Trips Jokes
86 trips jokes and hilarious trips puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about trips that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Reading these road trips jokes will make your next car ride more entertaining. You'll laugh when you read about bolts bouncing around the car and a sudden gust of wind that washes away their windshield. Check out these jokes for a good time!
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Funniest Trips Short Jokes
Short trips jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The trips humour may include short tripping jokes also.
- I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB That was a trip down memory lane
- I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
- Twenty years ago, my friend made a website where you compare getting high from different drugs. It was the original trip advisor.
- A German was going to a trip in France... He reached passport control and the officer asked:
"Name?"
"Hans Kleiner"
"Age?"
"31"
"Occupation?"
"No no, just visiting" - Today I saw a poor, old woman trip and fall. At least, I assume she was poor. She only had $4.75 in her purse.
- This is a bit wordy… I accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles, and now I'm experiencing some unexpected vowel movements. The next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
- I wish my girlfriend wasn't so obsessed about her breast size. Even a trip to the car dealership became embarrassing. She told the guy she wanted something that'll get her from A to B.
- A drug dealer sold me his shoes today I don't know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day
- Liz Cheney will agree to dismantle the January 6 Commission under one condition That is if Donald Trump can go on a hunting trip with her Dad.
- My mum tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she'd just ironed. It may sound far-fetched but it's true. I watched it all unfold.
Share These Trips Jokes With Friends
Trips One Liners
Which trips one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with trips? I can suggest the ones about tripped and field trip.
- Tripped over my friends bra... ..she is always setting booby traps!
- "I see", said the blind carpenter As he tripped over his hammer and saw
- I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra. It was a booby-trap.
- How do you get ready for a trip around the Sun?
Planet - I went on a trip to Chernobyl last week It was rad
- I didn't fall for my boyfriend His third leg just tripped me
- Yo mama so fat... When she tripped, I didn't laugh, but the ground was cracking up
- I tripped in France Eiffel over
- I rolled my first joint last night! Today I have an ankle the size of a football. :(
- What did the French man say when he tripped down the stairs? Eiffel.
- The dumpling took a trip to Spain and came back feeling empanada.
- I tripped on a bra… It was a booby trap
- Yo mama so dumb, she tripped over the wireless network.
- Don't walk through a field of mushrooms It's quite a tripping hazard.
- Did you hear about M.C. Escher? Poor guy tripped and fell up the stairs
Road Trips Jokes
Here is a list of funny road trips jokes and even better road trips puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It makes my heart race when my GF puts her head in my lap during long road trips So now I only let her do it when it's my turn to drive
- I mean, NHL teams have father-son road trips all the time I don't think they're as common in the NBA though...
- Where does a sheep sit in the car during a road trip? In the Ba a a ack
- Have you ever taken a road trip to the Seagate factory? It's a hard drive.
- My son came to pick me up for a road trip. He had a new luggage rack on top of his car. He said, See this, it's Iraq. It's for your Baghdad.
I was so proud. - Why are amputees so good at road trips? They're always on the last leg.
- I love long road trips with music.. ..Until the acid wear off and i realize i'm in an ambulance with the siren on.
- What state did the programmer start her road trip in? Maine
- Why was the rug so well-behaved during the road trip? Because it's a car pet!
- I recently drove through the town of Covert, New York on a road trip. I didn't notice.
Playful Trips Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about trips you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tripping and falling jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make trips pranks.
Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......
.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.
A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. He gets in, starts the car, and drives off.
Needless to say, the cops follow him: for several miles. The man's driving was flawless, perfect and in accordance with all traffic laws.
Finally, they decide to pull him over anyway. They turn on their lights. He pulls over instantly. They ask him to step out of the car; he calmly complies. They check his license; it is valid, and clean. They give him several field sobriety tests, each harder than the last. He passes all with flying colors.
The two cops look at each other, then the man, and ask "Sir, you aren't drunk, are you?"
