Trousers Jokes
102 trousers jokes and hilarious trousers puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about trousers that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Experience a chuckle with this collection of hilarious Trousers Jokes! Ranging from half-mast trousers and split trousers to red trousers and jeans, there's something for everyone. With tongue-in-cheek puns, these jokes will have you laughing at the expense of your cuff or underwear!
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Funniest Trousers Short Jokes
Short trousers jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The trousers humour may include short tight pants jokes also.
- "So is that a gun in your trousers or are you just happy to see me?" "Both ,now get in the van"
- I went to a restaurant and a waiter spilled chowder down my trousers, so I said... Waiter, waiter...there's soup in my fly!
- I was invited to a party... The dress code said "black tie only".
But when I got there, I noticed other people had worn shirts and trousers too - Scots vs English Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Cause sheep can hear a zipper at 50 yards.
Why do the English wear trousers? Cause goats are deaf. - What's the difference between a man running and a dog running? A man wears trousers. A dog pants.
- Why did the ant crawl up Princess Kate's stocking? To go to the grand opening.
Why did the ant crawl up Prince Williams' trousers?
To get to the royal ball. - Dropping your trousers is a terrible way to begin a job interview. I learned that many moons ago.
- Before my prostate exam I asked my doctor where to leave my trousers. "Over here by mine" wasn't the answer I was expecting.
- My dad wears the same trousers as his dad. His dad wears the same trousers as his dad and so on. That's jeans for you.
- This is a joke from the 1920's Why were the trousers not allowed to enter the school?
They were suspended.
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Trousers One Liners
Which trousers one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with trousers? I can suggest the ones about pants and underpants.
- Why do dancers wear loose trousers? For the ballroom
- What did O say to Q? Hey put that thing back in your trousers.
- What do you call a pair of snakeskin trousers? Serpants.
- Why did the golfer take a spare pair of trousers with him? Incase he got a hole in one!
- What trousers did Mendel wear? Genes.
- What did the suspenders say to the trousers? What's up, britches?!
- Why do black men wear baggy trousers? Because their knee grows.
- How does jupiter hold up it's trousers? With an Asteroid Belt.
- What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out Grandad's trousers? Grandma on wash day.
- Did you hear about the guy who ate his trousers? He pooped his pants!
- Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers? In case he got a hole in one.
- I spent a fortune on these stripper trousers. They're a total rip off.
- It was so cold outside... I saw a gangster pulling up their trousers
- Why shouldn't you buy Soviet trousers? Because Chernobyl fall out
- I know who wears the trousers in my relationship. My hand.
Red Trousers Jokes
Here is a list of funny red trousers jokes and even better red trousers puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's white and wears red checked trousers.... Rupert the fridge.
Share Hilarious Trousers Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about trousers you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean knickers jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make trousers pranks.
Q: What is difference between man and Superman?
A: Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.
Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.
King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention.
It was a chastity belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.
'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'
'Ah, sire, just observe.' said Merlin as he searched his cluttered workbench until he found what he was looking for.
He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two. 'Merlin, you are a genius!' cried the grateful monarch, 'Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.'
After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.
Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.
'Sir Galahad' exclaimed King Arthur, 'the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!'
But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless..
What happens when dentists remove braces?
Their trousers fall down.
My grandpa's favorite joke
A man runs into a psychiatrist's office exclaiming that he has gone crazy. The psychiatrist asks this random fellow why he thinks he is crazy, to which the man retorts, "I've been wearing cellophane underwear for the past week!" The psychiatrist, in slight disbelief, asks the man to prove it. The man swiftly pulls down his trousers to reveal that he was wearing home-made cellophane underwear. After a moment of examination, the psychiatrist exclaims, "I can clearly see you're nuts!"
A pirate walks into a bar...
...with a steering wheel attached to the front of his trousers. A man walks up to him and asks, "What's the deal with that wheel?" The pirate replies, "Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts."
I was looking for some camouflage trousers earlier...
But I couldn't find any
So a scottish man walks up to the bar
And the barman says "Sir, did you know you have a steering wheel in your trousers?" The man looks down for a moment, then back to the bartender. "Aye, it's driving me nuts."
Shall I wear pants to work?
A young woman was applying for a teaching position in Britain and, while talking to an HR guy asked him:
Am I supposed to wear a skirt all the time or shall I sometimes wear pants?
After a few seconds of silence the HR guy responded:
If you mean pants that are trousers then yes. Of course you can wear them to work. If you mean pants that are underwear… Well… It's up to you.
P. S. That really happened to a friend of mine.
Mother superior is doing the orientation ...
of the new nun. The neighbourhood is rough and so she thought she would put some hypotheticals. "What would you do if you were walking alone at night and got cornered by a man on who demanded to have s**... with you?"
