Treatment Jokes
131 treatment jokes and hilarious treatment puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about treatment that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best treatment jokes, from silent treatment puns to saltwater jokes, cancer and radiation treatment one-liners, and more. Learn how to use humor to make light of a diagnosis and showcase your therapeutic skills. Get creative and explore the lighter side of water, wastewater, and chemotherapy treatments that have helped millions of people get cured.
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Funniest Treatment Short Jokes
Short treatment jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The treatment humour may include short prevention jokes also.
- I brought my girlfriend home to meet my family. They criticized everything she did, mocked her heritage and gave her a psychiatric disorder.
I guess I shouldn't have insisted on the royal treatment. - A new strain of head lice has been discovered which is resistant to conventional treatments. That has left scientists scratching their heads.
- My son asked what marriage was like. I said, "It's fine." And gave him the silent treatment for three days.
- My wife gave me the silent treatment for a week... It ended when I told her "We've been getting along really well lately".
- Critics say botox is too expensive... ...but I spoke to fifty people who just paid for the treatment, and none of them looked surprised.
- What do you call an avocado that's giving you the silent treatment? An Incommunicado
A joke I made up last night. Quarantine's really getting to me - My chiropractor and I got into this terrible fight in the middle of my neck treatment. Now I have to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder.
- What did Wolverine use to cut down trees before he got the adamantium treatment? He used a huge axe, man.
- A woman once gave her husband the silent treatment It lasted for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, Hey, we're getting along pretty great lately!
- I was disappointed by the British version of Breaking Bad. It ends after he gets cancer and all his treatment is paid for by the NHS.
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Treatment One Liners
Which treatment one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with treatment? I can suggest the ones about medication and intervention.
- Where do taxi drivers with bad skin go for treatment? The Taxi Dermist.
- Why do psychiatrists give their patients shock treatment? To prepare them for the bill
- What did a man say after a chiropractic treatment? "I stand corrected."
- Just to make myself clear... I use acne treatment.
- Why shouldn't you protest wound treatment? It won't get better if you picket it.
- What does kind of treatment does a suicidal cancer patient take? Emotherapy
- What do you call a beauty queen with a black eye? Miss Treatment
- I was rude to my doctor today... ...so he gave me the silent treatment.
- What do you call a medical treatment based on lemons? Lemonade.
- 10 unbelievable therapy treatments! Number 5 will shock you.
- You know what they say about Type 2 Diabetes? The treatment costs an arm and a leg.
- Why did they pull a lawsuit against the spa for their wax treatment? It was a ripoff.
- What do you call the treatment option for an Inuk with cancer? esCHEMO
- I just want what everyone wants Preferential treatment
- What cancer treatment do Spanish Inuits get? Es chemo.
Silent Treatment Jokes
Here is a list of funny silent treatment jokes and even better silent treatment puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My SO is giving me the silent treatment, so I tightened all the lids of our jars. Now she'll have to talk to me.
- My wife has been giving me the silent treatment for an entire week now We've never gotten along better.
- I've perfected an AI as a substitute to a girlfriend. Every time I try to turn it on I get the silent treatment and there are no output to tell me what's wrong.
- An avocado-wife is giving her husband the silent treatment Husband: "I said you were the good kind of fat!"
- I think my Girlfriend is mad at me, she's giving me the silent treatment
- it's possible the left speaker is mad at me he's giving me the silent treatment
- I don't think I could date a deaf person... I couldn't take the silent treatment!
Cancer Treatment Jokes
Here is a list of funny cancer treatment jokes and even better cancer treatment puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A Canadian version of Breaking Bad is in the works It'll be one episode long. Walt is diagnosed with cancer and receives treatment.
- There's eight of us here We'll need ten to start the cancer experimental treatment. Let's get tumor people.
- What's the difference between a concentration camp and a cancer treatment facility? Concentration camps had survivors.
- I'm thinking of setting up a comedy group to help people going through cancer treatment I'll call it 'A Sense of Tumor'
- Why do Breast Cancer survivors not like to talk about their treatment of the cancer? It brings them bad mammaries.
- People who get cancer from passive smoking Stand outside the chemotherapy room for treatment.
- What treatment would Stan Lee receives if he gets cancer in a marvel movie? Cameo-therapy.
Medical Treatment Jokes
Here is a list of funny medical treatment jokes and even better medical treatment puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the man suffering from constipation refuse medical treatment? He figured everything would work out in the end.
- Trumpcare is so good ...medical treatment will be the last thing you need.
Sewage Treatment Plant Jokes
Here is a list of funny sewage treatment plant jokes and even better sewage treatment plant puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do economists love sewage treatment plants? Because they are a utility.
- What's a good motto for a sewage treatment plant? Our duty is clear.
Cr - What do you call a used sanitary towel floating around the sewage treatment plant? A blood vessel.
Hilarious Treatment Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about treatment you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean remedy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make treatment pranks.
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup...
