Cheerful Truck Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
h**...
A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:
"Cheeseburgers: $5
Fries: $3
h**...: $10."
He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the h**...?"
"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.
"Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
I called a s**... hotline in Iraq..
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
A cop knocks on a man's front door late one night
and he asks to see a picture of the man's wife. "Sure," he says, a bit puzzled. The man produces a picture from his wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer takes one look and takes a long, deep breath.
With difficulty, he looks the man in the eyes and says, "Sir, I'm sorry to tell you this, but your wife's been hit by a truck."
The man replies, "I know, but she's got a great personality and she can really cook."
A man in Texas is driving with twenty penguins in the bed of his pickup…
…when he is stopped by a State Trooper. The trooper approaches and tells the man that he needs to take the penguins to the zoo immediately as they are non-native and not registered to the man as pets. Right away, officer, replies the man, and off he goes.
The following day, the same man is driving on the same road with the same twenty penguins in the bed of his truck. This time, however, the penguins are all wearing sunglasses and straw hats. Sure enough, the man is stopped by the same officer. After pulling the man over, the officer approaches.
What is the meaning of this? I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday, why are they still in the bed of your truck? Did you really think these disguises would fool me?
They're not disguises, officer, you see I DID take them to the zoo yesterday—in fact, we had so much fun, we're going to the beach today.
A Texan and a New Yorker are sitting in a bar.
The Texan, feeling boastful, says, "Back home in Texas, I can get in my truck at sunup and drive a straight shot until sundown without reaching the edge of my property."
The New Yorker nods sympathetically and replies, "Yeah. I had a car like that once."
The Skunk
One cold night, this couple was driving down the road, and the girl notices this black ball of fur on the side of the road. She makes him pull over, and she sees that it's a skunk that's about to freeze to death. She asks him, "Can we bring him with us in the truck to warm it up?"
He says, "I guess it's okay. Bring him in."
She goes, "Where can I warm him up?"
"Put him between your legs, that'll warm him up."
"Well, what about the smell?"
"You can hold it's nose, can't you?"
Did you hear about the LEGO truck that crashed on the highway?
Authorities are still trying to piece everything together...
two men are driving down the country road when....
...one man sees a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. he pulls the truck over, gets out, walks up to the sheep and pulls down his pants and has s**... with the sheep. After he is done he walks back and tells his buddy "hey man its your turn". his buddy walks over to the sheep, gives a deep sigh, and sticks his head in the fence.
A trucker and a blonde.
A trucker is driving down a busy highway when he is abruptly cut off by a blonde woman in her car. Tired and grumpy from driving all day, he quickly pulls along side of the woman's car and forces her to stop on the shoulder of the highway. The trucker and the woman get out of their vehicles. The trucker takes a rock and draws a circle around the blonde.
"Don't you dare set foot outside this circle," the trucker orders.
He walks over to the blondes car and keys the side of it. When he returns, the woman is standing in her circle giggling. This angers the trucker even more. He proceeds to grab a bat out of his semi and smash the mirrors off the woman's car. When the trucker returns to the woman, she is still standing in her circle laughing. Enraged, the trucker takes a gas tank out of his semi, douses the woman's car in gas, and sets it on fire. The woman bursts into hysteria.
"I just totaled your car!! What is so funny?!" The trucker shouts.
The blonde replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
Farmer tries to breed pigs
A farmer bought some breeding pigs, but after several weeks, not one was pregnant. He called the vet for help. "Why don't you try artificial insemination" said the vet.
The farmer didn't have an inkling of what artificial insemination was, but, not wanting to appear ignorant, he said, "Okay, Doc, but how will I know when the pigs are pregnant?"
"Easy. When they lie down and wallow in the mud." The farmer hung up and came to the conclusion that artificial insemination must mean that he has to impregnate those pigs himself.
So he loaded them onto his truck, drove them out into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and then went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs.
Since they were all still standing around, he concluded that his first attempt didn't take, so he loaded them into the truck again, drove them into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs. They are still just standing around.
"Once more," he told himself, and loaded them onto the truck, drove them into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed.
The next morning, he can't even lift himself off the bed. He asked his wife to see if the pigs are wallowing in the mud yet.
"Nope," she said. "They're all in the back of the truck and one of them is honking the horn!"
A lawyer was in his BMW...
...when he opened the door to get out, an oncoming truck hit the door, ripping it off, and went on. The lawyer calls the cops.