"No, I'm not," says the man.
"Then why were you acting drunk when you left the bar?"
"I'm tonight's DD."
"Designated Driver?"
"No, I'm the Designated Decoy. All of my drunk friends drove off the other way."
The Rabbit, The bear, and The genie.
A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit trips on a glistening metal object. The bear quickly picks up the object which appears to be a silver oil lamp.
A genie appeared forth.
The genie looked at the bear then the rabbit, then back at the bear.
"Alright, which of you schmucks freed me?"
"Me" the bear and rabbit said simultaneously.
The genie looked at the rabbit, then back at the bear. "Alright, I'm in a good mood, so you both get three wishes. Who's going first?"
The bear volunteered. "I wish all the other bears in this forest were female" He said.
"I wish I had a motorcycle" said the rabbit.
"Done and done" said the genie. Next wish?
The bear got a dumb smile and said "I wish all the other bears in the surrounding forests were female."
The rabbit hopped on the motorcycle. "I wish I was wearing a helmet"
"Alright. easy enough."
The bear a grin across his face yelled "I wish all the other bears in the world were female!"
The rabbit revved the engine, put on some goggles and as he sped away yelled "I wish the bear was gay!"
What car brands mean
Ford-Flipped Over Rebuilt Dodge
Pontiac-Plan On Numerous Trips In Another Car
Fiat- Fix It Again Tony
Chevrolet-Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Nissan-Needless Innovations, Silly, s**..., Automotive Nonsense
GM-Gluteus Maximus
GMC-God's Mechanical Curse
LTD-Long, Thin Dumpster
Oldsmobile-Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.
Two men go on a hunting trip...
One of them trips, hits his head on a rock, and passes out. The other man calls 911 and says "I think my buddy's dead!". The operator says "Make sure first." The man puts the phone down and the operator hears a gunshot. A second later the man says "Yah he's dead."
A man goes hunting...
He is an Atheist. He is in the woods when he trips and drops his rifle down a cliffs edge, and a Bear corners him. Knowing its his last line of life, but un willing to ask for god, he thinks of a witty idea, he says "If there is a god, please make this bear a christian!".The bear stands up and says "Dear lord, thank you for this meal im about to eat".
Hueh.
So there's this lemon...
And he's running down the street.
He trips and falls on the sidewalk, leaving him with a n**... gash on his arm.
Luckily, another lemon walks by and patches him up with a Lemonaid kit.
(It's really bad, but the joke inspired my username. Just had to share.)
A research group on sea mammals captured a rather odd porpoise on one of its trips.....
Its peculiarity was that it had feet. After they had photographed and measured the poor thing, they prepared to set it free.
"Wait a minute," said one of the researchers, "Wouldn't it be a kindness if our ship's doctor here were to amputate the feet so that it would be like other porpoises?" "Not on your life," exclaimed the doctor,
"That would be defeeting the porpoise."
What's the difference between a hippie and a chemist?
One does acid trips, the other does acid drips.
A giraffe walks into a bar...
The giraffe trips and falls over, the bartender says, "what's that lyin over there." And someone replies, "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe."
A kid is leaving his house to school
His mom tells him "May God be with you". When the kid is walking down the stairs he trips and falls.
He turns back and says, 'You can come with me, but you don't have to push'
I was carrying the groceries in and had to make a second trip.
My girlfriend said to me, "real men don't make second trips." I said "they do to your mum's house."
Three Businessmen are on a plane
The first one turns to the other two and says "My wife and I hate these long business trips, but at least we got to have s**... 3 times last night before I had to go to the airport."
"Just 3?" Replied the 2nd man. "I made love to my girlfriend 5 times." Turning to the 3rd man he asks "And you?"
"I only made love to my wife once last night." the 3rd guy replied.
"Just once? That's it? Geez. What did your wife say in the morning?"
"Don't stop."
Discount Air Rides
Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, 'What trip?'