... Doc says, Mr. Jones, I have bad news and worse news.
"Whats the worse news?"
"You have a relatively large brain tumor that is very aggressive and the treatment options are almost nonexistent, so I'm afraid you have about 6 months to live."
Mr. Jones hangs his head for a couple moments and looks up to ask, "And the bad news?"
"you have Alzheimers."
Mr. Jones frowns and says, "well, at least I don't have cancer."
Rorschach's Joke
I heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
So I told my girlfriend that if she wants special treatment on Valentine's Day
she better exist first.
A man stumbles across an old lamp.....
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"
The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete, how much steel!! No, think of another wish."
The man said "OK, I will try to think of a really good wish". Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing," know how to make them truly happy."
The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"
The referee
I refereed a women's football match yesterday. It was brilliant.
I booked two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and I sent one off without explanation and left her wondering what she'd done wrong.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[True Story] When I worked at a Residential Treatment Center for Children a boy once said to me...
"I have to f**...-en pee!"
I said, "Well, pick one and do it!"
^that ^was ^funnier ^to ^me ^when ^it ^happened
Narcolepsy
A man with narcolepsy visits his doctor and asks for help.
"Well I have a drug that can help keep you awake, or I've just heard of a new treatment which can fully cure you! However, it's still in the testing phase and could possibly kill you. You need to decide which treatment you'll have."
After a short time considering, the man is still unsure.
"Is it okay if i come back tomorrow? I'll have to sleep on it doc."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I tried e**... suffocation on the wife the other night when we were having s**....
She obviously didn't like it. She's been lying there for 5 days now giving me the silent treatment!!
A man visits the doctor to get treatment for his asthma.
The doctor recommends that having better ventilation within the man's house could potentially cure his condition, and tells him to sleep with his windows open.
A few days later, he visits the doctor again.
"Ah, I see you're back. How's your asthma? Is it gone?"
The man shakes his head and replies:
"No, but my TV, cellphone, and my laptop are."
I came up with this one during my haircut.
Barber: Sir, you are losing hair, your hair is thinning.
/*I sensed that im about to get some treatment suggestion*/
Me: So, are you planning for any discount on final bill?
She chuckled.
What is the recommended psychological treatment for mentally ill statisticians?
Regression therapy
A guy I work with was late for our meeting, so I asked what happened.
He said, My wife and I aren't talking to each other. We're giving each other the silent treatment, and I didn't want to be the first one to break the silence and lose. So I wrote a note on a piece of paper: 'Please wake me up at 7:30am.'
Well, I didn't wake up until 9:30am. Boy, was I mad that my wife didn't wake me up. Then I noticed a piece of paper on my pillow that said: 'It's 7:30am. Wake up.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fed Up with PETA.
We should start an organization called People for the Unethical Treatment of Animals.
We'd be knows as a bunch of P.U.T.As
Trump Dingell joke
Debbie Dingell had asked Trump for A-plus treatment after her husband's death John Dingell.
Trump: Ok.
Debbie Dingell: Thank you so much. John would be so thrilled. He's looking down.
Trump: That's OK. Don't worry about it. Maybe he's looking up. I don't know.
Said to a cashier the other day...
So I was making a purchase and after ringing up my order, the cashier asks "would you like to make a donation to cancer treatment research?"
I said "no, they're just gonna spend it on drugs"
Miley Cyrus
So Miley Cyrus entered a rehab treatment facility last week but was denied admission because they didn't think it would "twerk" out
R.I.P.
Today a man died after jumping into a waste treatment facility.
The coroner ruled it a sewercide.
Two scientists are about the open the results of a recent experiment.
The first scientist eagerly asks the other: "So, what does it say? Is it looking like we're pretty close to a cure?"
"Well, it appears that out of all the mice that received the new treatment, we were only able to successfully cure every-other one. So, the odds aren't looking very good..."
What's the Difference Between an American Anorexia Patient and a British Anorexia Patient?
One develops an illness, starts losing pounds, and seeks treatment; the other develops an illness, seeks treatment, and starts losing pounds.
Request for a months worth of jokes for a cancer patient.
A friend of mine will be in the hospital for a month because of her cancer treatments. We are telling her jokes to cheer her up and were hoping you could help, Thanks.
Why did Angela Merkel ban use of crabgrass lawn treatments?
She was told they would stop the "German nation"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cancer... what are my treatment options Dr. Trump?
We are going to begin immediately with a strict regiment of calling your cancer "cellular extremism".
Old School Friend
I called an old school friend and asked what he was doing now. He replied that he was currently working on:
*Aqua-thermal treatment on ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment*
I was impressed......
On further enquiry, I learnt that he was washing dishes, with hot water under his wife's supervision.
Guy gets a call from his doctor.
"Your blood test results are in... I'm sorry to tell you that you have contracted leprosy," says the doctor.
"What? How?" Guy exclaims.
"Can't be sure, but we need to discuss treatment options. There is a cure, but it is extremely expensive."
