Troops Jokes
38 troops jokes and hilarious troops puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about troops that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Troops Short Jokes
Short troops jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The troops humour may include short armed forces jokes also.
- What's the difference between the Rockettes and a troop of acrobats? One is a cunning array of stunts.
- As a supplier for paramilitary troops, i can confirm... Nobody has ever complained about their parachute not opening mid-flight.
- Chinese and Indian troops have been fighting each other with sticks and rocks... looks like they decided to go directly to world war 4.
- A bunch of soldiers were suddenly under fire by ISIS troops Officer: Men! FIRE AT WILL!
Will: What did I do? - Poland has stepped up in support of Ukraine they've stationed 10,000 troops on their border with France.
- Afghanistan is sending 1200 troops to Washington D.C. on a mission to secure the fragile democracy.
- As tensions rise in Ukraine Vladimir is Putin troops in separatist regions, and Joe is Biden his time with imposing sanctions.
- What did the general say when he didn't have enough troops? Sounds like a personnel problem.
- Why did the drill instructor squirt condiments on his trainees in the morning? That's how he mustard the troops.
- Interviewer: What's the difference between the Taliban and British troops? Candidate: I don't know
Interviewer: Congratulations! Welcome to the United States Air Force!
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Troops One Liners
Which troops one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with troops? I can suggest the ones about trooper and infantry.
- What's the United States' biggest, most well-known export? Troops
- How do generals show their gratitude to their troops? They give tanks.
- What did Custer say to his troops 140 years ago today? MARCH 4TH!
- What did the commander say to his troops? March 4th
- A child was molested... ... by a troop of mimes. They did unspeakable things to him.
- Why couldn't the Grim Reaper go to war? Because he supports all troops
- What did German troops play during WW2? Nazee!
- A civil war buff Is when George Washington boosts his troops' damage for 60 seconds
Hilarious Troops Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about troops you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean soldier jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make troops pranks.
Guide for Russian troops: How to identify Ukrainians
Sometimes Ukrainian saboteurs try to pass off as russian troops. The easiest way to identify them is to remove their pants and examine their genitalia. All Ukrainians have b**... of steel. Even women.
Old Finnish ww2 joke
Finnish general Adolf Ehrnrooth was visiting in England after the World War II.
British general asked him how many Russian troops were stationed in Finland.
"A few hundred thousand" answered Ehrnrooth.
"Where in Finland are they stationed?" The British general asked.
Ehrnrooth answered: "Two meters underground around the border."
French Jokes
Who won the first Tour de France?
The 6th Panzer division.
Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors?
To see the front line.
How many French troops does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows.
A Russian comes home after fishing trip
A Russian comes home after fishing trip and hears the news that Russia is at war. He asks another Russian what is going on, and he tells him:
"We are at war with NATO!"
"Oh wow, how many troops have been lost?"
"Well, we have lost 45,000 troops, almost 2000 tanks, a thousand artillery pieces, several hundred helicopters and aircraft, several generals have been captured, our economy is in shambles, and the Moskva was sunk.
"And NATO?"
"NATO hasn't showed up yet."
It's WW1 on the straits of Gallipoli, the soldiers are ready to charge from their trenches.
The british officers decides to make a rousing speech to his troops: "Listen here lads, did you come here to die?" and the australian answers "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterday!"
A joke from WWII
A German soldier is talking to a Swiss soldier:
"How many soldiers could Switzerland mobilize if we were to invade?"
"Half a million within two days."
"And if we invade with a million troops?"
"We shoot twice and go home."
Exception to the rule
The First Sergeant noticed a new private one day and and barked at him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the First Sergeant asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The First Sergeant scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal p**... stuff they're teaching troops in Basic today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my privates by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as 'First Sergeant.' Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, First Sergeant!"
"Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling, First Sergeant!"
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
A warlord was looking for some supplemental troops.
He thought he found the most merciless and brutal mercenary company but their receptionist answered the phone...
"My name is Ruth, how may I be of assistance today?"
The Russian and American generals are talking about their troops..(Old Joke)
The Russian general says, "we feed our troops 1,500 calories a day." The American general says "that's nothing. We feed our troops 5,000 calories a day, at least." "Impossible!" says the Russian general. "No man can eat an entire sack of potatoes in 24 hours."
Why did the Mexican . . .
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
- For Hispanic attacks
Why did the Mexican Army invade the Alamo with only 5,000 troops?
- Because they only had two vans
Why did the Mexican train driver kill all his passengers?
- No one knows! He must have had a locomotive
Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff?
- Tequila
Ukrainian soldier is chasing a platoon of Russian troops through some woods
After a while one Russians says: "Hang on! There's 20 of us and only one of him. Why are we running from him?" And platoon leader silences him "Keep quiet! We don't know which one of us he's chasing."
My grandpa always told us the story about how he made a dozen German troops s**... themselves in WWII.
He was probably the worst cook the r**... had.
After the World War 2
Finnish general Adolf Ehrnrooth was visiting England. British general asked him how many Russian troops were stationed in Finland. "A few hundred thousand" answered Ehrnrooth. "Where in Finland are they stationed?" The British general asked. Ehrnrooth answered: "Two meters underground around the border."
What did the bicycle repairman done?
George Bush and Al Gore walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "what's up?"
Bush says "Well, tomorrow, I'm going to have the troops storm into iraq and kill 2000 Iraqis and one bicycle repairman.
The bartender replies "Oh my god, what did the bicycle repairman done to deserve this?"
Bush then turns to Gore and patted him on the back and says "See, i told you no one would care about those 2000 iraqis."
As things have escalated between North Korea and America. The Americans have revealed their secret weapon.
British troops
Semper Fi, Motherf*****
A Taliban division is patrolling the desert when, over a nearby dune, they hear a voice call out "One Marine is worth 10 Taliban." The Taliban commander sends 10 of his men over the dune, and a gun battle ensues, then silence.
Then the voice laughs and says "One marine is tougher than 100 Taliban." Angered, the commander sends 100 of his troops over the dune. A fierce gun battle breaks out, then silence.
Then the voice once again calls out: "The Taliban are wimps. One Marine can smash 1000 of you cowards!" Enraged, the commander sends 1000 of his best men over the dune. Bullets are flying everywhere, grenades exploding left and right, and then silence again.
Then, through the smoke, one badly wounded Taliban soldier crawls back over the dune. He looks at his commander and says "Don't send any more men, it's a trap. There are actually TWO of them!"
My history teacher told me a joke about WW2 today...
If you have unknown troops in front of you and you want to find out who they are, fire a few rounds in their direction.
If you are met with precision machine gun fire, they're German.
If you are met by a volley of precision rifle fire, they are British.
If they surrender, they're Italian.
If there is a mass wave of infantry and tanks, they're Russian.
If there is a bayonet and sword charge, they're Japanese.
If everything is quiet for a minute or two, and suddenly you are in the middle of a massive artillery barrage and air strikes, they are American.
