Tree Bush Jokes
41 tree bush jokes and hilarious tree bush puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tree bush that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Tree Bush Short Jokes
Short tree bush jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tree bush humour may include short bush jokes also.
- What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. (Credit to my uncle)
- They say money doesn't grow on trees But my cousin planted a few bushes with a funny smell in his wardrobe and is now making 4k a week
- Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush. - Sherlock Holmes and Watson are in a greenhouse when Watson says "Is that an orange bush, Holmes?" Holmes replies, "It's a lemon tree, my dear Watson"
- The tree said to the bush You should get trimmed like me, it will make you look larger down there
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Tree Bush One Liners
Which tree bush one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tree bush? I can suggest the ones about tree branch and tree trunk.
- Events like 9/11 don't grow on trees They grow on Bushes
- Two trees stood ogling a bush... One says to the other, "I totally wood."
- Manscaping is like gardening... Trimming the bush makes the tree look taller
- Political(& Subtle) Joke Why was the Tree afraid of the Bush?
Because the Bush did 9/11 - If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it... did bush still do 9/11?
Tree Bush Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about tree bush you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tree grows jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tree bush pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the confessional.
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
"What is your sin, my child?" The priest asks back.
"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible."
"When did you do use this awful language?" said the priest.
"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?"
"No, Father." Said the man.
"After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away."
Is THAT when you swore?" asked the Father again.
"Well, no." said the man, "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the amazed Priest.
"No, not yet." The man replied. "As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew towards the green. And as it passed over a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked the now impatient Priest.
"No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole."
"You missed the f**king putt, didn't you?" sighed the Priest.
Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball.
"Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked.
The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one.
"Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?"
The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one."
Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?"
"That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it."
"Well, what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?"
The other guy replied, "That's okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back - no problem."
Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?"
"No problem," says the other guy, "you see, this ball is fluorescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark."
Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"
The other guy replies, "I found it."
Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."
"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon."
With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon .. every imaginable kind of cured pork.
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."
"Luis, maybe ees a meerage ? We ees in the desert don't forget."
"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."
And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,
"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree !"
"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it ? "
"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees a ham bush...."
The Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says...
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk."
"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "
With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... Every imaginable kind of cured pork.
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."
"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."
"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like
bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."
And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath;
"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"
"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "
"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees a ham bush...."
2 Mexicans were walking through the desert...
It'd been more than a week since either of them had eaten anything, and their last bottle of water had just gone dry. They'd been walking for hours on end.
Suddenly on the horizon, one of the Mexican's spotted something. 'Look over there my friend, you see the green thing?'
His friend replies 'The thing with pink stuff on it'
Through the air a delicious salty, meaty aroma hit both their noses. They could see a large green, leafy shape in the distance, with pink slivers of what looked like greasy meat hanging from it.
'Yeah man, and you can smell it too!, amigo eetz a bacon tree!'
'AMIGO EETZ A BACON TREE! WE'RE SAVED!'
The Mexican who had first spotted the bacon tree on the horizon suddenly ran, as fast as his legs could carry him towards the plant in in the distance. When all of a sudden...
BANG! BANG! BANG! - Gunshots fired out, as if from nowhere
The other Mexican, who had not had the energy to run looked on to his friend, who lay bleeding and dying from his wounds
Barely able to mouth the words through lack of water the Mexican cried out to his dying friend. 'Amigo, what happened?'
With his last breath the dying Mexican warned his partner...
'Amigo, eetz no bacon tree, eetz a Ham Bush!'
2 Jamaicans are lost in the desert..
After wandering aimlessly for hours, one of the two spots an oasis in the distance. As they draw nearer, the other man spots an odd tree growing at the oasis, a tree with bacon for leaves. He turns to his friend and says "Look man, it's a bacon tree!!". His friend replies " No way man you're hallucinating, that's just a palm tree". The first man leaves his friend and races to the bacon tree as fast as his legs can carry him. But once he reaches the tree, a group of thugs spring out and set upon the lone Jamaican. In the midst of the brawl, the Jamaican shouts to his friend "You were right man, that's no bacon tree: it's a Ham Bush!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to speak English
A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.
So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy s**... activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a Cycle "
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, "My Cycle."
