The Best 70 Truck Driver Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Truck Driver jokes. There are some truck driver teamsters jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these truck driver school bus driver puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Truck Driver Jokes and Puns
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway.
A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead."
Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up.
The cop gets out of his car and walk s to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.
A blonde gets lost in her car in a snowstorm.
She remembers her father's advice, "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait for a snow plow and follow it."
Soon a snow plow comes by, and she follows it for about 45 minutes.
Finally, the driver of the truck gets out and asks her what she is doing.
She explains the advice her father had given her.
The driver says, "Well, I'm done with the parking lot here at the mall, now you can follow me over to the bank."
Two truck drivers trying to drive under a bridge.
Driver, "Oh no, the height of bridge is 2.7m and our truck is 3m."
2nd driver, "it's ok, just go, there is no cops around."
The state trooper is driving down the highway when...
he sees a truck driver pull over, walk to the side of his truck with a tire jack, bang on the side of the truck several times, and then drive away. Two miles down the road he does the same thing. Another two miles, same thing. The trooper pulls the truck over and asks the truck driver to explain and the driver says "The load limit is ten tons, and I'm carrying fifteen tons of parakeets, so I've got to keep some of them flying around."
A blonde crossing the road gets hit by a truck....
The truck driver jumps out to check on her.
Are you all right? he asks.
Everything is just a blur, says the blonde as she's lying in the street.
The man holds his hand in front of her face and asks, How many fingers have I got up?
Oh, no! she yells. Don't tell me I'm paralyzed from the waist down too!
Why do truck drivers like wearing finger-less gloves...
They like to see their girlfriend in shorts
Popular joke in Ukraine
"Driver of a Russian humanitarian aid truck was beaten by Russian soldiers when tried to light a cigarette near cans with beef stew."
Unexpected car wash...
So a guy in a pick up truck goes to a car wash, after a few minutes he gets waved in and starts to drive away. He looks back and sees a Spanish guy drying his rear window in the bed of his truck. He freaks out, swerves and a cop who sees all of this pulls him over. While the cop is walking up to the cab of the truck, the truck driver says "no one is going to believe this!" The Spanish guy looks up and says "NO! Juan will believe this!!!"
Textile Mill Heist
Earlier today police apprehended a criminal who had loaded an industrial-sized loom and 10 cubic meters of wool onto a truck in an attempted robbery of a local textile factory.
Police became suspicious of the truck when they noticed the driver weaving all over the road.
A truck driver stops at a gas station with a penguin in the passenger seat.
The owner from the gas station asks where the penguin comes from.
"I found him on the highway, what should I do?", the driver replies.
- "You have to take him to the zoo!"
The truck driver nods and drives away.
3 days later the truck driver came to the gas station again. Surprised, the owner asks him:
"I thought you were going to take him to the zoo?"
- "I did, and tonight we're going to the movies!"
Why are all Quaker truck drivers stuck in the 1980's?
Q:Why are all Quaker truck drivers stuck in the 1980's?
A: Because they are Haulin' Oats!
You can explore truck driver motorist reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean truck driver car dad jokes. There are also truck driver puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What did the regular expression truck driver say when he saw the number 10000?
10{4}
Did you here about the truck driver that pulled out to ovoid a child.
He fell off the couch and broke his arm.
Why can't truck drivers ever fully retire?
Because they can only semi retire.
Why do woman make terrible truck drivers?
Because you give them one good load and it takes them nine months to deliver.
I just got hired as a garbage truck driver.
There was no training, but I think I'll pick it up as i go along.
Man runs frantically towards the moving icecream truck..
"Wait!" He exclaimed.
The truck stops and the driver asks, "What can I get you today?". "Oh, nothing. I just wanted to let you know I'm a vegan."
A car broke down on a Native Reservation...
...so the driver got out to see what was going on. He lifted the hood, looked in, and noticed there was something wrong with the motor piston. Without any tools or cell service, he sighed, shut the hood and leaned on his car and waited for a passerby. Finally, a truck came around the bend so he waved it down and the truck pulled over. Inside was a few Native Americans, and asked, "what's wrong?"
"Piston broke", he replied.
"So are we. Get in."
A truck driver runs over a woman. Whose fault is it?
The truck driver's, he was driving through her kitchen.
A crisp was walking down a road
A truck driver drives past and asks if they want a lift
The crisp responds "No thanks, we're Walkers!"
What do you call a really good truck driver?
Semi-Pro
Truck drivers...
Truck drivers are semi skilled workers.
I got a job interview for a truck driver position
They called and told me the office was 30km away from me I said forget it I don't want to drive that far.
Tow truck drivers must see a lot of action.
They can hook up with anybody on the street and take them home.
What do truck drivers, silicon, and prostitutes have in common?
They're all semiconductors.
What do a truck driver and a slightly aroused man have in common?
They both have a semi.
A truck driver turned over a trailer full of cows...
HOW DAIRY!!!
The jumper ....
A Truck driver sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.
