Following is our collection of Trump funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include dirty puns, clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.
Like he's a Muslim or something.
"Mister President, we've been over this..."
One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.
One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.
The correct term is "turd-world countries".
Because the republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?
The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.
But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.
But that's comparing apples to oranges.
But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution
Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.
I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.
It didn't help that she was still wearing them.
Or that his whole family was there.
That made the rest of his sister's funeral kind of awkward.
And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child more awkward than it already was..
Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:
370HSSV - 0773H
Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI
No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its meaning, FBI finally asked MSS (Ministry of State Security in China for help.
Within a few seconds MSS cabled back with this reply:
"Tell The President he's holding the message upside down."
That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.
Now you know who the best people are
The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!
The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.
Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.
The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.
Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."
He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
Trump 20:16
John (while writing Revelations): "So Lord, the end will be signaled by trumpets?"
God: "No... I said Trump/Pence."
John: Yeah, trumpets.
God: "Never mind. They'll know."
Macron: Is that why he was late?
Trudeau: He was late because he takes a 40-minute press conference off the top !
Trudeau: Oh, yeah, yeah yeah. He announced ...
I did and we do.
Hitler was good at making speeches
St. Peter greets them at the Pearly gates and asks if there is anything in the universe they'd like to know before meeting God. The fist guy asks, "What was really in Hillary's emails?"
"Nothing incriminating really", replies St. Peter.
The other guy turns and whispers, "Wow, this goes higher than we thought."
Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
The Trump card.
Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"
The fortune teller replies: "you will die on a major Mexican holiday."
Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"
The fortune teller replies: "ANY day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"
Pence: The fewer
Trump: I told you not to call me that yet
The Trump card.
Democrats: He's guilty
Trump: I'm guilty
Republicans: We may never get to the bottom of this
Not a political post, I just love to travel
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest
Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes
Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes
Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic
Until Bush did 9:11
In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.
One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?"
"What do you mean strange?"
"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"
"So?"
"Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?"
"It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."
That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.
Apparently it's against the rules to make personal attacks on someone even after they've been dead for over 70 years.
They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November.
and is hanged by the neck until dead.
At Trump Tower, his family watches CNN, which is covering his death live, all of them mournful and teary before Donald himself walks in triumphantly.
"But Donald, CNN says you were killed!" Ivanka cried.
"Nope!" Donnie beamed, holding up the rope that was used to hang him, "fake noose."
In the left side, there's nothing right.
In the right side, there's nothing left.
Nobody knows what may happen.
Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.
It's been years since he managed to erect anything
After all, Trump may trump May, or May may trump Trump
Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6
This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water.
>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.**
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.**
**It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!**
**Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!**
**By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"**
**His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."**
Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."
They are both orange, round and should be thrown out in early November.
The White House seems to always be hiring.
What type of sandwich would you make?
...is that I would also date Ivanka if she wasn't his daughter.
Because orange is the new black.
If you want us to impeach Trump, just give us a sign. Like blot out the sun. Anytime in the next week.
Thanks,
America.
Look, we can change the lightbulb. That I will tell you. We're changing it, ok? And I understand what you're saying, I hear it all the time. People call me and say "Is the lightbulb really dead?". Thats what they are asking me, its unbelievable. The lightbulb is in big trouble, that I can tell you. But we are going to change it.
It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for
and Trump can not tell the difference
As an idiot myself, it's very offensive that people think he's one of us.
Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a president under constant federal investigation from day one.
Turned out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I have been stuck for years with a president under federal investigation from day one.
You realize you're a healthy young man
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.