The Scottsman
Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked the he'd drunk more than his share
He fumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet
And he stumbled off in to the grass to sleep beside the street
About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by
One says to the other, with a twinkle in her eye
"See yon sleeping Scotsman, so strong a handsome built?
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt."
They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there, behold, for them to view beneath his Scotish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
They marveled for a moment, then one said "We must be gone.
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along"
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied in to a bow
Around the bonnie star the Scot's kilt did lift and show
Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards the trees
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt, and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says, to what's before his eyes,
"Lad, I don't know where ya been, but I see you've won first prize"
The Irish Rovers, "The Scottsman"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Bacon tree
p**... and Patrick have been lost in the desert after the war for a week with no food or water when they spot a tree in the distance ,p**... says to Patrick look its a bacon tree we can get a bacon sandwich its full of sides of bacon, Patrick says to p**... you go on and get me one as I can't go any farther, so p**... goes on after a few minuets p**... comes running back and shouts to Patrick quick run its not a bacon tree
it's a ham bush
The bacon tree.
Juan and Carlos have been stranded in the desert for 2 days. They are on the verge on dying of thirst when Juan sees something in the distance.
He gets closer to confirm his suspicions - off in the distance is an incredibly juicy bacon tree. "Mira!!" (Look!) "Carlos! Up ahead, it's a bacon tree!! A juicy delicious bacon tree!"
At this point Juan takes off in a sprint towards the bacon tree when out of nowhere he is gunned down!
Carlos runs to Juan's side as he lay there dying. Juan looks at Carlos and, with his final breaths, manages to say "Carlos, mi amigo, it was not a bacon tree. It was a ham bush."
Father & Son
A father and son are going for a walk.
The son turns to the father, and asks "did you know cows can give milk?"
The father replies "so do some sheep."
They walk a bit more, and the son asks "did you know trees can grow fruit?"
The father replies "so do some bushes."
They walk a little further down the trail and the son asks "did you know pickles come from cucumbers?"
The father replies "so do some girls!"
Two Mexicans were walking in the desert...
Two Mexicans, Juan and José were walking in the desert on a very hot day. It was a long journey and they were both dehydrated.
Suddenly José became quite animated and shouted: 'Juan, Juan look! On the hill over there, it is a bacon tree!'
Sceptically Juan had a look, and said: 'José, you are dehydrated, there is no such thing as a bacon tree.'
José was convinced however so went running up the hill so that he could prove it. A few minutes later Juan heard gunshots so he ran up the hill to make sure José was ok. When he got to the top he saw José lying on the floor with a gun wound in his chest. Juan shouted: 'José what happened?'
With glazed eyes José looked at Juan and whispered: 'It was not a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So two guys are wandering the desert when they see a bacon tree...
So there's two guys wandering through a desert, searching for water. o**... is a little ahead of the other one and they are walking in a line. After a few hours of wandering, the first guy sees a dark shape on the horizon. He points it out and says, "Dude, I think I see something!" And the first guy starts running towards it, and the closer he gets he realizes what he saw was a giant tree. But the tree was made entirely out of BACON. Every tree limb, every leaf, made from bacon. And so the guy is like "Dude, there's a BACON TREE!" And he starts running towards the tree. But as he gets closer he starts getting pelted with rocks from every direction, and he has no idea where they are coming from. So he turns around and yells to the other guy, "Turn back! It's not a Bacon tree-- IT'S A HAM-BUSH!"
The legionnaires
Two French legionnaires are walking through the desert, lost, when they happen across an oasis. One turns to the other and say "look! Zat tree 'as back on eet!" In excitement they run towards the tree but as they approach bullets start striking the ground around them. As they are running off the second turns to the first and says "zat was no bacon tree, zat was an 'am bush"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Koala walks into a bar...
So he sits down and after a while of chatting with the barkeep he starts to notice a girl eyeing him from across the bar. So he goes and talks to her and after some flirting they decide to go upstairs
So they go upstairs and get into the 69 position and when its all said and done the koala goes to leave, but the girl says "Hey, where's my money?" Appalled he says "What do you mean?" She replies by telling him to look up the definition of p**... in the dictionary. He does so and it reads 'One who does s**... acts for money.' He then tells her to look up the definition of koala in the dictionary. She does this and it reads "small, tree dwelling marsupial that eats bush and leaves."