Lawyer (Whining) : Officer, look what happened to my beamer.
Officer : You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. You are so worried about your car that you did not notice that your arm is missing as well.
Lawyer (in shock) : Oh my God! Where's my Rolex?
You can explore truck wheeler reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean truck car dad jokes. There are also truck puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What has four wheels and flys?
A garbage truck.
There's a movie coming out about a big rig truck.
Have you seen the trailer?
Why don't trucking companies like to hire women?
Every time you give them a load, it takes them 9 months to deliver.
I called a s**... prevention line.
It connected me to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I felt suicidal and they asked if I could drive a truck.
A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door.
He opens it to find two policemen standing there. One policeman asks if he is married. He says, Yes, I am.
The policeman then says, I'm sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck.
The guy replies, I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook.
I was depressed last night so I called a self-help phone line...
Got a call centre in Afghanistan, and told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck...
what do you call 2 mexicans on a fire truck?
Jose and Jos-B
this was always my mom's favorite joke, R.I.P. Mom
A joke I heard some time ago
A texan man is driving over the Mexican border with his family. The border guard looks out his booth and notices the jam-packed pickup truck with trailer.
Raising an eyebrow he asks the man: "Planning a longer stay, sir?"
"We're emigrating." the man replies.
Visibly surprised the guard asks: "Why's that?"
The man responds: "Thirty years ago homosexuality was despised. Twenty years ago it became tolerated. Ten ago it was widely accepted. This year it became equal. We're leaving before it becomes mandatory."
I just got hired as a garbage truck driver.
There was no training, but I think I'll pick it up as i go along.
Did you hear about the cheese truck that crashed?
The street was littered with de brie
A boy was born without a body
A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.
So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the pub for his first pint. He takes a sip and BOOM - his body pops out. "Take another sip!" everyone shouts, then BOOM - his arms pop out. "Another!" everyone chants, so he takes another sip and his legs pop out.
The boy is really happy and he runs outside in excitement and he'**... by an oncoming truck and killed instantly.
"What a shame" his dad said.
"He should have quit while he was ahead"
A car broke down on a Native Reservation...
...so the driver got out to see what was going on. He lifted the hood, looked in, and noticed there was something wrong with the motor piston. Without any tools or cell service, he sighed, shut the hood and leaned on his car and waited for a passerby. Finally, a truck came around the bend so he waved it down and the truck pulled over. Inside was a few Native Americans, and asked, "what's wrong?"
"Piston broke", he replied.
"So are we. Get in."
Obama calls for greater truck control laws.
Apparently the the truck in France had a fully automatic transmission.
What is green, has 8 wheels, and flies?
A garbage truck
A Trucker Hates Lawyers so Much That When he Sees Them he Always Runs Them Over
One day he sees a priest hitchhiking and decides to give a ride to the holy man. As they go along the road, the trucker spots a lawyer by the side of the road and steers to run him over. At the last minute he remembers the priest in the truck and swerves away hoping to avoid judgment of his sins.
He says "I'm sorry father, I don't know what came over me!"
The priest replies, "Don't worry, I got him with the door!"
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
I'm sorry.
A Texas farmer was touring England. He happened to meet an English farmer and asked him, "What size farm do you have?"
The Englishman proudly announced, "Thirty-five acres!"
"Thirty-five acres?" the Texan scoffed. "Why, I can get in my truck at 8:00 AM and start driving and at noon, I am still on my farm. I can eat lunch and start driving again and at 5:00 PM I am still on my farm.
"Ah, yes," the Englishman nodded in understanding. "I had a truck like that once."
What has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck
...I'll see myself out.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles...
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too
A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.'
He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.'
So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00?
The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?
Policemen: I'm sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a truck.
Man: I know, but she has a great personality.
With the rise of self driving vehicles,
we shall soon hear a country song about a guy's truck leaving him too.
Officer: I'm sorry to say this sir, but it looks like your girlfriend has been hit by a truck.
Man: Yeah but she's got a great personality
With self-driving cars
it won't be long before we have country songs where your truck leaves you too.
Now that vehicles are driving themselves...
It won't be long until a country singer writes a song about their truck leaving them too.
A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him.
She knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street.
At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load."
He ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the next red light the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker looks at her and finally, he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's snowing, and I'm driving a salt truck."
A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man's truck and said, Why are these penguins in your truck?
The man replied, These are my penguins. They belong to me.
