trump Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious trump puns

Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the gays, make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....

Like he's a Muslim or something.

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"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"

"Mister President, we've been over this..."

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What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

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Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.

One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.

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Trump should not have said "shit-hole countries".

The correct term is "turd-world countries".

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Why will the congress never impeach Trump?

Because the republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.

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Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump.

But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.

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Don't Read If You're A Trump Supporter

A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?

The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.

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Why will congress never impeach Trump?

Republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.

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Donald Trump was asked what the J in Donald J Trump stood for

He said 'Genius'

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President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road

President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.

"What happened to you?" asked Trump

"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.

The driver replies, "I'm president Donald Trump's driver, and I just killed the pig."

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Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump.

But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.

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Why won't the Republicans impeach Trump?

Because they insist on carrying a baby to full term

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Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump...

But that's comparing apples to oranges.

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Tesla Edison Joke

What do you call a stolen Tesla?

An Edison.

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How do you get Trump to change a lightbulb?

Tell him Obama put it in

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The Pope and Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Mr. Trump and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"

Trump replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!"

So the Pope slapped him

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When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan

But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution

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How do you get Donald Trump to change a lightbulb?

You tell him Barack Obama installed it.

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The problem with Trump jokes:

Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.

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What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common?

I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.

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Trump is visiting a class in an elementary school where they are talking about words and meanings

The teacher asks Trump if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word tragedy .

So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers, if my best friend who lives on a farm is playing in a field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that'd be a tragedy.

Not quite , says Mr. Trump, that would be an accident.

A little girl raises her hand: if a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.

I'm afraid not, explained the president. That's what we would call a great loss.

The room goes silent. Trump searches the room. Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?

Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, If Air Force One, carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens; that would be a tragedy.

Fantastic! exclaimed Mr. Trump. That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?

Well', said little Johnny, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and probably wouldn't be an accident either.

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So Barack Obama and Donald Trump somehow ended up at the same barber shop...

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama ?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."

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Trump is blaming Sanders for the violence at his rally...

because you can't truly be Hitler until you blame a jew for all your problems.

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My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties

It didn't help that she was still wearing them.

Or that his whole family was there.

That made the rest of his sister's funeral kind of awkward.

And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child more awkward than it already was..

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What is the best Donald Trump joke you've heard?

Don't know if this one is in here yet, but here goes:

Trump is visiting a class in an elementary school where they are talking about words and meanings. The teacher asks Trump if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word tragedy . (No, not the punch line yet)

So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers, if my best friend who lives on a farm is playing in a field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that'd be a tragedy.

Not quite , says Mr. Trump, that would be an accident.

A little girl raises her hand: if a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.

I'm afraid not, explained the president. That's what we would call a great loss.

The room goes silent. Trump searches the room. Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?

Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, If Air Force One, carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens; that would be a tragedy.

Fantastic! exclaimed Mr. Trump. That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?

Well', said little Johnny, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and probably wouldn't be an accident either.

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The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters

So Trump can't tweet it

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Donald Trump - "I'm not orange!"

"Impeach."

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Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000.

That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.

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If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives?

America.

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What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common?

They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.

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Donald Trump, Vladimr Putin and Angela Merkel take a walk on the Beach.

Seeing the great body of water, Mr Trump felt the need to reassure the two others of his country's militaristic superiority.

"Folks, I can tell you, our Navy submarines, are so big and so good, would you believe it, they can remain submerged from the moment they leave the port, to the day they enter it again 6 months later. You haven't ever seen such great submarines in your entire life, folks."

Putin, not looking really impressed, answers:

"That's great, Donald. But my new nuclear submarines can stay submerged for almost an entire year. They are able to drive around the whole world without refueling, restocking, surfacing. What do you think of that?"

The two turn to Angela Merkel, and ask, "How long can the German submarines stay under, Mrs Merkel?"

