Hilarious Treatment Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup...
... Doc says, Mr. Jones, I have bad news and worse news.
"Whats the worse news?"
"You have a relatively large brain tumor that is very aggressive and the treatment options are almost nonexistent, so I'm afraid you have about 6 months to live."
Mr. Jones hangs his head for a couple moments and looks up to ask, "And the bad news?"
"you have Alzheimers."
Mr. Jones frowns and says, "well, at least I don't have cancer."
Rorschach's Joke
I heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
Where do taxi drivers with bad skin go for treatment?
The Taxi Dermist.
The referee
I refereed a women's football match yesterday. It was brilliant.
I booked two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and I sent one off without explanation and left her wondering what she'd done wrong.
3 Engineers are discussing what type of engineer God is...
Engineer #1
Obviously a Structural Engineer,like me. Look at the skeleton! Its art!
Engineer #2
Obviously a Electrical Engineer, like me. Look at the Nervous System! Genius!
Engineer #3
He's not a City Planner, like me... You Never put a waste treatment center so close to a recreational facility!
I tried e**... suffocation on the wife the other night when we were having s**....
She obviously didn't like it. She's been lying there for 5 days now giving me the silent treatment!!
My LASIK doctor said that if I get 2000 upvotes on this post I'll get free treatment.
Upvote for visibility.
Apparently there is a bipartisan push in the US senate to legalize m**... for arthritis treatment....
So in other words, there's joint support for joint support for joint support.
I came up with this one during my haircut.
Barber: Sir, you are losing hair, your hair is thinning.
/*I sensed that im about to get some treatment suggestion*/
Me: So, are you planning for any discount on final bill?
She chuckled.
A guy I work with was late for our meeting, so I asked what happened.
He said, My wife and I aren't talking to each other. We're giving each other the silent treatment, and I didn't want to be the first one to break the silence and lose. So I wrote a note on a piece of paper: 'Please wake me up at 7:30am.'
Well, I didn't wake up until 9:30am. Boy, was I mad that my wife didn't wake me up. Then I noticed a piece of paper on my pillow that said: 'It's 7:30am. Wake up.'
Trump Dingell joke
Debbie Dingell had asked Trump for A-plus treatment after her husband's death John Dingell.
Trump: Ok.
Debbie Dingell: Thank you so much. John would be so thrilled. He's looking down.
Trump: That's OK. Don't worry about it. Maybe he's looking up. I don't know.
You can explore treatment cured reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean treatment doctor dad jokes. There are also treatment puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Said to a cashier the other day...
So I was making a purchase and after ringing up my order, the cashier asks "would you like to make a donation to cancer treatment research?"
I said "no, they're just gonna spend it on drugs"
A Canadian version of Breaking Bad is in the works
It'll be one episode long. Walt is diagnosed with cancer and receives treatment.
Critics say Botox is too expensive...
...but I spoke to fifty people who just paid for the treatment, and none of them looked surprised.
Why shouldn't you protest wound treatment?
It won't get better if you picket it.
R.I.P.
Today a man died after jumping into a waste treatment facility.
The coroner ruled it a sewercide.
My SO is giving me the silent treatment, so I tightened all the lids of our jars.
Now she'll have to talk to me.
My wife gave me the silent treatment for a week...
It ended when I told her "We've been getting along really well lately".
Detailed Cleaning
I asked a friend of mine by phone what he was doing. He told me he was working on "aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum, and steel under a constrained environment."
I was impressed. In further conversation, I learned that he was "washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision."
I was disappointed by the British version of Breaking Bad.
It ends after he gets cancer and all his treatment is paid for by the NHS.
A recent study was released on head lice stating that 95% of lice populations are resistant to treatment.
Scientists are scratching their heads trying to figure out how this happened.
Old School Friend
I called an old school friend and asked what he was doing now. He replied that he was currently working on:
*Aqua-thermal treatment on ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment*
I was impressed......
On further enquiry, I learnt that he was washing dishes, with hot water under his wife's supervision.
Guy gets a call from his doctor.
"Your blood test results are in... I'm sorry to tell you that you have contracted leprosy," says the doctor.
"What? How?" Guy exclaims.
"Can't be sure, but we need to discuss treatment options. There is a cure, but it is extremely expensive."
"What choice do I have, doc?" Guy laments. "How much will it cost?"
"An arm and a leg."
What does kind of treatment does a suicidal cancer patient take?
Emotherapy
My wife has been giving me the silent treatment for an entire week now
We've never gotten along better.
A woman once gave her husband the silent treatment
It lasted for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, Hey, we're getting along pretty great lately!
Rorschach humor
Heard joke once: Man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci.
Just to make myself clear...
I use acne treatment.
What's h**...'s favorite spa treatment?
Ethnic cleansing
If there was a bipartisan push in Congress to legalize medical m**... for arthritis treatment...
there would be joint support for joint support for joint support.
I quit my job at the radioactive waste treatment plant.
It had a toxic work environment.
My son asked what marriage was like.
I said, "It's fine." And gave him the silent treatment for three days.
A man goes to the doctor and says: "Doctor I am very sad"
Doctor: "Treatment is simple - go see Orville, very funny clown!"
Pagliacci: "What about Pagliacci?"
Doctor: "Pagliacci? Man I could not name a more suckass clown!"
Pagliacci: ...
Doctor: "Just downright dogshit of a clown"
What did Wolverine use to cut down trees before he got the adamantium treatment?
He used a huge axe, man.
A man had a terminal illness.
His doctor says he only had six months to live and there is only one treatment. The doctor tells him he had to marry a woman that yells at him constantly and move to Kansas.
Will it help? asks the man.
