Trial Jury Jokes
22 trial jury jokes and hilarious trial jury puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about trial jury that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Trial Jury Short Jokes
Short trial jury jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The trial jury humour may include short jury duty jokes also.
- I just got to know that my wife cheated on me with all the jury members of my trial Can't blame her though, it was a hung jury
- I just got called for jury duty and the judge is a midget. I'm assuming it will be a short trial.
- When I was on a jury, the judge didn't appreciate me bringing a snack for everyone I thought my trial mix was pretty good too
- Why do Harlem trials never result in a conviction? Because they always end up with a hung jury.
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Trial Jury One Liners
Which trial jury one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with trial jury? I can suggest the ones about jury and trial lawyer.
- How do you ensure a dock gets a fair trial? Have it decided by a jury of his piers
- Why are furries always found guilty at trial? A furry curries only fury from a jury.
Uproarious Trial Jury Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about trial jury you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean trial jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make trial jury pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Not guilty
p**... went to trial for armed robbery.
After a long drawn out trial, the jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty."
"That's grand!" shouted p**.... "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
Trial
A man charged with assault and battery insisted at his trial that he had just pushed his victim "a little bit". When he was pressured by the prosecutor to illustrate just how hard, the defendant approached the lawyer, slapped him in the face, grabbed him firmly by the lapels and flung him over the table.
He then faced judge and jury and calmly declared, "I would say it was about one-tenth that hard."
A Man named McMurphy is accused of robbing a bank...
On the last day of his trial, the foreman of the jury stands up.
"Have you reached a verdict?" asked the judge.
"We have your honor..." replied the foreman. "Not guilty!"
"Excellent!" shouted McMurphy "Does that mean i get to keep the money?"
A jury finds a man not-guilty in court...
During trial much evidence had been produced that showed the defendant to be guilty.
Upon the jury's decision the prosecutor incredulously asked the judge: "Your honor, on what basis could the jury possibly have acquitted the defendant?!"
The judge replied: "Temporary insanity".
To which the prosecutor exclaimed: "All 12 of them?"
A man gets arrested for selling alcohol without a permit. He gets a lawyer who tells to not to worry, he's got a fool-proof defense. The day of the trial arrives, and the lawyer address the jury. Ladies and gentlemen, take a good long look at my client...
...do you think, if he had even a drop of alcohol in his possession, that he would sell it?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pornhub was sued a few months ago by xhamster
The trial was long and hard, but ended with a hung jury
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the heart warming emotional testimony the m**... gave at his trial?
Even the jury was touched.
Before a trial in a Death penalty case the judge asks the jury 1 question:
Judge: If the evidence warrants it, would any of you take issue with giving the death penalty to the defendant?
(Juror stands)
Juror: The prison is in Huntsville your honour?
Judge: Yes.
Juror: Well that's a pretty far drive for me & I work all week so I can only do it on a Saturday if that's alright with you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**... is standing trial in front of a jury of English majors....
Judge says: "How do you plead?"
The man replies: "I didn't do nothin'!"
Jury walks out. Case closed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A m**... took place. Everyone witnessed the crime being committed.
They know it was E who brutally killed the man in question. They saw it. Against all previous odds of his record coming clear, people testified.
A jury was formed to try E on these alleged crimes. Due to the extreme gore of the crime scene and its explicit details, it was a closed court hearing. After hours of trial and testimony, E emerged, innocent in the eyes of the court. He was absolved of all charges.
Everyone wondered how he managed to pull it off.
There is a reason he is called Mr E.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Courtroom
At a r**... trial the young victim was asked by the D.A. what the defendant said before the alleged assault. Too embarrassed to answer aloud, the victim asked if she could write out the answer. After reading the note, the judge instructed the jury foreman to read it and pass it among the rest of the jurors.
One juror, who had dozed off, was nudged by the woman juror
sitting next to him. He took the note from her and read, "I'm going to f* you like you've never been f*ed before."
The juror smiled at the woman and slipped the note in his pocket. "Will juror number 12 please pass the note to me!"
ordered the judge.
"I can't, Your Honor," the juror answered. "It's personal."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Quick, Short, Funny Court Appearance
j**... Bartle was arrested and put on trial for robbing a local shop at gunpoint. In his wisdom he decided that he would represent himself in court. He appeared to be doing reasonably well until the shop's owner took the stand to give his evidence.
She had identified him immediately as the robber, when Bartle jumped up and yelled, 'You're lying! I should have blown your head off!' He paused, then added, 'If I had been the one that was there.'
The jury found him guilty and j**... Bartle was sentenced to thirty years imprisonment.
Arrogance
Back in the days when Los Alamos was a small company town, a noted theoretical physicist was called as a witness for the prosecution. Rising to take the stand, the great man smiled and nodded affably in the direction of the jury box.
This infuriated the defence counsel. Your Honor, I don't see how my client can get a fair trial here, he said angrily. Turning to the professor, he demanded, I want your answer, and remember that you are under oath. Do you, or do you not, know more than half the member of this jury?
The physicist smiled. Under oath, I can easily swear that I know more than all of them put together.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Open and Shut
A man's wife disappears and he's accused of killing her. At the trial, his lawyer tells the jury, Ladies and gentlemen, I have amazing news. Not only is my client's wife actually alive, but she'll walk through that door in ten seconds."
An expectant silence settles over the courtroom, but nothing happens.
Think about that, the lawyer says. The fact that you were watching the door, expecting to see the missing woman, proves that you have a reasonable doubt as to whether a m**... was actually committed.
He sits down confidently, and the judge sends the jury off to deliberate. They return in ten minutes and declare the man guilty.
Guilty? says the lawyer. How can that be? You were all watching the door!
Most of us were watching the door, says the foreman. But one of us was watching the defendant, and he wasn't watching the door.