Trump Jokes
186 trump jokes and hilarious trump puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about trump that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Trump Short Jokes
Short trump jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The trump humour may include short donald duck jokes also.
- If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States
This is not a political post, I just want to travel - "You're telling me that I'm losing my job because donald trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!" "Mister President, we've been over this..."
- What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm? One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.
- Trump tests positive for COVID-19. He finally passed a test without cheating, good for him.
- Breaking News: bill gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall On the condition he gets to install windows.
- Why will the congress never impeach Trump? Because the republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.
- Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump. But I guess comparing apples to orange is unfair.
- Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump. But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.
- Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump... But that's comparing apples to oranges.
- How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Trump says it's changed and his supporters all cheer in the dark.
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Trump One Liners
Which trump one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with trump? I can suggest the ones about president and president bush.
- Breaking: Donald Trump has just won another state. Denial.
- Trump still has a chance at 270 All he has to do is lose 50lbs.
- Trump has done in 4 years what 80% of presidents fail to do in 8 years Lose an election.
- Trump and Biden are trapped on island. Who survives? America
- What did Trump say to Biden in the hallway of the white house? Pardon me, please.
- What's the difference between Donald Trump and a bird? A bird can still tweet.
- You have to give President Trump credit Because he definitely doesn't have any cash.
- What has 80 feet, 137 teeth and $72 in cash? The front row of a Trump rally
- If Trump really wanted Hillary to be locked up... He should have just hired her!
- What does a Trump supporter use to load his/her AR-15? A MAGAzine.
- There's a term for guys like Donald Trump. But apparently not 2 terms.
- My girlfriend told me she will leave me if I don't support Trump... I said ok.. Biden
- I changed my name to Trump in Among Us No one has voted me since
- Who would win in a street fight between joe Biden and Donald Trump? Everyone watching
- Why didn't Trump buy anything when he went to the UK? He only had one Pence
Trump Donald Jokes
Here is a list of funny trump donald jokes and even better trump donald puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If this year has taught us anything, it's that Donald Trump is a regular American citizen He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job
- What do apple and Donald Trump have in common? I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.
- Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
- What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common? They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.
- Did you hear that the US bobsled team put Donald Trump's picture on the front of the sled? Apparently nobody else can make America go downhill faster.
- Donald Trump is the next President but... The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.
- Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses. He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
Trump 20:16 - What is the difference between Washington, Nixon and Trump? George Washington couldn't tell a lie.
Richard Nixon couldn't tell the truth.
Donald Trump can't tell the difference - A plane carrying Donald Trump made an emergency landing in New Orleans after alleged engine failure over the Gulf of Mexico. Turns out there was just a loud whine coming from the right wing.
- Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation. I did and we do.
Donald Trump Jokes
Here is a list of funny donald trump jokes and even better donald trump puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but never uses. Donald Trump has one and uses it. What is it? A surname/last name
- Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election? Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
- So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
- What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics? So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.
- I want Donald Trump to be my parole officer... ...he never lets anybody finish a sentence.
- I always thought that Steve Jobs would make a better president than Donald Trump but then I realized that I'm comparing apples to oranges
- What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common? They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November.
- Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work. The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.
- Donald Trump has announced that he plans to extend his wall across the oceans... This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water.
- How is Donald Trump like a jack-o-lantern? They are both orange, round and should be thrown out in early November.
Trump Wall Jokes
Here is a list of funny trump wall jokes and even better trump wall puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Trump's wall will cost 21.6 billion, Nasa's budget is only 19 billion Probably because Mexico has more aliens
- I asked my Mexican friend if he will be upset if Trump manages to build the wall. He said, Eh. I'll get over it.
- Why did Trump throw so many plates against the wall like a baby? He wanted to seem tough on china.
- Guys I think Trump's immigration policies just might work. China built a wall and they have like, no Mexicans.
- Now that Donald Trump is actually building the wall, I hear Mexicans are depressed I'm sure they'll soon get over it
- Say what you want about Trump's wall But China has had a great wall for thousands of years and you still don't see any Mexicans
- Mexico's president says he will not go to the U.S. for a meeting with Trump The wall's not even finished and it kept a Mexican out!