No, says the doctor, but it will be the longest six months of your life.
I tried to sue a company that sold me an erectile dysfunction treatment that didn't work
But the evidence wouldn't stand up in court.
What idiot decided to call it randomized clinical trial with placebo
And not trick or treatment
One day people will land on Mars. Search for the rover, dust him off and give it the treatment it deserves.
A robo bro b**....
My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture.
Wow thanks I'm cured.
What do you call a beauty queen with a black eye?
Miss Treatment
What did a man say after a chiropractic treatment?
"I stand corrected."
A r**... suffered a n**... fall...
So he visited a physician and sought treatment.
Apply this ointment to the area where injury was sustained, the doctor said.
The r**... happily left the clinic and proceeded to liberally apply ointment on the sidewalk where he fell.
PresidentTrump is completely right about coronavirus treatment.
If you eat chloroquine phosphate, drink a pint of Chlorox, shoot-up rubbing alcohol, shove a flashlight up your a**..., and c**... on a tanning bed, you will never get Covid-19.
What do you call an avocado that's giving you the silent treatment?
An Incommunicado
A joke I made up last night. Quarantine's really getting to me
Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush.
Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush. Hello, Bush said. Nice weather we're having, huh? Moses took one look at the President, turned, and ran in the other direction.
The next day Moses was walking down the same street and there was Bush. Again he tried to initiate a conversation. Again Moses turned and ran away.
Bush was tired of this bizarre treatment, so the next time Moses ran away from him, Bush followed. When he caught up, he asked Moses what was wrong.
Moses said, The last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years in the desert.
A young man walked into the doctor's surgery
A young man walked into the doctor's surgery and said:
"I want to thank you doc. Your last treatment did wonders for me!"
The doctor looked at him, surprised. "Are you one of my patients?" he asked.
"No," said the young man. "But my uncle was, and they've just read his will."
A man works up courage to ask his wife how many s**... partners she had before him
She says "really?" and goes silent. Doesn't say anything in the morning. Or afternoon. Or the next day. After 3 days, husband approaches his wife and apologetically asks - "Why are you giving me the silent treatment? Are you mad at me for that s**... question?"
Raising her finger she says "Shhh. Be quiet, I'm still counting"
A man goes to a psychiatrist
and says my brother thinks he is a cow. The psychiatrist says why don't you bring him for a treatment? The man says we need the milk.
I called a friend and asked what he was doing.
He replied that he was working on "aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum, and steel under a constrained environment."
I was impressed...
Upon further inquiring, I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.
I called an old school friend and asked what he was doing now.
He replied that he was currently working on:
\*Aqua-thermal treatment on ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment\*
I was impressed......
On further enquiry, I learnt that he was washing dishes, with hot water under his wife's supervision.
I think i p**... off the voices in my head.
They are giving me the silent treatment.
I brought my girlfriend home to meet my family.
They criticized everything she did, mocked her heritage and gave her a psychiatric disorder.
I guess I shouldn't have insisted on the royal treatment.
Half way into my neck treatment, I got into this huge argument with my chiropractor.
Now I have to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder.
Read the whole thing, it's worth it
A woman sued a hospital stating that after recent treatment, her husband has lost interest in s**...
The hospital in their defense stated all we did was correct his eyesight
My chiropractor and I got into this terrible fight in the middle of my neck treatment.
Now I have to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder.
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together
After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.
"I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."
When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."
"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
Two old guys are working at a sewage treatment plant
o**... goes off to lunch and comes back to find his buddy standing above a vat of sewage with a long rake.
"What are you doing?!" he yells
"My coat fell in" his buddy yells back
"You're not really gonna wear that again are you?!"
"No, no. Gosh no, I'm not going to wear it. I have to get it back though, My teeth are in the pocket!"
(Just a silly joke my granddad told me yesterday. Didnt see it when I searched the sub so figured yall might enjoy)
Assuming that God is male is so sexist
... especially considering that no matter how many times you repent for your sins God is still giving you a silent treatment.
A man an a boy walk into a barbershop
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade" he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes". When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you". "That wasn't my daddy" said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
Why do psychiatrists give their patients shock treatment?
To prepare them for the bill
There used to be no treatment for those uncontrollable urges as a kleptomaniac...
...nowadays, you can just take something for it.
Idk my daughter totally got me today and it was quite funny
"I've got something in my mouth!"
"No you don't."
"I've got something in my mooouuuth"
"No you don't, you better not" *turns around in passenger seat of car to look at her*
"See!!! It's my tongue!!!"
...little s**... bird.
She is 3 years old and we were on our way to the hospital for her chemotherapy treatment. My daughter will become either a nurse, Dr, or a comedian when she is grown.
A medical student
A medical student walks into his favorite local bar and orders a beer. "I've finally decided what my practice will specialize in," the student tells the bartender. "It will be in the study and treatment of the diseases and disorders of the Adam's apple." "Is there some sort of fancy medical name for that specialty?" the bartender asks. "Yes," the student replies. "I'll be a guyneckologist."
What is marriage like?
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "My son is almost grown up now. Over the weekend he asked me what marriage is like," he tells the bartender. "So, what did you tell him?" the bartender asks. "I told him, 'It's fine.' And then I gave him the silent treatment for three days."
A group of dwarves get jobs as coal miners
After a week or so, one of the workers really stood out and was getting special treatment from the supervisor, Moe. The other dwarves complained to HR and threatened to go on strike.
The supervisor was called into the office and reprimanded. He explained that he was only trying to keep the hardest worker motivated and asked exactly what he supposed to do, to which the Human Resources manager replied, Treat him like any mini miner, Moe.