A horse t**... into a bar,
trips, and falls
A priest trips over a tombhead and breaks his neck:
He made a grave mistake.
What is blond and disturbs camping trips?
Anders Breivik
My wife is my biggest motivator
Every time I feel like it's all too much to bear, all she has to say is:
"Why don't you just make two trips?"
I flew the love of my life to the mountains this weekend. I rode her for hours. I had never rode her so hard! In fact I was so tired I decided to stay the night and ended up riding her some more in the morning. I don't think I have ever had such an amazing time.
My GF hates when I talk about my bike trips with her parents.
Why are psychics useful on road trips?
They always read the signs.
TIFU by telling my wife the best time to have s**...
On business trips.
What happens when Niagara trips?
Niagara Falls
Two men go out hunting…
Two men go out hunting and everything is going fine until one of them trips, falls on a rock, and becomes unresponsive. Thinking the man is dead, the other man calls 911 and the operator tells him to make sure the man is dead. The operator hears a gunshot and the man says "Ok, what now?"
Going through customs at a US airport
Customs agent: Do you have anything to declare today?
Me: *starts sweating* ummmmm no. *trips and falls. Hundred of Kinder eggs spill from my pockets, jacket and bag*
Customs agent: GET ON THE FLOOR NOW!
Me: But, I am -
*armed guards swarm around and pin me down*
Armed guards: WHAT'S IN THE EGGS!!!
Me: I don't know, it's a surprise!!
(Sorry if the formatting s**.... On mobile)
The Church of Scientology does many mission trips.
I mean heck, Tom Cruise has been on 5 missions already!
a bad comedian trips and falls
and he shouts "help, I've fallen and can't do stand up!"
An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp
An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp. The genie pops out and says "I will give you three wishes"
Irishman says "I want to live forever"
Genies nods and says "It is done. You will live forever"
Irishman says "I want a mug of beer that never runs out"
Genie nods and a bottomless beer mug appears in the guy's hand. Genie says "You have one more wish to use"
Irishman says "This is great! Gimme another one of these mugs"
I'll make two trips...
Said no man ever
A short person walks into a bar.
And his tall friend trips over it.
I was worried my wife was cheating on me because she made frequent trips to the supermarket late at night...
She said not to worry, she was just going out to get bred
The Priest and the Tiger
A priest visits the zoo, but accidentally trips over, landing in the tiger enclosure. The tiger slowly approaches the priest, so the priest begins to pray.
To his surprise the tiger prays too.
'Its a miracle!' The priest exclaims. 'I thought you were going to eat me.'
'Shut up you idiot, I'm just saying grace!' Replies the tiger.
What do you call an activist fangirl who trips all time?
A stumblr.
We, the taxpayers, keep paying to send Trump on very expensive trips overseas.
It might be worth it too, except he keeps coming back.
A Newfie walking around
A Newfie is walking around with his new pair of shoes but only one is tied. He trips and a guy goes to him and says you need to tie your other shoe the Newfie respond with it's fine I know what I'm doing .
After walking for a bit longer the Newfie trips again, the same guy says you really should tie your other shoe the Confused Newfie says but I read the bottom of the shoe and it says Taiwan
A man proudly sporting an I Love Trump pin passes a liberal man on the sidewalk. As he does so, he trips and falls.
Oh my god! Exclaims the liberal, Are you alt-right?
A husband and wife are trying to have a baby
After many attempts and what seems like an endless number of trips to the doctor and fertility clinic they meet with the doctor who tells them, "I do not think you will be able to have children."
The wife is overcome with emotion and her husband consoles her saying, "Inconceivable."
The doctor replies,"I don't think that word means what you think it means."
Yanni trips on a cable while performing with Michael Jackson. MJ runs up to him and asks
Yanni are you okay?