A Scotsman is tending his flock of sheep... (long)
when he decides to take a nap under a nearby tree.
After he falls asleep, a young woman walking on a nearby road decides to play a joke on him.
She lifts up his kilt, takes a ribbon from her hair, ties it around his manhood, and leaves with a giggle.
After awhile the Scotsman wakes up and walks over by the bushes to take a wee.
He lifts up his kilt and is amazed to see a bright blue ribbon tied around his manhood.
without skipping a beat he says "well I don't know where you've been laddie, but I can see you won first prize!"
Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans have been lost in the desert for weeks. At death's door, they see a tree in the distance. As they get nearer, they see that it's draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon: smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving nearly-raw juicy bacon, all sorts of bacon.
"Hey, Pepe" says the first Mexican, "ees a bacon tree! We're saved!!"
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree. As he gets to within five feet, he's gunned down in a hail of bullets.
His friend drops down on the sand and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"
With his last breath Pepe calls out: "Ugh, run, amigo, run, ees not a bacon tree... ... ees a ham bush!"
My sister was getting curious...
My younger sister asked my dad: "What does the phrase 'the birds and the bees' mean?"
My dad replied, "Well, they have the same relationship that trees and flowers have."
"What is that supposed to mean?" my sister exclaimed, to which my dad replied:
"They both beat around the bush."
One day a tree, a herb and a bush were chilling together in the jungle
One day a tree, a herb and a bush were chilling together in the jungle when they came face to face (or leaf to face) with God.
God tells them that they must each do one deed to save the dying planet.
The tree convinces all of its kind to double their oxygen output, making the Earth's air fresher and cleaner than it ever was
The herb begins synthesizing the ultimate cure all compound in its leaves, which can cure almost any disease in any animal that consumes them.
And what did the bush do?
Bush did 9/11.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So two Mexican cartel members are walking in the desert trying to get into the USA while avoiding the Marines.
While walking Juan tells Pablo that he smells a Bacon Tree.
A Bacon Tree? Asks Pablo....
Juan sees the tree and runs over to go get some bacon, but he is immediately shot by an unseen s**....
He crawls back to Pablo while he bleeds out, and when he gets there Pablo pulls him behind a rock for cover.
Juan with his last breath tells Pablo : Don't go there Amigo... Its not a Bacon Tree... Its a Ham bush...
Some Mexicans were hunting moose in Canada for the first time and their first day out they shot a giant beautiful one with huge antlers.
They each grabbed a side of the antlers and started dragging it back to their truck snagging and catching small trees and bushes and making little progress. A Canadian saw them doing this and told them it would be easier if they dragged the moose by it's feet.
They took his advice and the antlers stopped getting caught on everything when they dragged it.
After awhile one Mexican said to the other
"This works really great but we keep getting further and further away from the truck"
My family is putting an electrical plug in our elm tree.
They were going to put it in the bushes, but I convinced them that a tree-prong outlet would be better for the ground.
---------
"Tree-prong outlet" stolen from an engineer I was talking to today, but joke format is all mine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People have gone too far, we call a Christmas Tree a Holiday Tree
So why don't we call a Hanukkah Bush and Holiday Bush
A man was walking one day
When he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood.
Suddenly he realized there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some bushes by the house.
He walked up to the door of the house, and knocked. A well dressed woman answered the door, and the man asked what kind of a place this was.
"This is a brothel", replied the madam.
"Well, what's all this out on the lawn?" queried the man.
"Oh, we're having a yard sale today."
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that's draped in bacon. A bacon tree ! We're saved! He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
Shortly after creating them, God is introducing Adam and Eve to The Garden.
"These are the trees and bushes that bear fruit for you to eat. These are the bodies of water, for you to drink from. These are the animals, for you to name. And this is the forbidden fruit, which you must never eat."
"And what's that?" says Eve, pointing to something on her left.
"Oh that?" says God, realizing Eve is pointing at Queen Elizabeth. "I don't know, that was there when I got here."
^Just ^a ^joke ^I ^heard ^a ^long ^time ^ago, ^which ^felt ^relevant ^today. ^RIP