Troop Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

What's the difference between the Rockettes and a troop of acrobats?

One is a cunning array of stunts.

Trooper in Iraq

A man recently deployed to Iraq is being shown around his new base. At the end of the tour the commanding officer shows the soldier a camel tied to a post. He says,"The men use this camel whenever they begin to feel lonely, feel free to do the same." The soldier responds,"Oh, I'm sure it will never get to that point, sir. I'm married" A couple of weeks pass and the soldier is really missing his wife and stressing about how much longer he has till he'll see his wife again. One night unable to sleep he caves in and has sex with the camel. The next morning he runs into the commanding officer and says,"It happened, sir. I couldn't take the loneliness and had sex with the camel." Commanding officer baffled,"You did WHAT!? The men use that camel to ride into town to buy prostitutes!"

A Trooper tries to pull over this guy...

When he just speeds up and a chase ensues, when the trooper finally manages to pull him over, he asks him "didn't you see me trying to pull you over? Why did you take off?" To which the guy responds "sir, a while back my wife ran off with a trooper & I was afraid you're bringing her back"....

A Priest and a Rabbi were sitting on a bench at the park...

A priest and a rabbi were sitting on a bench at the park. They both watched with interest as a troop of boy scouts marched by on a nature walk. Through the side of his mouth, the priest murmurs to the Rabbi, "I'd sure like to screw those boys over there..."

To which the Rabbi replies, "Screw them out of what?"

A lawyer, a priest, and a scoutmaster with his troop

are on a plane. Suddenly the pilot has a heart attack and the plane begins to plummet.

The scoutmaster says, 'There aren't enough parachutes we must give them to the kids!'

The lawyer replies, 'Fuck the kids!'

The priest asks, 'Do you think there's time?'

Trooper tries to pull over a man who speeds away.....

After getting the man to pull over, he tells him that since it's the end of his shift that he'll let him go if he has a good explanation for why he kept speeding up instead of pulling over.

The driver says: "Don't you recognize me? My wife ran away with you 2 years ago and I thought you were trying to give her back"

military jokes

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
--U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
--USAF Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
--Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your m203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
--Army's magazine of prevention maintenance

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
--U.S. Air Force manual

"Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo."
--Infantry Journal

"Tracers work both ways."
--U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
--Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
--David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
--Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
--Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper....once."
--Anon

"Never tell the platoon sergeant you have nothing to do."
--Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
--Infantry Journal

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
--USAF Ammo Troop

A child was molested...

... by a troop of mimes. They did unspeakable things to him.

What are the funniest troop jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Troop? Well, here are the best Troop puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Troop pick up lines to share with friends.

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