Tree Jokes
169 tree jokes and hilarious tree puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tree that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Tree Short Jokes
Short tree jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tree humour may include short forest jokes also.
- Joke from my 12 year old why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it!
Please don't ban me - The son went to his dad and asked him, "Dad, what's an alcoholic?" So the dad replied, "Do you see those four trees? Well, an alcoholic would see eight."
The son replied, "But Dad, I only see two." - When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet
- A lumberjack once told me he's cut down 27,572 trees. How do ya know exactly how many? I inquired.
Easy. I keep a log. - a man is chopping down a tree the tree says Wait, i'm a talking tree
the man proceeds chopping down the tree and says and you will dialogue. - If a tree falls..... A tree falls in the forest but doesn't make a sound.
Hunter in camouflage gear: "WHAT THE HECK???!"
Tree: "I mean, AAAAAARGH, I fell!" - So 2 trees got arrested in the town I live... Heard they've been doing some shady business.
- A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree. It shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree The lumberjack smiled, and you will dialogue .
- What's green, fuzzy, has four legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.
- Whenever I see two lovers names carved into a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I think it's shocking how many people bring a knife on a date.
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Tree One Liners
Which tree one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tree? I can suggest the ones about trail and plant.
- How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
- I can cut down a tree just by looking at it It's true, I saw it with my own eyes
- Why did the fox News Christmas tree catch fire? They left it too close to the gaslight.
- What is the scariest tree? BamBOO!
- What's green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table
- Two asexuals are sitting in a tree S-I-T-T-I-N-G
- Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? They are really good at it.
- What's an acorn ? In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.
- I can't come up with any jokes about cutting down trees. I'm stumped.
- Him: "I drive like lightning" Her: "So you drive fast?" Him: "No, I hit trees."
- What's big and white and will kill you if it falls out a tree? A freezer.
- I have a pet tree... It's like having a pet dog but the bark is much quieter.
- Why did the polynomial tree fall over? It didn't have any real roots
- Getting my kite stuck in a tree isn't my favorite thing... But it's up there.
- When the moon hits your knees, and you mispronounce trees Sycamore
Tree Falls Jokes
Here is a list of funny tree falls jokes and even better tree falls puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An emo and an apple fall out of a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, the emo is stopped by the rope.
- What is big green and fuzzy and kills you when it falls out of a tree? A pool table
- A leaf and an emo fall from a tree. Who hits the ground first? The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.
- Why did Isaac Newton's son know so much about gravity? The apple didn't fall far from the tree.
- A tree falls on a woman. Does it make a sound? Idk. The better question is why is there a tree in the kitchen?
- Two nuts were hanging out in a tree. One slipped and started to fall. The other one said Don't worry man, I'm a cashew
- Friends are like trees They fall down when you hit them with an axe
- How do you make leaves fall off of trees? You don't - they do it autumn-atically
- What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
- If a tree falls in the woods, and there are no English majors around to hear it... does is lay on the ground, or lie?
Falling Tree Jokes
Here is a list of funny falling tree jokes and even better falling tree puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An emo and a leaf were sitting at the top of a tree... they both fall off at the same time? Which one hits the ground first?
The leaf.
The emo got caught by the rope. - If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it... a chihuahua 500 miles away will bark at it.
- I recently tried the fruitarian diet, where you can only eat things that fall from trees I only lasted a day. All I had was 3 apples and an owl.
- Why shouldn't you have a conversation under a tree in the fall? There may be leavesdropping
- What falls faster from a tree? A leaf or an emo? The leaf, the rope stops the emo.
- What did the tree say to the lumberjack? I'm falling for you
- You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall... is in love with me.
- What's yellow and you will die if it falls on you from a tree? A tractor.
- An apple and an emo kid fall out of a tree which one hits the ground first? The apple, the rope caught the emo kid.
- Fill in the blank: Friends are like_____ mine is "Friends are like trees, if you hit them with an axe they fall over."
Cutting Down Tree Jokes
Here is a list of funny cutting down tree jokes and even better cutting down tree puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A lumberjack went to a magic forest to cut a Tree.. Upon arrival to the tree he started swinging at the tree.
"But, I'm a talking tree" said the tree.
"And you will dialogue" replied the lumberjack. - As a lumberjack i know i have cut down 2,718 trees. Because every time I cut one down I keep a log.
- How do lumberjacks know how many trees they have cut down? They keep a log!
- Did you hear about the lumberjack who got fired for cutting down too many trees ? He saw too much
- How do you get an emo kid out of a tree? You cut the rope
- It's unwise to cut down a forest on your own. It usually takes tree fellers or more.