"Well, I would ask him to drop his pants." replied the new nun coolly
Flabbergasted the Mother pressed "And what then?"
"Well, then I would hike up my habit above my knees." replied the nun, still calm.
Aghast at this the Mother could not but ask "And what then?"
"Well, I would start running. I can run a lot faster with my habit hiked up than the man whose trousers are at his ankles."
The Paper Cowboy
A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whisky. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?"
The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."
"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"
"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.
"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.
"Well," said the bartender, "he always wore a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."
"How bizarre," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"
"Rustling," answered the bartender.
[Dark joke] The little girl next to a canyon...
A little girl stands next to a canyon crying. An old man stops at her and asks her "whats up? what happened?".
The girl said "My parents fell down and died! Now I am out all alone!". The old man opens his trousers zip. "Doesn't seem to be your day".
Why do Taliban wear loose fitting trousers?
Because sheep startle easily...
Zip!
My local butcher's shop is so clean
You could eat a raw sausage directly out of the butcher's trouser pocket. I know this because I spotted my wife doing it in the back of his shop the other day and she seems to have suffered no ill-effects.
Why should you always take two pairs of trousers when you play golf?....
....In case you get a hole in one!
My grandpa always told me this joke, hope you like it.
A frog in trousers hopped across a meadow.
Upon meeting a rabbit, the frog said:
"I am a cow, I am a cow!".
The rabbit looked angry and said,
"You are not a cow, you're a frog!".
So the frog pulled down his trousers and the rabbit stuttered in disbelief: "Holy cow!"
I spent the whole of my day with my hand in my trouser pocket.
Maybe that's why I kept feeling c**....
Today I found out I have a reptile dysfunction
Apparently my trouser snake quit growing
Getting Drunk
Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself.
He says, "Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me."
His friend says, "Don't worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill."
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually he reels home and his wife starts to give him a bad time, "You reek of alcohol and you've thrown up all over yourself, you're disgusting..."
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says, "Wait. It's not what you think. I only had one drink, but this man was sick on me. He'd obviously had one too many, or else he just couldn't hold his liquor. He was very sorry and he gave me twenty dollars for the cleaning bill. Look in my breast pocket."
She looks in his breast pocket and says, "But this is forty dollars."
"Ah, yes," says the man. "He peed in my trousers too!!!"
I asked Santa for something to wear and something to play with...
He brought me a pair of trousers with holes in the pockets.
Merry Christmas everyone!
Why did Levi invent such nice trousers?
Because he had good genes.
A Pirate Walks Into A Bar
...With the steering wheel to his ship crammed into his trousers.
Bartender: What is that steering wheel doing down your pants?
Pirate: Arrrgh... It's drivin' me nuts!
Mr.Bond caught pants down
"Ah, Mr Bond, I-"
*closes laptop lid and pulls up trousers*
"-wasn't expecting you."
What do you call trousers that are on fire?
Flared.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day
I couldn't find any
I secretly bought some new trousers without telling my girlfriend
Do you think chinos?
My teacher told me to tuck my shirt in.
I said, "Why?"
"Because it *looks* like you've just had s**...," he said, zipping his trousers.
What is pink and wrinkly and hangs out grandpas trousers?
Grandma
Husband: "Honey, aren't those trousers a bit too tight for you?"
Wife: "It's really funny how you pronounce 'I want to die'."
I used to have satin trousers
now I have standins
I was talking to the man at the dry cleaners.
I said, "Can I drop my trousers here tomorrow?"
He said, "Of course."
I'm now banned for indecent exposure.
I went to get my haircut and told the barber not to take too much off.
He only took off his trousers.
My trousers don't fit!
This is waist-ist!
What kind of trousers does Scarface wear?
Al Pa-chinos
A r**... couple gets married and are on their honeymoon.
The woman changes into a s**... outfit and lies on the bed.
She looks sheepishly up at her new hubby and whispers, "Please be gentle with me. I'm a v**...."
The man gets up screaming, grabs his trousers and runs home to tell his father.
His father comforts him by saying, "Now, now. It'll be okay, son. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for ours."
I had a prostate exam the other day...
When I entered the examination room and asked the doctor where I should put my trousers, I have to say, "over there with mine" was not the answer I was expecting.
Why couldn't the adopted child borrow his brother's trousers?
Because they didn't share jeans.
A man walks into a watchmakers shop, walks up to the assistant and drops his trousers in front of her.
She looks at him for a moment, sighs, and says "sir, we only service watches and clocks, please put THAT away."
The man replies "It IS a clock, but it's missing a few things, so would you mind putting two hands and a face on it?"
A famous Australian fashion designer created a special collection of denim trousers for the indigenous population.
He calls them Aborijeans.
He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.
I thought 'That's a turn\-up for the books.
My n**... Days Are Over
My n**... days are over, my pilot light is out.
