The Best 62 Tree Jokes

Following is our collection of Tree jokes which are very funny. There are some tree ees jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these tree lumberjack puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Tree Jokes and Puns

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One of them sees a tree in the distance that's draped in bacon. "It's a bacon tree! We're saved!" he says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.

It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned

Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it...

...then my illegal logging business is a success.

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.

She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree

When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!

The lumberjack laughed and said, And you will dialogue.


Just been up in the loft getting the Christmas tree down, and I found a present from last year which we must have forgotten to give to the kids...

...shame really, they would have loved a kitten.

The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree.

The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?"

The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living room!"

When a maple syrup producer sees a maple tree they don't own, do they think "I'd tap that"?

What do you call two crows sitting in a tree?

Attempted murder

Why did the tree install solar panels?

It wanted to be a power plant.

How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.

You can explore tree sapling reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean tree sap dad jokes. There are also tree puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up.

Guess who's not allowed in my tree house anymore.

A bear climbs a tree....

a bird sitting in the tree asks "Hey, Bear, why are you up in this tree?"

the bear says "I came up here to eat apples."

the bird says "But Bear, this isn't an apple tree. there are no apples up here."

the bear says "That's ok, I brought my own."

What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?

A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. (Credit to my uncle)

What do you call three Irish lumberjacks?

Tree fellers

A leaf and an emo fall from a tree. Who hits the ground first?

The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.

Why do elephants paint their testicles red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
Shows you it works then.

What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Monkeys picking cherries.

Two Police officers.

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says:

Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site.

I just murdered a tree and put its decorated corpse on display in my living room.

For Jesus.


A panda walks into a bar...

And eats some beer nuts, he then pulls out a gun fires it in the air heads for the door. "Hey!" shouts the bartender and the panda yells back "I'm a panda google me" and sure enough 'panda: a tree climbing mammal with distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.'

When I see lover's names carved in a tree...

I don't think it's sweet. I'm just surprised of how many people bring knives on a date.

Why did the polynomial tree fall over?

It didn't have any real roots

I can cut down a tree just by looking at it

It's true, I saw it with my own eyes

An emo and an apple fall out of a tree. Which one hits the ground first?

The apple, the emo is stopped by the rope.

What do you say to warn Edgar Allen Poe about the tree he's about to walk into?

Poetry!

My girlfriend "Dad joked" me on a hike.

I asked my girlfriend what she thought trees would sound like if they talked while on a hike.
She said "I bet we couldn't understand them"
I said "why do you think that?"
She said "because they probably only bark"
She then laughed the next half mile down the trail barking occasionally and saying "shh, shh, do you hear that? Thats a tree talking in the distance"

What is big green and fuzzy and kills you when it falls out of a tree?

A pool table

Tell me, Sherlock, where do lemons come from?

A lemon tree, dear Watson.

Getting my kite stuck in a tree isn't my favorite thing...

But it's up there.

Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? The crow answered: sure, why not! So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

**Moral of the story**: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

I have a pet tree...

It's like having a pet dog but the bark is much quieter.

Edgar Allen Poe is about to walk into a tree and you only have enough time to say one word before he hits it. What should you say to him?

Poetry!

A tree will never hit you

They're all bark and no bite

What's my dog's favourite part of the tree?

The bark.

What's my bank's favourite part of the tree?

The branches.

What's my elephant's favourite part of the tree?

The trunk.

What's my father's favourite part of the tree?

The leaves :(

Whenever I see two lovers names carved into a tree, I don't think it's sweet.

I think it's shocking how many people bring a knife on a date.

I bought a christmas tree today. The guy asked me if I was going to put it up myself.

I said, "No, I'll probably put it in the living room"

Imagine the guy who invented maple syrup...

Hey this tree tastes way better than the last 10 trees I sucked!

Two Irishmen are walking down the street looking for a job.

One sees a sign that says, "Tree fellers wanted." He turns to his companion and says, "Aye, 'tis a pity dere's only the two of us!"

What's an acorn ?

In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it,

my illegal logging business is running smoothly

A lumberjack went to a magic forest to cut a Tree..

Upon arrival to the tree he started swinging at the tree.
"But, I'm a talking tree" said the tree.
"And you will dialogue" replied the lumberjack.

Dr. Watson was again impressed by Sherlock Holmes' diverse set of skills, as Watson asked inquisitively as to what tree Sherlock was planting...

To which Sherlock replied, Why, that's a lemon tree, my dear Watson.

A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh.

When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.

She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."

Why is it easy to come up with nicknames for a tree?

Because they stick.

I came up with this one, I hope it's good cause it's my only achievement in life.

A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree. It shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree

The lumberjack smiled, and you will dialogue .

What's green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?

A pool table

A 20 years old girl returned to her home , looking Happy.

'Mom , look I got 10$ ! ' she exclaimed. Surprised , her mother asked ' honey , you had gone to the forest. how did you get this money ?'

' When I was roaming in the forest, a middle-aged man came to me and said that he would give me 10$ if I would climb a tree. '

Shocked, her mother replied ' Oh no dear , you don't understand . You are wearing a skirt and by climbing the tree, he wanted to see your panties.'

The daughter replied ' Don't worry mom , I am very clever . I knew this and so I removed my panties before climbing the tree.'

How did the blonde break her legs raking leaves?

She fell out of a tree.

What's blue and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?

A really fast apple.

a man is chopping down a tree

the tree says Wait, i'm a talking tree

the man proceeds chopping down the tree and says and you will dialogue.

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that's draped in bacon. A bacon tree ! We're saved! He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.

It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

Two cowboys are lost in the desert.

No food or drink. One of them spots a tree draped in bacon! He shouts A bacon tree, we're saved and runs towards it. As he gets closer it shoots him full of bullets.

Turns out it wasn't a bacon tree.

It was a ham bush

Totally sick of idiots letting fireworks off early, it's still October for goodness sake!!!

Dog is going mad and keeps knocking the Christmas tree over!

For my first cake day I want to share a joke my dad told me when I was probably too young to really understand it. How does an elephant hide in the jungle?

Climbs to the top of a cherry tree and paints his balls red.

What's the loudest sound in the jungle?

Giraffes eating cherries!

(Apologies if you've heard it before fellow Redditors! Maybe by next cake day I'll get better material)

A tree fell on my brother today, completely crushing his left side.

He's all right.

Once upon a time there were two little skunks named "In" and "Out."

They lived in a hollow tree with their mother. Sometimes In and Out played outside, but other times they played inside.

One day In was out and Out was in. The mother skunk asked Out to go out and bring In in. So Out went out and in a few minutes he came in with In.

"My my, Out," she said, "how did you find In so quickly?"

Out just smiled and said, "Instinct."

My Christmas tree wss very happy when I removed the decorations from it.

It was absolutely delighted.

What do you call a tree that does martial arts?

Spruce Lee

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it...

a chihuahua 500 miles away will bark at it.

Person 1: Ask me if I am a tree.

Person 2: Are you a tree?
Person 1: No

My favorite joke of all time (Russian I think?), but thought I would share it for my first cake day.

What is an acorn, really?

In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

My 3 year old's first joke: what did the lumberjack say to the tree?

I saw you.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the tree branch jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working tree oak piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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