"What are you doing?" he says.
"I'm trying to commit suicide," she says.
Sleazy driver says with sly grin "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a blow job."
So, she does.
After she's finished, the trucker says, "Wow! That's a wasted talent. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl....."
A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.'
He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.'
So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00?
The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?
A Truck Carrying Red Paint Crashes Into a Truck Carrying Brown Paint on a Deserted Island. What Happens to the Drivers?
They get marooned.
A tow truck driver is pulling a lady out of the ditch....
He says to her "you are the second pregnant lady I've pulled out of the ditch today". With a bit of confusion she hastily replies "I am not pregnant". He pauses and calmly states "you are not out of the ditch yet".
What is a slow moving ice cream truck called?
A sundae driver.
Why did the Chinese self driving truck crash on its way out the factory?
Asian drivers
After watching Star Wars for the first time my friend said that the movie was terrible. 15 minutes later hr got hit by a truck
Cops took my driver license
Car broke down in Alaska
When the tow truck arrived the driver said It appears you blew a seal
Guy said no, that's just mayonnaise, I ate a sandwich while waiting
I got beaten up by a truck driver....
I'm not sure why, I just told him that his truck looked like Thanos. I guess he just snapped.
What's a truck driver's favorite date?
10/4, good buddy.
A truck driver got arrested today...
He had vehicles of mass dis-truck-tion.
Why did a female semi truck driver bought a MACK truck
Because she likes to get Mack.
How did the black ice-cream truck driver die?
popsicle cell anemia
What do you call a black truck driver?
Big-rig Nig.
A truck on the way to the zoo was pulled of on suspicion of carrying illegal drugs.
The truck was carrying various animals including a few ducks. The driver was promptly arrested for trasporting large amounts of *quack* across state lines.
A biker gang comes into a transport cafe
and start picking on a little middle-aged man just sitting down to an all-day breakfast. They steal most of it, spit in his tea, and pull away his chair from under him, until eventually he gives up and walks out silently.
They laugh loudly and say to the waitress "He wasn't much of a man, was he?"
"No," she says, "and he's not much of a truck driver either -- he's just backed an eighteen-wheeler over a whole line of motorbikes."
3 people drowned in a truck today.
The driver went first, then the other two people did. It's a shame those guys couldn't get the tailgate down.
A doctor sees a brains for sale sign in front of a shop.
He goes in and sees a doctor's brain is $8 a pound, paramedic brain is $12 a pound, nurses brain is $30 a pound, truck driver is $40, and a lawyer brain is $90 a pound. He asks the person behind the cash register, Why is a doctor brain worth $8 a pound but a lawyer brain is worth $90? The cashier responds, Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound?
A truck driver dies in Ireland.
Owner of a local snack company gave a speech at the funeral:
He was driving me nuts alright.
A truck driver sees a naked man tied to a tree off to the side of the road.
He pulls his rig to the side and approaches the man. The man says to him, "Oh, thank God you're here. I pulled into a gas station to get some gas. I was robbed at gun point, thrown into the trunk of my car and then driven here. Then they stripped me of all of my clothes, took my wedding ring and drove off."
The truck driver shook his head, lowered his fly and said, "This just isn't your day, is it."
A dinosaur, a spider, and a cowboy walk into a bar
All three sit at the bar and begin drinking heavily, clearly distressed. The bartender asks them what their troubles are.
The Cowboy takes a shot, then says "my horse got loose, ran into traffic, and got hit by a semi truck carrying gasoline. Cause a whole big explosion and blew my poor horse to bits." The spider nods sympathetically. "I just lost my husband in that same fire. The driver found him, freaked out, and crashed trying to squash my dear hubby."
The bartender is in shock, but finally asks the dinosaur his story.
The dinosaur sniffed, took a sip from his straw, and said "My whole family was on that truck"
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
Old Mr. Blaustein goes to a restaurant..
he eats an expensive meal, drinks the best wine on the list and when it comes to paying the bill he leaves only 5 dollar tip.
The waiter keeps his face but can't help himself uttering "Yesterday your son ate here and he left 50 dollar tip!"
"Of course", says the old Blaustein, "he is the son of an american millionaire, but I am the son of a latvian truck driver"
So you know about how men with small penises drive massive pickup trucks to compensate?
I wonder what it means that my daily driver is a bicycle...
I sorted by top of all time and copied and pasted the best joke here
I was just about to hit submit and a tow truck came along and hitched onto the back of my car. I jumped out and screamed, *Why are you towing my car?* The tow driver just stared back at me with this dead look in his eye, not saying a thing. *At least tell me where you're bringing my car*, I begged. The driver slowly turned to me and and said: Repo St.
Two guys driving in the highway with broken side mirror car
The driver wants to switch lanes and tells the passenger: Can you look if there any car is coming
The passenger turns and looks back and says: No there's no car coming .
Driver turns the signal on and proceeds to change the line and huge truck hits them.
Driver turns to passenger and screams: YOU SAID THERE WAS NO CAR!!!