Before Mrs Merkel can answer, the water next to them starts bubbling, and a big grey hull emerges from the sea. As soon as it comes to rest, the hatch on the tower creaks open, and a man in black uniform steps out. He raises his hand, and shouts, "Heil Hitler, we need more diesel."

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Donald Trump was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word tragedy . So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a tragedy .

One little boy stood up and offered: If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.

No, said Trump, that would be an accident

A little girl raised her hand: If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.

I'm afraid not, explained the president. That's what we would call great loss.

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Trump searched the room. Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?

Finally at the back of the room a small boy raised his hand...

In a quiet voice he said: If 'Air Force One' was carrying you and was struck by a friendly fire missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.

Fantastic! exclaimed Trump. That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?

Well, said the boy, It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be a fucking accident either .

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If Donald Trump becomes President I'm going to Mexico.

Not by choice though.

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If Trump played DnD, what weapon would he use?

Fire staff

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Donald Trump is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.

A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts "Mickey Mouse!" This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.

Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, "What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?"

Blushing, the agent replies, "I got nervous. I meant to shout "Donald, duck!"

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There's a term for Presidents like Trump.

Probably not two terms, though...

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What do Donald Trump and his father have in common?

They both have shitty judgment when it comes to pulling out.

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I don't normally see eye to eye with most Trump supporters, but if there's one thing we do agree on...

It's that the president of Puerto Rico is the dumbest son of a bitch to ever hold public office.

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Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid.

The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!

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Why does Trump take Xanax?

For Hispanic attacks

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Hitler died in 1945, Donald Trump was born in 1946...

Coincidence? No.

Mystery? Maybe.

Hotel? Trivago.

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Bush, Trump, and Hillary are all on a plane...

Bush says, "I could throw this 100$ bill out the window and make someone happy". Trump, with a smug look on his face replies and says, "I could throw ten 10$ bills out the window and make 10 people happy". Hillary smirks and says "oh yeah, I could throw one hundred 1$ bills out the window and make 100 people happy". Then the pilot says to the co-pilot, "I could throw all 3 of these fucking idiots out the window and make millions of people happy".

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Donald Trump just turned 73

which makes him the first President whose age surpassed his IQ.

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It's going to be easy for Trump to build that wall...

... everyone's shitting bricks everywhere

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What is the difference between Russia and reality?

Trump had connections with Russia.

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Did you hear about the mime that hung himself at the Trump rally?

He's fine -- fake noose.

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What did Hillary tell Trump after the results came in?

"Thank you. I haven't been fucked like this since 1998"

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Donald Trump is the next President but...

The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.

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The trump family is flying from New York to DC

Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

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So Donald Trump walks into a bar...

and lowers it

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Trump wakes up, goes to the garden and starts picking up random rocks...

He picks a rock, carefuly examines it from from all sides, carefully puts it back and then goes to find another one. After this has been going on for a couple of days, his cabinet starts to get nervous, so Pence calls Putin to see if he can help them.

"Hey Vlad! It's Mike. Listen, we have a little problem..."

He describes the situation and Putin promises to look into it. After a few minutes Putin calls back.

"He should be fine now. It was our fault, sorry. We accidetnally sent him instructions meant for our lunar lander."

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Why can't Donald Trump be hung for treason?

Fake Noose

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Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.

He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."

Trump 20:16

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A conversation with god about Trump

John (while writing Revelations): "So Lord, the end will be signaled by trumpets?"

God: "No... I said Trump/Pence."

John: Yeah, trumpets.

God: "Never mind. They'll know."ο»Ώ

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Boris Johnson, Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron at NATO meeting joking about Trump:

Macron: Is that why he was late?

Trudeau: He was late because he takes a 40-minute press conference off the top !

Trudeau: Oh, yeah, yeah yeah. He announced ...

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Donald Trump is not a rapist.

He's an "alternative romantic."

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Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation.

I did and we do.

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People keep grouping all Trump supporters with these Nazi movements recently, which I disagree with and think is quite silly.

After all, the Russians fought *against* the Nazis.

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The problem with Trump jokes

Republicans don't think they are funny, and Democrats don't think they are jokes.

