trousers Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious trousers puns

"So is that a gun in your trousers or are you just happy to see me?"

"Both ,now get in the van"

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My friend said to me "that's a nice ass shirt"

And I said

"Thanks. But they're called trousers not an ass shirt"

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A man goes to the doctor and says,

"Doc, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my anus."

The doctor instructs him to drop his trousers, and then examines him.

The man asks, "Is it serious, doc?"

The doctor replies, "Sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg."

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A guy asks his doctor if he had ever laughed at a patient.

The doctor says "In over 20 years I haven't because I try to remain professional."

With that the guy dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest dick the doctor had ever seen. It wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery.

The doctor burst into uncontrolable hysteria. "I'm sorry I really am, I don't know what came over me. I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

The guy starts sobbing and says "It's swollen."

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Penguin blowjob

I asked a prostitute for sex but she refused because I only had $5. She however offered me a penguin blowjob. I had no idea what it was but thought for $5, that was a pretty good deal. She took off my belt and lowered my trousers and underpants to my ankles and began sucking. As things were heating up, she stopped, turned around and started walking away. I ran after her with my trousers and underpants still around my ankles pleading for her to finish.

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I had a prostate exam the other day...

When I entered the examination room and asked the doctor where I should put my trousers, I have to say, "over there with mine" was not the answer I was expecting.

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So Bob goes to the doctor

Bob saw his doctor and asked if he had ever laughed at a patient. "In over 20 years I haven't because I try to remain professional." With that Bob dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest dick the doctor had ever seen. It wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery. The doctor burst into uncontrolable hysteria. "I'm sorry I really am, I don't know what came over me, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen" said Bob.

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The leaders of 3 European countries hold a contest to see which one of them has the biggest penis.

The king of Spain lowers his trousers and the audience gasps, then cries "Viva Espana!" The king of France does the same, and his is even bigger. The audience shouts, "Vive La France!" The king of England disrobes, and after a moment of stunned silence, the audience yells, "God save the Queen!"

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Bob and his doctor

Bob saw his doctor and asked if he had ever laughed at a patient.

"In over 20 years I haven't because I try to remain professional."

With that Bob dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest dick the doctor had ever seen. It wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery.

The doctor burst into uncontrollable hysteria.

"I'm sorry I really am, I don't know what came over me, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen" said Bob.

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New Year's Morning

A young man was drunk and staggering about with a key in his hand.

A policeman walks up and says, "What's going on here?"

"They stole my car!", answered the drunk.

"Where did you last see it?", asked the policeman.

"On the end of this key!", the man replied.

The policeman looks him over and says, "Sir, are you aware that your penis is hanging out of your trousers?"

"Holy shit!", the drunk cried. "They got my girlfriend too!"

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The Fence

Two New Zealand guys were walking through a paddock one day when they come to a fence.

Stuck in the fence is a sheep. Only its head is stuck and its body on the men's side of the fence.

Without think about it one of the men, John pulls down his trousers and fucks the sheep. When he's finished he gets all embarrassed and says to his fellow, "Sorry, did you want a go."

Jack, his mate thinks about it for a second. Then he kneels down

And sticks his head in the fence.

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The Paper Cowboy

A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whisky. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?"

The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.

"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.

"Well," said the bartender, "he always wore a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."

"How bizarre," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"

"Rustling," answered the bartender.

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NSFW A man tells his doctor he's got a lettuce up his arse

The doctor tells the man to turn around, drop his trousers, and bend over. The doctor begins looking and says he can see a few leaves. The man replies, 'I'm afraid that's just the tip of the iceberg'.

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A man walks into a public toilet...

and sees a man with no arms waiting by a urinal. Being a gentleman, once he has done his business, he asks the man if he can help. The man says 'Thanks buddy, could you unzip my trousers please?'. Thinking of this as his good deed for the day, he does as he is asked. The man then says 'and could you get my penis out while your down there?'. A little disgusted now, he pulls out the man's penis, which to his horror he sees is diseased and moldy. He drops it instantly, but the man says 'Please buddy, I'm desperate. Can you just guide it into the urinal while I pee?'. Closing his eyes, he does as he is bidden, but once the man is done and he has helped him put his penis away, he turns and says 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. What exactly is wrong with your penis?'. The man removes his arms from his coat and says 'I don't know buddy, but there's no way in hell I'm touching it!'

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Medical File

A man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I've got a problem, but if you're going to treat it, first you've got to promise not to laugh."
"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over
twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," the man said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the
tiniest penis the doctor has ever seen.
Unable to control himself, the doctor fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
"I'm so sorry," he said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen."

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My grandpa's favorite joke

A man runs into a psychiatrist's office exclaiming that he has gone crazy. The psychiatrist asks this random fellow why he thinks he is crazy, to which the man retorts, "I've been wearing cellophane underwear for the past week!" The psychiatrist, in slight disbelief, asks the man to prove it. The man swiftly pulls down his trousers to reveal that he was wearing home-made cellophane underwear. After a moment of examination, the psychiatrist exclaims, "I can clearly see you're nuts!"

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"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse.

"I'm a professional. In over twenty years, I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," said Bob, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen. In length and width, it was almost identical to a AAA battery.

Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out. Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the man's part, she composed herself as well as she could. "I am so sorry," she said, "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise that won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Bob replied.

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A man went to the doctor but was embarrassed when he realised it was a female doctor.