The passenger replies: YOU SAID CAR, NOT A TRUCK!
P.S. old joke that my father told me
Stupid highway patrol man
So this semi trucker got his truck stuck underneath an overpass. A few minutes later a highway patrol officer came up to him and said Did you get your truck stuck?
Without missing a beat the truck driver said
Nope I was delivering this overpass and ran out of gas.
A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her: "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.
She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Walmart parking lot, now you can follow me over to Target."
A man is hitchhiking on a lonely road.
After a good while an old beat up truck stops and picks him up and after a couple of minutes of small talk the driver ask the man if he wants some booze. Sure he says and gets handed a bottle. When he tries to drink it the smell of bad moonshine overwhelms him and he declined the drink. The old man driving just steps on the breaks and pulls a shotgun and screams " now you drink or I blow your head of" the guy does what he's told and takes a sterdy sip. After the old man goes: "Good, now you aim at me so I can have drink too"
There was once a truck driver eating at a diner.
He was enjoying his meal, when a gang of bikers walked in. They started bullying him, by dumping salt and pepper all over him, spitting in his coffee, and stealing his food. To their surprise, the truck driver did nothing, but pay the bill, and walk out of the diner.
As they are marveling about this, the waitress comes up to them. The biker gang says that the truck driver wasn't much of a fighter.
The waitress then looks out into the night and says, He doesn't look to be much of a driver either. He just ran over 3 motorcycles.
What did the Mexican truck driver say in his defense when he got pulled over with ten tons of imported snails?
Es Cargo.
Guy was driving in the outback.
He decides he needs a break and finds a bar off the beaten track and parks his truck..
He goes i and was confronted by a lot off pissed up bikers.
They started insulting him, so he had one beer then left.
The bikers started shouting, he was not such of a man was he.?
The barman said not much of a driver either, he has just run over 21 motorcycles.
A truck driver reverses down a mountain road
A policeman stops him and asks: "Why are you driving up backwards?"
Driver replies: "My boss said there's no place to turn around."
A little later the truck comes back down, again in reverse.
The policeman asks: "Why are you reversing down now?"
The driver replies: "The boss is an idiot - I could turn around!"
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said," Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo."
The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said," I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said," I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
A driver was reversing his truck up a hill on a narrow gravel track
A hiker saw him and asked, why don't you drive up in forward?
Driver: It is a narrow track, in case I don't find a place to turn up there
Hiker: oh, clever
After a while the hiker sees the same driver reversing down hill
Hiker: what happened?
Driver: I found a place to turn
A British man in a Jag is broke down on the side of the road
When the tow truck comes and the driver sees the Jag, he says "Hey you know why the British like warm beer?"
The Jag driver with a complete deadpan look says "I dunno. Why...?"
And the truck driver laughs and says "Because Lucas makes refrigerators too!"
Termite Food
So I work in a retail store where we routinely have shipments of freight arriving on wooden skids. A truck driver will come by every week or so, and pick up the empty skids so they can be reused.
Out of curiosity, I asked the driver if he ever worried about termites getting into his trailer. He said the brand of skids we use are chemically treated, so termites won't eat them. You can tell the difference because instead of being regular wood, they're usually painted blue.
So I said, "In other words, they can't palate pallets in that pallette?"
What is the truck drivers favorite part of the movies?
The trailers
I went to the cinema to see a film about truck drivers
It wasn't for me though. There were too many trailers.
True story: Many years ago I worked a drive thru fast food place. A tow truck came through with a car hooked up in back. I asked him what I could get for him. The driver asked for a minute to decide.
After a minute I said, Sir, can you hurry up? You're *holding up* the car behind you.
Putin is held hostage by a terrorist.
A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks:
Driver: What's going on?
Policeman: A terrorist is holding Putin hostage in a car. He's demanding 10 mill rubles, or he'll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire. So we're asking drivers for donations.
Driver: Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average.
Policeman: About a gallon.
A truck driver was having a quiet drink at a Road House in the middle of nowhere when 4 bikies turned up.
They walked inside and had a look around to see the driver was the only one else in the bar. They walked directly up to him and without warning, started to beat the living shit out of him.
Eventually, they let him leave and they walk up to the bar to get a drink. The first one says to the bartender, That guy wasn't much of a fighter.
The bartender looks outside and says He's not much of a truck driver either. He just ran over all of your bikes.
An old guy was sitting eating at a local truck stop...
when three big, burly bikers walked in. The first stubbed his cigarette out in the old guy's pie, the second walked past and spat in his coffee, and the last flipped the guy's plate over, tipping the rest of his meal everywhere.
The old guy didn't say a word. He just got up and slowly walked out of the truck stop.
"Huh" snorted the first biker. "He wasn't much of a man, was he?"
"Nope" replied their server. "He's not much of a truck driver either. He just backed up and crushed 3 motorcycles with his rig."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the truck driver lorry driver jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working truck driver pickup truck piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.