So Yanni are you okay
Are you okay Yanni
Donald Trump spends more money on Trips to play golf at Mara Lago than it would cost to put on the Special Olympics he wants to cut
Can we make the Special Olympics Trump golf at Mara Logo ?
What happens when water trips over?
waterfall
If Uber was a drug,
Sometimes we'd have really bad trips
A Hunter and his Friend go Hunting in the Woods. His Friend accidentally trips and hits his head.
The Man hurried to call 911.
911: 911, What's your Emergency?
Hunter: My Friend tripped and hit his head and he is not moving. What do I do?
911: Ok, Don't Panic. First, make sure if he is dead.
Hunter: Ok. *Long Pause* *Gunshot*
What Next?
Yo mama so fat...
When she hauls a**..., she has to make two trips.
Gimme your best yo mama jokes.
A Redditor accidentally trips and sets off an e**... in a precious metal mine. What's the first thing they say?
Holy c**... this blew up!
Uhhh thanks for the gold stranger!
Two photographers are walking down a street.
One of them trips and fall onto the ground.
The second one immediately falls down next to him and says: Excellent angle! What are we shooting?
A man is asked by his colleagues why he never goes on their annual bungee-jumping trips.
He says, "A broken rubber brought me into this world. I'm not letting one take me out of it."
A man walks into a museum.
While wandering, he trips and breaks a vase.
He panicks and picks the pieces up.
But the curator appears and almost has a heart attack.
"What have you done! that vase was 2000 years old." He shrieks.
"Oh thank God." The man sighs in relief. " I thought it was brand new."
My friend is very literal
He trips on every metaphor he stumbles across
A little boy walked up to the farmer watching over cows in his field.
Boy:wow! Would you look at that bunch of cows!
Farmer: Herd
Boy: Heard of what?
Farmer: Herd of cows
Boy: Of course I've heard of cows
Farmer: No, a cow herd
Boy: what do I care what a cow heard? I got no secrets from a cow.
(No punchline but my dad used to say it every time we passed cows on road trips and it still makes me smile)
My friend regularly takes anti-diarrhea pills and claims it increases his work productivity, due to reduced trips to the restroom daily.
I think he's full of s**....
If you're over the age of 40 and prone to frequent trips to the bathroom, I've got bad news…
u**... trouble
My wife is an economist and I am an engineer.
I was watching my wife make her breakfast one morning, and noticed that she made way too many trips to get each of the items she needed. So I said in my best engineer voice, Hey sweetheart, why don't you utilize the load maximization principle and carry all the items you need in one trip, thereby minimizing total distance travelled?
Well don't you know, she loved my suggestion!
It used to take her 11 minutes to make her breakfast… now I do it in 5.
Your mama so fat
When she hauls a**, she has to make two trips.
"How can you watch Victoria Secret Fashion Week but still claim you love only me?" My wife asked
" The same way I watch Formula One whole weekend but still drive my trusted 2012 Toyota Camry everyday" I replied..
That satisfied her...
I just failed to mention I take rental at Enterprise when I go on business trips
How many DIY buffs does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store.
Red Cross nurse
A guy walks into a bar and trips and falls sustaining a horrible injury. "Hold still," the bartender exclaims. "We have a Red Cross nurse right here that can help you!" "Just my luck," mutters the guy, "Why couldn't I have a blonde cheerful nurse instead?"
I don't like to brag about the expensive trips I go on…..
….but I went to the gas station today.
I have been to a lot of places, but I've never been in Cahoots.
Apparently you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito, either. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips, thanks to my friends and family.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump and I'm not much on physical activity.
A priest is being chased through the woods by a hungry bear.
As the priest is running, he makes an impassioned plea to God: Oh please God, in your infinite wisdom and mercy, turn this bear into a good Christian!
Before he can get another word out, he trips over a log and goes sprawling. The bear catches up and approaches the terrified priest. Rising up on its hind legs, it puts its paws together, and says
Lord, thank you for this meal that I am about to receive.