- Trump's wall will be useless since it doesn't extend into the oceans..... Everyone knows Jesus can walk on water.
- People should not move to Canada because of Trump They should go to Mexico, then at least there will be a wall between them and Trump.
- Trump should hire the Chinese to build the wall. They had one for over 2000 years and they still don't have any Mexicans.
Trump Supporters Jokes
Here is a list of funny trump supporters jokes and even better trump supporters puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about that group where only Trump supporters are allowed? Everyone else is forbiden
- My girlfriend said she would leave me if I didn't support Trump I said "Biden"
- Why would Donald Trump run into an active school shooting, even if unarmed? Because he knows one of his supporters would never shoot him
- I'm not a fan of Trump, but I'd never denigrate his supporters If you're a Trump supporter, denigrate means to put down.
- How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Trumps says it's done and they all cheer in the dark
- If Donald Trump wants Bernie Sanders supporters to stop crashing his rallies, he should just call them "job fairs."
- How many Trump supporters does it take to screw a lightbulb? None. They'd rather be in the dark about things.
- As a Hilary supporter in Colorado, I'm still happy with the outcome of the election. Since proposition 106 passed I can legally kill myself now that trump won.
- How many trump supporters does it take to screw in a lightbulb None. Trump says it's done and everyone claps in the dark
- What's a Trump supporters favorite fighting style? Krav MAGA
Cheeky Trump Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about trump you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean president obama jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make trump pranks.
Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the g**..., make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....
Like he's a Muslim or something.
Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.
One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.
Trump should not have said "s**...-hole countries".
The correct term is "t**...-world countries".
A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you s**...? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you r**...?
The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.
When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan
But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution
The problem with Trump jokes:
Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.
My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's p**...
It didn't help that she was still wearing them.
Or that his whole family was there.
That made the rest of his sister's f**... kind of awkward.
And who thought you could make the f**... for such a small child more awkward than it already was..
Boris Johnson, Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron at NATO meeting joking about Trump:
Macron: Is that why he was late?
Trudeau: He was late because he takes a 40-minute press conference off the top !
Trudeau: Oh, yeah, yeah yeah. He announced ...
Trumpets and Guns
In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.
One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?"
"What do you mean strange?"
"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"
"So?"
"Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?"
"It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."
Minorities have the race card, women have the gender card, homosexuals have the gay card, but what do discriminatory white men have?
The Trump card.
How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Look, we can change the lightbulb. That I will tell you. We're changing it, ok? And I understand what you're saying, I hear it all the time. People call me and say "Is the lightbulb really dead?". Thats what they are asking me, its unbelievable. The lightbulb is in big trouble, that I can tell you. But we are going to change it.
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
My joke was removed for comparing Trump to h**...
Apparently it's against the rules to make personal attacks on someone even after they've been dead for over 70 years.
I don't see why people are outraged when Donald Trump says if Ivanka wasn't his daughter, he'd be dating her.
After all, if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I'd date her too.
If Trump wins Im leaving the country if Clinton wins Im leaving the country
Not a political post, I just love to travel
The only thing that Trump and I can agree on...
...is that I would also date Ivanka if she wasn't his daughter.
If Trump and Hillary are both drowning and you could only save one...
What type of sandwich would you make?
Say what you like about Donald Trump..
But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.
Why doesn't Melania Trump want her husband to become President?
She doesn't want to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
All these people are so quick to criticize Melania Trump for wanting to take on cyber bullying when that's something her husband has a problem with
But no one criticized Laura Bush for wanting to teach kids how to read
2 Trump Supporters go to heaven
St. Peter greets them at the Pearly gates and asks if there is anything in the universe they'd like to know before meeting God. The fist guy asks, "What was really in Hillary's emails?"
"Nothing incriminating really", replies St. Peter.
The other guy turns and whispers, "Wow, this goes higher than we thought."
A conversation with god about Trump
John (while writing Revelations): "So Lord, the end will be signaled by trumpets?"
God: "No... I said Trump/Pence."
John: Yeah, trumpets.
God: "Never mind. They'll know."