You need to take them to the zoo, the policeman said.
The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo! the officer said.
I did, the man replied. And today I'm taking them to the beach.
A dinosaur, a spider, and a cowboy walk into a bar
All three sit at the bar and begin drinking heavily, clearly distressed. The bartender asks them what their troubles are.
The Cowboy takes a shot, then says "my horse got loose, ran into traffic, and got hit by a semi truck carrying gasoline. Cause a whole big e**... and blew my poor horse to bits." The spider nods sympathetically. "I just lost my husband in that same fire. The driver found him, freaked out, and crashed trying to squash my dear hubby."
The bartender is in shock, but finally asks the dinosaur his story.
The dinosaur sniffed, took a sip from his straw, and said "My whole family was on that truck"
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
A woman was walking along the street when she got plowed into by a vehicle and killed...
The police had a tough time identifying her, but they were able to get a picture from the DMV.
They walked up to her house and rang the doorbell.
"Sir, do you know this woman?"
"Yes it's my wife"
(Deep sigh) "Sir, I'm not really sure how to break this to you... but it looks like your wife was hit by a truck."
The man replied, "Yeah, I know... but she's a wonderful cook!"
In celebration of my very first Cake Day, I'm reposting one of my own jokes:
A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.
The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. One of them, suffering from Schistosomiasis, has a myocardial infarction.
A bystander witnesses the entire event and quickly calls to report the accident on his Huawei.
The emergency operator asks the bystander, "What happened?"
"It's hard to say."
A man named Jeff was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him.
The officer looked in the back of Jeff's truck and said, Why are these penguins in your truck?
Jeff replied, These are my penguins. They belong to me.
You need to take them to the zoo, the policeman said.
The next day, the officer saw Jeff driving down the road once again. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo! the officer said.
I did, Jeff replied. And today I'm taking them to the beach."
To reduce waste, our city has told food truck operators that they must donate all unsold items each night.
I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask....
How much food would a food truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?
Below is an ad that appeared in The Atalanta Journal.
Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips; cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call this number and ask for Dixie.
(Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever)
Difference between Trump and a dump truck?
Four Goodyears.
Therapist: So what brings the two of you here today?
My wife: It's impossible to live with him. He's too literal.
Me: My truck.
A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck...
A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."
Bragging Doctors
Doc 1 bragged, "I had a patient once who blew out his ACL & MCL. I reconstructed his knee, and 2 years later he completed the Boston marathon."
Doc 2 replied, "That's nothing! I had a patient who was in a head-on collision with a truck. I reconstructed virtually all of his joints and more, and later he won an Olympic gold medal in the decathlon."
Doc 3 chucked condescendingly. "Child's play. I had a patient who was in a horrible e**.... He was blown to bits. All they found was a huge, gaping a**.... I put a suit and tie on it, and now he's the owner and general manager of the Dallas Cowboys!"
There was once a truck driver eating at a diner.
He was enjoying his meal, when a gang of bikers walked in. They started bullying him, by dumping salt and pepper all over him, spitting in his coffee, and stealing his food. To their surprise, the truck driver did nothing, but pay the bill, and walk out of the diner.
As they are marveling about this, the waitress comes up to them. The biker gang says that the truck driver wasn't much of a fighter.
The waitress then looks out into the night and says, He doesn't look to be much of a driver either. He just ran over 3 motorcycles.
Two h**... were sipping shine on the front porch
When a truck went passed loaded up with rolls of sod.
I'm a-gonna do that when I win that there lottery announced h**... #1.
Do wuuuut? Asked h**... #2.
Send my lawn out to git mowed.
A funny story
A man had a bunch of penguins in his truck, when suddenly a police officer came and asked him what was in the truck, the man said "My penguins," The police said to take the penguins to the zoo.
The next day, the police officer came back asking where the penguins were. The man said, "They're in my truck. The police officer replied, "I thought I told you to take them to the zoo," "I did," replied the man, ''Today I'm taking them to the beach."
A truck carrying Vicks Vapor Rub overturned on the highway, but amazingly traffic was fine.
No congestion for hours!
When I was a boy, my dad gave me money to go downtown and pay the electric bill
But instead, I bought raffle tickets for a chance to win a new truck.
I told my dad when I got home and he beat my a**....
The next morning, however, there was a brand new truck in the driveway.
We all held each other and cried, especially me because it was the truck from the electric company there to turn off the lights.