"What choice do I have, doc?" Guy laments. "How much will it cost?"
"An arm and a leg."
I hate looking for window treatment advice at the hardware store...
They always send me a blind guy.
I had the worst audience participation at my concert
That's the last time I sing If You're Happy and You Know It at a depression treatment facility.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's h**...'s favorite spa treatment?
Ethnic cleansing
Isolation can be a serious problem for astronauts, I'm sure modern medicine has an effective treatment for these problems.
Just give the astronauts a capsule.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where did the chronic masturbator go for treatment?
The s**... center
I put 10% towards the cost of my erectile dysfunction treatment.
It's a down payment
A man goes to his doctor for an annual checkup
"Doc, I feel great, my headaches are gone, my hearing is better and I can finally stand uo straight."
"That's good to hear, here your test results say that your body has miraculously improved. For a 50 year old man like you, you have the physical abilities of a 30 year old."
"Thanks doc."
"Tell me, how did you make such a recovery."
"My wife's been giving me the silent treatment for a month"
A man had a terminal illness.
His doctor says he only had six months to live and there is only one treatment. The doctor tells him he had to marry a woman that yells at him constantly and move to Kansas.
Will it help? asks the man.
No, says the doctor, but it will be the longest six months of your life.
I tried to sue a company that sold me an erectile dysfunction treatment that didn't work
But the evidence wouldn't stand up in court.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's a good thing Breaking Bad wasn't made in England.
A show about a school teacher going to NHS for cancer treatments would s**....
What is a clinical trial done in October called?
a trick or treatment.
Johnson&Johnson are working on a new type of tinnitus treatment
Its an experimental mop.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What idiot decided to call it randomized clinical trial with placebo
And not trick or treatment
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day people will land on Mars. Search for the rover, dust him off and give it the treatment it deserves.
A robo bro b**....
What does a Janitor have in common with Santa Claus?
Leave out some cookies for them and you'll receive better treatment.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture.
Wow thanks I'm cured.
My Friend Smuggled a Sick Eagle Across The Border So It Can Get Treatment
It's an ill-eagle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**... suffered a n**... fall...
So he visited a physician and sought treatment.
Apply this ointment to the area where injury was sustained, the doctor said.
The r**... happily left the clinic and proceeded to liberally apply ointment on the sidewalk where he fell.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
PresidentTrump is completely right about coronavirus treatment.
If you eat chloroquine phosphate, drink a pint of Chlorox, shoot-up rubbing alcohol, shove a flashlight up your a**..., and c**... on a tanning bed, you will never get Covid-19.
In a hospital room
Doctor: *Im sorry sir, but the virus will continue to spread throughout your body. There's nothing we can do. *
Patient: *but what about the treatment you injected into me?
Doctor: *Turns out, that was the wrong medicine. It was all done in vein.*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Electric shock treatment for my b**... addiction?
Yes, Please!
I hear The Beatles influenced the COVID19 treatment policy at Italian hospitals...
Live... Let Die... Live... Let Die...
Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush.
Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush. Hello, Bush said. Nice weather we're having, huh? Moses took one look at the President, turned, and ran in the other direction.
The next day Moses was walking down the same street and there was Bush. Again he tried to initiate a conversation. Again Moses turned and ran away.
Bush was tired of this bizarre treatment, so the next time Moses ran away from him, Bush followed. When he caught up, he asked Moses what was wrong.
Moses said, The last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years in the desert.
A young man walked into the doctor's surgery
A young man walked into the doctor's surgery and said:
"I want to thank you doc. Your last treatment did wonders for me!"
The doctor looked at him, surprised. "Are you one of my patients?" he asked.
"No," said the young man. "But my uncle was, and they've just read his will."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man works up courage to ask his wife how many s**... partners she had before him
She says "really?" and goes silent. Doesn't say anything in the morning. Or afternoon. Or the next day. After 3 days, husband approaches his wife and apologetically asks - "Why are you giving me the silent treatment? Are you mad at me for that s**... question?"
Raising her finger she says "Shhh. Be quiet, I'm still counting"
A man goes to a psychiatrist
and says my brother thinks he is a cow. The psychiatrist says why don't you bring him for a treatment? The man says we need the milk.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I think i p**... off the voices in my head.
They are giving me the silent treatment.
Three Engineers are eating lunch together and arguing.
The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and look at the civil engineer, "you've been awefully quiet?"
"Well it's pretty obvious that God isn't a civil engineer. No civil engineer would combine a recreational area with a sewage treatment plant."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was in line at a busy bank...
I was in line at the bank and it was very busy so I had to wait awhile. At the front was a lesbian couple setting up a 529 plan for their new daughter's education. Behind them was a gay man waitinf to refinance his car. A bisexual couple was behind the gay guy talking about a home equity loan. Behind them was a trans person looking for HSA advice for upcoming treatment. I just had to wait behind the LGBT queue.