Fidel Castro was a cigar-smoking, repressive leader who hated free speech and a free press.
Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.
Not everything Donald Trump says is s**....
The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!
Trump calls Angela Merkel's office...
Trump calls Angela Merkel's office. Secretary answers.
Trump: What's the time difference between Washington and Berlin ?
Secretary: Just a second, Mr. President…
Trump: Thanks
..Trump said "Buy american, Hire american"
Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland*
he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*
People compare Trump and h**... all the time, but there is one major difference.
h**... was good at making speeches
The trump family is flying from New York to DC
Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
Donald Trump gets executed
and is hanged by the neck until dead.
At Trump Tower, his family watches CNN, which is covering his death live, all of them mournful and teary before Donald himself walks in triumphantly.
"But Donald, CNN says you were killed!" Ivanka cried.
"Nope!" Donnie beamed, holding up the rope that was used to hang him, "fake noose."
USPS releases a stamp with Trump's picture
The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. The fact is, people are spitting on the wrong side.
i'm not german, but this is a little jokie joke
Overheard at the White House:
Trump to Vice-President Mike Pence: "the less immigrants we let in the better."
Pence to trump: "The FEWER.."
Trump interrupts Pence and says: "don't call me that in public".
In US Presidential History: Washington could not tell a lie, Nixon could not tell a truth...
and Trump can not tell the difference
Trump: The less immigrants that come in, the better
Pence: The fewer
Trump: I told you not to call me that yet
Comey: He's guilty
Democrats: He's guilty
Trump: I'm guilty
Republicans: We may never get to the bottom of this
The American President has challenged the British Prime Minister to a debate.
Nobody knows what may happen.
Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.
Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks "When am I going to die?"
The fortune teller replies: "you will die on a major Mexican holiday."
Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"
The fortune teller replies: "ANY day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"
Making jokes about Trump taking us to war is all fun and games until
You realize you're a healthy young man
Dear God,
If you want us to impeach Trump, just give us a sign. Like blot out the sun. Anytime in the next week.
Thanks,
America.
Donald Trump said in an interview that he would consider killing himself if he ever had Alzheimer's Disease.
Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."
Trump has two parts of brain, 'left' and 'right'.
In the left side, there's nothing right.
In the right side, there's nothing left.
Who would win if the American President debated the British Prime Minister?
After all, Trump may trump May, or May may trump Trump
Trump, Merkel and Kim Jong-un are in the Middle East being chased by ISIS:
Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.
Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.
Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"
The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.
Why is Trump excited Russia was banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics?
It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for
One day, when Donald Trump is dead, in his tombstone, we'll read: "HERE LIES DONALD TRUMP"
"EVEN THOUGH HE'S DEAD, HE'S STILL LYING!"
You can really see how much Trump cares about creating jobs in this country
The White House seems to always be hiring.
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest
Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes
Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes
Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic
Until Bush did 9:11
Minorities play the race card. Women play the gender card. Homosexuals play the gay card. What's left for straight white men?
The Trump card.
Steve Jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump...
But i shouldn't compare apples and oranges.
I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law
Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6
The only person Trump ever hired who was actually qualified to do their job was Stormy Daniels
Now you know who the best people are
4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.
The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.
The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.
Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."
I know now why Trump wants to build a wall
It's been years since he managed to e**... anything
Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton...
Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a president under constant federal investigation from day one.
Turned out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I have been stuck for years with a president under federal investigation from day one.
Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.
Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:
370HSSV - 0773H
Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI
No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its meaning, FBI finally asked MSS (Ministry of State Security in China for help.
Within a few seconds MSS cabled back with this reply:
"Tell The President he's holding the message upside down."
An assistant to Donald Trump
>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.**
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.**
**It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!**
**Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!**
**By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"**
**His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."**
Please stop calling Donald Trump an idiot.
As an idiot myself, it's very offensive that people think he's one of us.
Donald Trump walks into a bar
......
and set it lower
If Biden is elected, I'm leaving the country
If Trump is reelected, I'm leaving the country.
This is not a political post. I just want to travel.
If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly c**..., who would survive?
The United States of America.
You may not believe me when I say that Trump isn't the Prime Minister of Canada
It's Trudeau.