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North Korea has a new war game

The North Korean state media just announced today that in the event of possible war all citizens are ordered to follow Donald Trump on Twitter, as there's no way in hell he would risk losing 42 million followers

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People compare Trump and hitler all the time, but there is one major difference.

Hitler was good at making speeches

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2 Trump Supporters go to heaven

St. Peter greets them at the Pearly gates and asks if there is anything in the universe they'd like to know before meeting God. The fist guy asks, "What was really in Hillary's emails?"
"Nothing incriminating really", replies St. Peter.
The other guy turns and whispers, "Wow, this goes higher than we thought."

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Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.

He wants to make America grate again.

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Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?

Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

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Minorities play the race card. Women play the gender card. Homosexuals play the gay card. What's left for straight white men?

The Trump card.

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I'm sick of people comparing Trump to Hitler.

Hitler wrote his own book.

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If Donald Trump and Mike Pence were on a stranded island, who would survive?

The United States of America

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If Donald Trump wants to destroy North Korea...

Perhaps he should move there and become their leader.

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A lone sniper was just about to assassinate Donald Trump.

Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"

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If I had a penny for every Trump joke being made right now

I would have a small loan of a million dollars

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Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks "When am I going to die?"

The fortune teller replies: "you will die on a major Mexican holiday."

Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"

The fortune teller replies: "ANY day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"

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Trump: The less immigrants that come in, the better

Pence: The fewer


Trump: I told you not to call me that yet

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Minorities have the race card, women have the gender card, homosexuals have the gay card, but what do discriminatory white men have?

The Trump card.

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Comey: He's guilty

Democrats: He's guilty

Trump: I'm guilty

Republicans: We may never get to the bottom of this

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If Trump wins Im leaving the country if Clinton wins Im leaving the country

Not a political post, I just love to travel

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Why don't Melania and Donald Trump sleep in the same bed?

She was tired of Putin's snoring.

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Why does Donald Trump take Xanax?

For Hispanic attacks.

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Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest


Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes

Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes


Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic

Until Bush did 9:11

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First thing Trump does as President...

Is kick a Black man out of his house.

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The United States and Britain are having a competition on who can fuck themselves up the most.

Britain is in the lead, but America has a Trump card.

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Trumpets and Guns

In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.

One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?"

"What do you mean strange?"

"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"

"So?"

"Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?"

"It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."

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If Trump replaces Obama as president,

Orange will be the new Black.

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America is going to suffer if Donald Trump becomes president.

You could say they are going toupΓ©e for it.

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Steve Jobs would have been a better president than Trump

But I guess it's not fair to compare apples and oranges

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What happens when Donald Trump takes Viagra?

He grows taller.

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So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

That is the joke. There's no punchline here.

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Donald Trump

Donald Trump has labelled Hillary Clinton "disgusting" for taking a bathroom break during the debate. Trump himself never has to go to the bathroom, as the shit just comes straight out of his mouth.

 

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Donald Trump and his chauffeur are driving on a country road.

Suddenly, a pig runs in front of the car. The chauffeur has no time to react, so he runs over the animal, killing it instantly. They get out of the vehicle, look around and spot a small farm in the distance. Trump says:

The pig probably came from there. You should at least tell them that you killed the pig...

So the chauffeur does as he's told. Few hours later, he comes out of the farmhouse, covered in lipstick kiss marks, and a champagne in each hand. Trump asks:

Jesus! What did you tell them?

What you told me to;

"Hi I'm Donald Trump's chauffeur, and I've just killed the pig!"

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What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics?

So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.

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My joke was removed for comparing Trump to Hitler

Apparently it's against the rules to make personal attacks on someone even after they've been dead for over 70 years.

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Donald Trump is going to be president in 4 days.

That..that's it...

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What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common?

They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November.

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Massive trump rally scheduled for tomorrow

Miami Beach @ 10:00, come show your support!