- As a lumberjack, I know that I've cut exactly 2,417 trees. I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.
- How does a lumberjack know how many trees he cuts down in one day? He kept a log
- I cut down a tree by just staring at it. I saw it with my own eyes.
- Me to a ninja: Hey, can you show me how you precisely cut off tree branches with those throwing stars? Shuriken.
(Came up with this ex nihilo, please like)
Cutting Tree Jokes
Here is a list of funny cutting tree jokes and even better cutting tree puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A passer by asked a tree surgeon how many trees he has cut down... Surgeon: Exactly 178,794
Passerby: Wow, how do you know that?
Surgeon: I keep a log - How do you get a depressed person out of a tree? You cut the rope…
- How do lumberjacks know how many trees they've cut? They keep a log of each one.
- How do you get Donald Trump to cut down a tree? Tell him it's one of the pillars of our democracy.
- What did Wolverine use to cut down trees before he got the adamantium treatment? He used a huge axe, man.
- Why are three-dimensional objects so good at cutting down trees? They have three axes.
- What do you call a Massachusite who cuts down trees? _In a New England accent..._
A Boston lager.
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I made this up yesterday in the car.
- I asked a lumberjack who many trees had he cut He said 23,679
I asked how do you know the exact number
He said I keep a log - I hurt my back while cutting down a tree. Guess you could say I have lumber problems.
- A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!" The lumberjack grinned, And you will dialogue!"
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Tree Jokes
What funny jokes about tree you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean yard jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tree pranks.
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One of them sees a tree in the distance that's draped in bacon. "It's a bacon tree! We're saved!" he says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it...
...then my i**... logging business is a success.
My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.
She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree
When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!
The lumberjack laughed and said, And you will dialogue.
Bad News
Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
Two bats are sitting in a cave...
...one looks at the other a says, "I'm hungry. Think I'll go get some blood". So he flew out of the cave.
About an hour later he returns with his face covered in blood. His buddy looks at him and says, "Wow! How did you get all that blood?".
"Well...", he replies, "you know when you are flying out of the cave, you hang a right and then you see that tree in front of you..."
"Yeah?", says his buddy.
He replies, "Well.....I didn't".
A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.
A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.
"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"
"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."
What's big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it fell from a tree it would kill you?
A pool table.
A peeping tom fell out if a tree, where did he end up?
In the ICU
Just been up in the loft getting the Christmas tree down, and I found a present from last year which we must have forgotten to give to the kids...
...shame really, they would have loved a kitten.
What kind of tree would Hanna Montana be?
A 'Miley Cyprus'.
Dear god, shoot me.
My tree went missing.....
so I took a picture of it and nailed it to a dog.
My favorite blonde joke.
A blonde was tired of all the a**... she received because she was blond so she decided to hang herself on a tree in a field.
A man walked by and saw what was happening, approached her he asked, "What are you doing?"
She replied, "I'm going to kill myself because I can't take the a**... anymore."
The man, confused, said, "Why are you hanging by your feet? Aren't you supposed to tie the rope around your neck."
She said, "I tried that but I couldn't breathe."
Johnny and Ruth are mountain biking down a hill...
...Ruth hits a tree. Johnny continues, ruthlessly.
The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree.
The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?"
The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living room!"
How does a tree access the internet?
It logs on.
What does a tree do when he's going on a vacation?
He packs his trunk and leaves.
I should go back to studying now. K bye.
When a maple syrup producer sees a maple tree they don't own, do they think "I'd tap that"?
What do you call two crows sitting in a tree?
Attempted m**...
Why did the tree install solar panels?
It wanted to be a power plant.
Sherlock was gardening when Watson came over and asked what he was planting.
"A lemon tree, Watson".
My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up.
Guess who's not allowed in my tree house anymore.
A bear climbs a tree....
a bird sitting in the tree asks "Hey, Bear, why are you up in this tree?"
the bear says "I came up here to eat apples."
the bird says "But Bear, this isn't an apple tree. there are no apples up here."
the bear says "That's ok, I brought my own."
What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. (Credit to my uncle)
What do you call three Irish lumberjacks?
Tree fellers
A teacher asks her student about his favorite tree...
Teacher: "Bob, which tree do you love most?"
Bob: "The eucalyptus is pretty"
Teacher: "That's nice. How do you spell eucalyptus?"
Bob: "Yep, can't go wrong with a good solid oak"
If our last names came from the jobs of our ancestors...
Then I feel really bad for the boys of the "Dickinson" family tree.
A couple of Irishmen are walking down a country road . . .
They see a sign that says "Tree Fellers wanted".
One of them turns to the other and says, "d**.... Too bad there's only two of us."