So dad beat my a**... again
We thought it was our ability to love that made us human,
but it turns out it was actually our ability to SELECT EACH IMAGE CONTAINING A TRUCK.
I had a job offer in Newark, but I heard it's dangerous...
So I called a friend of a friend who lives there. He said, "It has a bad reputation, but if you use basic caution and common sense, it can be a fun, vibrant place to live."
I said, "Cool! By the way, what do you do there?"
He said, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck."
When I was a boy my dad gave me money....
When I was a boy my dad gave my money to go downtown and pay the electric bill but instead I bought raffle tickets for a chance to win a truck. I told my dad when I got home and he beat my a**... but the next morning in the driveway sat a new truck. We all held each other and cried, especially me because it was the truck from electric company there to turn the lights off.
....Dad beat my a**... again ....
Due to the rise of autonomous vehicles
It's only a matter of time until a country singer makes a song about his truck leaving them.
True story: Many years ago I worked a drive thru fast food place. A tow truck came through with a car hooked up in back. I asked him what I could get for him. The driver asked for a minute to decide.
After a minute I said, Sir, can you hurry up? You're *holding up* the car behind you.
Tonight, while telling my grown children some dad jokes, my 34 y/o son hit me with…
What's the difference between dad and an ice cream truck? The ice cream truck has Good Humor!
Putin is held hostage by a t**....
A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks:
Driver: What's going on?
Policeman: A t**... is holding Putin hostage in a car. He's demanding 10 mill rubles, or he'll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire. So we're asking drivers for donations.
Driver: Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average.
Policeman: About a gallon.
A truck driver was speeding down a country road and ran over a rooster. Being an honest man, he walked to the farm house and knocked on the door. An old man answered the door. Sir, he said, I would like to replace your rooster .
Suite yourself he said. The chickens are out back
Priest: Don't drink too much liquor. You will go to h**....
Alcoholic - Really? What about the guy who sells the liquor? Priest - He will also go to h**.... Alcoholic - Ok, what about the girl who sells Al Pastor tacos, and put's out in the food truck outside the Liquor Store? Priest - She too will go to h**.... Alcoholic - In that case, I have no problem going to h**....
A lumberjack walks into the company office to get paid.
The secretary says, I have a check here for cutting down 236 trees this week.
The lumberjack replies, I actually cut down 237 trees.
Are you sure? , says the secretary, Your foreman counted 236 on the truck.
Sure, I'm sure, replies the lumberjack. I kept a log .
A Police officer knocks on the door and says to the man I'm sorry to say this sir but it looks like your girlfriend's been hit by a truck.
The man replied, Yeah, but she has a great personality
What has wheels and flies but it isn't an aircraft?
A Garbage truck
I stood in line at a Vietnamese food truck for an hour.
When I finally got to the window, they were sold out and closing for the day.
What a big Pho queue.
Officer: I'm sorry to say this sir but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck
Man: Yeah, but she's got a great personality.
I wish the auto manufacturers would make up their minds.
I was behind a van that said Dodge on the back of it then a truck that was marked Ram. What do they want us to do? Avoid them or hit them?
A truck carrying synonym dictionaries has had an accident on the highway.
From the other cars, the passengers were shocked, tormented, amazed, incredulous, confused, paralyzed, stunned, bewildered, perplexed, amazed, dumbfounded, dumbstruck.
Rosco sat down at the truck stop diner and called the waitress over.
I'd like the beef stew and a kind word, he said to the waitress.
After she dropped off the stew he said What about the kind word?
The waitress smiled at him and whispered Don't eat the stew.
50 Jokes for 50 US States Part IV
# Arkansas
An Arkansas state trooper pulls over a pickup truck on 1-40.
He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver asks, " 'Bout what?"
Disclaimer: This is not my joke. And I sure hope that its not a repost from any of the subs. I am sure that there will be numerous variations out there. So just wanted to let you know that I read it on Reader's Digest Issue 1/09, finding it funny, I wanted to share with the jokers here.
How does a r**... tenderize his meat?
He puts his pickup truck in reverse.
A truck loaded with Vicks vaporub overturned on the highway
amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours.
Did you hear about the Mucinex truck that collided with a Nyquil truck on the highway?
Amazingly, the entire area was congestion-free for over 8 hours.
I was hit by a truck carrying a bunch of Omega 3 capsules
It's okay, I only sustained super fish oil injuries