What used to be my s**... appeal, is now my waterspout.
Time was when, on its own accord, from my trousers it would spring,
But now I've got a full-time job, to find the blasted thing.
It used to be embarrassing, the way it would behave.
For every single morning, it would stand and watch me shave.
Now as old age approaches, it sure gives me the blues,
to see it hang its little head, and watch me tie my shoes!
What do midgets wear under their trousers?
Smalls
My father wore the trousers in the family
at least, after the court order.
An Army Captain is assigned to a remote desert post in Iraq
During inspection, he notices a camel t**... outside the barracks. He asks the soldier, "why is that camel there?"
The soldier says: "There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes men get urges."
A month later the Captian has urges himself. He puts the ladder behind the camel, drops his trousers and has s**... with the camel. He asks the soldier: "Is that how the men do it?"
"No sir, they usually ride it to the brothel!"
So i went to have a prostate exam the other day
The doctor told me to take my underwear and trousers off, but i had a Complete mindblank moment and said "Where should i put them?"
He looked at me with reassuring eyes and replied "Just pop them next to mine".
I wish all doctors were this considerate.
A woman was sobbing on the side of the street because she had accidentally locked her keys in her car,
a passing soldier saw this and assured her that he can help.
She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.
Magically it opens....... "That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," replies the soldier. "These are my khakis."
Apparently Sir Elton John is so fat now he has to get trousers custom-made.
Goodbye normal jeans.
Finding a woman sobbing because she had locked her keys in the car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help.
She watches amazed as he takes off his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door. Magically it opens.
"That's so clever!" the woman exclaims. "How did you do that?"
"Easy," replied the soldier, "These are my khakis."
The same woman lost her car keys.
Her husband comes out and says, "What's wrong?"
She says, "I lost my keys!"
He takes off his trousers, rolls them into a ball and starts rubbing the ignition switch. Magically the vehicle starts up.
"WOW! How did you do that?"
"Honey, these are my cargo pants."
The British are very strange people.
They call pants 'trousers', shopping carts 'trolleys' and 6.7 raccoons in a human suit 'Prince Phillip'.
A woman accidentally locked her keys in her car and was pacing frantically on the side of the street, when a soldier from Boston passing by saw this and assured her that he could help. She looked on in amazement as he removed his trousers, rolled them into a tight ball...
...and rubbed them against the car door.
Magically, it opened!!
"That's incredible!!" the woman gasped. "How did you do it?"
"Easy..." replied the soldier. "These are my khakis."
A woman is hugely upset and sobbing because she has locked her keys inside her car.
A passing soldier stops and assures her he can help, she looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.
Magically it opens! Amazed she asks him how he did it, "Easy" he says,
"These are my khakis"
A man forgot to zip his trousers...
so a lady told him politely...
Sir your garage is open.
The man gave her a naughty smile and zipped his trousers and asked..
Did you see my Range Rover parked inside?
The lady smiled back and said..
No, just one small Toyota with two flat tires.
greeks
So, a Greek guy walks into a tailor's shop with a pair of trousers that were torn.
The tailor looks at them and asks, Euripides?
The man nods and asks, Eumenides?
A soldier finds a woman locked out of her car
A soldier finds a woman at the side of the road crying, and she tells him she's left her keys in her car. The soldier assures her that he can help.
She watches amazed as he takes off his trousers, rolls them into a ball and rubs them against the car door. Magically it opens.
"That's so clever!" the woman exclaims. "How did you do that?"
"Easy," replied the soldier, "These are my khakis."
So this pirate walks into the bar...
A pirate wearing a steering wheel steps into the local watering hole, sits down and says "Aye let me get a ice cold Budweiserrrrrr" Bartender says "excuse me sir, are you aware you have a giant steering wheel in your trousers? Pirate: .." Rrrrr, yeah, it driving me nuts!"
I finally managed to get some cymbal for my one man band outfit
The only trouble is, now the trousers clash
A young woman was standing outside her car weeping. A soldier walks up and asks what the problem is.
It turns out she's locked her keys in the car.
"Simple," says the soldier and drops his trousers, takes them off, rolls them into a ball and rubs them on the door.
The door pops open.
"How did you do that?!" exclaimed the young woman.
"Easy," says the soldier, "These are my khakis."
I heard that tiger woods takes an extra pair of trousers with him when he plays golf.
It's just in case he gets a hole in one.
A friend of mine, a performing arts student, was recently killed in an accident in Toronto…
He was putting himself through school by working as a birthday clown and he had to take the subway to get around. He was going to his next gig and his floppy shoes caught on his baggy trousers and, since he was a little too close to the edge, he fell in front of the train. We have tried to get the transit commission to adjust the signage but they won't do anything. They said he was just another victim of circus-pants.