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Donald Trump, a Black man and a Jew are sitting in a hospital...

their wives all gave birth to healthy babies around the same time and are now resting. The three men are sitting in a room nearby when a nurse comes in and tells them there has been a mix-up, a nurse forgot to put identifying bracelets on the babies before taking them for a medical exam and now they don't know which baby is which.

She asks them if they could help identify their babies and the Jew goes first. One minute later, he steps out of the nursery holding a black baby, the Black man gets up and says ''Hey man, I'm pretty sure that one's mine'' to which the Jew replies ''One of those babies is a Trump, and I'm not taking any chances!''

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Donald Trump gets executed

and is hanged by the neck until dead.
At Trump Tower, his family watches CNN, which is covering his death live, all of them mournful and teary before Donald himself walks in triumphantly.

"But Donald, CNN says you were killed!" Ivanka cried.

"Nope!" Donnie beamed, holding up the rope that was used to hang him, "fake noose."

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What do me and Donald Trump have in common?

We'd both date his daughter if she wasn't his daughter.

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Bush, Trump, Sanders, and Clinton are all on a plane about to crash.

A plane with Jeb Bush, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton & Bernie Sanders is about to crash, but has only 3 parachutes.
The first passenger yells, "I'm Jeb Bush, let the big dog eat! I can't
afford to die." he took the first parachute and jumped.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump runs screaming, "I'm the smartest man in the world & the next President of America. He grabbed the second parachute and jumped.
The 3rd passenger, Hillary Clinton, says to Bernie Sanders "Take the last parachute."
Bernie says, "It's ok Hillary, there is a parachute for both of us. The
world's smartest man just took my backpack."

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A guy looking for a fight...

A guy looking for a fight walks into a biker bar and shouts, "Donald Trump is an asshole."

The biggest guys in the bar gets in his face and warns him, "You better watch what you say around here."

"Why? Are you a Trump supporter?"

"No, I'm an asshole."

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Trump has two parts of brain, 'left' and 'right'.

In the left side, there's nothing right.
In the right side, there's nothing left.

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The American President has challenged the British Prime Minister to a debate.

Nobody knows what may happen.

Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.

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What does the Secret Service say when Donald Trump gets shot at?

"Donald! Duck!"

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Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a plane crash. Who survives?

America.

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Why is Trump so keen to build a wall to keep out Mexican rapists?

He's afraid of the competition.

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Why does Donald Trump hate China?

Because it has a bigger wall

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Who would win if the American President debated the British Prime Minister?

After all, Trump may trump May, or May may trump Trump

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Why does Donald trump use twitter instead of Facebook?

Because he has followers, not friends.

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Where does Donald Trump Jr. buy his groceries?

Traitor Joe's

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Donald Trump has announced that he plans to extend his wall across the oceans...

This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water.

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Donald Trump said in an interview that he would consider killing himself if he ever had Alzheimer's Disease.

Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."

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What does the Trump administration use instead of emails?

Alternative fax.

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You can really see how much Trump cares about creating jobs in this country

The White House seems to always be hiring.

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Why did Donald Trump rush to Macy's?

He heard they had Ivanka's clothes half off

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Congratulations to Donald Trump winning the presidency...

May his global impact be as tiny as his hands

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If Trump and Hillary are both drowning and you could only save one...

What type of sandwich would you make?

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The only thing that Trump and I can agree on...

...is that I would also date Ivanka if she wasn't his daughter.

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Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

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[Politics] Trump: 'The less immigrants we bring in the better'

Pence: 'The fewer'

Trump: 'I told you not to call me that yet'

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Dear God,

If you want us to impeach Trump, just give us a sign. Like blot out the sun. Anytime in the next week.

Thanks,

America.

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How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Look, we can change the lightbulb. That I will tell you. We're changing it, ok? And I understand what you're saying, I hear it all the time. People call me and say "Is the lightbulb really dead?". Thats what they are asking me, its unbelievable. The lightbulb is in big trouble, that I can tell you. But we are going to change it.

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Why is Trump excited Russia was banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics?

