'll have him hanged! Now, what did you say was the bad news? Well , says the SS chief, turns out it's Melania's handwriting .
Did you hear about that group where only Trump supporters are allowed?
Everyone else is forbiden
If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States
If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States
This is not a political post, I just want to travel
Trump still has a chance at 270
All he has to do is lose 50lbs.
If this year has taught us anything, it's that Donald Trump is a regular American citizen
He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job
Breaking: Donald Trump has just won another state.
Denial.
Trumpty Dumpty
Trumpty Dumpty promised a wall
Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the golf courses and all the white men
Couldn't Make America Great Again
Why did Trump play golf after the election ?
Because that's where the winner has the lowest score.
There's a term for guys like Donald Trump.
But apparently not 2 terms.
What did Trump say to Biden in the hallway of the white house?
Pardon me, please.
two h**... trump supporters die and ascend to heaven.
God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions.
One of them says, yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud? .
God says, "my son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232 .
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the o**... turns to the other and whispers, This goes higher up than we thought .
Trump has done in 4 years what 80% of presidents fail to do in 8 years
Lose an election.
Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven
God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?
God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the o**... turns to the other and whispers, This goes higher up than we thought.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a bird?
A bird can still tweet.
A man goes to the white house and asks to talk to president Trump.
A guard tells him that Trump is no longer president. The man then leaves.
The man comes back the next day and again asks to speak to president Trump. The guard says "like I already told you he is no longer president".
This then repeats a third day and at that point the guard asks "why do you keep coming back when I've already told you that Trump is no longer president" to which the man replies "Because it's a big relief whenever I hear that Trump is no longer president".
Pope Francis, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, and a little boy are crossing the Atlantic on an airplane when the engines fail.
They find three parachutes.
Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane saying, The world needs a great person like me!
Joe Biden grabs a parachute and says, I need to help make choices for our world , so he jumps off the plane.
At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane.
The Pope says to the boy, take the last parachute, I am too old and I'm going to die soon one day.
Actually there are two left. Donald Trump took my backpack.
What has 80 feet, 137 teeth and $72 in cash?
The front row of a Trump rally
A plane carrying Donald Trump made an emergency landing in New Orleans after alleged engine failure over the Gulf of Mexico.
Turns out there was just a loud whine coming from the right wing.
Donald Trump was walking through Manhattan and saw a long queue. Wondering what is was for, he joined it.
People would look over their shoulder, see that is was Donald Trump behind them, and leave the queue, so he would proceed closer and closer to the front.
As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked o**..., who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this queue for and why are you now leaving it?"
The man said "This is the queue for Canadian Immigration Visas, but if you are getting one, I don't need one now."
What does a Trump supporter use to load his/her AR-15?
A MAGAzine.
How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Trump says it's changed and his supporters all cheer in the dark.
What do Donald Trump, Pink Floyd, and Dale Earnhardt Sr have in common?
Their biggest hits were all "The Wall"
Selling brains for charity
Obama and Trump are asked to sell their brains for charity.
Obama offers his brains for $100,000.
"Why so much?", someone asks.
"Well", Obama says, "I studied Law at Harvard. My brains are extremely well developed".
Trump offers his brains for $10,000,000.
"That's a lot!", someone exclaims.
"Let me tell you something", says Trump, "My brains are fantastic. They are great. They are the best brains, it's true. I have a great relationship with my brains. They are good brains, and very pretty too! I guarantee you, they are impeccable, brand new, never used."
Apparently loads of people turned away from voting for Trump coz he wanted to ban shredded cheese
He wanted to Make America Grate again.
Trump is going to make soon a major announcement
Meet us again at Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot
Hey man, you hear about trump running again?
Yeah, apparently they haven't caught him yet
Inspired by Obama, Trump will soon be releasing his favorite books of 2022
along with the crayons that go with them.
Who would win in a street fight between Joe Biden and Donald Trump?
Everyone watching
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but never uses. Donald Trump has one and uses it. What is it?
A surname/last name