"What seems to be the problem?" asked the doctor.

"I don't want to show you, you'll laugh" replied the man timidly.

The doctor tried her best to reassure the man. "I've been a doctor for twenty three years, never once have I laughed at a patient. I assure you, whatever the problem is, I will not laugh."

The man reluctantly agreed and dropped his trousers. Once he removed his underwear, the doctor saw his penis was the smallest she'd ever seen. Similar in width to a pencil and not much longer than the eraser on the end of one.

The doctor tried her best not to laugh, but couldn't help letting out a chuckle, which she played off as a cough.

"Okay, now what's the problem?" asked the doctor.

"It's swollen."

The doctor left the room.

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What did O say to Q?

Hey put that thing back in your trousers.

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Tyrone went to the doctor

Tyrone went to see his doctor and nervously asked if he had ever laughed at a patient.


The doctor reassured him, "In over 20 years I haven't laughed at a single patient because I always remain thoroughly professional."


With that Tyrone dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It wasn't any bigger than a AA battery.


The doctor just couldn't help himself and burst into uncontrollable laughter before composing himself and saying, "I'm sorry I really am, I don't know what came over me. I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

Tyrone sighed, "It's swollen."

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Brown Paper Pete

A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whiskey. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?"

The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.

"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.

"Well," said the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."

"Weird guy," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"

"Rustling," said the bartender.

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What do you call a pair of snakeskin trousers?

Serpants.

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Why did the golfer take a spare pair of trousers with him?

Incase he got a hole in one!

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2 men walk into a corner shop,

one of them dressed like a clown the other in a plain ski mask. They go to the counter and say

"Empty the till, no one needs to get hurt!"

The clerk complies with all comands given to him. Just as they're about to leave the clown drops his trousers and takes a shit on the middle of the floor. He then proceeds to wank all over the counter, get his bollocks out and run up and down shouting

"Julia Gillard's a fucking cunt!"

The robber in the ski mask looks astounded.
After they've both left he asks the man in the clown outfit

"What the fuck was that back there?!"

the clown replies "I'd like to see those fuckers on Crime Investigation re-enact that".

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A classics professor goes to a tailor...

... to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: "Euripides?" The professor replies: "Yes. Eumenides?"

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A man walks into a watchmakers shop, walks up to the assistant and drops his trousers in front of her.

She looks at him for a moment, sighs, and says "sir, we only service watches and clocks, please put THAT away."

The man replies "It IS a clock, but it's missing a few things, so would you mind putting two hands and a face on it?"

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Hunter goes bear hunting.

A hunter goes to the forest. He sees a bear and fires at it, but misses. The bear is nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly the bear taps him on his shoulder and says, "You tried to kill me, either I'll kill you or pull down your trousers and let me fuck you". The man chose life.

He goes home embarrassed, buys a bigger gun and goes back to hunt the bear. He sees it at a distance, fires, misses, the bear disappears in the thick brush only to pop up behind him a little later. The bear recognizes the hunter and says, "You know the choices."

The hunter, after being fucked again, brings a bazooka to get over his humiliation. He finds the bear, fires and falls back due to recoil. The smoke clears and the bear is standing over him, rubbing it's chin. "You don't come here for hunting, do you?"

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There was a little boy celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".

"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".

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What trousers did Mendel wear?

Genes.

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I was invited to a party...

The dress code said "black tie only".

But when I got there, I noticed other people had worn shirts and trousers too

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So a white man is taking a leak in a bar bathroom..

when a black man walks up to the urinal beside him and drops his trousers. Curious, the white man peaks down towards the black mans waist and exclaims "Holy hell! That's the biggest pecker I've ever seen! How do I get one like that?".
The black man chuckles and thinks for a moment and says: "Well i'll tell you my trick: all you've got to do is tie one end of a string around it, and the other end around your ankle".

A week later, the white man is back in the same bar and decides to go take a leak. He opens the bathroom door and is greeted by the same black man from the week before, washing his hands.

"How are you making out with my trick?" says the black man. The white man replies "Great! I'm halfway there!". The black man, in disbelief, says "You mean it actually worked? How much did it grow?".

The white man says "None, but it's black!".

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"Of course I won't laugh."

Said the nurse. "I am a professional. In over 20 years of working here, I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay, then," Said Bob, and he proceeded to drop his trousers revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen. In length and width, it was almost identical to a AAA battery.

Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to suppress a giggle, but it just came out. Feeling very bad at laughing at the mans part she composed herself as well as she could. "I am very sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor, as a nurse and a lady, I promise that won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"

"Its swollen," Bob replied.

She ran out of the room.

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My teacher told me to tuck my shirt in.

I said, "Why?"

"Because it *looks* like you've just had sex," he said, zipping his trousers.

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Scots vs English

Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Cause sheep can hear a zipper at 50 yards.

Why do the English wear trousers? Cause goats are deaf.

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Some say he never recovered...

Bill went to see his doctor and nervously asked if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor reassured him, "In over 20 years I haven't laughed at a single patient because I always remain thoroughly professional."

With that Bill dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery.

The doctor just couldn't help himself and burst into uncontrollable laughter before composing himself and saying, "I'm sorry I really am, I don't know what came over me. I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

Bill said, "It's swollen."

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What are the most funny Trousers jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Trousers? Well, here are the best Trousers dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Trousers pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes