The Best 48 Travels Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Travels jokes. There are some travels europe jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these travels stays puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Travels Jokes and Puns

My mom really only sends the classiest of FWDs

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, and he says,
"Oh, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I did on the pool table with all my buddies
watching while your partner whipped me with wet celery?"
The woman looks sternly into his eyes and says very calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

An American travels on business to Japan for the first time, and decides to pick up a hooker

When he was diddling her, she kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!" The guy figured this was a term for something great.

The next day, he went golfing with his Japanese client and colleagues, and he got a hole-in-one. He wanted to impress his Japanese friends, so he yelled out, "Fujifoo!!!"

The Japanese speaking folks looked confused, and one of them finally said, "No, you got the right hole."

In a far away land over the seas, there lives a tribe of 2 foot tall pygmies who live in 3 foot tall grass...

... called the Fug-ow-ees. They were named by an explorer who stumbled upon them one day in his travels and heard them say something along the lines of "we're the Fug-ow-ee."

Travels joke, In a far away land over the seas, there lives a tribe of 2 foot tall pygmies who live in 3 foot tall

A man travels to New Guinea.

A man travels to New Guinea. He wants to see the natives, but is afraid of cannibals eating him. So he asks the guide: "Are there any cannibals left in this area?"

The guide answers: "No, the last cannibal was eaten just a week ago."

The sons of Superman, Flash and John are chatting...

Superman's sons says, "my dad travels the fastest, he doesnt care about traffic and returns home from work in a matter of minutes."

Flash's son says, "Nah, dude, my dad travels at the speed of light, the moment he finishes work, he's home."

John's sons says, "Please, my dad's shift ends at 5, he's home watching TV at 4:30 already"


Du Hast

German heavy metal band Rammstein travels to Poland for the next stop on their international tour. As the airport official goes through their passports and checks them in, she asks, "Occupation?"

The singer replies, "No, no. Were just here to perform a show. We'll be gone by tomorrow morning."

What happens to a bacteria when he travels from his home colony to another?

He experiences culture shock.

Travels joke, What happens to a bacteria when he travels from his home colony to another?

An old rabbi feels his time on earth is coming to an end...

He takes stock of his life and thinks about all the things he's done, and all the things he wishes he'd done. He thinks to himself, "I've always wanted to try pork!"

So the rabbi, being a cautious man, travels a few towns over and looks for a restaurant. Finding a likely place, he reads the menu and sees what he's looking for - a whole suckling pig. He sits down and places the order. Soon the pig arrives, skin crisp and glistening, with a big red apple in its mouth.

The rabbi is just about to tuck in when a member of his synagogue walks in and spots him. "Rabbi!" he exclaims, aghast, "What on Earth are you *doing*?!".

The rabbi looks at his plate, looks at the guy, and says "This restaurant! I order a baked apple, look how they serve it!"

You know how light travels faster than sound?

Thats why some people seem bright until they speak.

A man travels to an island...

A person travelling remarks on how healthy the locals look, and an attractive man says, "Yes, it's the island. When I first arrived I was bald, didn't have teeth, and couldn't walk -- but now look at me."

The traveler: "Wow... That's amazing. So where are you from?"

"I was born here"

Credit to /u/TheNightWind.

Heat or cold

Which one travels faster, heat or cold?

Heat, because you can catch a cold.

You can explore travels travelin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean travels unfaithful dad jokes. There are also travels puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What travels down an alley and has holes in it?

Bruce Wayne's parents

what travels around the world but stays in one corner?

postage stamp

An idea for a TV series

It's all about a young Irishman who makes his living collecting seaweed and herbs along the shores of Galway Bay, and his adventures as he travels to all the local town markets to sell them.

Working title: "Duffy the Samphire Purveyor"

A Guinness brewery worker travels to the home of his co-worker with bad news.

I'm sorry Mary, but Keith died at the brewery today'.

'Oh my god!' replied Mary, 'What happened?!'

'He drown in a vat of Guinness Stout' said the worker, sadly.

'That's terrible! Was it a quick death at least?' asked Mary.

'I'm afraid not,' the worker replied, 'He got out twice to take a piss'.

If light travels faster than sound.

Then why do I always hear a honk before the light turn green?

Travels joke, If light travels faster than sound.

If light travels faster than the speed of sound...

how come I can hear the guy in the BMW behind me honk before the light turns green?

What is always in the corner, but travels around the world?

I heard this from a co-worker today... and well... it made me really think.

A stamp.

International Boundaries

An Englishman, lecturing on his travels, was speaking disparagingly about the Scots and French in Canada, and how they intermarried with the Indians. "You'll find," he said "quite a number of Scot & French half-breeds, but you will not find any English half-breeds."

A Scot in the audience shouted, "The Indians have to draw the line somewhere!"


Light travels faster than sound!

That's why some people appear bright until they talk.

On the plane

A businessman travels on the plane, first class. He tries to start a conversation with beautiful stewardess:

-What's your name?

-Angela Benz, sir.

-That is a beautiful name! Is there any connection with Mercedes Benz?

-Yes, sir. A very close one.

-How close?

-Same price.

A blond American woman travels to Australia...

To meet her boyfriend. They go out on a date and he decides to take her out to a restaurant.

They have a good time and are finished eating, so the guy calls for the bill.

The woman suddenly says "Wait -- when did we start a game of chess? And how did you win so quickly?"

Did you know that light travels faster than sound?

That's why some people look bright until they start talking.

If I've learned one thing in my travels, it's that men come in all shapes and sizes.

But enough about my exotic fleshlight collection.

According to physics, light travels faster sound...

... If that's really the case though, why can I hear the car behind me honk before I see the traffic lights change?

Vladimir Putin Travels to an Eastern European Country

He walks up to the customs agent and the agent asks, Name?

Vladimir Putin

Country of Origin?

Russia

Occupation?

No, no. Just visiting.

If you read the bible backwards its about a man sent to earth on a cross who is helped down by some Romans and told to go on his way. He then travels the world making people blind and giving them leprosy. He even ruins a meal for a huge crowd by turning all their food into 2 fish and 5 loaves.

He gets fewer followers as time goes by and in the end he's lying in a stable and 3 old men steal all his presents.

If it is true that light travels faster than sound

Then why do we always first hear the BMW driver behind us honk before seeing the light turn green?

Since light supposedly travels faster than the speed of sound.....

Why can I hear the BMW driver behind me honk before the light turns green?

What is full of holes and travels down an alley?

Batmans parents.

It works...you should try it out

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Light travels faster than sound.

That's why some people apper bright until you hear them speak.

What do you call a cow who travels with you and can make phone calls?

A moo-bile phone

My friend travels from town to town giving seminars on the health benefits of eating dried grapes.

He is just out there, raisin awareness.

light travels faster than sound

thats why some people appear bright til you hear them speak.

Change for a $15 bill

An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.

He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his phoney money for real cash.

He travels to a small town and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store. He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?"

The old man replies, "I sure do...How would you like that? An eight and a seven or two sixes and a three?"

How does Sean Connery shave?

Ctrl+esh. Like everyone elshe.

Safe travels, Sir.

What do you call a person that travels a lot and never gets angry?

A nomad

What travels the world by staying in his corner ?

A stamps

Paddy was at the airport and was stopped by customs.

Customs: What have you got in those two sacks on your shoulders.?

Paddy: Oh just a lot of mobile phones.

Customs: So why so many mobile phones.?

Paddy: Well on my travels I had a call from my mate Mick,

He told me that he was starting up a Jazz Band, and could

I bring him back two Saxophones.

Oedipus wants to learn of his fate.

He travels to Thebes to consult the blind prophet Tiresias and asks him, "What does my future hold?"

Tiresias thinks quietly for a time and answers, "First you'll murder your father."

Oedipus is shocked to hear that he'll become a killer, but there must be more to his fate.

He asks, "What happens next?"

"Then you'll take his throne."

Oedipus is pleased to hear that he'll become king, but there must be more to his fate.

"And what happens next?"

"Then you'll sleep with Joe."

Oedipus is confused.

"Who's Joe?"

A picket to Tittsburgh

A guy travels out to visit a friend of his in Pittsburgh who is going through some hard times. His friend picks him up at the airport.

"How was the flight?"

"The flight was fine but I embarrassed myself when I bought my ticket."

"Oh? What happened?"

"The woman at the counter was very attractive and instead of asking for a ticket to Pittsburgh, I asked for a picket to Tittsburgh."

"Oh that's just a Freudian slip. Happens all the time. Just the other night at dinner I meant to ask my wife to pass the salt but instead said 'you ruined my life you bitch'".

Jesus is walking through the desert when he comes across and old man crying to himself.

"Why do you cry for Old Man?" Jesus asked.

"I've been searching for my son forever and I'm about to give up hope."

"Well I've been wandering the desert in search of my father for many years, perhaps I've seen your son in my travels. Can you describe him?" Jesus explained.

"He's got nail marks in his hands and feet..."

With that Jesus threw open his arms and embraced the old man. "Father!" he exclaimed.

"Pinocchio!" the old man cried.

In honour of my first cake day, here's a few of my favourite riddles. Feel free to try them on your friends.

Q: What gets bigger, the more you take away from it?

A: A hole

Q: What two words have thousands of letters in them?

A: Post office

Q: The maker doesn't want it, the buyer doesn't use it and the user doesn't see it. What is it?

A: A coffin

Q: What travels all over the world, but stays in the corner?

A: A stamp

Q: What runs all around a field, but doesn't move?

A: A fence

Q: What starts with E, ends with e and only has one letter in it?

A: Envelope

The only thing that travels faster than light is...

....
...
..
.
Your weekend.

The chief editor of the New York Times is traveling in the Amazon jungle

He travels deep into the jungle hoping to write a story about a tribe of cannibals.

After a couple of weeks he finally locates the tribe and starts spying on them from behind some trees.

He feels a tap on the shoulder and he quickly gets captured and finds himself tied up and looks down and sees a spit with glowing coals warming up below him.

He screams for mercy and says You don't understand, I'm the chief editor of the New York Times!! .

The head cannibal replied, relax…

Soon you'll be the editor in chief…

An Austrian travels to France where he has to pass security.

Airport security:"Nationality?"

Austrian: "Austria"

Airport security: "Occupation?"

Austrian: "Nein, nein, only vacation"

If light travels faster than the speed of sound…

Why do I hear the car behind me honking before the light turns green?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the travels meets jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working travels devote piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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