What does a lumberjack and a trio of Irishmen have in common?
They're both tree fellers.
Why do elephants paint their t**... red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
Shows you it works then.
What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Monkeys picking cherries.
Two Police officers.
Two police officers c**... their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says:
Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site.
I just murdered a tree and put its decorated corpse on display in my living room.
For Jesus.
A panda walks into a bar...
And eats some beer nuts, he then pulls out a gun fires it in the air heads for the door. "Hey!" shouts the bartender and the panda yells back "I'm a panda google me" and sure enough 'panda: a tree climbing mammal with distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.'
When I see lover's names carved in a tree...
I don't think it's sweet. I'm just surprised of how many people bring knives on a date.
What do you say to warn Edgar Allen Poe about the tree he's about to walk into?
Poetry!
My girlfriend "Dad joked" me on a hike.
I asked my girlfriend what she thought trees would sound like if they talked while on a hike.
She said "I bet we couldn't understand them"
I said "why do you think that?"
She said "because they probably only bark"
She then laughed the next half mile down the trail barking occasionally and saying "shh, shh, do you hear that? Thats a tree talking in the distance"
What's the worst type of tree to give as a wedding gift?
An adult tree
Tell me, Sherlock, where do lemons come from?
A lemon tree, dear Watson.
Why does a surfing tree not drown?
Because it wears Wooden Trunks!
Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? The crow answered: sure, why not! So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
**Moral of the story**: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
What do you call a tree that grows meat?
Dmitry!
Edgar Allen Poe is about to walk into a tree and you only have enough time to say one word before he hits it. What should you say to him?
Poetry!
A tree will never hit you
They're all bark and no bite
What's my dog's favourite part of the tree?
The bark.
What's my bank's favourite part of the tree?
The branches.
What's my elephant's favourite part of the tree?
The trunk.
What's my father's favourite part of the tree?
The leaves :(
I bought a christmas tree today. The guy asked me if I was going to put it up myself.
I said, "No, I'll probably put it in the living room"
Imagine the guy who invented maple syrup...
Hey this tree tastes way better than the last 10 trees I s**...!
Two Irishmen are walking down the street looking for a job.
One sees a sign that says, "Tree fellers wanted." He turns to his companion and says, "Aye, 'tis a pity dere's only the two of us!"
If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it,
my i**... logging business is running smoothly
Dr. Watson was again impressed by Sherlock Holmes' diverse set of skills, as Watson asked inquisitively as to what tree Sherlock was planting...
To which Sherlock replied, Why, that's a lemon tree, my dear Watson.
A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh.
When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.
She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
Why is it easy to come up with nicknames for a tree?
Because they stick.
I came up with this one, I hope it's good cause it's my only achievement in life.
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet.
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
Little Johnny's teacher asks, "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe?
How did the trees feel when winter was finally over
Releafed
What kind of tree does a chicken grow on?
A poultry.
(came up with that in the shower)
A 20 years old girl returned to her home , looking Happy.
'Mom , look I got 10$ ! ' she exclaimed. Surprised , her mother asked ' honey , you had gone to the forest. how did you get this money ?'
' When I was roaming in the forest, a middle-aged man came to me and said that he would give me 10$ if I would climb a tree. '
Shocked, her mother replied ' Oh no dear , you don't understand . You are wearing a skirt and by climbing the tree, he wanted to see your p**....'
The daughter replied ' Don't worry mom , I am very clever . I knew this and so I removed my p**... before climbing the tree.'
How did the blonde break her legs raking leaves?
She fell out of a tree.
What's blue and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A really fast apple.
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that's draped in bacon. A bacon tree ! We're saved! He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
A man is home and sees a gorilla hanging on his backyard tree.
So he naturally picks up the yellow pages and calls the Gorilla Removal services. The professional arrives in less than ten minutes, and gets off his van with a pole, a ladder, a dog, a shotgun and handcuffs. He says "I see it's a male gorilla, so I'm taking the ladder up the tree and poke him with this pole. He's gonna fall, and my dog is trained to bite the crouch, so when the gorilla protects his groins, I handcuff him and bring him back to the wild. Hold this gun, please". The man asks "what do I do with it?", and the guy "If I fall from the tree, shoot the dog".
Two cowboys are lost in the desert.
No food or drink. One of them spots a tree draped in bacon! He shouts A bacon tree, we're saved and runs towards it. As he gets closer it shoots him full of bullets.
Turns out it wasn't a bacon tree.
It was a ham bush
Totally sick of idiots letting fireworks off early, it's still October for goodness sake!!!
Dog is going mad and keeps knocking the Christmas tree over!