It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for

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Steve Jobs would have been a much better president than Donald Trump

But its a silly comparison really, like comparing apples to oranges.

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What did Melania Trump say to her speech writer?

Thanks, Obama.

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Bush, Obama and Trump go to a job interview with God...

God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"
Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"
"Very well", says God. "Come sit to my right."

Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"
Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."
"Good", says God. "You shall sit to my left."

Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"

Trump answers: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."

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In US Presidential History: Washington could not tell a lie, Nixon could not tell a truth...

and Trump can not tell the difference

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Donald Trump is like top shelf vodka

Expensive, Transparent, and wouldn't be here if not for Russia.

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Making jokes about Trump taking us to war is all fun and games until

You realize you're a healthy young man

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..Trump said "Buy american, Hire american"

Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland*

he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*

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i'm not german, but this is a little jokie joke

Overheard at the White House:

Trump to Vice-President Mike Pence: "the less immigrants we let in the better."

Pence to trump: "The FEWER.."

Trump interrupts Pence and says: "don't call me that in public".

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Barack V/s Trump

Barack Obama and Donald Trump somehow ended up at the same barber shop, can you just imagine…

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn nasty.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave.

But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."

The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama ?"

Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle, doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."

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I asked my Mexican friend if he will be upset if Trump manages to build the wall.

He said, Eh. I'll get over it.

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Trump calls Angela Merkel's office...

Trump calls Angela Merkel's office. Secretary answers.

Trump: What's the time difference between Washington and Berlin ?

Secretary: Just a second, Mr. President…

Trump: Thanks

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Donald Trump...

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.

-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.

-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

-The rest of the world is in shock.

-Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace.

-Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance.

-Latin American countries are sending clothing.

-New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

-The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.

-Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.

-President Trump, not to be outdone, is sending back two million replacement Muslims.

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Why don't you want to play Uno with Donald Trump?

He takes away all the green cards.

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Trump, Merkel and Kim Jong-un are in the Middle East being chased by ISIS:

Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.

Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.

Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"

The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.

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President Trump attempts suicide, fails because of broken rope.

Fake noose.

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All these people are so quick to criticize Melania Trump for wanting to take on cyber bullying when that's something her husband has a problem with

But no one criticized Laura Bush for wanting to teach kids how to read

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I don't see why people are outraged when Donald Trump says if Ivanka wasn't his daughter, he'd be dating her.

After all, if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I'd date her too.

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Say what you like about Donald Trump..

But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.

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Steve Jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump...

But i shouldn't compare apples and oranges.

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want her husband to become President?

She doesn't want to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

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George Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump are going for a job interview with God.

God asks Bush: What do you believe in?

Bush replies: I believe in a free economy, a strong America, the American nation and so on ...

God is impressed by Bush and tells him: Great, come sit on the chair on my right.

God goes to Obama and asks: What do you believe in?

Obama replies: I believe in democracy, helping the poor, world peace, etc. ...

God is really impressed by Obama and tells him: Well done, come sit on the chair on my left.

Finally, God asks Trump: What do you believe in ?

Trump replies: I believe you're sitting on my chair.

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Donald Trump on Twitter: "The Theater has always been a safe place"

Abraham Lincoln: "Dude"

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One day, when Donald Trump is dead, in his tombstone, we'll read: "HERE LIES DONALD TRUMP"

"EVEN THOUGH HE'S DEAD, HE'S STILL LYING!"

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USPS releases a stamp with Trump's picture

The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. The fact is, people are spitting on the wrong side.

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Fidel Castro was a cigar-smoking, repressive leader who hated free speech and a free press.

Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.

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Donald Trump walks into a bar

and promptly lowers it

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Donald Trump truly made history...

Winning an argument against a woman.

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If Donald Trump gets elected president...

there's gonna be hell toupΓ©e.

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When Trump announced job creations...

I didn't think it was for the same position over and over again.

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What are the best Trump puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Trump? Well, here are the best jokes about Trump to have fun with.

Joko Jokes