The Best 71 Trump Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Trump jokes. There are some trump gingrich jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these trump donald trump puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Trump Jokes and Puns
Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the gays, make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....
Like he's a Muslim or something.
"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"
"Mister President, we've been over this..."
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?
One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.
Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.
One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.
Trump should not have said "shit-hole countries".
The correct term is "turd-world countries".
Why will the congress never impeach Trump?
Because the republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.
Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump.
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?
The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.
Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump.
But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.
When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan
But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution
The problem with Trump jokes:
Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.
You can explore trump gop reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean trump nomination dad jokes. There are also trump puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common?
I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.
My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties
It didn't help that she was still wearing them.
Or that his whole family was there.
That made the rest of his sister's funeral kind of awkward.
And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child more awkward than it already was..
Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000.
That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common?
They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.
Boris Johnson, Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron at NATO meeting joking about Trump:
Macron: Is that why he was late?
Trudeau: He was late because he takes a 40-minute press conference off the top !
Trudeau: Oh, yeah, yeah yeah. He announced ...
Trumpets and Guns
In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.
One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?"
"What do you mean strange?"
"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"
"So?"
"Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?"
"It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."
Minorities have the race card, women have the gender card, homosexuals have the gay card, but what do discriminatory white men have?
The Trump card.
Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?
Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
If Trump wins Im leaving the country if Clinton wins Im leaving the country
Not a political post, I just love to travel
Donald Trump is the next President but...
The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.
2 Trump Supporters go to heaven
St. Peter greets them at the Pearly gates and asks if there is anything in the universe they'd like to know before meeting God. The fist guy asks, "What was really in Hillary's emails?"
"Nothing incriminating really", replies St. Peter.
The other guy turns and whispers, "Wow, this goes higher than we thought."
A conversation with god about Trump
John (while writing Revelations): "So Lord, the end will be signaled by trumpets?"
God: "No... I said Trump/Pence."
John: Yeah, trumpets.
God: "Never mind. They'll know."
Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.
He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
Trump 20:16
Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid.
The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!
People compare Trump and hitler all the time, but there is one major difference.
Hitler was good at making speeches
The trump family is flying from New York to DC
Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
A lone sniper was just about to assassinate Donald Trump.
Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"
Trump: The less immigrants that come in, the better
Pence: The fewer
Trump: I told you not to call me that yet
Comey: He's guilty
Democrats: He's guilty
Trump: I'm guilty
Republicans: We may never get to the bottom of this
Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks "When am I going to die?"
The fortune teller replies: "you will die on a major Mexican holiday."
Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"
The fortune teller replies: "ANY day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"
Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation.
I did and we do.
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest
Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes
Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes
Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic
Until Bush did 9:11
Minorities play the race card. Women play the gender card. Homosexuals play the gay card. What's left for straight white men?
The Trump card.
The only person Trump ever hired who was actually qualified to do their job was Stormy Daniels
Now you know who the best people are
4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.
The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.
The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.
Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."
Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump...
But that's comparing apples to oranges.
Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.
Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:
370HSSV - 0773H
Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI
No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its meaning, FBI finally asked MSS (Ministry of State Security in China for help.
Within a few seconds MSS cabled back with this reply:
"Tell The President he's holding the message upside down."
What is the difference between Washington, Nixon and Trump?
George Washington couldn't tell a lie.
Richard Nixon couldn't tell the truth.
Donald Trump can't tell the difference
If Trump really wanted Hillary to be locked up...
He should have just hired her!
Trump and Biden are trapped on island. Who survives?
America
If Biden is elected, I'm leaving the country
If Trump is reelected, I'm leaving the country.
This is not a political post. I just want to travel.
If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly crash, who would survive?
The United States of America.
You may not believe me when I say that Trump isn't the Prime Minister of Canada
It's Trudeau.
All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.
After all, its not like Donald Trump could write a book.
My girlfriend told me she will leave me if I don't support Trump...
I said ok.. Biden
You have to give President Trump credit
Because he definitely doesn't have any cash.
Trump tests positive for COVID-19.
He finally passed a test without cheating, good for him.
Trump might finally get what he wants the most
He might get to be president for the rest of his life.
I have a joke about the exceptional healthcare and medicine Trump took to recover from COVID.
But, no one else would get it.
Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has pissed Trump Sucks in the fresh snow.
Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says Mr President, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we've done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. That traitor , shouts Trump. I'll have him hanged! Now, what did you say was the bad news? Well , says the SS chief, turns out it's Melania's handwriting .
Did you hear about that group where only Trump supporters are allowed?
Everyone else is forbiden
If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States
If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States
This is not a political post, I just want to travel
Trump still has a chance at 270
All he has to do is lose 50lbs.
If this year has taught us anything, it's that Donald Trump is a regular American citizen
He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job
Breaking: Donald Trump has just won another state.
Denial.
Trumpty Dumpty
Trumpty Dumpty promised a wall
Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the golf courses and all the white men
Couldn't Make America Great Again
Why did Trump play golf after the election ?
Because that's where the winner has the lowest score.
There's a term for guys like Donald Trump.
But apparently not 2 terms.
What did Trump say to Biden in the hallway of the white house?
Pardon me, please.
two hardcore trump supporters die and ascend to heaven.
God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions.
One of them says, yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud? .
God says, "my son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232 .
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the one guy turns to the other and whispers, This goes higher up than we thought .
Trump has done in 4 years what 80% of presidents fail to do in 8 years
Lose an election.
Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven
God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?
God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the one guy turns to the other and whispers, This goes higher up than we thought.
Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven.
They ask God if he'd answer one question.
"Of course" God says.
They ask how the Democrats rigged the election in 2020.
"It wasn't rigged" God replies.
The Trump supporters look at each other and say, "This conspiracy goes higher than we thought!"
A joke my husband made up...What kind of gum does Trump chew?
Double impeachmint. (Yes he is a Dad....)
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a Jet Engine?
The jet engine stops whining when it gets to Florida.
What do Kobe Bryant and Melania Trump have in common?
They both made their fortunes playing with orange balls.
I was shocked when the Republicans wouldn't vote to convict Trump on his second impeachment.
The first time sure, they always insist a baby is carried to full term.
The second one however, shocking as they actually took care of the baby afterwards.
Biden and Trump are at the same barber shop
Biden and Trump are at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each one being worked on by a different barber, not one word was spoken. When the barbers finished shaving, the barber that had Trump reached for the aftershave. Trump quickly stopped him saying: No thanks, Melania will smell that and think I've been in a brothel. The second barber turned to Biden and said, How about you, Mr. Biden? Joe replied, Go ahead, Jill doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like.
What do Barack Obama and Donald Trump have in common?
Both are former presidents of the USA and both are harassed for the color of their skin.
I always thought that Steve Jobs would make a better president than Donald Trump
but then I realized that I'm comparing apples to oranges
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the trump primaries jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working trump trump impeachment piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.